THUMP!
Scootaloo woke up finding herself in a cold,dark room...around 40 degrees.Scootaloo was shivering.She tried to move her arms over her to make herself warm but, they were closed down on a wall.Metal straps were just below the top of each hoove.There was also one around her neck and waist.
"Where am I?"
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Oh sweet Celestia. Another Cupcakes sequel.
WELL THEN I GUESS I BETTER READ IT! 
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784193 your right srry person who wrote this i will be more than glad to help you edit it and giv u a few pointers
784193
I do not bring tidings of hate, only lolz with pics. And I said "Good if at all possible." Meaning I'm neither holding a legion of hate against it, nor am I praising it like the mass praise modern media, in which case you can't hold anything against me. I would give an honest review if I could get myself to read fanfics at all, and even worse with the wall of text.
This is a dark place in the internet, whether we like it or not. Do no try to disown others from their belief no matter what they say or do. It'll only bring hate. You know, I never understood trolls. Hate always leaves a sour aftertaste. Those who like that kind of thing always pass me by as masochists or something. Weird.
His/her writing style is not bad, blatantly, it is much better than most. He/she must not understand the formats and concepts of writing yet. Or at least did not try on this one. As far the cupcakes sequel go, I could careless. A story is measured through the writer, not the predecessors of the concept it is trying to portray.
Nothing is ever outdated. It is like building a light bulb, many trials an errors will endure, but soon you will have created it. And soon, another person will come and improve upon it. Many.Multiple.Times
Anyways, I have ADD to conquer and stories to write, ciao
First of all, FlowerWolf's comments are certainly worth reading. I'd have been delighted if I'd had such thoughtful comments on my earliest fanfics many years ago. We all have to start somewhere!
I definitely think you'd benefit from letting someone else see your writing before you submit it here. I suspect that some readers will give up when they see a misspelling like "Rainbowdash", for example; a second pair of eyes helps a lot in spotting problems like that. The spacing, too: there needs to be a space after every full stop (period), comma, question mark etc, and a blank line between each paragraph.
As others have said, the other main problem is the subject matter. There are a billion reworkings of "Cupcakes" out there now, and a lot of readers are tired of them and so will simply ignore them. If you think up an original story of your own -- even a short one -- then I suspect you'll find that readers are more willing to help you improve it. It's up to you, of course, but maybe you could try your hoof at a story more like those the series has. Not the same plot as an episode, obviously, but a simple story that aims to leave the reader thinking, "Well, that was a nice little tale."
Finally, don't be discouraged by looking at the score bars. Writing for a public audience is very different from writing just for your friends, and you will find that you're judged much more toughly. Treat that as a good thing: if people are willing to take the time to give you advice, then that means they're hoping you can improve your writing. One day you may look back on this story as the first step towards something big. Good luck!
784193
Thanks for the help in this critique!
Most people don't think stuff through! xD
I'm actually in a work in progress of another story!
Also this was my first fanfiction ever! xD
Again thanks for the help! I really do need it!
786251
Thanks a whole lot!
Don't let them discourage you Little Sis~ you're still learning so just do your best and I can help you as well as many others who have offered to help you! Don't worry
784202
Thanks I really do need the help!~
787977
Thanks sis~
I know there have been several critique comments on here but I'd love to give you a few pointers as well
Well, first, make paragraphs, I had the same problem and I had a huge amount of people yelling at me for it
And to be more specific make paragraphs between each quote. You should have somepony else read over your fanfic or you yourself should look over it and correct the mistakes, it would also be helpful making rough drafts of your stories. You should make the ponies in your story more in character also, so the reader can actually see the pony in the story doing whatever it is that their doing.
To be honest, I'm only on my second fanfic but I have been writing stories for years. If you just correct the mistakes the fanfic would actually be extremely interesting
Where did you get the idea for this particular fanfic, anyhow?
I'm also envious that you have a 'sis' on here, my sister absolutely hates MLP and is creeped out by the bronies
784202 You have humiliated yourself and I suggest you go delete any hateful comments you have ever made on any fanfics, and I'm sure there are several. Judging by your awful grammar I doubt you can write any better
If you keep doing shit like this I think you should get the hell off
789037
Yeah, thanks and someone is proofreading it for me at the moment~
I got the idea from the fanfic 'Cupcakes'.Mostly from this few sentences.
“Miss Pinkie, what are you doing”?
She paused and turned to look at Apple Bloom. The yellow baby pony walked up to her with an angry look on her face. Silver Spoon started to feel relived.
“Ah can’t believe your doing this.” She pouted. ”you said this one was gonna be mine.
Pinkie apologized “Oops, sorry about that, guess I got forgot. Here you go.” She handed the blade over.
Apple Bloom climbed on the table and stood over her prey. Silver Spoon tried to struggle. She stared in fear at Apple Bloom and her apron. The pink apron with a shiny tiara on it. Silver Spoon started to cry.
Apple Bloom grinned and open her mouth “Hey, Silver Spoon, guess who gonna be a blank flank”?
And yes, I do have a sis on here! She's the one that got me into my little pony!~
Awesome job! I love cupcake sequels!
806433
Thanks! Most people didn't like this for some reason and thanks for the favorite~
Do not listen to haters this story is just fine! I really enjoyed it! You should make more!
812255
Yes, at the moment I'm making A Story called 'Insane By The Minute' The two main characters are Twilight and Fluttershy.
It's going to be a sad and dark story.
Can't wait to finish it! It will most likely not be a one-shot! xD
Yay that one sounds exciting i cannot wait to read that one!
I don't see why there is so much hate going on here. Even though theres hundreds of cupcakes sequels (I even did one, though it wasn't where a pony gets killed its completly different). But seriously people! Even though this isn't the BEST story it doesn't deserve so much hate and 32 dislikes.
1040154
Exactly!
Hey, Btw. I read your fic and I love it~
1086276 aw, thanks! Glad you liked it.
Fingers?
1382440. I sometimes accidentally add human details...
Wow, this is a troll fic.
I guess some people don't like cupcake fics, but I do so I gave this a like
What's with all the hate for this fic? I haven't read Cupcakes, I don't read M rated fics, but I know the story behind it and everything. This was awesome, scary, gut-wrenching, everything I want in a gory horror fic. Sure, the grammar and spelling were kind of bad, but it was awesome otherwise. Have an upvote and a fav from me.