It's Pretty Cool
“You can’t be serious…”
With his front legs still planted on the table in front of him, the changeling smiled as more bugs behind him continued setting up a stage. “Nope, we are serious. More serious than ever, really.”
Twilight continued having her front legs crossed and her eyes narrowed at the changeling in front of her. “I don’t believe this.”
The bug looked down at the papers in front of him, all of them consisting of signatures and payment documents, and on his far left stood a small board that showed the amount of bits that have been raised so far in the form of a thermostat. “Others seem to believe it, and you should, too. This whole thing is probably-”
“A trap,” Twilight stated.”a scam, a scheme, an evil plan that’ll end in all of you ruling Equestria!”
“H-Hey, keep it down…” He craned his head behind her, seeing some ponies that were starting to walk away. “W-WAIT! Don’t go! T-This thing’s not what she said! I-It’s…it’s...” He slumped his head on the table, knowing he lost potential backers. “Thanks a lot, princess...now we’ve probably been delayed a whole week thanks to your outburst.”
Knowing full well that these changelings wouldn’t just set up a kickstarter in the middle of Ponyville without some plot to take over Equestria, she slammed her hooves on the table and said, “Drop the act, Changeling, this is nothing but an act to-”
“My names Marvin.” He said with slight annoyance in his voice. “And if this were an act, why would we drop our disguises? Why would we be performing out in public? Why would a small group of bugs set up a kickstarter in the middle of the day and hope and pray for somepony with a kind heart to donate?!”
“Donate to what, exactly?”
He sighed, knowing he had answered this question many times before. “It’s for our show, ya know, that thing others do to entertain others.”
“A show?” Twilight said plainly. “You’re kidding, right?”
Marvin shook his head. “I've said this before, and I’ll say it again: no, we’re being serious.”
“How can you expect others to believe this?”
Marvin pointed at the board. “We’ve raised over one thousand bits so far. So some believe this. We’re about a quarter of our goal too.” His ear stems went in the air once he realized just who he was talking to. “Listen, I know you’re a little quick to judge, but do you think you can help? It would be great for the princess herself to take part in helping this show come to life!” He pushed a few papers her way, only for Twilight to push them back.
“I still think this is a trap, a really poorly made one, in fact.”
Marvin organized the papers, knowing he’d have to go the extra mile to get the princess to help, even if she was being rude. “Okay, if you’re gonna be like that, then...What? What do I need to do to convince you this isn’t a bad thing we’re doing?”
Twilight eyed him for a moment, but decided to play along. “Maybe you can tell me what’s this ‘show’ even called?”
Marvin pointed at the table, a cardboard cut out in front of it that Twilight hadn’t noticed before, on it said the words, “‘Our Small Changelings, Cooperation Equals Power.’” He said. “Ain’t it a great title? You can thank Twig for it.”
Twilight raised an eye. “Uh...that’s the title?” He nodded. “Don’t you think that’s a bit...ya know, long?”
“It’s called OSC:CEP for short, or just OSC.if ya wanna go shorter.”
Twilight shook her head. “Still sounds very...strange.”
“It’s a great show!” He extended his front leg in the air. “Imagine it: a bunch of changelings going on adventures to faraway lands and meet tons of allies and foes, all the while they learn about what it means to cooperate with each other.”
“You mean being friends.”
“Friends?” Marvin laughed. “HA! That’s a good one, princess. We changelings hate each other, so being friends isn’t really the point of our show...now, being cooperative with one another, that makes more sense, also, we’re really trying our best not to have a copyright strike on this, gotta make it as original as possible."
“Copyright?”
Marvin nodded. “Yes, it’s one the most sinful things you could do in any work you’re trying to make, now, referencing something, that’s a whole nother story, and it might be a little big cheap, but it’s the best we can do.”
“O...kay, well, glad you answered that, but a show can’t be one without characters in it.”
Marvin laughed. “Don’t worry about that, we got it all covered, because our main guy, Stan, is gonna bring in the audience with his can do attitude and his dedication, and his perseverance toward any task that’s in front of him, no matter how difficult the challenge is, he will overcome it!”
“I’m guessing Stan is another one of your brothers?”
The bug shook his head. “Nope, but I’ll be playing as him.” Marvin then noticed the look of confusion she was giving him. “What, you really think we’re gonna be playing our own names?”
Twilight nodded. “It just seems a little weird how you would just change your names just for the sake of a show.”
Marvin shrugged. “That’s showbusiness for ya.”
Twilight guessed she could agree this that, but she still had more questions. “Uh...what will be the other names of the changelings?”
Marvin held his head high and examined the paper in front of him. “We got our main character, Stan, then we got Carl and Shawn as the brothers, then finally, we got Jess, Devine, and Laura as the sisters, can’t have it too similar. Also, we need to make sure this applies to everyling, because I’m sure you ponies do the same thing in your show.”
“Our show?”
Marvin nodded. “Yeah, don’t you play as some other pony? I mean, Twilight Sparkle playing as Twilight Sparkle sounds very silly? I’m sure your real name’s gotta be something normal, like...Power Sun or Star Beam, or even Star P-”
“I’m not in a show!” Twilight yelled. “And even if I was, it wouldn’t be about my life.”
Marvin shrugged. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what you want, as for us, we want others to experience just what it would be like if a show was about changelings, because queen knows a show like yours needs some tuning to it.”
“What tuni- w-wait, I’m still not in a-”
“Ya gotta have gender equality somewhere in this show.” Marvin said. “Can’t have it all be females or all be males, it makes it more appealing to the masses, right?”
Twilight wasn’t sure how that could be problematic. “Uh...I don’t think that’s that big of a deal.”
Marvin shrugged again. “Well, I guess it could be worse. We could have Stan be the only guy while everyone else is female.” He rolled his eyes. “Like we haven't seen that kinda plot before…”
“Other kind of plots?” Twilight tilted her head. “Are you saying you’ve had other ideas?”
Marvin nodded greatly. “Oh ling...have we had tons of bad ideas: Giant pencils, cucumbers, running for the hills. For queen's sake! It was horrible. We had to let a few lings go with how many ideas we’ve had.” He chuckled. “Heh...I remember Tim talking about being a planet and hanging pretzels in the cave...heh, crazy little hatchling...but the big lings need to work, and the even bigger lings, like me, had the creative genius to get this show going, heck , I wrote almost half the scripts anyway.”
Twilight was still suspicious. “Do you even have the whole story down?”
“Of course we do!” Marvin wagged his tail and reached under the table, pulling out a box with many files inside. “We got the whole season written out, and, yes, we are planning to have more seasons if this turns some heads, but until then…” He pulled out the first file labeled ‘s01e01’ and opened it. “In the first episode of the first season, our hero, Stan, reads a book on the history of changelings, about how a king and queen created a land of concord all across the land.”
“Concord?” Twilight said in a deadpan voice.
Marvin shrugged. “Again, no copyright needs to be had here, anyway, Stan keeps reading about this and learns that a thousand years ago today, a king had been banished, and is said to rise from their confinement and bring darkness across the world.”
Twilight realized two things from this, but decided to get the first one out of the way. “And what will this ‘world’ be called?”
Marvin paused before looking at the papers in front of him. “Uh...we don’t know yet, but Twig in our naming department is working on it.”
“Good to know…” Twilight said sarcastically.
Marvin didn’t notice the sass and continued talking. “So, after he reads that, he goes back to the castle of Lingalot (his hometown) to tell his queen about the threat, but Chrysalis has different plans.”
“Sounds very fami- Wait, Chrysalis…” Twilight then realized something that she should’ve asked from the start. “W-Where is Chrysalis?!”
“Hmm? OH! Chrissy? She’s at home in her room, sobbing her eyes out while eating ice cream. It’s a...pretty sad sight, but at least some bugs back home keep her company.”
“Crying and eating ice cream?” Twilight cringed at the thought.
"Eh, what can ya do for a mom who has no one to love." Marvin shrugged it off and continued. “Anyways, Chrysalis (in the show) asks Stan to go to a local town called Changetown where he will soon meet five new acquaintances-”
That crossed the line for Twilight. “Okay, Marvin, I see where this is going...and it needs to stop.”
Marvin raised an eye. “What do you mean? This story’s pretty good, and the lings back home say it’s pretty original!”
Twilight groaned. “Listen, Marvin, this story won’t work! It sounds just like-”
“Hey, Marvin!” Marvin and Twilight turned around to see a changeling flying up to them while holding lampshade. “Where do you want this lampshade?”
“Oh, just hang that wherever.” The bug flew off while Marvin turned back to Twilight. “You were saying?”
Twilight sighed, knowing that if she explained how similar her life and their show are would be pointless. “Forget it, just...just keep going, I guess…”
Marvin looked at his papers again. “Alright, so, after Stan finally comes into Changetown and exits the train, he meets the first friend, Carl, who bumps into him, causing Stan’s travel bags to go everywhere and...well, I don’t wanna spoil too much, but he meets others like Shawn who’s practicing his dive bombing skills, Devin who tries to sell him armor, Jess who saves him from being attacked by a hydra, and Laura who invites him over to eat at her diner!”
Twilight had to admit, she was impressed. “Who wrote all this?”
Marvin held his head high. “Mostly me, but I had a few others. Alan used to write for us, but he’s gone dark ever since his last story didn't go so well…uh. We have this other guy who calls himself a doctor and named himself after some greek guy, but his ideas were about as bad as Tim’s.” Marvin couldn’t hold in his snickers. “Heh...A bug falling for a pony, crazy guy…”
Twilight looked over at the other changelings, seeing that they were getting close to setting up a stage. “So, that’s all the main cast, but is that all of them or…”
“Not by a long shot.” He looked deeper into the file. “We got tons of other characters! Most of them being in the background, but we also got side characters, my favorites being the villains.”
“Villains...As your favorite?”
Marvin noticed her skeptical tone. “What’s wrong with having villains as being your favorite characters?” He pointed over to the closest bug, who was walking around and looking at a script. “You should see Chuck over here is gonna play our season one villain, Knightmare Sombra.” Marvin cupped his hooves. “Hey, Chuck, give us your best impression!”
The bug instantly ran up to them and yelled, “The darkness will last...FOR ETERNITY!” Chuck said, laughing maniacally before clearing his throat. “How’s that? I didn’t get an A in acting 312 for nothing.”
Twilight almost had flashbacks from that laugh. “U-Uh...g-good acting…” She then realized what this was leading up to. “Wait, if Sombra’s the king...and Chrysalis is the queen…”
Marvin knew where she was going with this. “Alright, yes, Sombra and Chrissy are gonna be together in this show. I know Chrissy might hate having him in it, but we can’t have her being the only ruler in this, and, again, gender equality.”
“I take it he’s not the only villain?”
“Oh...don’t worry about him, we’ll be getting some more villains planned later in the show, one of them being a chaotic creature named Eris who tries to tear apart their cooperations, then a succubus who feeds off hate, then a giant minotaur, and we’ll also have a few D-list villains, like some show off magician and a dragon, who was once Shawn’s friend, who then turns out to be a jerk to the other bugs, then we’ll probably have some kinda reform episodes that brings them back into the spotlight, then for our fifth season, the villain will-”
“Be another changeling who rules a town, only for Stan and his siblings to defeat them?” Twilight predicted. “And in the season finale, you’ll have the bug come back and try to destroy Stan’s ‘cooperation’ with his friends by changing the timelines, which then leads to the bug finding out that’s not what they wanted and deside to join Stan and his siblings?”
The bug stood still with wide eyes for a few seconds before quickly writing down what she just said. “Uh...I-I guess we can do that…” Marvin said. “We were thinking about adding in another bug into the group at some point in the show anyway, I guess the guy can be, like, some kinda learner for Stan or something.” He stopped writing and nodded. “Yeah, this could work, and I thought we had good ideas!””
Twilight had to confess. “It wasn’t an idea, it was-”
“So, anyway, back to season one: once Stan meets all of them, he starts seeing that the night was turning darker than before, when suddenly-”
“FEAR ME MORTALS!” Chuck interrupted. “For I have returned to bring upon the darkness that you have all taken for granted, for on this night, the darkness will consume all who oppose against it! Be prepared, ponies!” He laughed evilly again before the laughter turned into embarrassment. “Heh...s-sorry, Marvin, couldn’t resist.”
Marvin laughed as well while Twilight tried her best to stop shaking. “Not bad acting, Chuck. The speech could be a bit darker though.”
Chuck nodded and walked away, looking at his script. Twilight gulped. “U-Uh...quite the actor.”
Marvin smiled. “Yup, he sure is! Anyways, after that, Stan prepares himself to face him by going out and trying to find the lost relics.
“Lost relics?” Twilight asked.
“‘The Relics of Cooperation!’” Marvin explained. “There are six in total, all of them imbued with an ancient power that once banished Sombra, and Stan knew he had to do it again, but the five brothers and sisters he had met before said he couldn’t do it alone, so, the six of them venture out in search of-”
“Skip to the part where they find them…” Twilight said, knowing he would drag this on for a while.
“Uh...okay, well, Stan gets separated and meets Knightmare Sombra, who then crushes the relics in front of him!” Marvin posed dramatically. “Our hero stands frozen solid, thinking the the only hope for the land was lost, but in a glimer of hope, he realizes something.”
Twilight had a feeling to what would happen next. “And what’s that?”
Marvin smiled. “With a sparkle in his blue eyes, Stan finds out that the real power of cooperation isn’t in the relics, but in him and his siblings!” Marvin stood on the table. “And with all his fellow bugs behind him, the relics light up as the power of cooperation brings the king back to his original form! Which we’ll probably change next season, ya know, for reasons.”
“And that’s your opener?”
Marvin put the file back with the others. “Pretty much, we’ll have a few more episodes with Stan too.”
“What about his other siblings?”
“They’ll be gettin’ their own episodes.” Marvin reassured her. “Can’t have Stan take all the spotlight.” He held up a couple more files. “In the show, Carl will constantly try and keep his job as train operator, Shawn will try his best to join the changeling guards, Devin will be keeping her armor and weapon shops stable, Laura will do the same with her diner, and Jess will try her best to keep all the monsters in the forest in check.”
Twilight had a feeling this wouldn’t work later down the line. “Does this drag on?”
Marvin shook his head. “In later seasons, Carl will probably try and juggle different trains once he gets promoted to official train operator, same with Devin and her stores, and Shawn will truly see what it’s like to be in the changeling guard, (which is way harder than it looks) Laura will try and keep her diner intact once more competition rolls in, and Jess will...uh...Jess will...well, I guess she’ll just keep taking care of the monsters in the forest. She is the quiet one, after all.”
Twilight crossed her front legs. “And that’s the whole show?”
Marvin put the box of files back under the table. “We’ll probably have Stan make an appearance change at some point in the future, like, have him be a bit taller with a more jagged horn along with bigger wings, ya know, to make him prepare for being a prince.”
Twilight was starting to get annoyed by the similarities with this show and her life. “Anything ELSE that’s the same?”
Marvin raised an eye innocently. “Uh...not sure what you mean by same, but we’ll bring in a love interest in the group if the fans start pairing the bugs together, gotta create romance in a show if there isn’t any. I think Carl will try to pair Stan with Jess at some point before he starts becoming a prince, so there can be a bit of drama after the whole ascension to being a better bug.”
“But you’re brothers and sisters…”
“And?” Marvin said, not sure as to what she was talking about.
“Uh...don’t you think that’s...ya know, wrong?”
Marvin pointed at his papers. “It’s in the script, and we wrote it, so it must be right, right?”
Twilight facehoofed, guessing he wouldn’t understand. “Okay, love interests aside, what will your finale be?”
“Our what?”
Twilight knew she had him here. “All shows need to come to an end at some point, Marvin, so, what’s your ending?”
Marvin paused for a brief second before laughing. “Psh, end? Oh hoho no. We’re gonna beat the horse for all its worth as long as it makes us bits, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?”
“Don’t you think that might kill the show?” Twilight pointed out.
Marvin waved his hoof nonchalantly in the air. “Eh, we’ll cross that bridge once we get to it, but for now.” He pushed the papers toward her again. “I think I showed you enough to get an idea for how our show will work, so what do ya say?”
Twilight looked at the papers in front of her, all it had were a few lines and words saying to provide contact info and cash amount, along with a signature, it almost looked official to her. “So...I-It’s just a show? No evil plan or scheme or scam or-”
“I assure you, Twilight, this is no scam, all the bits given to us will be put to good use in the show and make it as best as it can be.”
Twilight held up the paper with her magic. “Come on, now, there has to be some kind of catch with this, right?”
“There isn’t…” Marvin turned around, seeing that the stage was just about set up and that the other bugs were still distracted. “Hugh...Okay...fine, you caught us red hoofed. This is a plan for us to get love, but what else are we supposed to do? This is the only idea we had to bring in food for the hive without using violence, and you can’t do that with a Y rating, that’s just too much.”
Twilight pointed at him. “HA! So this is a plan for you to...get...love?” She lowered her leg. “W-Wait, y-you’re not trying to take over?”
Marvin rubbed his temples. “For the last time, we’re not trying to take over! We’ve learned from our mistakes and we hope that if we put on a show like this, that you can give us food...er- love, same thing for us.”
Twilight looked at the paper one more time before sighing. “Alright, fine, I’ll help…” She took a nearby pen and started writing while Marvin watched with a smile on his face. Before long, she handed him the paper. “Here.”
Marvin clapped his hooves. “Awesome! Thank you so much for your donation of...o-of…” Marvin’s jaw dropped. “W-whoa...tha-that's alotta zeros…” He looked back up at her. “Uh...h-how did you-”
“I’m part of royalty, Marvin. Not only that, but I’m sure we can get others to help you set up if you want, so long as you promise to put on a good show for us.” She put on the straight face. “Okay?”
Marvin saluted. “We won’t let you down, this show will be amazing! With a budget like this, we’ll have five seasons in no time!”
Twilight couldn’t help but smile, knowing this would go to a (sorta) good cause. “Well, uh...can’t wait to see the show, which will be coming out…” She motion her hoof to let him finish for her.
“Oh...uh, I-It’ll be out once the actors and stage is ready, s-shouldn’t take that long...l-like a day or two, heh...”
Twilight looked at the stage, seeing that it was finally set up and that some changelings were looking at scripts. “I guess I’ll...come see the show soon.” She started stepping back while Marvin waved goodbye.
“Hope to see you there!” Twilight waved and walked away. Marvin did the same until she was out of sight. One of his brothers walked up to him. “W-Was that the princess?”
Marvin nodded. “Yeah, a-and she didn’t sue! I told you it would work!”
“Yeah, but, all we’re doing is taking someone else's life and ling-ify it, it’s not-”
Marvin shoved a hoof in his mouth. “It’s different, Steve, and if she can fall for it, so can other ponies, now, stick to the script and keep talking to the other ponies while I wait for more backers.
“But she’s already made us enough bits.”
Marvin wrapped a leg around him. “Listen, Steve, you need to understand this is a business, and we can’t operate on love alone.”
“I-I know, Marvin, I know we need money but-”
“We’re not doing this for money, Steve.” Marvin paused for a few second before going eye to eye with him, knowing he had to make this as clear as possible for their show to be good.
“We’re doing this for a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY!”
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Now make next chapter making them C&D their fans! :D
Oh Marvin, you're right! And when you're right, you're right, and you, you're always right!
That was hilarious. I hope Chryssie recovers before she gets fat... If changelings can even get fat on normal food.
The cover seals the deal.
Those last two lines are what make this piece great.
But.... Where are the perks and the stretch goals?
... Hopefully, Hasbro decides not to descend from the heavens and smite their creations for ripping off the story of the same universe that they live in.
Spaceballs reference.
Instant win.
why do i get a sjw movement feel from the changeling kickstarter
The dolla' dolla' makes the changelings go holla' holla!
Did you really just take the names of other Changelings from other fics?
Also, why didn't you address the hardships that come with trying to set up Kickstarter projects, and the trials that come with convincing people to become potential backers due to the large number of scams and failures that Kickstarter has recently been plaguing the community with? Where's the focus on that?
And where the bloody hell is that t-shirt that that little chicken poop Mandopony promised me?
I don't think this story does anything for me. Hmm...but everyone else likes it so screw my thoughts, am I right folks? Am I right? Come on, I know I'm right? Yeah. I know I'm right. Alrighty then. I'm alright. I'm right. You lot are left. The guy beneath me is going out with an underage girl and the one above me is an evil Japanese dictator. Goodnight every. You guys and gals be alright, right? Alright. Night night. sleep tight. Right? Right.
P.S - What's the Space Balls reference? I don't see any reference to Space Balls. I've never even seen Space Balls. I've seen Shooting Stars, though.
Clint Eastwood. He's a Shooting Star. Get it? You can borrow that one for your joke book kiddies. Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck!!
Theres a whole load of little old ladies out there.
You sir, are always good for a laugh.
A tip of the hat to ya.
What's the changeling equivalent of bronies tho?
Perfect reference. Bravo.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw10680-heh.gif
(I suddenly realize I'm not very hard to please.)
The 'lings know something Twilight (or should I say Star Power? I see what you did there!) doesn't...
7350164 What kind of drugs are you on? I have no idea what did you said.
7349084 Oh my Generic Old Deity.
The truth is here!
7350642
Who knows? He got a bit of recognition and then became a crackhead.
7349427 Stretch Goal: 0 Bits
This is here for if we don't get enough to fund our campaign. As thanks, we'll send young starving changelings to every city until you feel sorry for us and try to help out. At this point, we will replace you and use that to launch our next invasion. Or we could be making our show instead- aren't you glad you funded us now?
Perk: 100,000 Bits
You've given us so much money, but we need food! At this perk, we buy a brothel and make you a VIP customer. Forever. We hope you won't mind!
I wholeheartedly approve of this Kickstarter. Go ‘Our Small Changelings, Cooperation Equals Power.’ I would love to see this totally original Show.
-Ambassador of the Changelings,
Dopple Ganger
Don't think I wouldn't notice that damn $1337.
7350642 Okay I'll put it like this shall I?
Ahem...
Holy mother of Celestia and Luna, this was a really good story, I liked the writing and it made me giggle and chuckle and snortle. I liked how the Changelings were just copying My Little Pony for their show and I want a free t-shirt.
There. Does that make a bit more sense to you all now?
Was this a reference to Alan Wake, or am I just imposing my own reality again?
Either way, this was funny to read.
Especially this... this made me chortle.
Star Platinum?
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/powerlisting/images/b/b7/Jojo-stand.png/revision/latest?cb=20160415211009
I do feel that Twilight was largely unfair this entire story.
7348954
This whole thing strikes me as the Equestrian version of Bollywood... and it is GLORIOUS.
Now all they need is excessive amounts of extras for singing and dancing numbers and it'll be perfect.
As for names, hmm, Badlands crossed with Hollywood? Although Bollywood itself works too now that I think about it.
Whoa
7351501 Buggywood, Bollyling, Singaling? Dunno
7351605
Had to laugh at Buggywood, I keep thinking of termite infested wood slowly crumbling in on itself.
7349936 True, but...it would make for a good finale.
Dr. Atlas, in the least-offensive way possible, you are positively awful at grammar.
“My names Marvin.” He said with slight annoyance in his voice.-->My name's Marvin. You were missing an apostrophe to complete the contraction of "name is" into "name's."
doctor and named himself after some greek guy, but his ideas were about as bad as Tim’s.” -->Greek should be capitalized. It's a nationality.
There are just too many grammar mistakes to list, and the whole thing doesn't flow like a story should. I understand that this is comedy, but at least have it memorable to read. After all, despite most of these positive comments, I guarantee within a week they'd all forget this train-wreck ever existed.
“Crying and eating ice cream?”
Don't worry, Twilight. It's probably just the hormones and having her wedding so rudely interrupted. Queen Chrysalis will be over it in eleven months.
7352077
Two mistakes is being "awful" at grammar? I mean, not only is it nitpicking (As they're barely noticeable and don't break the flow of the story), but considering that it's one or two small mistakes, it's a smidgen rude to the author.
Not to mention that despite the fact that your last sentence is objectively correct...
That applies to any one shot. I mean, I dunno about you, but when I'm following the continuity of around 15 different stories at the same time, you can't really get attached to a one shot. You read it, you enjoy it, you move on.
Hell, there's probably a good explanation why this even made it on the front page. It's short, it's new, it involves Comedy, has a intriguing concept and is by a fairly popular author.
Not to mention that most people (Like myself) just want to read a simple. humorous story. Simple pleasures.
I think the irony of all this is that I critiqued you more than you did the story. Still, don't quit your dayjob.
lmao dude
7352077 You are not a critic, nor a reviewer. You're a self-entitled brat who doesn't actually criticize things, but insult and mock them.
7351120 Darn, you beat me to the punch. I was about to type something about Alan Wake. :)
I loved the Spaceballs reverence at the end.
7352543
To be entirely fair, there are far more than two mistakes. The troll account only specified two, but there is a second mistake that wasn't pointed out in the first example, as well as a number of others throughout the work.
7352077 Delete your account
My little Buggy... My Little Buggy...
This was too awesome for words!
But because of my myriad mental conditions, I find it impossible not to point out...
"We’re about a quarter of our goal to.” should be "We’re about a quarter of our goal too.”
Pretty sure it's a typo since you used it right everywhere else I noticed.
7352077 You need to learn to offer criticism in a manner that it will actually be listened to. Unless you're offering criticism that you don't want people to listen to for some reason, in which case I apologize for calling you out on it.
7350827 pardon?
Oh really, Twilight?
Overall, this was quite a hilarious story to read. I laughed from the start to the end.
7352077
*Story scores front page*
...Yep. Train-wreck everyone will forget in a day.
Why is everybody disliking 7352077 ?
Every story does need criticism, or the artist won't be able to be top-notch at writing like they want to be. Without critics, an artist might never reach their full potential.
You know they would have gotten even more love if they started a chain of brothels instead. Be with anyone you want! They'd make millions and have all the love they needed.
7352077
Check the profile. Disregard the troll and carry on
7356530
Most likely it's the arrogant tone of the comment rather than the criticism itself.
7356530
I would agree with you on that, but how does he help Atlas become a better writer? If we sum up his "criticism":
-You make typos.
-the whole thing doesn't flow like a story.
That's it.
The first one can't be helped if you work alone, and people who read it can point it out in the comments, so it can be corrected. In any case, Atlas probably already knows he makes typos, so first point is not really helping him getting better at writing. (Although pointing out what the typos are IS a good thing in the sense it will make the story better, but not the writer better.)
Now, on the second point: "the whole thing doesn't flow like a story should"
Now, I want you to imagine, you're a builder, you're making a house for someone, and once you're finished, that someone tells you "it doesn't really feel like a home" and that's all. Like, nothing else is added. Do you think you're a better builder, now?
I say that, but actually, I'm not sure he didn't say that BECAUSE of the typos, and in that case, his criticism would just be "you make typos".
But a lot of the downvotes probably also come from the free insult at the story there, too.