• Member Since 27th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen May 29th, 2019






The sound again and again, tapping on her door. The young mare could only try to ignore the tapping and the scratching at her door.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 27 )

Good lord, that was horrifying ;o;


Really? Was it scary? I never did a horror fic before.


If it was your first, then that was a good one. Could've lived without the Mental Hospital ending, though. I am sometimes easily scared (not all the time, though), so perhaps you should take criticism from some one else. Maybe you could go to a story editor? Certainly would be a better judge than me. (Though, I think they would think it was good, too)

My first. I also did another one just after this one. What Lurks in the Fog. Its got a more darker ending.


I'll be sure to read it!

Let me guess: it was a cat that would follow her everywhere it could go to as well.


I was definitly creeped out by that. I enjoyed how you made the story progress. And since it's your first, all the better :pinkiehappy:

Also, I liked the idea of the ending, and have some kind of theory:

Ending in the mental hospital, it allows us to see that Sunny is potentially driven to insanity towards the end. But what if what we read was what her thoughts were telling her, while she was the one tapping and scratching. To cover the illusion, she had some figure created in her mind to make her think it wasn't her. It would explain why there were markings on the wall, and why she became tired eventually...

Either that, or there was a psycho human after her, and wants her dead.

Otherwise, I enjoyed reading it. Will there be some kind of sequal to this?

That thing reminds me of a mental construct thrall of Ilos. Used to terrify and wear down the sanity of a mind by projecting their deep seated fears by constantly playing with them to appease their master and his insatiable lust for control over the victim's sense of morals and sanity.

The Russian Sleep Experiment (a creepypasta) is one of the stories that show his methods and intentions for the mind.

When one should fall asleep they put off the abhorrent darkness and insanity that is organic life, if only for a few more hours. But in the end, he claims the weakest first and savours the willed even longer.

Mental construct thrall whats that? Is that from a book?


Ok a mental construct is kind of like creating a castle in a dream when one is having nightmares. The castle can be for good, to protect you from the nightmares that lurking the shadows, or they can be for ill where they are a part of the nightmare itself.

A thrall is literally a mind wiped creature that is given tasks to accomplish with their own mind long since snuffed out by the one controlling them, a toy to be created or taken over then used and discarded.

Now, think of a castle in your mind that is staffed by these constructed thralls. Ones that you have no ability to actually control as they were only created for a single purpose.
their time is based on what your mind required at the time and set them to move in their predetermined ways at precise moments.

All is good right? You can continue to enjoy or hate the situation without even realizing that it's a dream or nightmare until you wake up.

What if you don't control the thralls? That just makes it terrifying to have something in your most intimate moments look at you with rage and a burning hatred when they were supposed to be doing something completely different.

Now think about that same thrall that you knew was made up was actually knocking on your door saying things they couldn't have possibly known about you unless they were in your mind.

They become mental constructs based on the victim's ability to recognise when something is wrong and the particular entity that is interested in them, they are thralls as they almost always have little to no agenda of their own as they are but puppets with a limited range of life that can be yanked away or extended by the same malevolent entity that created them from bits and scraps of whatever it cares to remember.


In short, it is a way for dreams to seem convincing and nightmares to seem scarier, but like mental creatures do, they are made to reflect the type of creature that created them at their most primal level.

I'm really enjoying your horror stories. I hope you'll continue to write more of these. :pinkiehappy:

I did a video on this if you would like to watch it

That's some scary shit man...

But it's an absolutely amazing story.

It's good, but the high pitched voice sounds weird coming through whatever mic you're using. Great intro though, if a bit long.

Thank you and i have changed my cheep mic out since then so it is a bit better now

will be doing reading of this today and it will be awesome

Wow, this sounds like something right out of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

Hi, I'm looking for stories to read this October and was wondering if you would mind if I did a narration of this one? It's really good and gave me the chills.

Wow, I’ve come to the conclusion she was schizophrenic, and also suffered from blackouts, which is why she didn’t remember doing whatever she had to the guards. As for the marks and tapping, the marks didn’t exist, hence why the heavier guard patrols never noticed over a week that her door was falling apart more each night and only at night before giving way completely and opening when they weren’t there at night. The tapping and scratching where auditory hallucinations in time with the creature her brain had produced. when the guard realized what was going on with her they began monitoring her house for one night to be absolutely sure, that same night her bedroom door “gave way”, and the guards heard a loud banging. They headed in only to find her sitting on her bed bashing her head into the wall, muttering to herself, about wanting the tapping to stop. She is still hearing the tapping later on because the creature is in her head thus it was technically in the asylum with her, and why it never got caught sneaking in to the high security location. The straight jack would do nothing for her head banging, probably to prevent her harm someone if she has one of her violent blackouts.

I feel so sorry for the mare.

but great horror.

This is what "new ground" looks like for you? My dude, you need to try more genres to see what others ones you're naturally skilled at! This story was great - it definitely gave me chills, and I loved the ending! It's definitely got the feeling of an old horror novel compressed into a short story. Good job, and know that I'll be looking forward to reading what you come up with next!~

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