Whoa (Technically a Complete Story, If You Can Call Anything Sweetie Derelle Does a Story)
“WHO THE HELL PUT THE MUPPET IN CHARGE OF THE BUS?”
“Bwa?” Sweetie Derelle uttered. It wasn’t really a word. She was too busy focusing on the road and not hitting pedestrians while driving at least 80 miles an hour through Canterlot’s busy downtown district.
Sweetie Derelle didn’t ask for this, but she wasn’t the one who put the bomb on the bus that would cause it to explode if it went below 60 miles an hour. She also never saw the movie Speed.
Carrot Top rushed over to the driver’s seat. “YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US!”
“Bwa?”
“YES!”
“BWAAA!” Sweetie Derelle screamed in tiny pony rage as the bus smashed through a banana stand, a hot dog stand, a magazine stand, a keg stand, Stephen King’s The Stand, and Standing Tall starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
“Why am I even on this bus?” Carrot Top yelled. “Does Canterlot even HAVE buses? How did this get there?”
She was thrown aside, then knocked out by a charming yet roughish gentlecolt named Donut Joe. He adjusted his tie and looked ahead intensely. “Sweetie Derelle, if we don’t get this busload of orphans to Princess Celestia before the start of the school recital, they’ll detonate the Princesses.”
Sweetie Derelle opened her mouth wide, which is saying something when your mouth is roughly trash-can lid in shape. Both she and Donut Joe looked back. Sure enough, the bus load was full of orphans. And they were sickly. And they were sad.
Donut turned back around and spoke in a deep stallion voice that caused three nearby mares and one stallion to explode in happiness when he spoke. “We need to feed them before they pass out. Quickly! Drive the bus into the back of that line of food trucks!”
Sweetie Derelle careened around the corner, causing the back of the bus to send fifteen mares and stallions flying into a restaurant before exploding in a blaze of glory. The waiter stood up, relieved he hadn’t been hit. Then he too exploded.
The bus slammed into the back of three food trucks. The impact sent Donut Joe through the front windshield as he rolled onto the roof of the truck, slammed into the back of the second one, fell through the windshield, punched out the drivers, kneed the cook in the face and then stood perfectly still as he focused himself and prepared to cook.
Those children need me, Donut Joe thought. And if there’s one thing I can do, it’s cook. He waved his arms around and focused his culinary ninjitsu, setting his hooves on fire. He punched them into boxes full of pineapples which grilled instantly. He kicked open the back door of the food truck and saw Sweetie Derelle driving.
“KEEP IT ABOVE 70!” he yelled.
Sweetie Derelle looked down at the speedometer and saw it was at 68. She hit the pedal to the gas as Donut Joe launched two pineapples at the orphans in the back of the bus. The fruit sailed into their faces, knocking them out, but satiating them.
Donut Joe kung-fu kicked a box of flaming pineapples at the orphans, who dodged the flavor explosion which sent three of them out the windows.
“Their sacrifice will not be made in vain,” Donut Joe said with solemn awareness.
At that moment, a busload of tourists from Mustangia rammed into the food truck from the side, sending the foot cart, and Donut Joe, into an outdoor shopping outlet. “REMEMBER MEEEEEE!” He shouted as he revealed a device hidden under his shirt. He pressed a button in mid-fall, sending out safety frosting in every direction, stopped his fall, and the busload of Mustangians, as they crumpled into a cuddle puddle inside the vehicle.
Sweetie Derelle saluted him as she noticed her speed was down to 65. She was losing momentum. She needed to regain it. And fast.
She heard the honk of a train whistle nearby and saw the Friendship Express start to curve around the bend as it was leaving the station. Of course! It went far faster than 60 miles an hour. She saw that one of its paths took it in the direction of Canterlot Castle.
So naturally Sweetie Derelle rammed through a park full of mimes and picnicking families to get to the train depot.
She rocketed onto the train tracks in front of the train and turned to the see the train conductor freaking out. She ran to the back, grabbed a small pony child, and tossed them at the accelerator where they stuck into place. Then, remembering herself, she picked up a piece of grilled pineapple and handed it to the child.
“Bwa?” she said.
“Oh thanks!” The child said, thankful and smiling. It was good to do good in the world, Sweetie Derelle thought, though the thought itself sounded more like ducks quacking while firing chainguns.
Sweetie Derelle saw the train start to slow down. She couldn’t let it happen. She kicked at the door to slam it open just like her hero Donut Joe. But through the glass, the train conductor only saw the small creature stub it’s foot on the glass and flail around wildly as children screamed behind it. The conductor narrowed its eyes in open-confusion as the small creature starting hitting the glass with a child’s pineapple-encased head as it yelled in minuscule mare fury. She tossed the useless child to the side, stood back and launched herself at the glass.
The shattering of glass burst forth as Sweetie Derelle sailed towards the windshield of the train.
“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” The train conductor screamed as Sweetie Derelle slammed through the glass and fell into cabin. Sweetie Derelle didn’t move, possibly from the three concussions she had sustained since she started her bus-driving career ten minutes before.
“You okay?” the train conductor asked as he poked the body of the horrible creature.
“AHHHH!” She yelled as she leapt forward and further engaged the accelerator throttle. The bus hit Mach 1 (it was a fast train) as it shot off the track, barreling on a trajectory towards Celestia’s tower.
She stood, brushing her hair and contemplating life as she saw the bus rocketing through the air towards her bedroom.
“Oh no,” she said. “Not again.”
Sweetie Derelle and the train conductor watched as the bus landed inside the bedroom, and on top of Celestia, as the tower leaned precariously to one side. It then collapsed, as the children yelled in happiness, or so Derelle thought. The train conductor knew better.
“AW YEAHHH!” They both said as they jumped up and high-hoofed each other, stopping in mid-air for a pose.
---
“WHAT DID YOU DO?” Rarity yelled at Sweetie Derelle, who stared open-mouthed at her older sister.
Applejack, Apple Bloom and Rarity stared at Sweetie Derelle in jail behind the bars of Canterlot’s Juvenile Detention Facility.
“She’s ah hero,” Applejack said as Apple Bloom nodded. “She stopped ah busload of orphans from blowing up.”
“AND LANDED IT RIGHT ON TOP OF OUR NATION’S RULER AND BELOVED GODDESS!” Rarity screamed. Her pitch was so high, glasses cracked nearby.
“That’s right,” Applejack said. “Goddess. She’s immortal and therefore fine. Barely ah scratch.”
“She broke fifty-five bones!”
“She’s got like, what? Ah thousand bones? She’ll heal.”
Apple Bloom hoofbumped Sweetie Derelle through the bars. “You’re so awesome, Sweetie Belle!”
“THIS THING ISN’T MY SISTER” Rarity yelled. Sweetie Derelle just looked at her with its vast, emotion-filled goggly-eyes.
“Now Rarity, ah know what it’s like to have a little sister. Sometimes I call my sister ah thing too.” Applejack said. “But it’s important that you show love.”
“That’s right, Applejack!” Apple “Thing” Bloom said.
“Quiet, Apples,” Applejack retorted, but in a sisterly way.
“I don’t know what you did with my sister, but I’m going to find out! Mark. My. Words,” Rarity said with narrowed eyes towards the trashcan-mouthed monstrosity.
“Bwa?” she responded.
“STOP SPEAKING LIKE THAT,” Rarity said as she nearly pulled her hair out.
“Aw,” Applejack said. “She’s speaking in her special sisterly language to you!”
“That’s not a language!” Rarity’s voice caused dogs to bark outside. “THAT’S NOISE! AND GRUNTS! MONKEYS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN HER!”
“Bwa?”
“I HATE ALL OF YOU,” Rarity said as she stormed out. Applejack ran after her.
Apple Bloom stared at the creature in the cell with narrowed eyes. “Well you do look kinda janky…”
“Bwaaaa,” Sweetie Derelle said with a sad-ish expression. (That means the goggly eyes just happened to be pointed downward)
“That’s all right!” Apple Bloom said. “You look just like Sweetie Belle to me! So you must be her!” Apple Bloom, who needed glasses badly, said. She high-hoofed her excited friend(?) as they locked hooves like two action movies bros. “Don’t worry! Scootaloo and I will break you out! Then we can go save more ponies!”
“SWEETIE BELLEEEE!” The monstrosity yelled, like a damn Pokemon.
---
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Titanium Dragon · 1k words · 708 29 · 10k views
- Zanem-Ji · 4k words · 43 2 · 2k views
- TheNewYorkBrony · 9.4k words · 226 29 · 5k views
- RarityEQM · 1.1k words · 57 8 · 1.3k views
- Phantom Shadow · 56k words · 602 31 · 8.9k views
- Drax99 · 9.5k words · 376 13 · 9.5k views
- AidanMaxwell · 38k words · 59 4 · 1.9k views
- GrassAndClouds2 · 48k words · 336 12 · 6.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.076 seconds
Total duration
1,040 users online
1,568,244 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This looks fucking lit. I'll have to check it out in a little bit. 'Splosions are gr8.
7334210
It's so lit it's sets fire on fire. :D Thanks for planning to check it out!
I think I stumbled into a pinkie fanfic. Though given the amount of pineapples involved. I do question what sugar high she was on at the time of writing.
7334215 ayy no worries m8
7334222
This story is like crack on fire :D Thanks for reading it! :D
7334242 The whole plot went out the window as fast as it went up in smoke, so its a very apt description.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/26/193455/large.png
I have no idea what I've just reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just another day in Equestria
*Directed by Michael Bay*
7334412
You speak the words of POWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Hehe thanks for reading!
7334779
Michael Bay
PRESENTS
MY
LITTLE
PONY
THE MOVIE
7335450 FEATURING:
Sweetie Belle, the Sweetie of HELL
Triceracop
Over-the-top explosions that cost $1000 each
Ahahaahahah!
*bursts out laughing* WHAT?!
Oh so her mouth literally Is that big in the picture XD
Just rubbing it in lol *And they were also about to get adopted but it's probably too late now.*
Co-written by Mr.Torgue
*bursts out laughing again* The hell! XD
*confused clapping from audience*
Donut Joe, the hero, the villian, the guy who wants to do good but is technically a reckless monster with foodjitsu skills.
Hahahaha!
Oh god! THat's so sad! I feel so bad for laughing! I love how Rarity is the only one examining the full scope of things.
Taking a hammer to the fourth wall, love it.
Awesome story! Hope to see more!
7335910
AW YEAH! Jumps into the air, high-fives and poses while stopping in mid-air.
Man, your comments are inspiring. I really do like seeing which little parts made you laugh! It's kinda like commentary for a movie and sharing all the best parts.
I think I might write another chapter to it tonight, since you've inspired me so much! We'll see. I must set up the scene and make the quick photoshop which is realy just putting the sweetie derelle image over something on-fire or exploding :P
All I know for sure right now is that Sweetie Derelle lives inside a trashcan in Rarity's house. :)
What... What is this? Why is it here?
And why did I like this so much?
Oh yeah, Sweetie Derelle. Impossible not to like. Have a cookie.
7336979
Thank you so much! Sweetie Derelle appreciates your compliment! She will set fire to one of Rarity's trash can's to show her appreciation :)
You can expect more of these stories, that's for sure :)
Wut?
7335546 I'm reading this comment with the voice of the guy from Honest Trailer
7338869
HAH that is pretty darn close to the Derelle scream haha!
Oh man, Sweetie Derelle and the Rabbids would like destroy so many places...
7338994
Oh great now I'M reading it in that voice XD
7339477 ... well, now that I think about it, this story deserve the entire trailer (using that awesome voice, of course)
The following story is rather R for Random.
From the writers of Fallout Equestria, My little Dashie and Past Sins... don't come a story so random that will make you ask yourself 'what the hell did I just read?' and 'who in their right mind would ever write it?'
Spoiler: it was this guy with a very happy Luna as avatar. Woo-ooh!
Join Sweetie Derelle, the most adorable screaming diabetes-inducing abomination, as she's forced for some reason to drive a bus filled with hungry orphans and explosive across Canterlot, a city that despite being built on the side of a mountain has streets enough spacious to drive at over 60 miles an hour without have to worry about traffic, in a world where the horse power actually means the number of ponies pulling a cart. Or a train. 'Cause, you know, reasons.
But this screaming marshmallow is not alone. Following her during this mad drive that makes Fury Road look like a Mario Cart game by comparison, there's Donut Jones, a secret agent/baker with awesome ninja skills, able to cook pineapples with his flaming hooves... and promptly die for drama. Seriously? Oh, alright, just asking.
Join our protagonist in this Michael Bay wet dream, filled with dramatic deaths of completely random character and hilariously deaths of completely random character, until she finally manage to crash the bus against Celestia's bedroom... and survive? Uh, guess the magic of friendship works better than a bomb shelter.
Starring:
Explosions
Too young to be fast and furious
Derpy's roomate
Scootaloo's classmates
Exploding background ponies
Exploding background pony n 12
The horny- horned spy? Well, you get the idea
Praise the sun
The country voice of honesty
Sister of best pony
Marshmallow drama queen
And. More. Explosions.
Sweetie Derelle: The Speedinging
7339615
HOLY SHIZ BISCUITS, this is awesome! I just got a chance to read it after getting a break from my traveling and my new story writing!
I want to read this as the intro to this story if I ever make it an audio drama. Or maybe the outro. :D
THANK YOU! *hugs*
I was reading out loud and, as soon as I began, I burst out laughing
That probably was meant to be dark, but I laughed so bad at it
This is the best comedy/crackfic I've read so far, because Sweetie Derelle Is (now) Bae
Sweetie Derelle: "Bwaaaaaa!!!!"
7355079
I love writing Sweetie Derelle! I've always wanted to make a puppet of her and make live-action videos like this. :)
I can only imagine how awesome this must have sounded when you read it aloud XD
Here's a sneakpeek at a future Derelle fic:
https://i.gyazo.com/5cd4ab4ae35956b981e16add77fb335a.png
7355140 It looks so exciting XD
BWAAAA
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
-Sweetie Derelle, Circa 1885-2018
what
I can't even begin on where this thing derails faster then the Friendship Express.
I physically can't.
I am chortling, though.
8970127
"What" is the proper response XD
THanks for reading!
Directed by Michael Bay
BLAAAMMM!!!! SPLOSIONS!!!!
Celestia dammit, that was fun. Too bad the author hasn't been online since July 2020. I hope he comes back someday with that sequel. I wanna see Rarity explode. Exploding ponies are awesome.
camo.fimfiction.net/Ia-Mrv6yBtwAeIwUzjGx3QCJ29eU7aC2BxhitrSnygU?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2F4R7pZOAWQrk%2Fmaxresdefault.jpg