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this story is offensive
7332489 I'm going to read this just because this was said about it...
Yeah, I don't know; mind-bending someone into cheating on the one they love and leaving them is pretty dark. Still, was not a bad read. Pretty hot.
7332825 You actually beat me to the punch here.
Had you (SoulFyre) not said anything in the Author's Note about it, the absence of the Dark tag probably wouldn't have bothered me as much, but I personally feel that openly saying this isn't dark is a bit misleading.
7332880 I guess "overtly" dark would've been a better thing to say. It is dark no question, but it's not thrown in your face from the outset and only becomes so at the end. But yes it is dark.
Pretty sexy take of Bioshock's "would you kindly". I really enjoyed reading it.
7333007 My thoughts exactly XD
This was quite a hot story to read. Good job ^^
Hah, read this three times in one night. Very good. Not many grammar mistakes (or none at all) that are normally present in most clopfics. Written very nicely and I do like that plot twist at the end. This fic has satisfied me for the night (mentally and sexually). Ah, I believe I'm sounding like a freak now.
7335939
???????? I know exactly how you feel! This was a great clop fic. I enjoyed it and it may or may not have caused some relief for me...twice XD. Anyway, I liked it, so. Yeah.
A very dark and disturbing take on the aspects of manipulation and mind control from the victim's perspective. A little bit telly in places, especially regarding the motives and background of the culprit, but an enjoyable read. Good example of its genre, and... oddly, not as bad a use of the canon as it could be. Some of the worse stories I've read doing this could be done with humans and not lose anything. The Lyra-Bon Bon pairing is common enough to get the sympathy going, but the fact that Lyra's a unicorn and her 'abuser' is an Earth pony adds another layer to it. Should she be on guard against magic? Would she have stood a chance if she'd thought to cast whatever defense spells might (or should) exist for this kind of thing? If I have to criticise it for one thing, it's that this line of reasoning isn't explored further, but there's really only so much telling you can do in a fic like this, and most of it came at the end, so...
Good overall, surprised it's not in any groups yet. Is that on purpose?
Why is there no dark tag on this story? It's obviously a rape fic masked by a silly hypnotic spell. Down vote for the trickery.
Too bad this couldn't have been a series were Script would go from one mare to another
7332933 This is a interesting and very dark concept, it would be interesting if you turned it into a series, where he went after other popular ponies, heck I could even see him going after the Mane 6 (or 7 if you include Starlight). I mean he does have potential for a take over Equestria kind of villain.
This was a great story. I would love to see more of this story
7333536
Seconded for dark tag
I have never said this on any fimfic and trust me, I read a few every day.
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ.
All my favourite fetishes are right here in a great written story and only using my favourite word for dick: cock.
Personally for me, this is essentially a perfect clopfic and I will read it many times over. Have a like and fave, you wonderful person.
You should add more to this I see a really big story out of this like he could try one the main six but when he trys it on twilight it backfires and he gets busted and sent to Luna and Celestia for judging
7332933
Try placing the last line in a new paragraph.
Well, I said I would read this (Years ago) out of spite of our local Social Justice Warrior, Aceine,
and I do not regret my actions.
It was well written, well characterized, and well detailed in the normal and Clop parts. I don't much care for Mind Control, and you made it likable in this. Good show, Lad.
As others have noted, it's dark enough. I utterly despise stallions like this one, which makes the ending rather... unsatisfying as a result, because it can only go downhill from here.
From a purely writing perspective, it was a little odd how the narrative started taking more and more of the stallion's perspective as it went on. Generally, I've heard (or perhaps just felt) that perspective changes should be distinct and clear, and starting off purely from Lyra's perspective and then beginning to include the stallion's without note is... a little odd.
What happened to this story, I lost it and found it suddenly appear in my favorites? Also why does it say the author has 0 stories?
8794415
Deleted on my original account. Decided to make a separate one for clopfics, then stupidly lost the story, forgot about it, someone reminded me about my clopfics, found copies on the internet after a long while, then learned that all I needed to do was bring it up with a moderator and it'd be restored on my new account.
Not sure why it would say 0 stories though. Maybe it just hasn't updated completely. Or possibly since it wasn't originally posted on this account maybe it doesn't qualify as one of its stories.
8795280
Might I ask what your original account was and is it still accessible?
This story needs a sequel!
7332489
Eh, if ya don' like it, don' read it.
also, it's only offensive because the guy is doing it instead of the girl.
8974791
I agree
I really enjoyed this. Maybe having played Bioshock ruined the surprise of it, but it's a competent and enjoyable hypno story, and hypnotism/mind control is, uh...
I like it.
A lot.
I think the conversation between Lyra and Bon Bon would be like this:
I think it’s really weird how good this story is with the mind control. I fucking despise mind control and feels like it’s just an easy excuse to write an easy sex scene but it really works here.
I know you disowned this fic, but I hope one day it gets a sequel, or inspires someone to write something similar.
Ok, that Bioshock reference is actually way more prominent here than in the actual game. Kind of funny, really, how big of a deal it is to the fans.