The Conversion Bureau: More Worlds Where it Wouldn't Work

by mariic

World Eleven: The Mojave Wasteland

It all comes down to this, he thought as the guards dragged him into Canterlot Palace. Now's the time that I talk some sense into Sun-Butt.

"Alright Celestia," The man declared. "You've finally got me. But before you execute me, there are a few things that I want to ask you."

"Since your failure is inevitable," The Solar Tyrant responded with a smirk, "You might as well make use of what little time you have left."

"If you win, then how are going to feed all of the Newfoals?" The stranger asked.

"What do you mean?" Xlestia asked.

"It's simple," He explained. "As a result of all the Newfoals you're taking in due to the war, your world should be suffering massive food shortages. In addition, you don't have good enough armor and firepower to effectively win. How are you going to take care of that?"

"We have plenty of space," Xlesia retorted, her bravado not wavering for an instant. "And we can rapidly industrialize Equestria."

"That's the thing." The stranger explained. "You might have plenty of space, but your rapid industrialization would take up a lot of it too fast for it to be used well, and the resulting pollution from the factories would cause your new farms to not produce enough food reliably. In addition, all those farms and factories would require a lot of workers to run."

"We'll simply use the Newfoals as workers and farmers along with the Earth Ponies, and we'll build on both sides of the barrier." Xlestia responded, beginning to feel some doubt.

"Sure, but the barrier is destroying everything you could have used to support your kingdom." He countered. "Not only that, but you won't have the adequate infrastructure to house all of the Newfoals. And the aforementioned Earth Ponies would most likely be overworked from not only fighting in the war, but also from the sudden industrialization of Equestria and attempting to feed too many ponies when there's not enough workers or farmers to meet with the demand. What are your precious little ponies going to think of that?"

"They will support me at all times!" The tyrant shouted, barely hiding her fear.

"Bullcrap!" The man swore at the top of his lungs. "If anything, they would be against you! They would stand against the 'benevolent queen' who sent millions of their brethren, and maybe more than that, to their deaths in a virtually fruitless war that has dragged on for years! In fact, the only things that are keeping the fabric and general morale of Equestrian society from disappearing altogether is terror and fanaticism! Face it Celestia, your 'Crusade' was doomed to fail long before you made first contact with Earth! Even if you do succeed in turning everyone on Earth into Newfoals, you'll still lose in the long run because there wouldn't be enough resources between our two worlds to keep your species alive for more than a few generations!"

"YOU'RE LYING!" Xlestia bellowed in the royal Canterlot voice. "IF ANYONE'S RACE WILL GO EXTINCT, YOURS WILL!"

"I doubt that," he grinned. "We've already faced extinction once more than 200 years ago in the Great War. On that day, atomic fire rained from the skies, killing or mutating anything and anyone unlucky enough to be caught outside. If what you said about humanity was true, then there wouldn't even be any living thing larger than bacteria left on Earth today, yet here humanity stands, ready to fight for a future for everyone, and we will NEVER let anything or anyone stand in our way! In fact, we're not so different, once you think about it."

"Don't you DARE compare me to you filthy apes!" The queen yelled, all but striking down this interloper with all of her hatred. "Ponies are far more superior than you will ever be! We are perfection incarnate!"

"If that's the case," The stranger pointed out, "then why are you acting out in anger? Isn't anger an emotion that only a flawed human such as myself would use? Not only that, but your crusade involves genocide, which, as you would say, is 'something that only a group of savage, ruthless humans would even think of doing.' Now ask yourself: if you are as perfect as you claim you are, then why are you stooping to an "imperfect species'" level?"

Xlestia's glare intensified, as did the doubt she hid in her mind, and she growled, "I am NOT stooping to your level!"

He remained silent for a few seconds, then asked, "Are you familiar with Caesar's Legion?" He only got silence in response. "I didn't think so." He then began pacing . "Many years ago, there was a man named Edward Sallow..."

---

Thus began his lecture about the rise and fall of the Legion: the assimilation and enslavement of tribes, who were mistreated in unspeakable ways; the massacres committed in his name, the crucifictions, the battle of Hoover Dam, and how a single package courier and his friends brought it all crumbling down on top of Caesar. And as he lectured, Xlestia's doubt slowly morphed into disgust, then horror, and finally guilt as the Courier (for it was he who came to talk the tyrant down,) asked her, "Does any of that sound familiar?"

At this point, the weight of the Equestrian ruler's crimes came crashing down on her all at once, and she shouted "I'M A MONSTER!" in the Royal Canterlot Voice, and subsequently broke down into tears. "I never meant to hurt anyone." she silently choked out between sobs.

"No one ever does, Celestia." The stranger somberly replied.

"Kill me!" The queen demanded, grabbing the human by his shoulders. "I don't deserve to live for my crimes!"

"I should kill you for everything you did to humanity," the man mused, "but I won't, because you can still atone for your crimes."

"Atone for my crimes?" Xlestia asked incredulously, her red, tear-stained eyes looking into those of this stranger. "I just invaded your world, forcibly turned countless people into mockeries of their former selves, destroyed thousands of cities, and doomed both of our worlds to extinction! How could I possibly atone for all of my sins?"

"Simple," the man explained. "destroy the barrier and turn everyone you turned into Newfoals back into their former selves. Then you're going to help us rebuild both of our worlds. Who knows? Maybe this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

The former tyrant said nothing, she just pulled the man who was willing to forgive her, despite all of her heinous crimes, into a tight embrace and thought, ...Thank you.

---

Several years have passed since then, and now Earth began to look like the way it did before the world ended. There were vast, green fields of various plants, filled with long-extinct pre-war animals; engineers, both Earth and Equestrian, worked on new technology to improve both worlds; the barrier had long since closed with several earthling-friendly portals (made with both Equestrian magic and Earth technology) leading from Earth to Equestria had taken its place; and adults and children, whether they were Human, Ghoul, Supermutant, Ponies, and various other sentient species all lived in harmony. There were still some around that disliked each other for being different than them, but it never got as bad as it did before the Ponies first arrived. Ever since the Conversion War (as it came to be called) ended, Xlestia was left with one nagging question: Why did that man give her a second chance? That question was finally answered when she found a note saying:

Dear Princess Celestia,
Over the past few years, you have probably asked yourself why I spared you. The answer to that is simple: it's because while people are capable of doing horrible things, they are equally capable of doing great things. If my experience fighting against Caesar's Legion hadn't taught me that, then I know that the Conversion War would have definitely done so.

As for me, I'm heading back to Vegas, because while the Kings can do a good job protecting the place, they can't keep the peace forever. If you ever come by the area, you can visit me any time at the Lucky 38.

--Wishing you well,
Courier Six.

---

World Eleven -- Friendship... Friendship never changes.

Author's Note:

This bit I originally wrote for the MLP Time Loops on Space Battles, but it was rejected due to it being a Conversion Bureau Loop. (Incidentally, talking about the Bureau is A-Okay, which confuses me.)

Comments

[The Serpent Mage]

And this is why having Speech 100 is amazing

[brony_angel282]

shame it would have been funny if the nuke from lonesome road hitted canterlot instead of the legion or ncr.

[bejammin2000]

Needs more Yesman.

[nightmaster0]

Awesome story. Are you taking suggestions?

[Ponyzilla 2000]

Please do one with Godzilla. Have it be something along the lines of human diplomats telling Celestia that humans are no longer the dominant species, but the kaiju are.

[Grey Ghost]

May I suggest Brutal Legend?

[TJHoofer]

How about TCB vs the Disturbed Guy?

[mariic]

7334942 Sure thing!

[mariic]

7336247 I haven't played it yet, sorry! But I'll try to write for it when I do.

[CyberDemonSlayer]

Nothing can beat a fallout character with 100 speech and max luck XD

[nightmaster0]

7336975 Cool how about some crazy worlds like South Park or Megas XLR.

[badninja]

If you are taking suggestions I would love to see a Star Wars try. I would love to see how the ponies would deal with Darth Vader.

[Iron Sky]

That brings back memories.

I was so surprised when that worked on The Master, in Fallout 1, and so not prepared for it to fail against Frank Horrigan in Fallout 2.

[brony_angel282]

if your looking for suggestion here a couple of them.

fairy tail they got magic already
doom
serious sam
c&c 3 tiberium war in other word scrins.
resident evil: potion, B.O.W and zombie wont mix well
left 4 dead, potion on a tank or witch will be a funny result
starcraft happy time with the zerg
skyrim immortal dragon unless your a nirm dragon or dovvahkiin

[Haseo55]

The world of Dark Souls

[Cobrawolf_Meiji2012]

Try the ID4 Earth, see what will happen when they face the aliens.

[nighters]

halo while the convert is attacking

[Stewie91]

7340888 Fairy Tail has been done.

[Lakeguy]

Wow, I didn't expect such a peaceful solution from the Fallout universe!

[Magthere]

Hmm how about the Universe of Space Battleship Yamato/Starblazers if its during the Gamillon's bombardment that brings its own issues of whether Equestria can survive that Earth either. Even in a better scenario there'd still be the wrath of the Wave Motion Gun...

[Jed R]

I'll be interested to see what comes of this :-)

[7F]

Confront with the Forerunner?
Or contect Earth where Xenolestia's Equestria is Earth's fourth Equestria party which prior two was contect to conquering, and last third was common Equestria of friendship but they have a lot of trouble and struggle to gaining Earth's people and government's trust due to war crimes of prior conquerors.

[BronyofMeddlers]

One-punch man.

[Dustchu]

OOoooo, this... this gave me tingles~ such a peaceful solution, and an awesome outcome...
I like it...

Nice job

[demobrony]

Speech level 100. Xelstia got rket.

[Panther Passing Across]

Skyrim?

[LeoneHaxor]

7336162 Actually, there is a Godzilla-flavored TCB story already in existence. Pretty sure it's called 'Hail to the King' or something like that.

[WIL_I_ZIN]

Well SOMEONE had charisma at 100 with speech at 100.

[MoarCrossovers]

I really shouldn't stoop so low as to make requests, but…

Primeval
Ultraman (any of the series, take your pick)
DC Universe
Marvel Universe

[SoothingCoffee]

Hero BBS would be a fairly interesting scenario.

[Mooncalf]

I mentioned this on the other "TCB fail" fic, but I'd love to see a take on Terraria.

On one hand, it's a beautiful, lush setting with green forests and vast jungles and arctics and deserts. On the other hand, almost everything is dead-set on killing you. And there's the Corruption, a place where the very land is sick and populated by horrible monsters even more apt to kill you in horrible ways. And there's the Hallow, a beautiful land of rainbows and pixies and pretty unicorns... which, yes, will absolutely try to kill you as much as they can.

(And that's just the regular enemies. The bosses... suffice to say, the creature known as "The Eater of Worlds" is the second boss in a line of over a dozen...)

[GordonFreebrony]

Do the Half-Life Universe! The Elder Scrolls Universe! The Warhammer 40k Universe! The Forbidden Realms! The Avatar Universe (blue aliens)! The Avatar Universe (element benders)!

[ShadwSonic]

7380581 Yes, the confusion of ponies trying to kill "her little ponies" ALONE would be hilarious! The rest is just overkill at this point!

[A-T-V]

7380649
Well some of those like the Warhammer 40k one have already been done (Granted it was from Sora2455, the author of the original The Conversion Bureau: Worlds Where It Wouldn’t Work but you can still count it if you like). In fact I'll show you the entire excerpt.
Warhammer 40,000 Suggested by RoadRunneR, master109, and dragonjek
It was funny, Xlestia mused. From her scrying, she would have thought that conquering humanity and converting them to ponies would be harder than this. Sure, there were a couple billion humans who all resisted until their last breath, but they were handled with superior magic.

It was weird - she had won, so why was she waiting for the other horseshoe to drop?

Little did Xlestia know that the small Hive world she had converted was literally too small for mainstream humanity to notice, let alone avenge. The human race was simply so large that the addition of 12 billion ponies still didn't make her anything other than a negligible threat.

The true threats out-powered the sun princess by so much it was worse than comparing an ant to a space hulk.

And so, the successful conversion of a planet went completely unnoticed by the Imperium of Man.

Neo-Equestria was later devoured by a Tyranid Splinter Fleet. Other than the Tyranids, no one noticed.
(Taken from the chapter "World Suggestions One" of The Conversion Bureau: Worlds Where It Wouldn’t Work)

However if the Imperium was actually going to do something I would have little doubt that it would be similar to the Halo excerpt (Just a planetary bombardment until Celestia will either evacuate from the planet or until Equestria gets destroyed)

[Emerald Blazer]

Do Prototype 2!

[Jixstun]

I suggested this on the original story, but I'd like a see Ghostbusters.

Admittedly, the Ponies aren't Ghosts, but with Magic & all, they could be considered supernatural, & the guys (particulary in their Real GB incarnation) are well-versed in dealing with the Supernatural.

[Snow123]

Okay then... request/ideas inbound... I apologize so much! XD

Magic: The Gathering - Dominaria, Nicol Bolas's realm. He could observe their methods as no different if more crude than the Great Work of Yawgmoth's Phyrexia and New Phyrexia's methodology. A bit of criticism of tampering in powers they don't understand... of course, not that Nicol Bolas is actually heroic by any stretch.

"Do the innocent pay for the crimes of the guilty? Of course they do. Such is the fate of the weak." This titanic, acid-green wyrm released a deep and booming chuckle, as if to look down upon the sun-goddess he towered over both figuratively and literally. "But you, little morsel... You will pay for trying to take what is mine."

Keep in mind that a mere caress from his claws can leave one's mind in shambles.

Magic: The Gathering - Theros, going up against the crusading Ajani Goldmane, whom openly proclaimed disgust with the local gods, one of whom, Kruphix, was smart enough to FEAR what lied beyond the world's boundaries, Nicol Bolas and New Phyrexia being among those things to fear.

[Malbutorius]

7336975
Magicka, where Friendship is Magickal.

And where getting converted into a cultist canonically counts as death as far as Revive is concerned!

[GordonFreebrony]

7380827
Oh, I forgot about that. I was just throwing out random suggestions.

[Wasteland_Tyrant]

Heaven Ascension DIO must save the day.

[s1]

7336975
Here are some suggestions:
Soul Eater: The Death Weapon Academy find out that the potion's true nature is unnatural due how the potion twist the human souls. And because of this the academy classified Xlestia as a Kishin due to her being similar to a Kishin so Lord Death with his top students and teachers, (Maka and Soul Eater, Death the Kid, Black Star, etc), and Death Scythes, (Justin Law, Spirit, Marie, Tezca, Jinn, Dengu, etc), to deal with Xeno her newfoals.
Hunter X Hunter: Xlestia arrive in NGL and converting humans and when Xeno has enough newfoals she reveal her real plans to the world the Hunter Association was sent to deal with Xlestia and her guards. So the Hunter Association's chairman, Netero, brought some Hunters to help to deal with the situation like Morel along with his students, Knuckle and Shoot, and Knov. And Kite bringing both Gon and Killua to aid them with the newfoals. I would like to see Netero kick the crap out of Xlestia and Hunters fighting the newfoals and the Mane 6 with Shinning Armor like these:

7384808
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Take place in the Diamond is Unbreakable arc Jotaro along with Josuke and his friends deals with Xlestia and her newfoals. Xlestia see Josuke as a possible threat due to his Stand, Crazy Diamond, being able to undo the effects of the potion so she try destroy him before he become a threat. But Jotora manage to stop her she is able and he bought along Josuke's friends to aid them.
Wander Over Yonder: Wander drives Xlestia insane with his crazy antics and showing the ponies that what they're doing is wrong and showing them that everyone have some good in them and everyone have some bad in them too(including ponies too).
Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright: In the court room Phoenix Wright try expose Xlestia 's true motives intentions. As Phoenix is finding contradictions in Xlestia 's statements and as the contradictions is making the ponies, the Mane 6 and Princess Luna(whos also is on trial too), starting to questions Xlestia 's real intentions as Phoenix bring out evidences that contradicts what Xeno told them about the humans. Phoenix eventually reveals that Xlestia was manipulating the Mane 6 and Princess Luna into helping Xlestia in her evil plan as they're completely unaware her real plan to destroying the human race. With the finally out Xlestia reveals her true colors shocking both humans and ponies in the court room.
Space Dandy: You have to watch the anime to get the feel to bring it justice. Here some clips of it:

The Three Stooges: The Three Stooges drove Xlestia insane to the point that she signed a peace treaty that said that she and her ponies won't never mess with Earth as long she never see them again. Idea was inspired by this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/1/13/805258.png
Moe: "Eh, a wise guy, eh?"
Larry: "…Is that horse talking to us?"
Curly: "She says she’s a harbinger, but where’s da bun?"

The Mask: The cartoon version of The Mask droves Xlestia insane.
The Animaniacs: Pretty must like the Mask idea but more cartoony like this:

Fullmetal Alchemist: The State Alchemists see as the potion's dark true nature as the taboo alchemy, Human Transmutation, so Edward and Al along with the rest of the State Alchemists went to put a stop to Xlestia 's Conversion Bureaus. They defeated Xeno with their alchemy which leads her winding up meeting The Truth similar to this:
video ends at 2:30.

My Hero Academia: You will need to watch the anime to know what it is about it here a clip:

Battleborn: Xlestia goes against the Battleborns. Idea inspired by this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/5/14/1154171.png

Overwatch: The ponies would show in the world of Overwatch at first they would seem to want to make peace. For years ponies and the inhabitants of the planet coexisting together but some of the ponies seem to be hiding something then suddenly most of the ponies mysteriously went back to their realm. Then suddenly a pink barrier appear around the ponies' realm with Xlestia revealing her side and her plan, that she was using her ponies to spy on the inhabitants, and she declare them imperfect started a war between the two. But the ponies that join Overwatch (pony and others species OCs) decided to stay with them fighting against Xlestia and her army later on some Ponies even defected from Celestia to Overwatch and other races of Equestria that were treated as second class citizens by the ponies (Changelings, Donkeys, Dragons, Zebras, Deers, etc.) also join the ranks of Overwatch. The idea was inspired by this pic:
s33.postimg.org/j7zzz6jqn/image.png
and these videos:

Civilization the game: I would like to see Gandhi scare the crap out of Xlestia idea inspired by the game and this:

EDIT: Hot Shots! Part Deux:

Futurama:

Well that all for now. But I might post some more suggestions later.

[Solo Wing of The Abyss]

100 Speech Checks beat all.

7380827 Nah, the Imperium would likely try to reclaim the planet via an Imperial Guard invasion. Slaughtering the ponies and retaking the planet in the Emperor's name.

[1eragon33]

Undertale three wordS Frisk, Flowey, and Resets think you can take it from there.

[A fat elephant]

How about Legend of the Galactic Heroes? Where Earth is just crazy cultists who would blow everything up to deny it from the equestrians. Then the Galactic Empire rolls in.

[mariic]

7414084 As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I'm working on right now.

[1eragon33]

7458567 nice but I have to ask Flavor-text Chara or no flavor-text Chara

[s1]

7458567 7458861
I can see Sans fight with Celestia being something like this:

Ponies like you don't play by the rules,
And guys like me,
it ain't easy to be played for fools,
So let's go, let the room get chiller...

Let's go, DIRTY HUMAN KILLER.