• Member Since 28th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen Mar 1st, 2017


Well, Im a shitty writer, I need practice. Lets begin with the stereotypes, and cliches and branch from there shall we? Boop.

Comments ( 20 )

I hate it when periods. Interrupt my sentences.

7327369 ah, too many? I write a lot of reports. I did use a ton and a half of commas.
But me. too. I really think. beginners. like me. need a seminar. or. something.


child by the name of Jordan Powell. Is sentenced to life in prison

no reason for a period to be there. :P

Comment posted by SatanSaysHello deleted Jun 29th, 2016

holy shit three likes. I feel better than I should.

How the hell is the paper not fully roten away, wind has to blow through this tower constantly, it should be nothing more than dust.

Rotten, not Roten

other than that, i look forward to future chapters!

7347750 That makes me feel really good! thanks.

Don't forget to capitalize the ponies' names. Almost every name that wasn't the first word in the sentence was not capitalized. other than that, great chapter and I am looking forward to more chapters!

WOHOOO! FIRST DISLIKE! Thats good! wish I could tell who disliked it so I could ask what about.

Comment posted by SatanSaysHello deleted Aug 13th, 2016

"Max Talbot"? That name sounds familiar. How'd you come up with it?

entire chapter is bold

Your summary was enough for me to take a look, and then I was promptly put off by the first chapter ENTIRELY in centered text. Why would you do this? It serves no literary purpose and is, for me at least, a literal eye-sore. And I'm not using literal to mean figurative; my eyes actually started hurting after the first paragraph.

I'm still intrigued by your summary, so if you could be so kind as to give the chapters a proper left justification I would be most glad to give this story a shot.

7542138 it is? I'm having many problems it seems, when I get the chance I shall fix this, and hopefully learn what keeps happening.

First of all, thank you for fixing the centering problem. Your writing is decent but the shift between first person and third person perspective is jarring. You might want to stick with one perspective per chapter, but if you do need a perspective shift, have it be more than one paragraph. My brain feels yo-yoed. At least you didn't switch tenses. I would have quit this story forever if you had.

I am still intrigued enough to read the rest of the story which is a rarity (no pun intended) for me. But the rest will have to wait when I'm not almost late for work.

You switched tenses... many times. And your story had such potential, too. Pity that.

7543247 well, I suppose I have to fix that now don't I?

Great story man! Keep up the good work!

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