Testing the Limits/ Anon Overload

by NightLord

Anon Overload

"Hey, it's getting late. I'm gonna go ahead and sign off."

"Bye."

After a long night of discussing your favorite show with like-minded individuals, you shut your laptop. Sleep deprived, you make your way to the bathroom, wanting to take a quick shower before bed. As you enter the shower, your thoughts are still on the newest episode of your favorite cartoon, My Little Pony. Pondering the characters you adore, you make a fleeting wish that you inhabited their magical world, rather than your parents' basement. You continue to stand in the shower, cleansing yourself and letting the warm water pelt your body, thinking no more about your wish, when a purple substance begins to ooze from the drain. Panicking, you attempt to move, but feel as if an invisible force is holding you in place. You notice that the substance is forming an oval shape, with a black hole in it's center. As it continues to enlarge, you feel yourself being pulled towards it. Being pulled into it. And that's when it hits you. The oval looks exactly like a por-

Your thoughts are cut off as you plummet through a vortex, instantly leaving your bathroom behind. Unable to catch your breath as hundreds of colors streak past, you begin to feel sick. Just when you begin to think you won't make it, your travel ends just as swiftly as it had begun. Falling back into the world, you realize the vortex had dropped you several feet feet from the ground. Hitting the ground, you notice with relief that you had landed in a patch of dirt, giving you a soft landing. Immediately, you get back on your feet and survey your surroundings. For what seems like miles you see an unending valley filled with trees. Apple trees.

A heavily accented voice comes from behind you. "Big Mac, we got another one! Don' stop comin', do they?"
Turning around, the first thing you notice is a bright red barn. Then, standing in front of it with a look of frustration on her face, you see a tan pony wearing a hat. Instantly, you know exactly where you are. Running towards the pony, arms outstretched, you begin to shout happily to her, "APPLEJACK! MARRY M-"

You never finish your sentence, mainly because you don't want to rush into anything with the first pony you see, and partially because Big Macintosh just tossed you into a sack and began dragging you. Trying to escape, you soon recognize the futility in doing such a thing, and decide to conserve your energy.

After a few minutes time, you are finally released from the bag, only to experience momentary relief before being shoved into a pit. Glancing around, you do a quick assessment. You are in a cubic pit that you estimate is about 15 feet deep, and surrounding you are... other humans. Shocked, you cautiously approach a man who looks to be about 30, and is leaning against a wall of the pit, etching ponies in the dirt with his fingers. You tap his shoulder, hoping to start a conversation with him, but he gives you a hostile look that causes you to back away from him. You look up and notice Applejack, standing at the edge of the pit, looking directly at you. Maybe she'll let you back out.
"Okay, so I don't normally do this, but we can't expect Twilight to come ev'ry time another one of you shows up. Basically, a bunch of you have been appearing all over Equestria, an' it's a problem. Even worse, some of you are dangerous, tryin' to assault ponyfolk like you did me. So now we're keepin' you in places like this, least 'till we can figure some other way to deal with ya. That's all, thanks fer listenin'."

Applejack is turning around now, presumably to get back to whatever work she was doing. But just as she's walking away, you can barely make out a conversation she's having with Big Mac.
"I ain't never seen one naked before!"

Author's Note:

I've never been a huge fan of HiE or writing in 2nd person, so when I got the idea for this story, I knew I had to write it.

I am so sorry.

EDIT: So in case it wasn't obvious, this story is a parody of HiE stories. Basically, I thought, what if all of the Human in Equestria fanfictions existed in the same canon? And then I just worked from there.

Comments

[HiddenMaster]

This chapter has the same problems as the first, along with a new one.

It just feels rushed, from beginning to end you are just racing along to get the joke-multiple humans in Equestria-and then some. Also, you paint some disturbing implications-usually fun when done well-without ever actually exploring it. Why does Applejack have a pit to dump humans? Are they all so badly behaved that she has no choice? Do they not even view the anons as intelligent?

So, because it is mildly funny, deserving of a like, but little more because it just doesn't feel like you fully developed either story.

[NightLord]

7326485
Thanks for the feedback!

It just feels rushed

Both stories were, indeed, a bit rushed. The Writeoff they were written for was a 24-hour period, and I ended up hastily typing out the first one in the food court of a mall. I have revised them both a bit, but I concede that they still both seem rushed.

As for the questions about Applejack's motives and the pit, I tried to explain that here:

Even worse, some of you are dangerous, tryin' to assault ponyfolk like you did me. So now we're keepin' you in places like this, least 'till we can figure some other way to deal with ya.