• Member Since 28th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 5th, 2016


sup, am a new ponyfic writernever really written anything before other than roleplaying which prolly countswell there's a bio for you


Twilight Sparkle has been keeping a secret from everypony out there: a small, minor detail that nopony would really give a second glance, but for the obsessive-compulsive unicorn, it's just another thing to worry about.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 65 )

1Hmm... that was interesting Lamia. Twilight has contacts... that's the first I've heard.

I give you a moustache on your creativeness :moustache: and another for an interesting fic :moustache:

That... was an experience. It pulled me in, almost as if the mirror locked me into a grueling stasis, constantly thrashing myself about my mind in an...
Oh wait. Now I'm doing it too. Anyway, that was one heck of a sentence. And the end fit perfectly. :twilightsmile:

My head hurt, when I finally finished it, but it was worth it. Great job! James Joyce would be proud. :raritywink:
Kept me at the edge of my seat for the build-up.

Dat run-on sentence lasting almost a whole paper.


hmmm dat was INTERNETING

EDIT: Wow, it really was a giant run-on sentence, I bet that was the point. People are stupid not to read it just because of the format. Liked it though.

P.S Keep up the good work on Diary of a Ruler :3 I guess you finished it, need to read the last 2 chapters.

I believe that is a run-on sentence. Not sure though. Can we get some grammar experts in here to confirm?

I would've read it, but it was too wall-o-text.

There's a thing called a paragraph, have you heard of it? o.O

No I didn't read it. I don't want a headache.

the fact it was an entire paragraph made me just skip to the comment section to tell you its a paragraph...not interesting to read a paragraph...hats off to you for the idea though that was pretty creative. maybe seperate the suff a bit and it would be perfect.




You know, I was afraid to read this at first, and I put it off for a day, but when I actually did get around to reading it, I found myself not having any problems doing so at all. It was interesting and it kept mine, for sure.

And that ending was out of left field for me. I like it.

I... I don't understand...

Damn. Worlds longest sentence.:trollestia:

This is why I love fan fiction. Nopony would ever take this seriously as a regular short, but we can be experimental here and write a thousand-word sentence.

not quite, but studying them unlocked the secret to making them without them being a run-on
which technically this fic's sentence is not, afaik

i tried to read this, i really did, but the wall-o text got to me.. couldn't finish it.
Please use paragraphs, and i'll gladly read it.

you can't indent in the middle of a sentence

That was interesting, though not necessarily an easy read - I'm aware of your stylistic intent, but it's kind of a costly trade off.

Works for a one shot I guess.

I just checked. the worlds longest sentence is 1,288 words (guinness book of records) officially. However, unofficially, the longest sentence is 469,856 words.

I implore you, cease and desist from corresponding your interpretations in comparably aboundingly verbose and superfluous, which is to say unwanted, exorbitant and redundant, affectation, which is to say peculiarity, idiosyncrasy, demeanor or mannerism.

Need breath.....that's what periods are for! :trollestia:

Grammatically correct and nifty. I like experimentalism, particularly when used effectively to paint a mood or image, as was done here.

Congrats, you're the first person I've ever seen to pull off a thousand word sentence. Ever.

Damn.....I love this and was laughing hard at the ending and you are a bucking genius with having so much words of....I guess I could say speech but I'm a very bad speller so I don't know how to say the real word, I liked it, even though I know that it could have had a period and seprate words.....yeah.

This falls slightly short of the 1288-word sentence in Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! that Guinness once cited as the longest in the language, to say nothing of James Joyce. On the other hoof, none of us are quite Faulkner or Joyce, and I don't think I want either of them trying to write about Twilight Sparkle.

Well done.

its good, I hate reading a wall of text but I liked it

Your choice of style is interesting, but it also made it rather difficult to understand... Though I tried to just start at the beginning and read it through, I found myself skimming over it and picking out the phrases that seemed important, something I usually avoid doing.

If you scroll though it at the right speed, the words ripple. It's really trippy.

I don't care if they're not proper paragraphs, BUT PLEASE BREAK IT UP! Make it two sentences and break those up.

A story of slight imperfection becoming a psychological trip. Well done.

So she hides the color of her eyes? Is that what I'm getting? Odd, but if that's what she wants.
That must be the longest sentence I have ever read...and it surprisingly flowed very well. Kudos on this.:twilightsmile:

I tried to read this. Honestly, I did. As is, however, I'm just going to give it an uprating in passing, put an ice pack over my eyes, and never look at this again.

781744 so much text for...... two contacts.

782081 ....You make a valid point dear sir, even though I have no idea what it is :derpytongue2: No wait...I got the joke now Hahahahahahahaahah...nice one....*facehoof*

Stream of consciousness and paranoid delusions come to mind while reading this. I do suppose that was the plan and if so good job. All the same though, the overly flowery language along with the giant wall of text sentence is filled with a bit of redundancy I think.

Good grief. It's that Mojo Jojo language episode all over again.

I feel ashamed that I gave up reading the first sentence about a few lines down and skipped to the second sentence.
I get the impression that you wrote the first sentence fairly artistically.
My eyes don't feel good when reading walls of text. Sorry.

I gotta agree, the whole wall of text thing doesn't help. There's a reason spacing out paragraphs is standard writing practice - it's just easier to follow.

782280 that was a joke, son, I was poking fun at the fic.

So when she was a filly her parents made her wear contacts?

*puts on "Watch Later*

Please spread this out into paragraphs so it doesnt hurt my eyes to read. I'm deadly serious, it strains my eyes badly, and I'm actually forbidden at the moment from eye strain.

I'm not sure, but are her eyes two different colors and it bugs her? And that's what she's hiding? It was a bit confusing.

782482 Yeah, the picture seems to imply she has hetero-chromatic eyes, although she does say "they're both in". But Twilight doesn't seem like she'd be one to fret over having like brown eyes.

like I said above, you can't indent in the middle of a sentence

782482 782600
this is the difference between showing and telling.
spoiler: she has red eyes, both of them obviously, the story starts with her having one in

Twilight wears contacts/changes her eye color to please her OCD? :trixieshiftleft: I like this. :trixieshiftright:

Nice idea, well executed. Don't ever make me read something like this again.
I'll look at the horizon and clouds now, just to relax my eyes. :facehoof:

783029 Wow and she worries about her friends finding out about THAT, well I guess I can't argue with her on that. :twilightoops:

My head hurts... the biggest run-on sentence I have ever seen...

it's not a run-on sentence

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