Spike has yearned to be with Rarity since he moved to Ponyville. Whether for the sake of propriety, or for more personal reasons, she's always held herself back. But one day, she takes his heart in her hoof, and his world changes.
Now if only he could shake the nagging sense that something isn't right...
This story was expanded from its original appearance as a finalist in the June 2016 Writeoff ("In Over Your Head") with the assistance of Moosetasm and Icenrose!
Featured on FimFiction 21Jun.2016 
Chapters (1)
This should've been way longer.
Wow.
Just wow.
That was a trip all on its own, but Poor Spike. Holy heck. Please tell me that there will be a sequel. I feel like we are missing much of the effort from the girls and I would have loved to see their reactions to what happened to Spike. Especially from Twilight and Rarity. Its a marvelous concept, and the writing was strong. I hope to see more!
Surprise CoffeeFic out of nowhere!
Wow, that was really dark, great job! Though I feel as if this could be more elaborated. Perhaps you could make it longer.
Wow
That was something. I hope there's a sequel
I want to know more
7321453
Pretty much this!
I would love to see this expanded upon!
You can't have a nightmare...
If you never dream.
The only defect I find is that it is too short.
7323006 I second that motion
This reminds me of something that I can't quite place. It's well done especially for a shorter story. It's got enough detail and explains what's happening aptly.
I can understand what Spike is going through as far as not wanting to see anyone. It's not just a question of what occurred but sometimes after you've gone through something emotional like that the last folks you want to see are those who remind you of what happened.
Could the story have been longer? Sure. It could have been much long and even possibly pulled from certain older Weird Tales type stories. That said however, as it stands it's a neat little tale that was good fun to read from start to finish.
An interesting insight into hopelessness and depression.
I like it.
Nicely done, dude!
I like the changes you made!
But... Rarity just called them girls... masseuse is the word... isn't it?
As for the story itself... It's a changeling in all but name. I can't help but feel like the only reason this isn't a changeling story is because that's the obvious conclusion to draw from the setup. Also, because of the whole 'only in your dreams' thing you can do much more hamfistedly when it's an actual dream.
It's well-written. On a technical level, it's a sound piece. As for the actual substance, the best I can say is that there isn't any.
7322955
Nice detail in making the spoiler blockers look like an equal sign
Sequel?
7321444 Totally!
More detail and story would be great appreciated.
Good job!
Ok, there needs to be an aftermath to this story.
Nice. A quick and stabby one shot, though begging for follow up in the minds of many. Would sit well as a prologue to a more extended work.
All in all, an enjoyable jaunt. Would go again.
I found this months ago, but never commented on it, and rediscovered it while going through the Writeoff Association's archives.
The two halves feel rather disconnected. I know the second part was an addition to your Writeoff draft based on the critiques you got, but as an epilogue, it feels grafted on to the story, rather than like a natural part of it. Like there's a middle here that's still missing, something between "nightmare creature dream-rapes Spike" and "Luna consoles Spike after dream-rape."
I still like it a lot, don't get me wrong. I just don't like that the conflict is resolved offscreen.
7648414 Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this old thing!
And I agree; having that missing piece fleshed-out would tie the two parts of the story together more strongly.
I don't know if I could write that part here, though. This story reflects some dark and personal things for me that make it hard to step back and envision that part. Like I can write the part of the story where something terrible happens, because people have shared some messed up stuff with me; and I can write the consolation based on having seen and done some of that. The part in the middle is a mystery for me, though. Actually being there when the worst happens to someone, and being a first responder for their shattered life... I would want to do real justice to that if I was going to try to write something like it.
But still, I appreciate the feedback! And clearly I should do more outreach work, both so that I know what that kind of experience looks like, and for the sake of making a more tangible difference in people's lives.
7666577 Huh, I didn't realize that this came from someplace personal. I can respect that. Still... even something little, like hearing Luna's voice before the scene cuts out, I think, would have made the transition work out better.
I just realized that I didn't fave this. Correcting that now.
Interesting. I don't really get that part at the end though with Luna.
Anyways, I read this before and I left a like the last time. Can't like it again. What a shame.
7671635 Thank you.
Maybe I could be persuaded to go back and work on that transition. I suppose I can see that it's a pretty hard separation between the two parts. Also... thinking much more selfishly... I see this is only ~400 words away from the Equestria Daily minimum word count. I don't know if there's that much more to the story, but maybe I'll have to poke at it and see.
7691769 Thank you as well! There were a few things that influenced the ending scene for me. Hopefully it's not too much of a stretch to suggest that what happened to Spike has certain parallels with sexual violence. As such, I wanted to give it the ending I did because... well, I don't just want to leave poor Spike where he was at the scene break. But I also wanted to show the feelings of guilt that a victim can go through, and I wanted to try to capture the feeling of impotence that friends or family who want to help can face. Because this really isn't the sort of thing with quick or easy resolution; it takes pain, and time, and no shortage of suffering, to learn to cope with.
TBH, I see this as the darkest story I've ever written, and it still baffles me that people responded as positively to it as they have.
7692134 People like dark stories.
7692159 I guess they must!
Sometimes I wish I had a better sense of what people like. Though I suppose what kind of artist would I be if I wrote things to cater to that, instead of going with my own forms of high-art experimentation? 
As with most horror these days, the explanation is terribly anticlimactic and out of left field.
The horror comes from the unknown. The best horror writers know how to grant a reveal that actually explains nothing at all and leaves the viewer feeling a sense of lingering malaise and discomfort for days afterward.
Well, at least it's not "The Bye Bye Man". How such garbage gets made is unfathomable. That people pay to see it is more disturbing than the movie itself.
Poor Spike. I wonder what Rarity is making of this, if you are ever thinking of a follow up that might be where to focus, but I'm only speculating.
Good Story. Short, so it had to get to the point, but it works. If you ever try this genre again a longer story (even if it's still a one shot) should allow you to stretch out the suspensefulness. But again, just speculating, in the end you have to write them as you think best...
I certainly enjoyed this, and not having it be a changeling was refreshing.
I feel as bad for Rarity as I do for Spike. Imagine knowing your friend saw your face, heard your voice, and felt what he thought was your touch as he was attacked. Even if she only thinks of him as a good friend, and nothing more, that’s got to be hard.
I wonder if this puts pressure on her to take their friendship to the next level?
You can has review!