- Member Since 21st May, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
ArcTech_KO
A guy who might write some stories in the future and likes to comment on other people's stories too. And yes, there will be no random blunt hate. (Retired from Writing on here, just viewing)
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Pretty sure Thunderhead was very critically damaged in the battle for Shadowbolt Tower.
7323909 It was damaged, but it was likely still repairable, and I doubt that the local pegasi population would willingly move to a different city, especially with them being rivals/enemies AND the civil war that started after littlepip started her duty at the S.P.P. My guess (and self-canon for my story, I suppose) is that since Thunderhead was the 2nd most influential city/faction in the Enclave (with only Neighvarro being ahead), the other rebelling pegasi rallied around Thunderhead (or at least became allied with it) and helped rebuild it into a sort of capital. While it may have lost shadowbolt tower, it was not only relatively wealthy, but also had a symbollic value, since it was closer to the freedom and society that was from before the balefire bombs fell.
7324255 Kudos for doing your homework. Not many people can put so much thought into what really amounts to a reference in the story. My only critique is there isn't enough horrid Gawd puns.
So original and all that "serious writer" atitude just make it even less interesting.
Why not going with all your own stuff, rather than just taking someone's else OC and completely boring setup?
7325603 While I will continue to use littlepip and other 'already used' characters and events in the story, there are going to be some original characters and plans for further into the story.
7325662 It still would look like "how I want to use characters of other people".
This looks promising... Chapter is a bit short, but its promising.
7327307 They'll likely stay at about this length, but I'll try to make them a bit longer in the future!
More.
7327328 'nuff said.
7335527 You want to see another chapter as well?
7338827 Luckily chapter 3 is nearly finished, and I hope to get most of Chapter 4 done within the next few days.
7339986 Good.
To many weapons. Just feels stupid to me.
Littlepip just ran into the CMC... this should be interesting, and maybe a little awkward... in other words, this'll be fun.
Good fanfic so far, I'll keep an eye on this.
7340806 Littlepip had lots of weapons in Fallout: Equestria too. Maybe not this ammount, but still pretty close. Besides, it's not like she's going to get a chance to get some new ones anytime soon
7340836 Yeah I guess your right just don't use so many in one fight and it should even out. Oh and remember she's a master of telekinesis she doesn't always need a conventional weapon.
7340902 That is true! Guess I should've used that ability a bit more in the fight against the timberwolves
. Oh well, there'll be plenty of other opportunities later on I supose.
as much as interesting this is presuming your not going to incorporate other great side fics like Project Horizons or Heroes. my advice try to avoid using brackets, bold words and enlarged words as well.
7341204 I'll probably make a couple more references or appearances related to project horizons (and maybe Heroes as well once I read it). As for the brackets, bold, and enlarged words, I'll make sure to try to minimize those to titles or VERY big actions, like a dragon's roar or something similar.
well i find this chapter rather disappointing even though Pip is a wasteland veteran you made the fight kinda childish with parts like when pip was sent flying and she slowed herself down at the last minute.
7340962 also her S.A.T.S basically stops time, to place perfect shots.
7341552 Damn, I'm forgetting all of her abilities, aren't I
7341623 stealth buck, self levitation, also she is super stealthy even without her stealth buck, blood magic, she can lift entire walls very easily even before she had amazing telekinesis she lifted a boxcar to drop it on an alicorn, (no point in pre war equestria) radiation heals her, allowing her to regrow limbs.
Edit: she can fly for long periods of time, granted she has rested well.
7341623 oh yeah! Her eyes forward sparkle! Keeps track of enemies through anything. She has the broken megaphone disk so she can use it as last ditch effort to escape something, but it will kill anything if it listened to it for longer than a few seconds.
7341623 also she has a dart gun with darts laced with aesthetic.
7341726 Thanks for reminding me of all of her abilities and weapons!
I admit, I'm curious to see how this goes and how Littlepip reacts to seeing the Mane Six, keep it up.
You forgot to mention the burn on littlepips cutie mark in the Doctors notes.
I wait to see applejacks reaction to little Mac.
A couple of things:
First, when writing anything, always use the word format of numbers. Always. Leave the numeral version for the mathematics.
Second, you swapped between past and present tense at some point of the story. Also, it's not "me and Gawd," it's "Gawd and I."
Hope this helps. Other than that it was pretty good.
Alright! So here's what we have so far...
The premise is interesting, and fairly enjoyable. However the biggest snag with this story(I feel) is a lack of proper editorial work.
If you can get yourself an editor, I believe you got yourself an amazing story.
7359231 I'll think about it, thanks for the suggestion. Also, thanks for the grammar corrections
More. And when will they find out that Littlepip is from what could possibly be the Ashlands Timeline?
7370690 That'll probably come much later
7370828 Wouldn't Pinky Pie just "guess" that she's from another world and cause Littlepip to shout: "WHAT?!?! HOW DID YOU-" before Pinky just says that she took a good guess?
7370913 That could be true, but if it does happen, then I'll probably just make it either a private conversation or do it in a way that won't immediately let them know the truth.
7370690 Although, now that I think about it. While most ponies won't know until later, I think a certain moon princess will find out some of the truth very soon.
7371069 Pinkie usually "guesses" things like that when the others are around. And is Starlight Glimmer going to be introduced to Littlepip?
7371073 I thing that you're right. Very, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY VERY, soon.
7372411 I don't think my story will even go that far. It says in the story description that this happens in season 2 and I don't think I can keep the story going for that long
7372638 Keep trying, I want Littlepip to see Twilight Sparkle's ascension to alicornhood, her new castle, and the reforming and befriending of Starlight Glimmer. (Littlepip doesn't have to go on every adventure that the mane six go on)
7372674 At most it'll probably go up to Twilight's becoming an alicorn. I don't intend for the story to go that long, although it is still possible
7372721 Try to make a sequel when you're done with this one if you can. (Maybe have Littlepip's friends somehow show up)
7372721 ok, of course if you can make a sequel after your done I would suggest that you do so. Also, what about if Littlepip's friends somehow show up in Equestria (even if they're resurrected) and/or Blackjack and all of her friends (also resurrected if they died) or Murky and his friends, (Brimstone turned back to a normal pony, instead of a ghoul) or Puppysmiles and her rock of destiny. (Maud would introduce it to Boulder) or... Well... Any group from the well known FO:E fics. If at all possible. (You could put a character list in the description if you bring in a lot and even if it's just Littlepip's friends, it would make for an interesting read.)
7372810 I might at some point include Blackjack into this, I've already mentioned Project horizons after all. But besides that, I don't think I'm going to include any other sidefics
7372837 Aww I was hoping for the map to go crazy and dump out a large bunch of ponies from various side fics. (Because what's left of Starlight's spell is still messing with it and needs to be removed from it's system) And the reaction to it would be hilarious!
Why hasn't the next chapter been posted?
7392606 Between working on a new short story and trying to do some work for a fanart contest, I haven't gotten much of a chance to work on the next chapter for this. Although I definitly will work on the next chapter for LP once I'm finished typing up the next chapter for 'Chara's new home'.
7393361 Okay
Can't wait for the next!