• Member Since 1st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen June 21st

leonthabrony


Just a writer k

Comments ( 68 )

Commando's always were a pain in the butt to deal with.

Here's Wishing we could invite Gordon Freeman(HLTM), this character is sufficient enough.

Hay leon, if your doing the same universe, the ponies aren't anthro. They're quadrupedal.

7321747 It's a spin off so they can be in any form really

7321923 Alright, but if that is so can you at least change.

This story is set in the Your Human and You Universe created by MadMaxtheBlack

to

This story is set in a universe similar to the "Your Human and You Universe" created by MadMaxtheBlack

Because it cannot be set in the exact same universe if one of the major details such as the main characters being anthro instead of sapient quadrupeds.

I was a little hesistant to read this at first but it trued out the be hilarious, although I don't think it was for the reason you intended.

I tried to take the gun off of it with my magic

How does she know what a gun is?
I tried to take its weapon away with my magic...

Interesting, I'm wondering if Conrad will be able to speak or communicate some way.

7F

I guess he Gone to your favorite horse town, contact and engaging the gangs and somehow get reinforcement of two super horses, somehow he get hit of either sleep spell or neutralizing spell, sent to horse capital castle then trying to escape same castle, somehow be budy super horse shit and get tricked end up fighting for them but i hope you author will somehow avoiding typical displaced plot shit. Somehow.. I hope.

7330536 I'll make sure to avoid any generic plot points as much as I can. I do want this story to become unique after all!

The dudes only 4ft tall? Is he a dwarf?

Just lovely, all the chaos he can create. Surely the six mares from Ponyville might try to stop him, OH the endless possibilities!!
But enough theory crafting, I decided to add this story to my collection.
I'm sure you will not disappoint.

-The Library.

7331889 He's 6ft tall it's just that the ponies in this universe are tall af

7331889 O crap just noticed what you meant lol

she seemed to be about 6,2ft tall which was about 2 feet taller than me

I'll edit it :twilightsheepish:

7331889 Ironhills catapult ready to dwarf.
i will give you a hug if you know what just said is from.

Nice start to a beautiful relationship, Conrad x Luna.:rainbowkiss: Fav and Following.

We will see how your guards will fare Celestia.:trixieshiftright:

And then Conrad meets Luna again, pleasant dreams~.:rainbowwild:

panty raid..... You sir need to get laid fast.

Considering this is your second story, this is well written, with very little grammatical errors. It is however choppy. Try reading what you write out loud, and you will see what I mean by choppy. There are places comma's would help improve the flow, and a thesaurus would be a good investment of time (If my physical copy is out of reach I access Google), as it will make your story seem that much better.

Emotion is good, but when you over do it or don't do it well enough, it seems bland, like eating hot cereal without butter added in. You had Luna start hyperventilating as she was explaining her encounter with Conrad, and she soon broke down into tears as soon as the words started to leave her mouth (or muzzle, as she is anthro I suppose).
ex- I sat down at the table, my legs feeling weak as tremors ran throughout my body. My breathing hitched as I remembered the pain from the strange creatures weapon, and a few tears leaked from my eyes as I looked towards my sister, her gaze exhibiting concern and worry as she reached across the table and ran her hand over my own comfortingly. It was then the tears started to flow in Earnest...
----Just a short example on how you can make it flow better or to come across smoother.

I'm not an expert on writing or grammar, and my stories need work as well, but if you want, I can give advice or pointers...

Overall, this was still a good read. I will Fav it and read a few more chapters as they come out. From there I will see if I will follow it then-after. (I tend to stay near stories with 3k+ words per chapter... though sometimes reading a 30k chapter in 1 sitting is hard.)

For everyone else, Just a quick tidbit. For an author, sure seeing that others like the story is a motivational booster, but that is a temporary thing. I can't speak for all authors, but I know quite a few enjoy hearing WHAT people like and what they want to see more of. 100 comments of ''MOAR'' or ''AMAZING, HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER'' don't even compare to the feeling of reading a long well thought out review of their story. What I left in the comment below doesn't count, as that isn't what I am talking about. Actual Constructive Criticism or even discussion on the content is what will be desired later on...

7319075 I see a Nod player....

"DOWN WITH NOD!!!"
:D

>>> See's this is a Command & Conquer
>>> Decides 'Fuck it, why not?'.
>>> Ohmygod.jpeg
>>> Clicks 'Favorite' and 'Like' button with the fury of Celestias' holy sun
Because meh, why not? :trollestia:

7341400 Let's hit his ass up with an ION cannon!!!!! :flutterrage:

I don't know why but his helmet on the cover image reminds me of doom guys helmet is it strange if I think this

Well they both got lucky fast. Seems they both have been on a dry spell with Ms. Lefty and Mrs. Righty.:trollestia:

Is the GDI gonna get involved? Also great chapter cant wait for the next one :rainbowdetermined2:

"We're going to have some 'fun'." She cooed to me 'I have the most confused boner right now' I gulp loudly.
Author's Note:
Clop Inbound :pinkiegasp:

i.ytimg.com/vi/OGAu_DeKckI/hqdefault.jpg

Clop Inbound

[PROTOCOL: DRY SEASON= INITIATING]
[...]
[50% OPERATIONAL]
[...]
[100% OPERATIONAL]
[ANALYZING TISSUE RESERVES]
[ANALYZING LUBRICANTS]
[ANALYZING LONELINESS]
[ANALYSIS COMPLETE. PROTOCOL READY. STANDING BY FOR CLOP.EXE]

So... Question, how the hell can she pick up a GDI soldier in full gear/combat armour?

I too have the most confusing boner right now

when I saw clop inbound my mind went into a crazy mess so *draws a sword* onwards to the clop and next chapter

That last sentence cracked me up. :rainbowlaugh:

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