Chapter 1: A special day
Initiating log protocols
Name: Prototype Aegis
Status: Asleep and recharging
Recharge percentage: 98%
Internal clock: 0300 hours
Wake up time: 0500 hours.
Location: U.S. Army base Heritage
Directives:
1. Protect and serve your country
2. Never talk back to a commanding officer
3. If captured by enemies, initiate self destruct protocols
4. Never give up
Internal log complete, re-initialising sleep mode
2 hours later
Initiating wake up sequence
There was a sound of gears turning and an engine starting. A dark green metal tank that was in one corner of the room started up. A pair of dark blue eyes opened up in the middle of the tank. The strange tank drove to the middle of the room and transformed. The barrel slid back down onto the back and faced backwards, the treads split apart and formed the back legs of an equine just as the front legs popped up, and the front raised open to reveal a female equine face with a dark green mane. The tank pony looks around the room, before yawning and stretching.
"Ugh, how I hate mornings." She mutters as she shakes her head. As she walks to the bathroom, the sound of her metal hooves rang throughout the room. As she used her room's bathroom, she got rid of any unwanted waste, combed her mane and tail, and checked her systems for anything wrong. Once she got the all green, she smiled. Just as she walks out of the bathroom, there was a knock on her door. She looks at it with confusion.
"I wonder who that could be?" She asked. She came to her rooms door and opened it. She sees a man in his thirties with a short brown hair and a fair complexion. She recognized the person and smiled.
"Oh! Morning Daniel!" She said happily.
"Morning Aegis." Daniel said. "How are you doing?" He asked. Aegis yawns.
"Tired." She joked. Daniel laughs at that.
"Yea, but that's what you get when your built to be a soldier." He chuckles. Aegis rolls her eyes in response.
"I know that, but still." She said. Daniel smiles and boops her on the head lightly.
"Come, let's get some breakfast." He said. Aegis smiles at that and nods.
"Okay. I have been feeling a little famished. " She said.
"Well ya, you just woke up." He said. Aegis laughs.
"I know." She said.
"Well, let's get some breakfast then." Daniel said. Aegis nods in agreement.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea." She said. She edits her room and looks back, making sure she has everything. Her eyes laid on another tank, but this one was half her size and cuter looking. She frowns at the sight at it.
"What are you looking at?" Daniel asked. He looks at what she was looking at and sees the mini tank.
"You're still mad about that April fools joke a few months ago?" He said. Aegis nods and looks at him.
"I still can't believe you guys transferred my mind into a filly version of myself as a joke." She said.
"But you were very adorable though. Hell, you made the general smile." He said.
"That is true, I never seen the general smile before." Aegis added. She closes the door behind her and walks with Daniel.
"So, what's for breakfast?" She asked.
"Well, it's biscuits and gravy today. But you know how they taste." He said.
"Yea, but hey, food is food." She said as they turned a corner. Daniel nods in agreement. They talked for a few minutes, then come into a room filled with people sitting at tables, eating food and chatting. Aegis yawns as she stands in line. Daniel chuckles and rubs her mane.
"Tired much?" He said. Aegis looks at him.
"You know I'm not much of a morning pony. But, that's what I get for being built to be a soldier." She said. Daniel shrugs.
"Weird. People building robot pony soldiers. It's cute." He said as he continues to stroke her mane. Aegis laughs slightly.
"I still can't believe that some of the scientists who built me were bronies from a little girls TV show from many years ago." She said.
"Do...you mind me petting your mane?" He asked. Aegis smiles and sighs.
"It feels really nice." She said happily.
"Alright," He smiles as they move up the line, gently running is fingers through the hairs. "Robots have come quite far. Just look at you. A talking, pony! A soldier at that! W-with emotions and everything! I know it's just codes and programming, but it's like...you're a living thing!" He said. Aegis leans into Daniel's hand.
"I'm actually glad you stayed with me after I was made." She said. Daniel blushes.
"Heh...I like you, Aegis. We're like best buds! I can't leave you." He said. He kneels down and pulls her into a gentle hug. "To be honest, I don't see you as a robot. I see you as your usual fantasy talking pony that's become real!" He said happily. Aegis smiles and lays her head against Daniel.
"Thank you." She said. She suddenly heard some snickering and a whistle. Daniel wishes he could just tell her how he really feels.
"N-no p-problem!" He stammered, blushing more.
"Get a room!" A random soldier yelled, causing everyone to laugh. Aegis blushes at those words.
"Let's get some food, alright?" He asked. Aegis nods quite quickly and stands back in line. Daniel puts his hands in his pockets and sighs, hardly looking at Aegis now. It's soon Aegis's turn next to grab some food. She looks at the cook.
"Morning Maria." She said.
"Oh, Hi, Sweetie! Having a good morning?" Maria asked. Daniel accidentally bumps into Aegis. She looks at Daniel with a slight look, before looking back at Maria.
"I'm doing good, just tired, you know, the usual." She said.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Maria said, shrugging and gives Aegis her tray of food. "Enjoy!" She said. Daniel seems to be gazing into outer space, his eyes on the floor. Aegis takes the tray and smiles.
"Thank you!" She said. She looks over at Daniel. "You coming?" She asked. Daniel snaps out of his stupor.
"Wah?" He asked, looking down at Aegis. "Yeah, yeah...lead the way." He said. Aegis tilts her head, then shrugs and walks towards the nearest table. Daniel follows and sits on the opposite side of the table, where he normally sits next to her. He stared at his hands, fumbling his fingers.
"Daniel, is something wrong?" She asked. He looked at her, her face sincere, her large eyes gazing upon him. He loved that mare. It made him feel silly in a way. In love with a machine? After all, nobody else seemed to care for him as much as her, but it was simply part of her programming. Daniel sighed.
"It's...hard to explain...you wouldn't want to know, anyway." He said. Aegis was about to say something, when someone walked in.
"Commander on deck!" A soldier yelled. Daniel looks down. Aegis quickly gets up with everyone else and salutes. Daniel follows suit.
"At ease." The commander said. Daniel sits back down.
"Aegis..." He mutters to himself. Aegis stands at attention like everyone else.
"Listen up everyone. We have just received word that Germany has decided to invade France and Russia. Just like what they tried doing back in World War two." The commander said.
"Oh, great." Daniel mumbles. "This world is going to shit. Why should we even care what's going on with those countries?" Daniel mumbles quietly. The commander glares at Daniel.
"Do you have something to say, lieutenant Daniels?" He asked.
"N-no sir." Daniel said. But he did have something to say. Something to confess to a certain pony.
"Good. Now listen up everyone! You're being deployed near the borders of Russia! Drive back the Nazis, if Russia falls, we lose one of our major weapons manufacturer. Do not let them take Russia! You got that!" The commander yells.
"Great. More frickin drama." Daniel said as he thunked his head down onto the table.
"Your being deployed in one hour, so get ready!" The commander yells. Aegis and all of the other soldiers, except Daniel, salute.
"Sir!" They yell. Daniel worridly looks over to the mare across the table. He feared for her. What if she got shot? Malfunctioned? He was scared for her. He loved her, yet hated himself for it. He was at war with himself. He just wanted to tell her the truth. He reached out and took hold of her other hoof in one hand. Aegis looks at Daniel with confusion as she notices that he was holding her hoof and notices his face.
"What's wrong Daniel?" She asked. He stares at her hoof for a moment, looking at detail in the limb. Shiny silver metal, nuts and screws holding it altogether. Despite her being a robot, he loved her. Again he sighed, then got up and began walking towards the exit, hands in his pockets. Aegis stares at him.
"Daniel..." She whispered. Daniel stands outside the cafeteria.
"Why can't I just tell her?!" He growls at himself. Aegis stares off into space, before shaking her head and walks out of the cafeteria, hurrying to get ready. Daniel was sitting against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. Aegis runs past Daniel as she heads back to her room. Daniel watches her run off until she's out of sight. He sighed heavily before heading to her room as well. Aegis enters her room and gets ready. She grabs her first aid pack, extra rations, made sure her mini version is put away, etc.
"Aegis." Daniel said as he stood in her rooms doorway. Aegis looks over at Daniel and her irises spin. She smiles.
"Oh hey Daniel, just getting ready." She said.
''Aegis...we're friends, right?" He asked. Aegis nods.
"Of course we are friends. You've been with me since I was made. Why do you ask?" She asked.
"Well...its just..." He stammered. He kneels down in front of her, gazing into her eyes, remembering all the special times they've had. He cups a hand over her right cheek. "You're such a beautiful mare...I...it's..." He said. He drops his hand and looks down. Aegis is slightly confused.
"It's, what?" She asked. Daniel sighs heavily, taking one of her metal hooves into his hands.
"I...for a while now...well...since you were made...I just had this feeling that kept getting stronger. Everyday." He said. He looks down again. "I'm at war with myself over this...I...l-love you..." He said. He stares down at her hoof in his hand. Aegis is surprised.
"W-what?" She stammered.
"I know, it's silly, right? Falling in love with a robot...but I don't want to believe you're just a robot! I love you, Aegis! Okay?" He asked. A smile slowly forms on Aegis's face and she hugs Daniel. His breathing becomes choppy as he holds her tight.
"I don't want anybody or anypony...but you..." He said.
"Thank you." She said. Being only as tall as his waist, she was small compared to him and Daniel held her on her back across his arms, keeping her close.
"I love you..." He whispers softly. Aegis smiles widely. She was about to say something when a soldier stopped by.
"Come on love birds, save the lovey dovy crap until after the battle." The soldier said.
"Do I know you?" Daniels asks, standing, carrying the robot equine in his arms. "No, I don't. Therefore your statement is irrelevant to me. You should be minding your own business, anyway! So get lost!" He yells. The soldier jumps and runs off.
"Come, we shouldn't let the commander wait." Aegis said.
"Alright...I assume you want me to put you down?" He asked. Aegis looks down and notices that Daniel's legs were straining to hold her up.
"If you want to. I don't want to hurt your legs, which they seem to be struggling." She said.
"I'm fine. I was just getting up." Daniel said. As he comes to fully stand, holds her just fine. "Does this mean...you love me too?" He asked. Aegis nods.
"When I'm near you, I fell happy, I feel safe, like nothing will hurt me." She said.
"I won't let anything even scratch your shiny paint job." He said. He smiled and kissed her cheek, walking out of the room. Aegis smiles as they walk.
"I love you, Aegis." Daniel said. Aegis sighs happily.
"Same here." She said.
TO BE CONTINUED
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Interesting premise, though I would recommend getting an editor to clean it up. I'll stick around for now, though.
7410151 will do, and tanks.
7410156
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10430_medium.jpg
7410410 tse4.explicit.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M13e1d17e82e2c9ab988c4ad1fc8277b0o1&w=178&h=178&c=7&rs=1&qlt=90&o=4&pid=1.1
7410424
I have a joke for you so this guy was walking down the street when he saw another guy with his head on an anvil he went up to him and asked why do you have your head on an anvil and he replied shhh I'm listening to heavy metal
7410449 tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M800edefd573f836798564a97da583d91o0&w=252&h=188&c=7&rs=1&qlt=90&o=4&pid=1.1
7410156 My suggestion would be to type 'editor' into the search bar in Groups to find the groups dedicated to gathering editors.
TL;DR: I like the premise, but the execution is kind of lopsided and missing some key details.
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commanding
feels a bit odd, doesn't really roll off the tongue too well.
there
once again, doesn't really roll off the tongue too well.
room's
and
could probably be one sentence
the word prototype feels a bit tacked on, like it doesn't need to be there.
this would flow better if it looked like this:
TV would probably be a better way of putting it down.
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Overall, a nice idea. But trust me. This is going to be hell to write for you, because you're going to have to do a fuckton of world building to explain all this.
The weirdest thing in my opinion is how Aegis works, how she functions. it just comes off as, well, odd. for one, eating? Why does she (apparently) need do that if she is by all rights, a living tank? That seems unnecessary, because if she truly was built to be a soldier then by all rights she shouldn't need to eat. It's not practical, because they'd have to bring more food on missions. Which can become rather expensive.
Another thing that bugs me is the emotions and free-will, honestly if I was someone in the military developing this then I wouldn't want my hyper advanced war machine to have free-will, or feel emotions. Because if you do that then suddenly it becomes capable of rebelling and sharing its secrets with the enemies, safety protocols be damned. After all, why self destruct when the "enemies" suddenly became your allies?
I do understand that if it has free-will it can make tactical decisions on the fly, which is something vital in warfare, but even then, the emotions may prevent it from carrying out a task that could benefit the country.
I guess my main issue is that she has the ability to question. What if she starts questioning if fighting for America is the right choice? Any military R&D fellow wouldn't let that happen, it'd be too dangerous.
One final thing. The whole "love" bit feels tacked on, it really doesn't need to exist.
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still tracking it tho.
7410471
you're so good at finding the errors, they're looking for an editor why don't you be it
7410471
also the ones who created her were bronys I can't imagine a brony that was able to do that and wouldn't to give them emotions
7410471 thanks for pointing those out, I fixed most of them, some I may need help with, but overall, tank you.
7410484 it all depends on what the author is using (most likely G-Docs), and when they want it edited. I do have a fair bit of free time, which would make it a lot easier on both of us.
so, maybe.
7410540 okay, but if you want to, then tell me.
7410494 I will accept your counter-point as valid and think on it. For how long, who knows?
This story seems like it will be good, and I can't wait to read more of it.
7410727 Thank you
*Reads description, sees picture*
OOH, a ponified-version of a Land Striker
Okay, I'm in
7411792 lol
Meh, wished there was more action, or fighting, or portals, or fighting and portals and less mushy mush. Will keep on the read it later list for now.
7411860 oh, there will be fighting.
After reading the first chapter:
The third and fourth directives seem kind of contradictory to me. Initiating a self-destruct when captured means she is giving up, choosing to destroy herself instead of attempting to escape, possibly with others and maybe even having gathered intelligence on the enemy.
Some of what is written seems to be redundant. Such as the conversation about breakfast.
Similarly is done with the statement of her being tired, and joking about military life. The tired part also seems odd as Aegis is a bio-engineered cybernetic entity that was designed specifically for the task, and most likely was trained her entire life for it. Even if she had not been intentionally made as a "morning pony," the lifetime of training would cause her to be used to early hours.
7410471
While I can't really comment on the rest, I think her being able to eat makes sense. Both her biological and technological functions would require some sort of energy source in order to function. Having rechargeable fuel cells that could be charged by electricity or gasoline would be useful, but limiting in the field. By also being able to consume food and convert it to energy, Aegis could possibly create sufficient energy to maintain function without recharging. Especially useful if she is able to consist solely on vegetation such as grass and leaves, and in a location where such is plenty. Not very useful in a desert scenario though.
7504369 self destruct might not be give up more last act of rebellion or whatever
Soldier loves tank? Nothing too weird there...even though said tank looks like a pony and can talk...and have feelings. The redundant conversations I can tolerate as well, but the protocols? That’s just...what were you thinking? Other than that...can’t wait to see what happens!