Missing Pages & Scrawled Footnotes

by Ice Star

Some Kind of Nature [Archive] [Old Version] [Bonus Material]

Author's Note:

TSome Kind of Nature

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Horror
• Thriller

[TEEN VERSION] Discord comes to Celestia, wanting her help to fix a problem. There is a Smooze in danger of attacking ponies! Celestia had no idea there was more than one Smooze.

• Gore
• Violence
• Death
• Celestia
• Discord
• Other
• The Smooze

Ice Star · 12k words  ·  17  4 · 1.6k views

This is the old version of the T-rated story version of my horror story Bastard Juice before the 2023 version was brought into being. Due to this being the old version, it means that this was the version that was entered in the contest it was a part of. (However, only the mature version was entered.)

Princess Celestia’s mane tended to flow more sluggishly in the mornings, which made maneuvering around it a fumbling act for her mind still fuzzy from sleep. Until she could have her first coffee of the morning, things would be slow and easy in Equestria — and for the most part, that was how the princess liked things. One of the exceptions, however, was her tail. That was more of a hassle than any mane problems, and while she would never admit it to anypony, there were times when she had tripped over it when she had yet to pull herself from sleep’s lingering fog.

Her eyes were tired and showed a little less of the ageless goddess she was before her immersive morning grooming routine. Idle thoughts danced in her mind while she tilted her watering can carefully over her window box, such as the tea she might have later with lunch, or if today called for soft orange eye shadow or cheery yellow. All the while, she contentedly watered her blooming box of bright pansies. Her crown was not even atop her head yet, and why would it be? She could worry about the face of her nation once she tended to the needs of others — even if they were but a box of flowers.

The dawn Celestia had brought to Equestria mere minutes before was a weak one, and Luna’s night had still not faded from the sky. It was always Luna who made an art of the heavens and Celestia who kept them functioning instead of flourishing. Even her daytime skies were meant for what they could to do enrich Equestria, and she brought the morning and sunset in a blink and swish of magic.

Today was different, but not abnormally so. Weather ponies had announced the forecast’s schedule in advance, as they always did, and that today would be overcast with rain later. But a mare could not help wanting to give her flowers a little snack.

It was in this slow, chilly dawn that Celestia hummed idly and considered what the grind of the day would be. Her thoughts emerged as slowly as the fog around Canterhorn Mountain parted to reveal the lower spires and gleaming walls of her city.

Only then did the loud sound of a splash and a pop boom from behind her. Celestia gasped, eyes wide, and her magic fumbled, spilling the remaining contents of her watering can as she whirled around.

Her eyes met her guest’s immediately, and some of her worries slipped away as quickly as they had come. The personal chambers of her and Luna were warded against teleportation and their few keys guarded closely; the exception to these powerful barriers and strict tabs kept on the keys being any lovers or family — and in Celestia’s case, her Faithful Students.

“Dissy!” she chided, “You gave me such a fright!”

The draconequus gave an oddly nervous smile, wringing his paw and claw in a fidget before proceeding to explode with magic, contorting his whole body in the blink of an eye to rid it of water. His rain poncho poofed away, as did the squirming fish and other odds and ends he brought with him from his evident string of teleportation. Only the smell of sea salt remained prominent.

“Celly, I—”

He was cut off by a gasp from Celestia as she smiled at the other guest. Emerging from behind Discord was a green, slimy entity bearing a dopey smile aimed at Celestia.

“Well, hello there!” Celestia cooed, prancing momentarily. “Oh, Dissy! I’m so glad you brought little Smoozie-Woozie! Tell me, has he been causing any problems lately? Nabbing any trinkets? From the castle? From Twilight’s castle? Oh dear, did he take something from anypony else’s castle? Is that what this is all about?”

“Erm,” Discord twiddled his thumbs, “That isn’t too far off…”

She reached out to pat the green slime fondly, watching it wiggle gleefully. How it was able to be male, she had no idea, but Discord called the Smooze such. “Goodness me, is something else wrong?” She tapped around the Smooze lightly, as if to scratch non-existent ears. “Is he overdue on a playdate with Philomena, because I certainly think that she would just love to—”

“No, no,” Discord said quickly, his odd smile growing bigger and more hesitant. “It’s something else…”

All of the princess’s cheer fell away, leaving her not with her usual composure but a faint nervous air. Her mane flicked with quick, idle motions, having picked up speed with her budding worry. She blocked out the noise of fish flopping around on her gorgeous, rich carpet. Even the colors in her mane seemed a touch paler in the uneven light of her room.

“Dissy?” Celestia asked, cupping his muzzle with her hooves. “What’s wrong?”

Discord, ever in motion, squirmed and fidgeted under the cool, soft touch of Celestia. “Well,” he drawled, “the Smooze is having problems.”

Celestia regarded the draconequus quietly, most of her tiredness gone from her eyes, though they had yet to shine alertly. She stepped back from her lover to turn her calm gaze to the Smooze, who was making squelching noises in the puffy little life vest Discord had put him in. For all intents and purposes, the Smooze was Discord’s pet, and a half-aware one at that. He paid her no mind, and followed her as she quietly withdrew a few bits from inside the drawers of a bedside table.

The Smooze accepted the treats eagerly, growing little from the meager offering and grinning its toothless, gumless, near-mouthless fool’s smile. Smiling back, Celestia was able to hide the discomfort from having the mucus-like residue left on her hoof, wiping it away with a conjured hoofkerchief. “I’m far from an expert on creatures of any kind, but little Smoozie-Woozie looks fine to me.”

She offered Discord a reassuring smile, pretending not to notice the Smooze ambling innocently about in the background — sliding over to her expansive vanity and ingesting a few precious, expensive crystalline perfume bottles.

When Discord did not stop twiddling his thumbs, and looked at the Smooze with a nervous stare past the bizarre creature, Celestia’s worry crept back. There was nothing to suggest anything was remotely wrong, and the only thing fishy was the smell now permeating her bedroom… but Discord worried over very little, and what his carefree attitude remained unbothered by, he tried to fix — and sometimes ‘fix’ — with chaos magic.

It drew her to him, that in all his unpredictability he became predictable. And Celestia’s expression softened with worry knowing that anything that still bothered Discord so much after her attempt to weigh in would inevitably bother her as well.

“If this is a matter of creature conundrums, you have the wrong mare. While I am no busier today than usual, and you know I would love to help, I think that Fluttershy would be much better suited to helping the Smooze. She probably knows all the best vets in Ponyville; I’m sure one of them would know whatever ails little Smoozie.”

Celestia’s horn flashed with magic, and she lifted a large basket to scoop the Smooze into, pulling the creature over to where they were. “I can get him some blankets and something else to eat, but if he’s sick, it’s only responsible to take him to somepony who knows how to help. Why, I let Philomena self-immolate, so I’m not the best consultant on pet health.”

“...Isn’t your birdie supposed to burst into flames?”

Tutting, Princess Celestia gave the confined Smooze another head pat. “Oh, of course, she is. But I still let her make such a show of it. Now, you’ll keep me updated on his condition, right? Oh, and do consider bringing Twilight into this. If Fluttershy doesn’t know how to fix the Smooze, I’m sure there’s something in Twilight’s castle library about magical illnesses.”

“The Smooze isn’t sick,” Discord said, ignoring the green slime creature’s efforts to get Discord’s attention by brushing against him. “And he doesn’t need a veteran.”

“Veterinarian,” Celestia corrected automatically. “And if he isn’t sick, then what is wrong? Are you sure you don’t need a specialist too? If so, then maybe Fluttershy isn’t the pony to contact… Oh, dear…”

“Yes, yes!” Discord exclaimed, gaze darting about fretfully as he threw his forelimbs into the air and began pacing her bedroom in haphazard, nonsensical lap patterns. “I need your help, Celly! If I needed Fluttershy or Little Miss Book Smarts, I would have brought them here by now! Or, even better, I would have snapped—” here, Discord snapped for emphasis, “—the problem away and dipped into my own hocus pocus instead of purple pony princess peskiness!”

“Dissy,” began Celestia quietly, tugging at the Smooze’s basket with a forehoof in order to draw it closer. “Just what is the matter? I’m sorry if my suggestions are inadequate, but I have no idea what’s wrong to have you so worked up.”

Discord’s pupils shrink, dancing briefly with unsettling with light. “Ponies are going to be in trouble! You’re the best at protecting ponies, not Fluttershy or Princess Friendship.”

Princess Celestia’s ears turned forward, her demeanor shifting to a hushed phantom of regal worry. The slime of the rambunctious, escaped Smooze crawling around her legs suddenly felt heavier and quite chilly.

She swallowed, her throat dry and attention hooked.

...the best at protecting ponies…

“What exactly do ponies need protection from?” she murmured, pulling the basket in her magic once more to corral the wandering Smooze with uncharacteristic brusqueness.

Discord had his claw raised close to his mouth and was biting absently at one, watching Celestia handle the Smooze with the neutral air of a distracted governess. “Celly, don’t treat that Smooze so meanly.”

‘Meanly’ was certainly not how Celestia was currently handling the green slime ball currently lounging in her oversized basket with all the awareness of a heat-dazed dog. However, that was not what really caught her attention.

“Discord, what do you mean, this Smooze?”

…

“I mean there’s more than him,” Discord replied, jabbing his paw towards the basket.

Celestia took a quiet, sharp exhale and sat down upon her vanity’s cozy nearby cushion. Her horn dimmed, and when the golden light vanished, the Smooze splashed and writhed more contentedly in its temporary home.

“And just where is this second Smooze?” she asked him, a headache of worry pulsing softly under her horn.

“On one of Neighpon’s baby islands,” Discord said, pinching the air with his paw to demonstrate.

Celestia bit at her lip. Neighpon was not only on the other side of the world and across the Barren Sea, but it was also made up of thousands of islands covering thousands of miles. The preparations needed for such lengthy travel would only be one issue to consider.

“What was it that brought you to Neighpon, of all places?” Celestia asked. Cross-continental teleportation left any creature — mortal or otherwise — drained, and was always safest done with stops. For Discord to have been there and back again so quickly, the urgency was all too apparent — as was the likelihood of Discord’s magic likely being stretched, like sore muscles after athletic endeavors...

...which would mean any magical responsibilities would be primarily her burden, were she to take up this errand.

“I try to visit all my creations,” Discord insisted, conjuring what looked like a photo album. He patted it once before Celestia could get a clear look at it.

“I see,” Celestia said, flicking an ear to the side, though the experience was not something she understood. Perhaps to Discord, checking in on his creations was like writing to a dear friend — something she could grasp. “Now, how can this Smooze be a danger to ponies when that Smooze—” she nodded over to the resting blob, “—is an inoffensive creature. Why, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Is this a case of theft against the islanders’ wealth? Has the Smooze on that island grown too much?”

“Erm,” Discord scratched the back of his head. “Yes, this one grew. She’s quite the big girl— ”

“She?” asked Celestia, blinking, and tapping under her muzzle just so. “There is a lady Smooze?”

“Oh, of course!”

“...How can you tell?”

Discord gave a shrug that made the rest of his noodle body wave with the motion. “Dunno. Anyway, she’s not anypony’s little girl anymore. Oh, and she’s very cranky. He’s a small, docile bit of Smooze. She… isn’t.” Discord waved his paw in an effort to clarify. “Think of her like this little fellow here during the Pretty Prancing Gala… just bigger.”

Celestia did not want to think about that, and shifted the Smooze’s basket over to her to ease her worried mind. “Why is it you have just learned of this creature’s actions, Dissy?”

Discord winced, his breath coming in an awkward hiss. “I haven’t seen her since I was stoned.”

Celestia’s expression was devoid of any notable reaction. “Petrified,” she insisted. “That means something much different now.”

“Oh, I know!” Discord burst into one of his familiar grins, the kind that usually had her laughing in lighter times. “Fluttershy’s friend told me all about it!”

“Mhm,” was the only response Celestia had about that. She rubbed the top of the Smooze. “We had better not waste any more time, Dissy. You need to save your magic if we’re to travel somewhere so distant — and a far-flung place I’ve never been to, at that!”

He rose before her, animating the door so it scuttled open on newfound legs in order for Celestia to carry the basket with the Smooze outside. It was secured into place with a brief snap of colorful chaos magic, and Discord appeared next to Celestia, her regalia adorning him clumsily and a hiker’s overstuffed bag slung over his back.

When he grinned goofily at her, she managed to return a ghost of his smile and nuzzled him.

…

They divided their preparations and managed to complete most of them with ease. Letters to Luna had been written, letting the younger Alicorn know that she was to rule with Celestia’s absence — as obvious as it was, Celestia knew not writing would be cruel, and Luna needed to know where she was in case Discord and Celestia found themselves in any dire situations. She had given Raven instructions to relay to the rest of the castle staff. This way, Luna would not be overburdened by simply making their subjects aware of her errand.

Meanwhile, Discord delighted in busying himself with various tasks. He emptied an entire weapon rack into his bag, cramming at least five spears into the pack carelessly. Following those were a variety of suspicious-looking potions, matching couples’ canteens, a Smooze-sized sunhat, and a rubber duck.

Frankly, the sun hat was the most confusing part. Neighpon’s vast archipelago was quite rainy this time of year.

The Smooze squirmed inside Princess Celestia’s saddlebags as she went about her own work. She paid no mind to the goo creature so carefully shrunk at Discord’s command and turned her attention to the walls and center of the well-illuminated tower room.

Maps of the known world covered the walls and rough-hewn crystalline slab in stark contrast to the usual strong elegance of Canterlot Castle’s architecture. Upon the well-preserved parchment spreads were diagrams of entire regions and swathes of territory, their coordinates labeled carefully to ease teleportation’s few difficult elements. A plethora of gems was shining in numerous piles at the tower-room’s borders, a supernatural glitter coming from within and around each.

The princess calmly approached the wall bearing the most depictions of the Neighponese seas. Her wings shifted faintly, folding over her saddlebags to better hide the jewels decorating it from the Smooze. Various islands dotted the heavy parchment in ink long since dried, and few of the islands other than the nation’s major ones were known to her. Though, tales had reached the princess’ court regarding islands with themes pulled out of storybooks: cats and rabbits outnumbering the sapient residents in charming aquacultural villages and other seaside destinations.

“Discord!” she sing-songed, waving a forehoof in a beckoning motion. “Which of these islands is your other Smooze close to?”

Her horn lit, and she began to stuff a line of ensorcelled gems into her Smooze-less saddlebag. They glowed brighter when reunited with her magic once more, and she was careful to discard any that were chipped or flawed from the magical overcharge rawer forms of Alicorn magic could bring to such ordinary gemstones. Chariots and boats saw more use than her personal teleportation chapel, but that was no excuse for her not to let her hoards go uninspected.

Discord slid over to her, spinning like the marble floor was made of butter. “Hrm-hrm.”

Celestia gave the Smooze a scolding look, shoving its slimy body away from where it tried to snag some of her gems that were making her saddlebag bulge considerably. Her hoof was all that told the creature what it was doing was unwanted, since never once had the Smooze responded to anything other than voice or touch — which was an abnormal behavior even for a non-sapient animal.

“That one!” Discord exclaimed, pointing at a speck of land painstakingly labeled in small hornwriting as Uninhabited Islet #127.

“You’re certain it’s that one?” asked Celestia, giving Discord a gentle, but serious look. “We could be island-hopping for heavens know how long if this isn’t the right island.”

“Definitely that one!” Discord tapped the map, ignoring Celestia when she shoved the Smooze back into its saddlebag. “There was an island shaped like a potato chip nearby, and if you look very carefully this one is clearly shaped like the potato chip I remember.”

Princess Celestia looked doubtful at the inky silhouette. “Don’t most islands look like potato chips?”

“Of course not! And besides,” Discord said, scoffing, “this one is clearly a ruffled chip.”

“And that makes all the difference?”

“Absolutely!” Discord crossed his forelimbs. “Imagine if you were here with somepony else who thought any old potato chip shape would do. You would be lost in no time!”

Celestia clicked her tongue, smiling and shaking her head. “Oh goodness, Dissy. What would I do without you?”

“I just told you: be lost in no time!”

“Well,” Celestia gave the maps one last look, “if that is the closest island, then I suppose we must make haste.”

Discord nodded, and held his paw out, charging it with the colorful and frantic aura of chaos magic. Celestia’s magic shimmered to life once more, the gold intensifying with every second. The princess wrinkled her muzzle from the effort and squeezed her eyes shut from the bright outpouring of golden aura coming from her saddlebag. The Alicorn magic tethered to the gems jumped at her conduit, eager to be used and drained into something.

Before the chance to complete anything came, Celestia laid another layer of preservation enchantments upon the room’s contents with a flicker. The heat of the tower room grew more intense with the duration of Celestia’s magic.

Discord tapped his paw to Celestia’s horn, complete with a raspberry sound effect before sparks and booms sounded behind them and the two lovers faded in a flash.

...

The first sound Celestia heard was terrible crashing in the distance. It was too deliberate to sound like thunder and did not sound as if it came from the sky. The ring that ached in her ears during the aftermath did not fade when she opened her eyes.

Her crown — which Discord had slipped back into its proper place — did not totally secure her mane from whipping in the harsh torrent of wind. Ocean waves cascaded upon the sand underhoof shakily from all the clamoring on the other end of the island. Discord’s sense of direction and the second charge of Princess Celestia’s three-charge worthy cache of residual magic had brought them to where they needed to be from across a narrow stretch of sea.

She looked around, inhaling unsteadily, and tried to stand her ground. Sand slipped into one of her shoes. Anarchy dominated the poor, scrappy cay where Celestia and Discord stood. Trees were weakened and trembled in the wind. Whatever was causing the disaster on the island rattled the tall palms like twigs until any collapsed, weak, and disregarded like toothpicks under the might of a boulder.

Celestia was tense with the anticipation of a dragon’s roar or other monstrous calls that never came, leaving her and Discord to watch as trees fell, collapsing towards the alien boom coming from the island. Tense seconds after each fall passed in something closer to silence, the sound that followed somewhere between the furious roiling of a sea monster and a lumber mill’s snarl.

The first few steps forward were halted, and the goddess balked when she felt the Smooze slip its green form partly around her leg. It quivered with all the fear she could barely show, innocent to the combat she simply dreaded. Celestia was no goddess with a domain in fighting, and her ability in combat was minimal, at least for an Alicorn. Whatever beast this other Smooze would prove to be was one she could only be glad wasn’t bigger, worse, and anything she knew was not easily combated. Smooze was not as susceptible to magic in the same way other creatures were — everypony had learned that at the gala — but it was hard to look at the little green blob clinging to her and think any counterpart it had could be clever in the way other creatures were.

“Celly,” Discord said, shaking her by the wither and jolting her from the Smooze’s grip. “Look at those.”

And she followed to where his claw was pointing, her mane brushing under his chin. All the island’s plants and stones were filled with holes and marks suggestive of one thing.

“This Smooze has been… eating the island?” Celestia asked, muzzle wrinkling. “Is that what those marks are? Dissy, I thought you said that this creature has been here for centuries!”

“Oh, it has. I’m afraid it’s just been stress-eating much more rapidly recently.”

Celestia offered a small frown in response, suddenly very conscious of her figure at the mention of stress-eating. “As much as I’m sure the ocean will be problematic for this Smooze, I can’t imagine it being more than a delay…”

She trailed off, only seeing Discord offer a quick, nervous nod of agreement from the corner of her eye.

“How does your magic do with this one?”

Discord gave what Celestia initially mistook as a shrug before scooping up the frightened Smooze between them and giving it half-hearted pats that bordered on simply poking it. “About as good as this one. Extremely. Magically. Retardant,” he punctuated each word with another poke to the quavering Smooze.

“And this one is entirely malicious?” Celestia asked, keeping her ears perked and composed visage up even when the latest boom made the island rumble. A mare could not rush into battle entirely unprepared, no matter how poor she might be at it.

“Very, very malicious, Celly.” Discord leaned toward her, poised for a stage whisper. “It has sharp teeth too.”

Celestia paused, opening her mouth and shutting it again when she couldn’t figure out how to adequately ask a slime beast could have teeth. “I-I see… and it cannot be reasoned with? Or pacified in any way?”

Discord let a quick shrug wave and bounce from shoulder to shoulder. His expression dipped into something momentarily downcast and uncertain. “I’m not sure. She made about as much sense as I do.”

The princess honed in on two things: this Smooze was apparently a ‘she’ and that Discord looked like he would have rather said ‘no’. Only Discord whipping out a colorful chart fully scribbled in crayon pulled her from further considering the implications.

“Oh, and when I tried talking to her she threw three trees at me. That makes a ‘Very Angry’ creature rank on the Tree Throwing to Emotions Conversion Scale.” Discord tapped his chin, his chart vanishing as quickly as it came. “Could you imagine if poor Fluttershy saw something like that?”

Celestia nodded, as was proper, but hid the way her thoughts strayed with the politeness of the motion. Lady Smooze was big enough to hurl multiple trees and work at consuming an island. A creature at least the size of a cottage came to mind, the approximate size feeling quite right for something that could potentially be hurling multiple trees at once. All this was quite different from the Smooze that had returned to wiggling with fear in Discord’s grip. Why, even the act of referring to the Smoozes with such an air that the large ‘S’ brought was beginning to feel puzzling now that it was no longer a name and creepy, for neither made sense to have that grand, commanding letter as a species as Alicorns did. At least the names of Mister Smooze and Lady Smooze could ease that.

“I still need to get a good look at this Lady Smooze we are dealing with,” Princess Celestia said, casting Discord a worrying look and letting her tail trace patterns in the sand with quiet sobriety. “If I attempt to stun the creature from a distance, we shall only be heaped with errors neither of us can afford.” Celestia winced with distant recollection, not at the thought she almost called the unknown smooze ‘she’, which was all too personal a designation. “Anything I am to cast against this offending being will need to be done at close range.”

“Oh,” came a familiar teasing edge, “I’m very familiar with your attempts at long-range combat.”

Discord pretended he was trying to hide his snickering with a claw while Celestia clicked her tongue. With a glow of magic and a snap, her saddlebags came off and she plopped them into Discord’s grip already burdened. The barest hint of mischief danced behind her seriousness.

“Take these,” she insisted. “If I’m going to be doing much of the work in driving out our new friend, you will need to mind our way home and make a lure to focus its direction. We’re in this together,” Celestia said, giving him a quick nuzzle, “and I’ll need you to be ready for battle.”

Discord affirmed her words with a play salute. With that, Celestia spread her wings and took off.

…

The heart of the island was a nest of terror. There was no hint of elegance or identity to the Lady Smooze, just the scars it inflicted upon the land. Where it reached out and uprooted features and foliage could be plainly seen, even where Celestia soared high above. With yawning bites by the dozen, the horrifying beast grew in size and hunger. Already, it was plain to her why this creature was a threat: enough of it was already spilling across the other end of the cay and bobbing into the sea with a bouncy gait like a waterfowl. If there was anything to suggest that it could swim, ponies really were in danger. She was certain any wildlife dwelling here had already met a grisly fate.

Knots writhed in Celestia’s stomach at the thought, and she made a noisy dive closer. The full grotesque appearance of the creature was spread before her, and Celestia took in the foul sight with a shuddering breath.

This was no form of an oversized slime mold, and it was the size of half a dozen cottages. Ravaging the island was an abomination unlike any that Celestia had seen before. Dozens of ginormous misshaped mouths lined with rows of malformed teeth snarled and chomped away at the world. While there were some slimy looks to parts of the creature, the bulk of the body was a hideous mass of pulsating tents of flesh. Worst of all were the countless array of body parts protruding from the purplish mass. Half-formed paws chipped antlers, salt-ruined giant insectoid wings, bulging stingers, ridges of diverse bone dripping smooze-filth, and writhing tentacles were dragged limply along in the monster’s crawling search for more.

Just what was this horror? And how could it come to be?

Celestia whickered nervously before charging her horn with a blinding ray. The searing light did nothing more than taze the smooze as she held it to the creature.

Her effort was enough. Immediately, dozens of eyes shifted from across the mass with an audible, disgusting noise to the top of the best. Their sizes were as irregular as the forms of teeth and bone already present, but each one was seething with an emotion Celestia could only conclude was fury. Their hostile reddish pupils and irises were ringed with soured yellow that could not make it clearer whom their focus was — or how much they hated her.

Gulping discreetly, Celestia fired her magic again before barrelling noisily to the side. She acted none too late, as the irritated beast swatted its form spastically and she narrowly avoided contact with the fleshy gunk.

Again, her light grazed the irritating creature with a blinding intensity that dwarfed the ability of any unicorn. The steadiness of how she continued to apply her stun efforts made the monster flail and lurch; as it did another island rumble reached Celestia’s ears.

Now she had it moving.

…

Another sound greeted Celestia as the beach came into view once more. The wind whipped violently in her ears and the motion of the Lady Smooze below was equal to a buffalo stampede. Above all that, a faint and jolly sound carried over both.

Discord was instructing his Smooze on how to play a whole ensemble of ridiculous instruments. The green Smooze made slobbery attempts at song into a harmonica and sent symbols banging hideously with its every move. Nearby, Discord hopped up and down, simultaneously directing his Smooze like a maestro’s more spastic counterpart while maintaining his own control over his own array of instruments. From where she was, Celestia counted at least fifteen under the control of Discord — though, their sounds were anything but controlled.

While those two lured the angered Lady Smooze forward with their band, Celestia continued to fire modest amounts of her power behind the rampaging purple mass. This served as an excellent way to irritate the creature, leaving a distorted path of glassy, fragile magma where sand had once been.

In the chaos, Discord was quick to dodge, his orchestra vanishing with a snap. He always was. While Celestia could only fight in short-range, uncontained bursts, Discord had no heart or mind for fighting when being slippery and tricky could work. Only this time, he couldn’t slip from conflict so easily: he had forgotten to remove the green Smooze from the line of the other’s fury!

Princess Celestia wanted to call out, to urge him to go back for the neglected Smooze, but her words didn’t come. They caught in her throat like a weight that dragged her focus back to the task at hoof, and that meant having to tear her gaze away from two things: Discord’s horrified realization dawning at who he had left in danger’s way and the fearful green Smooze burbling and blubbing in confusion for Discord to come back.

Celestia tried pumping her wings faster. Worry made the sweat fall down the back of her neck faster. The green Smooze had no features that could properly express fear, but the princess knew the sound of fear when she heard it. Even non-sapients like the Smooze had their primal emotions and their torment was not something Celestia could ignore.

She could see the green Smooze trembling in the shadow of the Lady Smooze, and her mind spun deception the more she took in the creature’s fear, trying to convince her that she was wasting time when only seconds had past and the initial whiplash of fear between her and Discord was still in full swing.

With a torrent of writhing and wiggling, the green Smooze appeared to diminish itself in what Princess Celestia could only think of as the opposite of deimatic behavior. It fell in on itself as if it had anywhere to go when in the shadow of a foe…

...only to unfurl itself, size doubled instantaneously…

...and it kept expanding.

Before Celestia could blink, her raging heartbeat demanded she halts her flight, and she did. The once insignificant green Smooze was transformed into a being unrecognizable when compared to its previous form, much to Celestia’s fear and Discord’s visible antsiness. However, its new appearance was very, very much like Lady Smooze.

What was previously her and Discord’s Smoozie-Woozie was now an amalgamation of flesh, limbs, and oozing terror and other secretions. Dozens of mouths widened with fury and pain, gnashing rows of mismatched teeth. An ear-grating symphony of roars ripped from each one, each one its own discordant call. Though she was not as keen with beasts as Luna was, Princess Celestia could feel fear all twisted up in those frightening, agonizing cries.

As distant as he was, Celestia could feel Discord’s increased fear like it was a sheet draped over her withers. It was a subtle thing for him to show fear, and the princess knew that if she were standing near him, Discord would still be unlikely to express real terror instead of a cartoonish ghost of it. Such was his nature.

And yet, the feeling might just be a product of her own fear, multiplied and nothing more. It was hard to discern as she beat her wings and dived downwards. The weight of her heart was rattling in her ears.

In her mind’s eye, she had the barest inkling of something new tickling her thoughts. Unfortunately, it was also something that toyed with her own fears she tried to bury. If her hunch had anything behind it, the green and purple smooze could be reconciled. Was that not something she should rightly be troubled by?

Magic was bright on her horn, and Celestia worked on weaving a familiar spell: one leftover from time as an Element Bearer. It was woven with Harmony’s own light and filled with Kindness. She only used it on Faithful Students and the inconsolable, for it would bring them one of their positive memories as a pacifying gesture.

As light filled her eyes, she was struck in her moment of blindness. Celestia yelped, eyes lost in white-hot nothingness. Moments later, it registered that in her flight the Lady Smooze had reached up and been able to slip a foul limb around her, leaving bile and other secretions upon her even when she had managed to escape its grip.

In the struggle, she had let a burst of teleportation magic free without ending her previous spell. The incomplete Kindness spell’s iridescent light and the gold of her teleportation had layered atop one another, and even though she had managed to teleport from the creature’s vile grip…

...her previous spell had been released too, and struck through the blurs of radiance in her vision, she could see it hit the green Smooze...

...and then…

...and then...

...

The memory pulled itself around all her senses, smothering them with fog and fear. Her magic tinted the world of mist with harsh golds and deep yellows. In it, Celestia was not herself. She was immaterial, both infused with the feelings of an observing force and the mare at the center of the dream simultaneously. The fear of the latter seeped into the oppressive, constricting sense the memory had. It was as if Celestia had her mind poured into half-frozen jello when she was still herself and left to weigh there.

And to think that this was all happening in an instant outside of her. The tugging of her mind and body, so painfully indivisible from each other, was enough of a reminder.

The third sensation was the fragile one from within the mare, dim and dying in a way that a goddess like Celestia could only acknowledge, but not understand. There was only the barest mind to that one.

The memory was fragmented, twisted, and controlled by the toll of something mind-breaking for which Celestia had no name. She could only view these splinters mutely. There was obviously little else this mind had to cling to, and it was so much that the area other than the raised sandstone topped with drenched cotton sheets was lost, devoured by the warped memory’s nature.

Another mare with the patterned veils of the desert stood by the prone mare. Her face was pale with fear and slick with sweat, but only the clamminess of the mare upon the bed-slab. The curls of their manes were stuck along their faces, and Celestia felt the echo of the sliminess they made.

Words flew out of the pacing mare’s mouth in what Celestia could only guess was a predecessor to modern Arabian. How she hovered over the other mare who was in the throes of labor made it clear that she was a midwife, and the mare whose sweat-soaked mane was free to tumble upon the sheets squished under her was her charge.

The sight between the patient’s legs showed that no birth was a pretty one. But something else was at hoof, something ominous and urgent. The new mother’s eyes showed hints of fogginess in her horrible, pained spasms and she was heavy beyond what any mortal mare could reasonably carry.

The midwife, in a fit of nerves, murmured what Celestia guessed were prayers, pressing damp clothes over the other mare’s brow. Her soothing words did nothing to hide that this mother was pale and screaming with what little energy she possessed.

One of her lower legs spasmed went limp, and more than blood flowed out. Something that should not have exited the body — and certainly wasn’t any part of the fetus. It became obvious — to Celestia — that she was being torn and stretched as something tried to exit her womb.

Under the array, malformed body parts pulsating under grime was the hint of something greenish.

At the sight, Celestia knew exactly what the green meant. The memory collapsed just as Celestia caught the last glimpses: the midwife fleeing.

…

Aisha knew she loved the draconequus when her chores were consumed with thoughts of the peculiar youth. She would wind a forehoof in her pink tresses and feel her face grow happily warm at the thought of the creature. She made nightly treks up to the temple her village had built to house the rare one when she knew she would be the only priestess there.

She was not the only one in her village who adored him, for they all left the draconequus — that was what he called himself — food, drink, and other offerings. Aisha just happened to be the only one who had her heart made light and warm by the creature.

Aisha was special to him; she was sure of it. He showed her all the tricks of his magic and spun stories of made-up friends that told of equines like no other, with magic beyond mortal capacity, wings, horns, and everlasting life. No other mare got to hear such tales, he told her, in a rare moment of seriousness. His tone would have the same, fleeting softness that he only used for one other thing — compliments to her dawn-pink mane and tail, which she kept so carefully groomed and dust-free.

On all other occasions, they were careless. He said it was his nature to have this complete recklessness and go wherever the wind took him. There was no poetic skill to him at all, and his horrible ability with words only endeared him to Aisha because it was so different from the stallions of her village. The creature told her about how he spent his travels rising with the sun and staying where he pleased when he pleased, and for however long he pleased.

Once, Aisha had asked him if there was anything special that would ever make him want to stay anywhere. She had batted her eyelashes at him and wore his favorite scarf — a flowing pink streaked with purple and green — to catch his attention and give him every hint.

He had grinned at her and asked if Aisha wanted to watch him touch his eyeball with his tongue.

Aisha couldn’t put her hurt into words for him — that wasn’t what hearts were for. So she let it slide from her memory and hadn’t shown it. He was only being himself. They continued to be young and reckless.

And now Aisha had something that would make him want to stay with her forever, and it was something that they had shaped together. Plus, all the other priestesses would be so very jealous.

What she had not expected was to find him already gone, the entire temple empty of even one lit torch, and only the sound of night wind over the oasis to greet her.

This memory had come to Celestia through a haze tinted with gold and the iridescence of harmonious light magic, and yet those colors so bright and good should not have been harsh or inappropriate in any situation.

...

Celestia cried out again, in fear and distress. She shook the last shambles of the past from her eyes, kicking and thrashing mid-flight as she did so. The world hit her sideways and her bearings snuck up on her. The goddess flexed her wings and pumped them rapidly, unable to make the tight veers and motions due to her size. Soon, she was out of harm’s way and the moments she had viewed from her miscast spell dizzied her with their gruesomeness.

...There had been nothing left in the mind of the creature she had once thought of innocent Smoozie-Woozie.

No, the minds of the creature. It was two beings fused in torment together, the fusing of a mother and foal left in agony all these years later…

...and she had thought of it like a pet.

Something foul and sickly wanted to push something up her throat. Despite the acidic taste, Celestia forced her throat to tighten and flew higher.

On the beach below, she could see Discord standing in the shadow of what had been the green Smooze. His nervous surprise would look comical in any other situation and was not nearly as attentive to how the creature bellowed and wailed. Instead, he waved his arms about, grasping a bullfighter’s red flag and jerking it about inelegantly.

She couldn’t hear just what he was saying from so far above, but it was catching the attention of both beasts. They jostled one another and surged towards Discord, causing Celestia’s heart to race. Though her head was still light, she debated if there was a spell that could help, only for none to work their way into her hazy thoughts.

Being closer, the green Smooze reached Discord first. Her heart raced with how she juggled her thoughts to interfere. Princess Celestia continued watching with bated breath, her expression still and somber. If Discord needed her, he would call to her, and yet Celestia could not fully wrestle down her usual instinct to dive in and make everything as it should be, without anyone else needing to worry.

Discord was more than capable of what he was doing; she just had to mind that, and mind it repeatedly to quell all her thoughts saying otherwise.

Once the green Smooze was close enough to him, Discord did away with the bullfighter’s prop and held out his paw in an inappropriately friendly wave.

Every one of the green Smooze’s eyes immediately focused on Discord. Some even wrenched themselves around, tearing what little cohesiveness there was to the Smooze’s general form in order to look at the lone draconequus.

Warped torrents of irregular multicolored magic encircled Discord’s talon. Green and gold were the brightest shades of the familiar chaos magic that jumped out in Celestia’s eyes, and before she could offer her own contribution, Discord tapped the creature. Dozens of eyes swirled with rings of color and the beastly transformation began to deflate.

When the green Smooze was fully reverted to its gooey form, Discord scooped up the creature and swung out of the way from where the Lady Smooze barrelled forward. He disappeared from sight in a snap of magic; Celestia’s body tingled with adrenaline and she would have dived forward to scoop up her love had he not been quick and tricky.

A tap on wither jolted her from the rapid pace of her thoughts.

“Dissy!” Princess Celestia cried, whirling around to see her Dissy poking over from a nearby cloud. The green Smooze was clutched in his forelimbs, oozing over his grip. Celestia felt her coat go paler at the sight of the now-passive thing and its dumb smile. “You could have let me know…”

She inhaled sharply — perhaps even too much so — and tried to figure out what it was she had meant to say. What exactly could he have done that wouldn’t have given her a fright?

“Oh poo,” Discord said, though his lack of a smile spoke of their serious situation. “What has got your tongue, Celly?”

He waved a disembodied tongue in his grip while Celestia sighed.

“So… your Smooze… and that...” Celestia shivered, still not wanting to look at either. “...They are the same, then?”

“Oh, yes,” Discord replied casually, patting his gooey companion. “She and I go way back too, even farther than this little guy!”

Celestia offered a broken glass smile while Discord didn’t notice. He was too busy giving the gooey hybrid a noogie. How he knew the gender of each smooze suddenly made a bit of sense, even if there was likely a ‘she’ mixed into both smoozes anyway. Still, she had to put off what horrifying memories of dual demise would be in the purple Smooze.

“Is… is there no way you could do that same spell on our purple friend?”

“Celly?”

There was something in Discord’s tone that Celetia couldn’t put a hoof on. “Yes, Dissy?”

“Do you think there is anything left in her to call a friend?”

Celestia hung her head, unwilling to speak the truth.

…

Discord insisted he was pushing the cloud higher, hugging the green Smooze tightly. Celestia refused to correct him and continued to keep her aura steady as she tugged it far above the island’s sky. When she was satisfied with its height, she settled down next to Discord and let him wrap a paw around her withers. Thankfully it was smooze-free.

Together, they peered down at the Lady Smooze’s rampage below.

“And you’re sure this is the only way?”

Discord gave the world below a distasteful look. Their bags floated aimlessly within the green Smooze, undissolved. “Unfortunately so, Celly. No magic is going to work on her. Can you think of anything else that would?”

She avoided his pointed look entirely, pretending to adjust her mane by running her feathers through it.

“This wasn’t going to be a friendship and rainbows errand.”

Celestia kept her eyes downcast. “So be it. We use your plan, then.”

Discord nodded, patting her wither absently with his paw. With another snap, chaos magic engulfed his talons. Ignoring the showy display, Celestia lit her horn with the modest amount of aura needed.

Below them, the world cracked and rumbled. The sound of the fit thrown by the Lady Smooze was lost to a noise eerily similar to an earthquake. Celestia leaned over the edge, her mane spilling with the motion, and watched the results of their magic attentively.

The island was being uprooted, and the strength of their magic made it appear as ordinary as pulling beets from a garden. The Lady Smooze was too big to scamper, but she was obviously filled with confusion as her cay home was pulled and shrouded in the dual glow of two gods.

The sea rushed to fill the chasm left in the wake of the cay’s absence. Celestia bit her lip watching the torrent of raging dark waters. Discord manipulated the floating island first, jerking it forward and elbowing Celestia until she tilted it too.

Lady Smooze went tumbling in, no more than a moment of purple vanishing among the churning waters.

They pressed the cay back into place until the ocean surrounding it was tinted with something darker.

Discord had told her multiple times it was the only way to be certain.

...

Princess Celestia thought she could still smell sea salt long after they returned. She let the automatic grind of royal duties sweep her up for the rest of the day, and her mind numbed itself with routine. She promised Discord that they would have time together the next day. When Luna excitedly wished to hear all the details there were to her ‘adventure’ — because everything was an adventure to her — Celestia gave the most civil answers possible. A princess does not present herself as unwilling to hold a conversation.

When the next morning came, Princess Celestia noted that she was slower than usual to brush her mane in uncomfortable silence.

She never cared for those two words much. All silence was uncomfortable, so the little turn of phrase always came across as too obvious and redundant.

No silence ever lasted; she knew the ways to banish it and fill its place.

This time, all she had to do was have a conversation with Dissy. Really, there was nothing frightening about that, or about him.

But what creature could blame her for not knowing how to address the smooze in the room?

…

Mister Smooze glowed happily as Princess Celestia doled another helping of lesser gems into the bowl. The warm flame of her parlor’s hearth made the gooey creature dance with friendly light. It was an odd air of innocence to cast over such a creature.

Discord popped a few of the bubbles that came from his pipe. Celestia heard him snicker at something from behind her. Perhaps it was a new idea for mischief. She simply focused on keeping the scraps of copper and semi-precious stones from spilling over the edge of a pet bowl.

Celestia bit the inside of her cheek. She had been the one to purchase the supplies to care for Mister Smooze whenever Discord brought it to Canterlot.

It. Him. Them.

She wasn’t even sure what was the correct way to refer to a combination creature like smooze.

How could she have ever thought pet supplies were appropriate?

Something tickled from behind her ear and Celestia turned around quickly. She blinked in astonishment at the sight of a golden bit held too close to her face and Discord’s big grin.

“Yoo-hoo, Celly! Look how shiny this one is!” His grin widened when Celestia matched it with her own imitation. “There must be a fortune on your mind.”

“Mhm,” Celestia murmured, keeping her gaze away from the sloppy eating of Mister Smooze. “I suppose that is inevitable with how our errand went.”

In reply, Discord offered a childish frown and tapped his pipe to his chin thoughtfully. “What do you mean, Celly?”

“You never mentioned that we were going to fight ponies, much less a mare, and her foal.”

Discord blinked and chewed at his pipe. “Hrm.”

“Hrm?” Celestia mimicked. Knowing Discord, any kind of ‘hrm’ from him was practically a language of its own.

“Of course,” Discord replied, shrugging. “I just never thought of them that way. You were there too, and would you really say that these remnants are ponies?”

“I…” Celestia hesitated, bringing a forehoof to her chest like that could make her words settle faster. “I think that it’s very difficult to see them as anything else. There was so little in their minds, Dissy. Goodness, I don’t know if what they had left could even be called minds.”

“Erm,” Discord raised a claw, holding it up like a student hearing their teacher makes a mistake. “Doesn’t that make them no different than ponies who take a great fall and become brain dead, Celly?”

“Well, I suppose… though, accidents like that are filled with so much less torment.”

“But would you call them and a happy, healthy little pony the same?”

Celestia closed her mouth quite primly, completely unwilling to answer. There was distant grief clear in her eyes. “Ponies are ponies.”

Discord scratched his head.

“And smooze… are they all your foals?”

“They’re what happens when any draconequus and pony copulate.” Discord gave a wavy shrug and his pipe vanished in a snap of magic. “You’re more than lucky that Alicorns aren’t ponies.” He stage-coughed into his paw. “Just saying.”

Celestia was well-aware that there was no other draconequui that could be spoken of, and that when Discord spoke of himself, he was speaking for his species too.

Her feathers ruffled with worry, and the sight of a crackling fire did nothing to put her solemn demeanor to rest. “Dissy, how much more smooze is out there?”

“Ahem,” Discord adjusted a bowtie he had conjured and straightened the thick, nerdy pair of glasses accompanying them. “I do believe the correct question would be: could there be any more smooze.”

“Mhm, so it would seem.” Celestia took her seat on a small stool. It was relaxingly soft and as opulent as her other furnishings — but most importantly, it was away from Mister Smooze.

“And…” Discord snapped everything away, eyes bright with his usual teasing. There was no doubt that this was all meant to cheer her up. “...the answer is: I have no idea! Before being stoned there were quite a few pretty pink-maned things that caught my eye after we last saw one another.”

Princess Celestia inhaled very calmly and went three shades paler; there was no other fitting reaction. “I beg your pardon?”

The expression on Discord’s muzzle was like a foal who had run out of ways to insist that a shattered vase was not their fault. “Erm. How do I explain it? Your mane used to be pink and—”

“Not that, Dissy. How could you not know how many foals you have? Is this what is to happen when any young one has draconequus heritage? What of draconequus mothers? I know you are not cruel to leave a mare to die, but what else can be made of so many other mares you’ve been with left to this as their destiny?”

“Firstly, I don’t think my kind were called foals, we grew into fools! For your second and third questions, yes-but-not-quite. I never heard of any union between ponies and the noble draconequus begetting anything more than bastard juice like smooze. My kind was careful about those particular cautionary tales and that regardless of gender, every creature involved would be doomed. Not exactly fun stuff, you know. Overall, ponies are just the worst kind of mortal to play with. They’re very basic, require too much attention, don’t live very long, flaky snacks don’t work as bribes into doing flips, and there’s the whole smooze problem. Now, get a small enough dragoness and there’s a compatible species…”

“Dissy,” said Celestia, voice clipped, “that isn’t what I asked.”

“Oh, but I didn’t even get to the matter of my favorite Alicorn mare yet!” Discord winked in her direction. “She’s a lovable, squishy marshmallow of a mare. Perhaps you’ve heard of her?”

Clicking her tongue, Celestia settled down once again, re-folding her wings and trying to indulge Discord in his effort to soothe her worrying. “Perhaps. You still have left the matter of so many mares and their fates unknown to me. For good reason, I presume?”

“Suspense?” Discord offered weakly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Well, not really. The answer is actually a dreadfully boring one. When I was a much younger, naive cad I never stayed anywhere long; I simply couldn’t bear to do anything so dull. When I got bored, I left. Oh, and it turns out that for ponies certain ‘biological processes,” Discord wasted no time being subtle with his air quotes, “are a teensy-tiny bit different from draconequui. How was I supposed to know everything under your sun about pony pregnancy? I’d never seen a pregnant pony before! I thought they were all just fat and mean!”

“Oh,” Princess Celestia murmured. She folded her forehooves in front of her and gave a sigh of relief, closing her eyes momentarily. Her mane swirled faintly with the motion but still retained a muted air compared to its usual energy. “I suppose we can at least be thankful nothing more nefarious fueled such decisions.”

She bowed her head and only shifted when Discord tossed her the first in a long line of colored hoofkerchiefs his magic made.

…

Dusk was always a time of impatience for Princess Celestia. In terms of function, it could easily be called the most useless part of the day. Sometimes she pondered if it could be seen as anything more than a heavenly reminder for ponies to hurry off to their homes and finish their evening meals. The evening always held its breath for something Celestia could not spell out. It only created unneeded tension.

The sight of Mister Smooze just worsened the feeling of distant anxiety. The green, gooey creature had been stalking her around her chambers. Discord had gone away some time ago to stir harmless trouble in the castle while Celestia wished to maintain a sensible bedtime — especially when she had yet to put the island errand with the smooze behind her.

Would seeing the fragments of memory left in Lady Smooze — if there were any — have made things worse?

The squishy sounds of the smooze following her across the balcony weren’t an adequate reply. She frowned, recalling how she had found the little creature to be cute and silly at the Grand Galloping Gala. Discord referring to Mister Smooze as his own and how the creature followed its father about in a stupor of joy no longer were innocent gestures.

As Celestia ended the day, Mister Smooze ambled along, halting in her shadow. The last rays of sunlight gave the slimy body of Mister Smooze an unsettling luminescence.

Mister Smooze gave her the same passive smile he showed Discord.

Mister Smooze gave her the same smile he showed everypony.

Celestia stood there on her balcony, barely able to look at the creature. Here was the union of mother and child, bound together against the desire of the only of the two allowed to live. Together, they had lasted for centuries sealed with a bond that only one state could break. Though Mister Smooze smiled up at her, was he still suffering even in his compact form? Had she and Discord truly done good in a way that was complete?

One smooze was still here, unable to do more than eat, follow at others’ heels, and delight in what little it could experience as an eyeless blob of slime. How could it tell anypony if it was still hurting?

Something sprung to mind, a single word dark and creeping. It was no thought free from darkness, but Celestia was not surprised by it. Right now it was chillingly relevant to the dilemma of the remaining smooze, and the struggle it brought to Celestia's thoughts. There was a single word that every Element of Kindness, past or present, always had to gain familiarity with.

Euthanisia.