I'm Not Ready for This
“Oh, so that’s why you’re here on your own…” Twilight mused. The three of us had taken a juice break as I told Twilight about the events up to this point. “I can’t imagine that… Me, an alicorn?”
“Really, that’s what stuck with you? Not the far future world with its own Element bearers or the world we’re in now, run by a sick-in-the-head puppetmaster and a harem anime protagonist?” I had to ask. I even took off my visor and showed it to her. “Come on, this is cool at least, right? A nice souvenir?”
Twilight nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah, sure… But that one detail just kinda stuck with me because I wonder… What did I do in that world to deserve such an honor? ”
I shrugged. “Who knows. Maybe you could earn it yourself if you play your cards right.”
Twi shook her head, but I’m not sure if it was to clear her head or just her denying it. “It doesn’t matter now. Worrying about the what-ifs doesn’t help any of us, and I shouldn’t go searching for power I didn’t earn. Besides, I came here to help you.”
“That’s what I don’t get. Why track me down and offer your help? Is this some sort of apology for everything?” I asked.
“Yes and no.” Always a catch with this mare, I swear. “It’s complicated… But I figured the best way to apologize is to help you get home again. Though… I’m sorry to hear that isn’t an option anymore.”
I snorted and turned away, not pleased by that reminder. “Yeah, well I hope you’re sorry. This whole mess is your fault after all.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Twilight visibly flinch at that. “I know… I want to somehow make it right by you. Both of you.” She put a hoof to her chin. “But the mare you described to me… I wonder if she’s the same one I met.”
“You ripped us away from our homes and tried to make us into cutesy pastel soldiers for a would-be tyrant.” Lemon growled, standing up. “I’d say that exempts you from any forgiveness.”
I held a wing out towards Lemon. “Okay, Lemon. Cool your tots. Anger gets us nowhere. Besides, you probably still have a home to go back to.” Lemon huffed, but sat back down. “And Twilight. You’re saying you met this mare too?”
She nodded. “Yeah, back when we were researching dimensional magic, she showed up, gave me some notes she had on the subject, and left. Never found out who she was or how she got those notes, but if she’s the same mare you saw in that dream, it makes sense.”
“Odd, but that’s for future Twilight to worry about.” Lemon huffed. “Let’s focus on this Weaver guy for now. Anyone got a plan to deal with him?”
The next morning, Twilight and I stood on a hill overlooking Ponyville. We both had our manes done up in ponytails, at her insistence. Something about us not getting mixed up with any alternate selves. I had also left my visor with Lemon. “Alright, you remember the plan?” She asked me.
I nodded. “Yeah, you just had to remind me twice. Don’t worry, it’s probably settled in my head. Probably.”
Twilight sighed. “I suppose that will have to do. I have my doubts about the plan though. Are you sure it will work?”
I sighed as well. “I really hope so.” Looking down at Ponyville, I wasn’t feeling as confident as I was yesterday. What if I can’t get close to him? What if I can’t act my way out of a paper bag? What if we can’t get Weaver separated from James? What if we can’t overpower him? What if everything I’ve thought was wrong?
“Sunny?” Twilight’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Are you sure you can do this?”
“Nope, but if I don’t do this now I will break down and never get it done. So let’s just do this shit before I have a panic attack.”
“Panic attack? I didn’t picture you to be the kind of pony to get anxiety like that.”
“No, but I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and it’s starting to catch up hard. After this, I want to find somewhere I can relax for the next forever.” I stated matter-of-factly.
Twi rolled her eyes. “We can probably grab some ice cream afterwards. Will that be enough?”
“Probably. As long as you’re buying.”
“Fine.” Twilight looked towards the sky. “We should hurry. The letter I sent will only buy us so much time.”
So this is me making a decision that will change lives. Making an impact. I hope I don’t fuck it up… “Okay, let’s go then.” I sighed, and we walked together into Ponyville.
Ponyville was… okay, hear me out. It felt artificially lively. Ponies wandered about, and I noticed they were actually aimless. I caught a discussion between two ponies, and they literally just sounded like a formless background conversation. A group of fillies just giggled and kicked a ball around. I tried asking them what was so funny and they didn’t know, but went back to giggling anyway as though the ball was telling them funny jokes.
“It’s all a backdrop. A stage.” I heard Twilight say behind me. “None of these ponies know what they’re doing, or why they’re doing it. It’s just to set a scene.”
“This isn’t right. Were they like this yesterday?” I may or may not have forgotten. Don’t judge me.
“No, ponies seemed normal yesterday.”
A sinking feeling crept into my gut. “This is a setup for something. Either we’re expected or we’re going to interrupt something Weaver’s planning. Either way, I don’t like it.”
“I admit, not the best start, but we can work around it.” Twilight said, trying to sound confident.
“You know what they say. No plan survives first contact…” I murmured, and Twilight nodded in understanding.
“If I had a bit for every plan that fell apart at the beginning…”
We split up, Twilight heading for the library. My target was Sugarcube Corner, but as I was walking, I saw something… odd. A dark red unicorn mare with a wild and spiky dark blue mane was pushing what looked like an oversized 90’s PC with not one, but two lasers sticking out of the top at odd angles. An amplifier was literally duct taped to the side, and what I am very sure was a toy rocket had been jammed into the middle of the amplifier. The unicorn stopped in the middle of the road and wiped the sweat off her brow, while ponies around her continued on as if this was completely normal. And while normally I’d agree with them, or just not care, my current situation deemed this as worth investigating.
I gave the unicorn a wave as I approached. She seemed to notice and gave a small wave back. “Hey,” I greeted, then had to ask, “what’s up with this? Some kind of new-age art exhibit?”
Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t what she actually said. Or should I say he said, because It was definitely a stallion’s voice coming out of that mare’s mouth. “Actually no. It’s something I’ve been tinkering with for a few days. Still untested, but with the scale of what I’m trying to accomplish, I couldn’t afford to risk getting discovered.” He turned to the contraption and fiddled with the dials on the amplifier as I pondered the pony in front of me.
“So… What is this, exactly?” I asked again. “Where’d you get this stuff to make it?”
“Occasional rifts in reality between our world and the human world have deposited a few things here and there. I’ve found what I can, and with a few dozen spell matrices mixed in, I’ve made what I like to call the Reality Normalizier!” He said with a flourish at the end.
“Riiiiight… What’s it do?”
“It should correct the alterations in reality brought upon us by the dimensional interlopers. Ya know, James and his tagalong Jesse.”
“Really?” I wondered, feigning ignorance. “What did they do?”
He grumbled and gestured to himself. “Well for one thing, I used to be a respected professor at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Now I’m some sort of mad scientist who goes crazy at the mere sight of that alicorn.”
“Seems to me it’s more James than Jesse doing that. I found out what’s really causing the changes.”
That got his attention, as he teleported right in front of me. “What!? You know what’s causing the abnormalities in reality?”
I gently but firmly pushed his face away from mine. “Yes. That is what I just said.”
He backed up quickly, looking embarrassed by his outburst. “S-sorry. I just needed to know for sure. So then, what is it? This kind of knowledge could save our world.”
“O-oh, right.” Would Weaver know if I spoke his name aloud? Shit, did I already speak his name before? I can’t remember! “W-well it’s-”
“Look who decided to show their face in Ponyville again...” I froze as I heard the voice of James behind me. And he sounded pissed. Fuuuuuuuck… Not now! “Dr. Eclipse, I thought I made it very clear to you that the next time I saw you again would be the last, didn’t I?” I turned around to see him decked out in almost ethereal armor, glaring daggers at the red pony. Eclipse, apparently.
And then I heard cackling. I turned back and Eclipse’s demeanor had completely changed. “You fool!” Also his voice had changed, sounding more like a crazy mare’s voice. “You have fallen right into my trap!” Oh right. He mentioned he turns into a mad scientist when he sees James. He did not mention that he turned into a mare as well. Well, he already looked like one. He, or she stood on top of her machine. “And now my greatest creation, the Internetinator! With it, I shall project your world’s internet right into the minds of every pony in Ponyville!”
Internet...inator… What the actual seven fucks is this lunatic going on about? Whatever it was, it seemed to scare James, so I guess it was good. “No! You’ll drive everypony insane! No single mind can handle that much porn!” Ooooooof course he went there… “I’ll stop you, once and for all!”
“I don’t think so, not this time.” I felt the pull of magic lift me up, and before I knew it Eclipse had me grappled by the neck. Fuck, here we go again… “I have your new little marefriend here, and a very unfortunate fate will befall her if you even so much as light that horn of yours.” She made sure to emphasize that threat by tightening the magic grip around my neck very painfully. I flailed around, trying to get free or even get a breath in, but because magic is fucking cheating I had no luck. Then the grip loosened and I went limp, panting for air. I looked back at James and saw he had taken a step back.
Well fine, if he’s no help, I’ll have to find someone who can. My eyes scanned the crowd, hoping to see Twilight, but she wasn’t there. Wait, was this crowd always here? And it’s full of mares… An absolutely moronic plan formed in my mind, so stupid it just might work. “Hey everypony! First one to stop this nutcase gets a free kiss from James!”
“What?”
“What!?”
“Yeah!” And with a rousing chorus of screams, the crowd charged. I saw earth ponies kicking and pounding on the machine while unicorns threw objects from afar. Eclipse looked around, shocked that the crowd was attacking, and James looked equally bewildered. I gave a smug grin of satisfaction as a pegasus charged right for the madmare, but was blocked by a shield. Another one came from behind though, tackling Eclipse to the ground and releasing her grip on me.
I fell onto the machine butt first and felt myself push something. Sitting up, I saw it was a big red button. Sorry, a big red self-destruct button. “Was that always ther-” My wondering was cut off as the machine exploded, sending everyone flying backwards. Well everyone but me, who got the deluxe treatment by getting sent flying straight towards James.
The feeling of magic around me came back as James caught me. Once again, squirming my way out did nothing to help as he brought my face close to his. “Well, if it isn’t my dear little ray of sunshine. Love what you did with your mane.” He glanced back over at the dazed, but unharmed crowd. “I guess you won. Now for your prize.” Shit shit shit, I don’t want a kiss from you, creeper!
“Well, if it isn’t my dear little ray of sunshine.” The image was there. Brief, but clear in my mind. A certain brown, muscular pervert who wouldn’t leave me alone. It flashed through my mind, and I felt like I was in his grasp yet again...
“No!” I think I panicked a little at the thought of Stud Muffin, because the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground and James was nowhere to be seen. Wait, there he was, climbing out of a hole in the wall of a building across the street.
Shit, I shot him with my laser face didn’t I?
“What. The hell. Was that?” James said as he got back up and dusted himself off. “Your friends mentioned you had some kind of superpower, but that… That actually hurt.”
“Good.” I spat.
“What? What’s wrong with you?”
“Oh, nothing. I’m just tired of being treated like a damsel to be rescued, like a prize to be won. I’m tired of running, and I’m sick and tired of fucking perverts like you!” I felt the energy build inside again as I ranted, and couldn’t catch it in time to prevent me firing again at James. This time he deflected it with a shield, sending the beam straight into the air. Welp, I guess that’s one way to signal Twilight…
“I think I see now…” James said as his armor covered him further and a sword appeared in his magic. “You’re the villain of this day, driven mad by your power. Now I have to save you.”
I felt my eye twitch at his sheer stupid. “What? Where did you even get that crazy idea? Who’s feeding you this bullshit?” Oh right, Weaver. I still gotta separate them… Good job me, you fucked up the stealth option.
“Enough! I will not face these insults without challenge.” The gem on his chest -Weaver- fired a rainbow beam at me, which I just dodged out of the way of. Then another beam fired at me, and I put up a shield of my own to block it. A third beam fired that I took to the air to dodge. “Come on, didn’t you say you were tired of running? Fight!”
Oh trust me, I was going to. I needed to see what he was capable of first. Check for weaknesses. Maybe he realized it and was trying to goad me into fighting, into making a mistake. “Not gonna happen, bucko. I’m not stupid.” I said, crossing my hooves. Of course, when he spread his wings, I realized I made a bit of a mistake. “Oh, right…”
He took off, straight for me, his sword prepped for a swing at me. I met his blade with my own, and for a moment I felt proud of myself for blocking his attack. Then that moment passed, as the alicorn that was almost twice my size continued his swing, treating my mass as though it were insignificant and tossing me through the air onto a cloud. “Fuck… Okay, no more swordfighting this guy…” I mumbled to myself as I got back up. My only viable method of attack was from a distance.
I took to the air again and dodged another beam. He’s not relenting, is he? I fired back with a beam of my own, which he dodged. I fired again, and he blocked it with his sword. Okay, this is getting me nowhere. I need a better plan.
Going back down to the streets of Ponyville, I ignored the shouts of James as I went looking for Twilight. Two-on-one was much better odds. It didn’t last long, as I felt myself panting, and ducked into an alley. Sitting down for a moment, I could feel the ache in my limbs, and a slight burning in my lungs. Damn, I’m not cut out for this, am I? What was I thinking? I wasn’t, really.
Unfortunately my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of hooves behind me, and I threw myself the ground to avoid a swing from his sword. “The hell, man? I thought you wanted to save me, not cut my head off!”
James stood over my prone position, looking dissatisfied. “I channel the Elements of Harmony through my blade. It’d only kill you if the Elements wanted you dead.”
“That doesn’t make it any better!” And then I realized too late my mistake. I’m on the ground in a prone position in front of a big alicorn with a sword. I’m really batting a thousand today, aren’t I? Then I glanced down at his chest. Weaver was completely exposed. Wait a minute, this is my chance! The energy I had built up was getting rather low, that was probably why I had gotten so tired so quickly. So I only had one, maybe two good shots left in me. Here goes nothing… I closed my eyes, gathered as much energy as I could, ignoring the fatigue the rest of my body was feeling…
“So you concede then? Fine, then the Elements shall judge you.”
...and unloaded it all straight into James’ chest.
There was a flash of light visible even through my closed eyes, I heard a bang and a cry of pain, then a crash. I tried to open my eyes, but all my body wanted to do was rest. Come on… not now…
Then there was another weaker flash and the familiar tingle of magic. Before I could panic again, another flash came with the feeling of dizziness. “You should be safe now, he won’t think to look here.” I heard Twilight’s voice say. I finally mustered the strength to open my eyes, and found myself looking at the ceiling of the library. Twilight’s bedroom, to be exact. I breathed in, preparing a sigh of relief, then I held it when Twilight’s face came into view. She looked pissed. “What were you thinking? Fighting him wasn’t part of the plan!”
“I wasn’t thinking… Not after having a flashback of that prick Stud Muffin. I panicked, shot him, then tried to prove I wasn’t weak...” I slowly sat up, my body protesting all the while.
“Trying to prove you weren’t weak?” Twilight parroted. “To who, me? Him?”
I shook my head. “Myself, I think. I don’t think I did a very good job.”
“Clearly not. But it’s fine. We just need to regroup, come up with a new plan, try again once this all blows over. I’ll see if I can get a checklist sorted.” Twilight said, probably more to herself than me.
“No, we need to press the advantage.” I protested.
Twilight shot me a look that screamed ‘are you stupid?’ “You want to continue fighting? In your state?”
“If we don’t take care of Weaver now, they’ll be more defensive when we try again. We may not be able to beat him next time. We need to finish this before they have a chance to recover.”
“You need to recover first! And I most certainly will not try and fight him myself. Reality-warping Element of Harmony aside, he’s an alicorn!”
I slowly stood up and walked to the window. Looking outside, I saw the glimmer of light that was James flying around, very likely looking for me. I also felt the warmth of the sun again, and some of the fatigue left me as my body absorbed the sun’s light. “Whew, that’s better.” I turned back to Twilight. “Just gimme a few minutes. Sunlight seems to restore my energy.”
Twilight tilted her head, then produced a notebook and pen. “Interesting… Your body’s vitality is connected to your energy reserves? And both are replenished by sunlight?”
I nodded. “Seems that way. Quite quickly too, but it is also used up quickly.”
“Then this might just work. We’ll need Lemon here too. Her magic may not be as strong, but it could give us the edge we need. Stay here, wait until we get back, and absorb as much energy as you need.” Twilight said. She lit her horn and vanished in a flash of magic.
So I stood there at the window for a few minutes, enjoying the light and the view, when I saw James looking this way. Shit, I left myself exposed! I quickly ducked down and curled up in the sunbeams. Yes, like a cat. Don’t see me don’t see me don’t see me… I layed there for a moment before risking a peek outside again. James was no longer looking my way, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
And then I jumped as I heard a flash of magic behind me. “Sunshine, we’re back.” Twilight said. Getting too jumpy... “Sunshine?” I turned back around to greet her, and saw Lemon there with her.
“I’m fine, you just startled me.” I said, taking a breath. “Trying not to let the stress get to me.”
Twilight seemed to look around for a moment before setting eyes on me and squinting really hard, in a way that made me uncomfortable. “Sunshine, is that you?”
“Who else would I be, the pizza guy? Do I need to deliver hot and cheesy goodness in 30 minutes or less?” I huffed indignantly. “...Fuck, now I want pizza.”
“What?” Twilight shook her head, looking confused. “No, I mean-”
“Dude, you turned invisible.” Lemon said, cutting her off. “When did you learn to do that?”
“What?” I looked down, and sure enough I could only see a faint shimmer where my hooves were. I lifted one to get a better look. “Woah.”
“How’d you do that?” Lemon asked. “Can you teach me?”
I shrugged, though they probably couldn’t see it. “I dunno. I just wanted to not be seen, and I guess poof! I went invisible.”
“Fair enough. The magical augmentations are meant to be simple to utilize. Raw magical power you can just bend to your will makes it easier to use, as if it were an extension of your natural magic. Not as precise or varied as actual spellcasting, but not as strict either.”
“Uh huh… So I can use it to turn invisible then.”
“Yes, and can you please use it to turn visible again? It’s really hard to see you.” Oh yeah. After willing myself visible again, and internally giggling at how cool that was, Twilight produced a sheet of paper and a pen. “Better. Noting this down for further research. Now then, how shall we take care of the reality warper now that somepony has made Subject J hostile?” She asked, giving me a brief glare.
“Subject J?” Lemon and I asked at once.
“I refuse to call him by his human name. It feels… wrong.”
Lemon rolled her eyes. “Right, like turning us into ponies and overwriting our identities is right. At least he still thinks his name is his own.”
I pointed at Lemon. “You, shut your butt. We’re here to work together. So, you’ll be coming with me to fight Fuckstick out there. The goal is to get that gem off of him and toss it into the void.” Then I pointed at Twilight. “And you will search for my friends. Get them out of Ponyville, and they’ll hopefully snap out of it.” And finally I pointed at myself. “And me. I dunno why I’m instructing myself. I just want to be included. Any questions?”
Lemon raised a hoof. “Yes, do we get cool codenames?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“...Fine.”
“I take it back. No more codenames.” Lemon grumbled as we left the library. She had donned a cloak to hide her wings and I had gone back to being invisible, so the two of us could walk around town casually. No sense in drawing attention to ourselves before we were ready.
I chuckled and gave Lemon a friendly nudge. “Too bad, ‘Princess.’ You asked for this.”
“Easy for you to say ‘Angel.’ You’ve got a cooler codename.”
“Whatever, now shush. I think he was over here.” I said as we turned a corner. Sure enough, James was there, sitting at a cafe table alongside Charcoal and Ceruline. Finally. Figures they’d still be with him.
I took to the air and perched on a nearby rooftop to get a better view while Lemon casually strolled up to an adjacent table and sat down, pulling up a menu. James, Charcoal, and Ceru seemed to be in the middle of a discussion, so I leaned in to listen better.
“So how did you meet her anyway?” James asked them.
“Oh, it was awful.” Ceru replied, with visible tears in her eyes. “She came to us, asking for her help with some kind of weather project, then the next thing we knew, we were being taken on some wild ride to take over Equestria.” What the actual seven fucks? Where did any of this come from?
“Yes, thank you for driving her off. You’ve saved us from months of pain.” Charcoal added. Months? I’ve only known you a week or so.
“It’s fine, ladies. Just doing my job. But now, we need to focus on stopping her for good. Maybe show her the error of her ways.” James said.
Right, I’ve had enough. Weaver! Let my friends out of your stupid story and I might just let you live.
I felt that familiar numb tingle in the back of my head as Weaver felt my presence. “But the story is just getting to the best part. Your little villainous twist gave me new inspiration. And if you’re lucky, we can give you a reformation arc.”
Weaver, listen. Last chance. Let us go, or we put an end to your story. I’m in no mood to put up with your bullshit.
“We?”
James appeared to take notice of the cloaked alicorn nearby and poked her on the shoulder. “Excuse me, I don’t think we’ve met. What’s with the cloak?”
Lemon shrugged him off. “Excuse me, I’m trying to get some food. Buzz off.”
James didn’t seem to take this well, getting up from his seat. “What’s with ponies today being so hostile? Don’t you know who I am?”
“Nope. Don’t care. You’re annoying me. Shoo.”
This seemed to piss off James, and he grabbed the cloak with his magic. “Hey, I’ve saved Ponyville twice today alone. Show me some re-” He was cut off as I saw Lemon’s horn light up and grab James, then telekinetically throw him over her shoulder and through the table. The act brought the cloak with him however, exposing Lemon’s wings.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the show of dominance. Yes, we. Weaver, meet ‘Princess’ Lemon Drop.
The few ponies in the area had various reactions. Some stared in shock. Others, seeing the other alicorn, reflexively bowed before her. Most fled though. Ceru and Charcoal seemed to be in the first camp. “What are you doing here?” Charcoal asked, while I noticed Ceru’s hooves start glowing again. I’ve really gotta ask her about that…
Lemon stood up and briefly glanced back at the two before turning her attention back down to James. “By the authority and power granted to me by Her Majesty, Princess Celestia, I hereby banish you from this world.”
“What? What are you talking about? You can’t banish me!” James protested.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” Lemon said coldly before taking the chestpiece which held Weaver in her magic and ripping it right off of James. “Hmph, you think you’re so powerful, but what are you really? Nothing. Now return to nothing.” With that, she used her magic to open a portal. This one was pitch black, and shimmered with an aura of wrongness that seemed unnatural.
“Wait!” I heard Weaver plead. “Why don’t I offer you a story of your own? Be the heroes of this world instead. Defeat all the monsters you could ever dream of, be adored by thousands! Infinite power!”
Lemon laughed and shook her head. “How cute, but we’ll have to pass. Self-aggrandising stories like that just lead to narcissism. Not to mention a fragile ego. Now then, where were we?”
“What about a romantic comedy? You two would make a great-” Weaver’s pleading was silenced when Lemon threw him into the portal, which closed right afterwards.
The effects of removing Weaver were immediate. Ponies all around us clutched their heads, looking pained and confused. A statue down the road that once presented a proud, heroic alicorn stallion changed into a more friendly earth pony mare. And all around us, anything that was of or about James vanished. Once the initial wave of changes passed, ponies all went about their day, some of which stuck around to gawk at the alicorns outside the cafe. As for James himself, he didn’t disappear or change, oddly enough. He didn’t disappear or change back into a human, but still remained a big white alicorn.
Of course he also remained an oblivious dimwit too. “What was that all about? Who were you talking to? And where’d you send my element?”
“You ask too many questions.” Lemon said with disdain. “Your ‘element’ was chucked into the void between dimensions, where it shall never see the light of day again. You no longer have any power in this world. Goodbye.” She lit her horn and in a flash, the alicorn was gone.
“Wait! Get back here you bitch! I’m still the hero! I will still save the day! I always do!” James shouted into the sky, much to the confusion of the ponies around him. With a flap of his wings, he took to the air to search once again, leaving me alone with my friends.
So I uncloaked myself and jumped down from my perch to say hi. “Sunny!” Ceru exclaimed, embracing me in an almost bone-crushing hug. “Where were you? We lost track of you. Also I think I blacked out a bit. I last remember seeing that white alicorn, then suddenly the one that attacked us is back and attacking him. What happened?”
I returned the hug, though not as intense. “Bit of a long story. Short of it, Lemon’s cool now. Twilight too. Though they aren’t cool with each other, since Lemon is another Harmonize victim. Also that white pony is a shithead. Like, Stud Muffin levels of shit.”
“Okay… We missed a lot then.” Charcoal said. “How about you fill us in on the rest over lunch?”
“Now that sounds like a plan.” I said, feeling my stomach agree.
Of course, plans around me never work out, as I heard a thump right behind me. “You! You did this, didn’t you?” Yep, James had found us. Yep, he was pissed. Nope, I wasn’t about to take any further shit from him.
I calmly turned around to look up at him. “Sir, I have absolutely no idea what you are going on about.”
He bent his head down so that his nose was almost touching mine before yelling right in my face. “No one remembers me! I saved them all and there’s no sign I ever even existed!”
Oh, so that’s what happened. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as I responded. “I’m sorry, who are you?”
His scream of primal fury sent warning signs visible from orbit, so I quickly jumped back and formed a shield over my friends and I as he sent a fucking massive beam of magic at us. Fuck, even without Weaver this guy still has a lot of power. The energy flowing around us swirled pretty shades of blue, but we were toast if the shield faltered. When I noticed a crack in the hardlight, fear started creeping in that it would break. I was gonna put some more energy into sealing the crack, but Ceru stepped forward and placed a glowing hoof over the crack, which sealed it up for me.
A few seconds after the attack started, it stopped. I dropped the shield and saw that the beam left a path of destruction in its wake. The cobblestone roads were ripped up and burnt, and any building in its path was more or less toast. “Oh dear, I hope no one was hurt by that.” I turned back to James, the grin right back on my face. “You must be a pretty bad guy to try and hurt innocent ponies like that.”
Apparently I hadn’t learned my lesson, because James picked me up in his magic and brought my face right up to his. “No! I am the hero, you are the villain! We fight, I win, you lose. That’s how these stories go!”
Shame, because I was having too much fun poking this bear to stop now. “Sorry, it appears you got the wrong script. Clearly you are the villain here.” Of course, I’m no saint either. No hero would do the dumb shit I do. Or swear as much. Probably.
So with a second scream of primal rage, he found the best course of action to prove he was the hero was to slam me into the street. Immediately, my entire world exploded into pain. I might have blacked out for a second because the next thing I knew, I was in somebody’s living room. My vision was blurred and I’m pretty sure that the metallic taste in my mouth was blood. My ears were ringing and I struggled for breath. Fuck… Is this how my stupidity finally gets me? By pissing off an egomaniac with the cheating power of magic?
Suddenly a bottle was shoved in my mouth and some kind of thick liquid poured itself down my throat. It tasted somewhat sour, and kinda like strawberries. The pain faded a little, my vision cleared up, and the ringing in my ears stopped. I blinked and looked up, seeing a pink pegasus mare standing over me, her long blonde and pink striped mane covering part of her face as she looked down at me. Wait a second… Aren’t you…?
She chuckled briefly, taking the bottle and stowing it in her bags. “I didn’t invest so much in you just to have you die to some jerk with a power complex. That potion restored a bit of your vitality, but it won’t mend broken bones. Stay down, and I’ll see you again soon.” She said, then walked away. Way to be mysterious. What the fuck did that even mean? I tried sitting up, but a stabbing pain in my chest forced me back down. Ow, okay, staying down.
Shortly after, I heard hooves coming my way. Better not be James coming to finish me off… No, the pair of white and gray coats told me a different story. “Oh hi, did I crash through your living room?”
“Sunny? The heck happened to you?” The white one asked. You’re my Vinyl? And Octavia too?
“Pissed off a god. Or some jackass who thinks himself a big hero. Fuck if I care anymore… Too much hurt.”
“Where are the others?”
I weakly waved whichever hoof hurt the least. I think it was my left one. “Somewhere. They’re probably okay.” There was a moment of silence before I added. “Hey, if you see a big white angry alicorn, don’t let him know I’m here…”
“Righty-o. Uh… Tavi, see if you can get her some help. I’m gonna find the others.” Vinyl said, then started to walk away.
“Hang on, why can’t you help?” Octavia protested.
“Because you’re better with the whole… dealing with ponies… thing. Also you’re gentler than I am. And stuff.”
“You just want to use that thing you brought with you.”
“And can you blame me? It’s awesome!”
“And destructive! You blew a hole in our wall! And the neighbor’s wall! And blew all the hair off her cat!”
“She deserved it for scratching my butt! Besides, I toned it down a bit. Now I’m going to find the others, you just get her to safety. Bye!” Vinyl finally ran off, leaving Octavia to deal with me.
I chuckled, wincing at the pain it brought. “So, what brought you back?” I asked, trying to break the ice.
“Oh you know, the ever-present call of adventure and excitement.” Octavia said with complete sarcasm.
“You just wanted to make sure Vinyl didn’t do something stupid.”
She sighed. “Pretty much. You too.”
“How’s that working out for ya?”
“0 for 2 so far. I’ve got my work cut out for me it seems.” She went and grabbed a pillow, setting it under my head. “Just rest here for a moment. I’ll be right back with some help, and we’ll get you to a hospital.”
I let out a sigh and closed my eyes as Octavia left. “Hospitals… Fun.”
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Please don’t die. I like you and your stories. On that note stay safe.
Nice chapter 👍
James finally out of his own story and into a reality he had been denying for so long. Can't wait for every ponies to find out what that perverted douchebag has been doing to them with Weaver's power. He is going to find out reality can be a harsh mistress, and right now, she is very, very angry.
Nice to see you again, by the way. Hope you're doing good. Keep up the great job.
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I'm doing fine for right now. Trying to find a job so I can keep myself going is... hard, but I'll keep trying. On that note, the next chapter is going to take a little longer because I wasn't quite happy with the first draft and am doing some rewrites