3: An Interview With An Emperor
It was a fine day in Canterlot as the train from Ponyville pulled into the station, allowing six mares and a young dragon to disembark and stretch their legs after the lazy train journey up, whereupon they witness a rather impressive sight.
Griffins, hundreds of them, flying in tight formations around a convoy of their massive airships, occasionally one group broke off to head into one of the massive gray and white goliaths, but another group was already taking their place as the airships finally came to a halt near Canterlot Castle, while on the ground, Pinkie Pie said what (mostly) everyone was thinking, "I want to put a swimming pool in one of those."
Okay, she wasn't thinking anything like the others.
What was being thought by Twilight Sparkle was a deluge of random trivia as her eyes traced the formations of Griffins and the aerial convoy.
'Those are the new Imperial-class Zeppelins announced in The Highland Call, the national newspaper of the Imperial Griffin Kingdoms, which means these are soldiers of the Imperial Army, which is composed of recruits from across the Aerie Highlands. all of them trained to be utterly loyal to the Imperial Throne in order to put down any rebellious kings or queens, and if that's the Imperial Army in the sky, along with one...two...five Imperial-class Zeppelins, which is half the fleet, that means that the Griffon Emperor is here for the conference and omigosh omigosh omigosh I am not ready, I haven't read up on Griffin etiquette when meeting the Emperor, I haven't read up on the language so I can give the proper greeting, I have to work entirely from memory...from a year ago! AAAAAAAAAAGH!'
*SPLASH!*
"CORNBREAD!" Twilight Sparkle screamed as the shock of the cold water hitting her face brought her back to reality and she looked around wildly, "I mean, I didn't do research!"
Her pupils shrank to tiny dots as she finally registered that she, and her friends were standing in front of Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, a lot of Griffins, a strange biped covered in clothing that wouldn't look out of place in Appleloosa, and a regal Griffin possessing mix of snow-white and grey head-feathers and wings, with a rather regal black cat's body dressed in the armoured finery of a Griffin noble wearing an ornate and likely heavy gold crown with serene but stony dignity.
And nearly everyone in the room was trying their best to stifle smiles, even the regal Griffin, who most certainly had to be Emperor Greywing The Seventeenth, had a certain twinkle in his otherwise steely gaze that showed his amusement.
The biped had no such compunctions as he started laughing, "BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! C-Cornbread! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Twilight's cheeks burned as her memory helpfully supplied her somehow heading straight to the throne room of Canterlot Castle and properly, correctly, and robotically giving all the correct greetings and respect due to a foreign ruler, and then just standing there for several minutes until the biped splashed her in the face with a bucket of water.
And he was still laughing as he walked off, bucket held loosely in one hand, "First time for everything! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sleep-diplomacy! It'll be all the rage over in the Slyvanian Territories!" He left the room, his laughter echoing for several seconds until it finally faded while Twilight's face was now a deep and proper shade of red.
"I must apologize for the behaviour of the Sherrif of Shady Sands, Princess Celestia." The Griffin Emperor rumbled, "He has a...queer, sense of humor." As Princess Celestia nodded with her own smile, the Griffin Emperor turned back to Twilight Sparkle, "Now then, since you appear to have regained your senses, might I ask what place the Princess Of Friendship has in this conference?"
Twilight managed to clear her throat and speak, proud that her voice didn't crack from the embarrassment, "I came to the conference in my capacity as an expert charged by Princess Celestia to evaluate the new Griffin weapons for Equestria's own peace-keeping purposes. Unfortunately, my research has come to the point where I must ask some questions from you, Emperor Greywing."
Greywing held up a claw, which Twilight idly noted was festooned with rings, "And there I am afraid that I must decline. Not out of keeping secrets," He clarified as Twilight noted that Pinkie Pie was about to launch into some spiel about secret-keeping, "But because my government as well has no knowledge of the true workings of the weaponry."
Twilight's jaw dropped, before she managed to recover, "B-but...why?! Why would you introduce a weapon that you have no clue about with it's inner functions? Don't you realize how dangerous that is? What if this is all a plot to take over the world by some evil villain."
"Isn't that an Equestrian thing?" Someone in the host of Griffins piped up and ripple of chirping chuckles and giggles flowed through the room before the Griffin Emperor held up his ringed claw again to halt the laughter.
"T'is sad but true," Princess Luna commented idly, "Most villains seems to have a predilection for targeting Equestria above all other realms. A very strange fact." She shrugged, "Still, I doubt these weapons, plastic and foam that they are, pose much threat Twilight Sparkle, since the Griffins have had them for nigh-on two months and have suffered no ills for it."
"There you have it." The Griffin Emperor stated, "Furthermore, my empire's sole expert was about to speak about this topic-ah, he returns."
Twilight turned to see the biped who had splashed her with water returning with a swagger, "Sorry about that your Majesty, Princesses, had to return the bucket."
"It's quite all right." Princess Celestia smiled, "Now then, I believe you were about to reveal the secret of how these weapons worked?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, sure, whatever you want Princess." The biped responded casually, and Twilight's ears perked up as she automatically took a scroll and quill, "Now you gotta understand that this is all top-secret, okay? If even a word of this gets out to the public, we're finished." He looked around the room, before taking a deep breath, "Okay, the secret of the weapons is..."
Twilight leaned closer.
"It is..."
She leaned even closer,.
"It most definitely is..."
She was leaning at a wobbly angle now.
"I have no idea."
She fell over before springing to her feet, "WHAT!" The presence of the other two Princesses and the Griffin Emperor quite forgotten, her wings flared and she immediately jumped up to hover in front of the biped's face, "WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA! AREN'T YOU THE EXPERT! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT KNOW HOW THESE WEAPONS WORK?"
The Biped was unperturbed, "Because I'm not involved in the manufacturing."
Twilight blinked, "What."
"I'm not involved in the manufacturing. My job apart from being the Sheriff of Shady Sands is to present the catalogues to His Imperial Majesty, haggle with the Imperial Treasury and then organising shipping from the warehouses to the Imperial Armory where they are distributed to the Imperial Army and Guard. I'm basically the logistics manager, I have no access to or knowledge of the manufacturing including the true secret of the Darts and Launchers."
Twilight's mouth worked silently as she attempted to digest the information while the Biped shook his head, "Sorry, but...if you want to find out, you'll have to go the manufacturer and speak with them. I can give you a location, and introduce you to one of the higher ups who should be able to answer your questions, but yeah...if you want to find out, you're going to have to cross the border and head to the main factory."
Twilight closed her eyes, inhaled, held the breath, and then slowly exhaled, "Okay, I can do that. Where is the manufacturer?"
The Biped told her and Twilight's eyes goggled in shock, "THAT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OBSIDIAN JUNGLE WASTES!"
"Likely at the foot of or at the summit of Mount Nightmare, the world's tallest active volcano." Princess Luna further clarified, "I believe that was where Celestia and I slew the Greater Horror known as 'Cuddles' during our war with Discord."
"Actually we fought there twice, Sister." Celestia spoke up, "The second time was to slay his brother 'Barney' when it came for revenge."
"Ah yes, indeed. Quite lovely scenery even with the acid lakes and lava rivers."
"Yes, very lovely, the vistas were truly awe-inspiring."
Twilight shook her head, "So let me get this straight. The manufacturer is not only past the Aerie Highlands, but at the heart of the deadliest jungle in existence, one that not even Daring Do would travel through without backup, infested with monsters worse than that in the Everfree Forest and home to weather that is equally as worse. Why, in the name of all that is holy, good and righteous would anypony set up a company there?"
"Privacy." The Biped replied simply and at that moment Twilight's wings locked up from shock and she fell flat on her face, "Anyway, if you want to ask questions, the factory and corporate headquarters is there if you want to make the trip."
"Oh," Twilight responded, "I'm making the trip. And then, when I prove that these weapons are part of a conspiracy to conquer the world by some mad god, I expect you to be first in line to kiss my hooves and apologize for ever doubting me."
"I never doubted you." The Biped replied.
"What?" Twilight blinked.
"I never doubted you." The Biped reiterated, "Because I never gave a damn about your opinion. Good luck on your trip, Princess, you're gonna need it."
With that he headed over to the Emperor's entourage and leaned against the wall, leaving Twilight standing there with all eyes on her.
Finally, she coughed and put on a determined expression, "Well, I'd better go to get ready and get some real answers. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Your Majesty." Bowing respectfully, Twilight left the room with her friends in tow, before the guards shut the doors with nary a whisper of sound.
"Is she gone?"
"Yes, she is. Now then, as you were about to explain?"
"Your Majesty?"
"Security cordon. Now."
"You have trained yon soldiers well. Our memory of Griffin martial prowess is still focused on more...tribal mannerisms."
"We have come a long way. Now then, Sheriff?"
"Right. Here's how they work, and here's why you must ensure the secret never gets out."
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That poor pony you do know that was completely evil
Haven't got time to read it just now, but this has to be linked:
Am I the only one who imagines the Griffin Kingdom as a country of troll?
Well I must say that I enjoy this piece of work. Keep it up.
If Nerf Guns can do this much damage, what about...
AIRSOFT?
7325288
Going by the possible headcanon of 7324926 , Airsoft would probably perform worse than NERF weapons in Equestria: Assuming the headcanon is accurate, the name 'airsoft' would be taking the meanings of 'air' and 'soft', then channeling them through the airsoft weapons. Which can only implicate that getting hit would be akin to being hit with soft, tiny, pellet-sized pillows. (Only in Equestria)
While NERF takes the human definition of the word 'nerf', and channels it into the NERF weapons: All targets are struck with what amounts to a 'nerfbat', except with foam darts rather than a 'bat'.
But it's still headcanon until confirmed/denied by the author.
7325355
Well, if the headcannon isn't true, then god help us all, for ye airsoft gods rain down destruction upon us all.
Don't want to deal with the long and tedious setup of the scene you really want to do? Have Twilight take one for the story and do sleep diplomacy. It was a wise choice.
This has promise to be not only good, but totally hilarious as well.
Id propose. That its the transition accross realities from the human world production factories, they are made by the million, that lets the local World Magic do the transformation, which is far easier than the pony, human transition of living things.
In Magic, Words have Power, and Names are Power. the Name that is a Word can have Power Word Kill rating.
If foals are unaffected, I propose that the Griffon Army go up against the CMC.
I also propose, in keeping, that because of Pinkies reality decentralised behaviour, that she is affected by these weapons the same as a human in their realm, because she is part of that realm, because if she wasnt, it would cause a Grandfather style paradox feedback loop causing an energy release leading to the destruction of both realities.
Of course, as a scientist, I am happy to wait for the description the author has decided on that prooves me wrong.
Pinkie, is Always watching.
What!? Everyone there knowingly decieved Twilight? What the actual hell!? If Celestia doesn't want Twilight to know how they work, why did she ask Twilight to investigate them in the first place!? No, instead she throws her off the trail by sending her on a stupidly dangerous trip that could get her killed!? This makes no sense! there is no way Celestia would do that!
7326663
It's almost as if you were reading some kind of alternate universe story where nothing is as it seems and something screwy is going on.
I mean, it's like somehow you were seeing only what Twilight Sparkle was seeing. As if she was some kind of point of view for the entire story.
7326985 Wow, harsh, okay maybe I deserved that. I get that it's an alternate universe but characters should still hold true to their basic values unless the conditions of the alternate universe changes them. Nothing in this suggests Celestia is significantly different from her usual self and Celestia endangering Twilight just doesn't fit.
I AM LAUGH SO HARD
7328762
SAME!!!
Continued laughter...
7327144
Canon: Has already been stated/made official
Headcanon: Hasn't been made official, but could be without really affecting anything
Alternate universe*: MY GAME, MY RULES
*Story has been tagged with.
7331442 I wasn't around for the first 3 Fallout
(1, 2, Tactics)
Thought this might be of interest. Oh, and I've read it now. This seems incredibly silly but I don't think they're just all trolling Twilight... but I think the answer to the mystery is probably less mysterious and more stupid.
Sounds like an average day of Xenoblade X to me.
7325355 That's not bad reasoning.
I'd been playing with the idea that they were actually coming from Earth, and had some fan-canon un-magic about them that ignored or neutralized the magic in whatever they touched, but I like the NERF-as-a-verb concept better.
8294695
Alright, I look forward to it
7331442
hey um i saw the picture on your comment on the nerf story and i was just wondering what mod is that on that power armor to have that image on it?