2: Enter Twilight Sparkle
"Uhhh..." Slowly, a purple eyelid cracked open and the owner winced at the light shining in her eye before she blearily opened them and looked to find herself lying down in a hospital bed, "What the? Ponyville General?" Looking around, the mare carefully sat up as a nurse entered and stopped upon seeing her.
"Oh my! You're awake!" The nurse came forward and helped the mare sit up, "Try not to move around too much Princess Twilight, I'll go get the doctor to give you a checkup."
"Checkup? Doctor?" Twilight Sparkle muttered before she groaned and placed a hoof to her head, "Ah, my head! What happened?"
"I can answer that, Princess." An older, male voice replied as Twilight turned her head to see one of the doctors entering the room, "You've been unconscious for nine hours, after getting struck in the face by a projectile fired from one of the new Griffin weapons that was delivered to you by Princess Celestia. Your assistant, Spike, explained everything to us while you were recovering."
"Wait..." Twilight slowly drawled, "Are you saying that I've been in a coma for nine hours after being hit by a foam dart? By a toy?!"
The doctor nodded, "That is exactly what happened Princess Sparkle; you were struck in the head and was ejected from Sugarcube Corner through the front window with enough speed and force to smash into Cabbage Patch's cabbage cart.
Twilight dimly remembered a distraught voice screaming, "My cabbages!" Shaking her head lightly, Twilight focused on getting some answers, "I don't believe it. Clearly I was hit by some kind of powerful spell, or a monster attacked at that moment, or-"
"You were hit in the face by a foam projectile and sent flying." The doctor overrode her brusquely, "Denying it won't make it less true. The local Guard forces have numerous witness statements about what happened to you and everyone all said that you were sent flying through the window after getting hit in the face by a foam dart with a plastic cap." He smiled lightly, "I don't think you'll be able to say that these new Griffin weapons are toys any more."
Satisfied his patient was in good health, the doctor left Twilight Sparkle sitting in bed with her jaw agape. Once he was certain he was out of earshot, he started laughing.
Several minutes later, Twilight was cleared to leave the hospital, with a warning not to get hit in the face by foam darts again, much to her chagrin, leaving the Princess with only the walk back to her home, accompanied by the occasional glances and smiles being sent her way. Yes, there was sympathy or concern in some of the gazes but most of it?
Amusement, and Twilight knew her cheeks were burning from the embarrassment of not just being proven wrong, but being proven wrong, in public, after having a message from Princess Celestia read out loud saying that she was wrong.
But even so, no-one was quite willing to do more than smile a little and if they giggled it was well out of earshot as Twilight tried to maintain something resembling royal dignity and poise as she finally reached her castle and walked inside before teleporting to her throne room, "Well, at least that's over."
"I wouldn't be too sure." Twilight groaned as she heard the voice and turned to see her friends seated at their own thrones, and all of them were grinning widely at her as Rarity continued, "While I admit that even I am tempted to indulge in some playful ribbing at your expense, Twilight, what happened to you has proven that there is something to these 'toys' as you called them, yes?"
"I..." Twilight's head slumped as she trotted over to her throne and sat down, "You're right. Those foam darts are clearly capable of something but...but...ARGH!" She slammed her hooves on the table, "BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! I ran every test for magic, performed every examination for unusual abilities, everything that has ever been done and I'm certain I either invented new tests or rediscovered old ones, but none of them gave ANY results. None! It doesn't. Make. Sense!"
She popped out of existence and reappeared to slap one of the offending darts on the table, "This is a standard foam dart, made of polyurethane, an industrial product that is largely imported into Equestria as a form of foam filler and insulator. For these...weapons, they are an ammunition that is capped with a bright orange plastic cap and when fired from most of these weapons are capable of distances of 100 feet or more depending on the power of the springs and electric motors."
She popped out and back in to slap one of the weapons, unloaded, onto the table before her horn flashed to show a holographic image of the same weapon, only with all of the parts exploded outwards to show how it was constructed, "And this is one of the weapons in question. As you can see it's just nothing more than empty space with some mechanical parts of the ratchet-trigger mechanism and the spring that sends the dart flying by creating a powerful burst of air, a burst of air that shouldn't have the power to send the dart flying as far as it does!"
She looked at her friends with a serious expression, "And it's all made of plastic; bright, garish plastic and that same plastic is somehow, according to reports, able to withstand the kind of punishment that steel armour and weapons would be put through in the field. Plastic!"
Twilight glared at the weapon in front of her, "But you know what galls me the most girls? What really, really offends me about this? Absolutely nothing about this is magical. No gems, no inscriptions. Nothing." She slumped back in her seat, rubbing her forehead as she felt the headache from the hospital start to return, "So why, if everything so blatantly normal are these things capable of putting a pony in the hospital for nine hours?"
"Actually Twi," Applejack spoke up, "Your coma was extended, you hit Cabbage Patch's wagon pretty hard so the docs were concerned you had some kinda serious concussion. Spike says that usually a pony or whoever is hit by these things is only out for five hours, seven tops."
"Oh." Twilight deflated slightly, "That explains the x-rays then." She shook her head, "But that's not the point! The point is, how can polyurethane foam like what's used in cheap sofa cushions be capable of knocking someone out? Look." She teleported in an off-white block that landed on the table with a soft thump, "This is the exact same grade of polyurethane, down to the exact compounds and chemicals. Watch." Lifting it with her magic, Twilight unceremoniously tossed it at Pinkie's head, who giggled as the block bounced off her head without so much as a flinch.
"See?" Twilight pointed out, "Absolutely nothing. I'd even go as far as to say that Pinkie's head did more damage to the foam than it did to her!"
Everyone turned to look at Pinkie who held up the block to display an impression of her face in the block with a smile.
"Okay, that is actually impressive." Twilight conceded, "But still! Aren't any of you just the least bit worried about how this possible? I mean, what if this is something Discord did as a prank?"
"Nope!" Discord hollered as he walked out of a random door wearing a towel as steam billowed out before closing it, "And I'm not spoiling it either or getting involved! I'm on my contract-mandated vacation!" He opened another random door to the sounds of a raucous party, "Ladies and Gentlemen! Your god has arrived!" He kicked the door closed just as cheers erupted, leaving a pair of doors standing in the open room before they fell over with a bang.
"Huh, I thought every day was a vacation for that varmint?" Applejack muttered as she looked at the doors, one of them still trailing steam, before focusing back on Twilight, "But still, what's the big deal? Doesn't Princess Celestia know about how this stuff works?"
"That's the thing Applejack." Twilight sighed, "The Princess has no idea how the darts work and if what she told me in the original letter she sent is true, neither do the Griffons. The only person who has any idea about these...weapons and their ammo is the person who sold them to the Griffon Emperor! And I can't just ask for an appointment to see him!"
"Actually you can," Spike spoke up, "The Griffin Emperor is coming to Canterlot as part of some mutual law-enforcement conference between the Empire and Equestria."
"And how did you know that Spike?" Rainbow Dash asked with her head slightly cocked in confusion.
"Because Twilight marked it down so she could get a meeting with some of the Griffin delegates and learn about Griffin culture and stuff." Spike answered with a meaningful glance at Twilight, who blushed, "She wouldn't shut up about it for weeks until Princess Celestia sent the new Griffin weapons and ammo for study."
"Well, there we go then Twilight!" Rarity clapped her hooves together, "All we have to do is request a meeting with the Griffin Emperor, through Princess Celestia if need be, and we can clear this up with enough time to have a nice meal and do a little shopping. I hear the new Saddle Arabian fashions are in and I could use some new inspiration~"
Twilight Sparkle nodded, "Get ready for a trip girls, we have an Emperor to interview!"
Meanwhile...
The Sheriff of Shady Sands yawned as he leaned back in his chair, idly twirling his weapon in one hand as he spared a glance at the Minotaur in one of the cells, "Just can't stop causing trouble, can you Toro? You know, if you really want to be in a coma that badly, why not just have a boulder land on your head rather than visit me?"
"You think your toy can keep you safe, weakling?" The Minotaur bellowed, "Once I'm out, I'll-"
"And hold that thought," The Sheriff held up a finger as the door opened and a Griffin in full armour strode inside, "Good evening. How can I serve His Imperial Majesty?"
"The Emperor requires that you join him to help demonstrate some of the heavier weapons and answer questions at the Mutual Security Conference taking place in Canterlot. You will be relieved by a platoon of Imperial Guard until as such time as you return." The armored Griffin, a female, stated.
"Well, been a while since I've been on a business trip. I'll get packed." He stood up and approached the cell, as for you."
Toro's expression paled as the Sheriff raised his weapon, "Wait, you can't do this, I'm already a prisoner!"
"Oh, I know. But you piss me off Toro, so consider this an object lesson."
"WAIT!"
*SNAP!* *SNAP!* *SNAP!*
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Tactical Nuke sized explosions. For the fucking lulz.
This is wonderful and I love it already. I swear, if you turn this into some kind of soapbox about real-world gun control and make it unreadable, I will kick your dumb ass.
I'll say.
About like this:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111020055813/mlp/images/6/65/Rainbow_Dash_Atomic_Rainboom_Explosion_S2E3.png
An explosion doesnt make a whole lot of sense but if it broke open and dropped a bunch of smaller darts over a crowd i could see that.
7309827 They should make an actual NERF gun that does that
7310039 MIRV NERF! MIRV NERF!
This sounds so retarded, that I'm pretty sure it's just right up my...alley! Will read!
7310039 as a missle im not sure how plausible it would be as a mortar that upon impact with the ground i could see that as acting like a pump that could launch small darts. Hmm now that i thonk abot it a missle shaped more like a plane with a small time set to open a small bay like a bomber to drop its payload might work as well.
My biggest question is why does this have a Mature/Sex tag on it? Is it a mistake?
7310076 This comment had me incapacitated for several minutes.
I am almost certain that this is going to end with "Poniez OP. Plz nerf."
This is gonna be interesting.
Pls make more. I must see where this silliness leads
There go my sides
reference to avatar, the last air bender for those who don't understand
I think the size should be that of either an anti-personal rocket or frag-grenade
7310171 Already been done, it's called the Nerf Nuke.
Alternatively, you could just make a grenade with a rubber band and a handful of darts.
7310643
The author appears to have reconsidered that, as neither tag is present now.
Okay. Favoriting this. I want to see how this turns out. Imagine of they got the friggen sticky-dart ones...and those paralyzed folks. XD
It's so ridiculous that it's impossible for me to not love it!
7309827
that is nerf.
im fucking loving this.
7323891
Bzzt! Partial Points Rewarded!
Ahhh... I think I see what is going on here. The power is not in the gun but in 'The Name'. The guns aren't themselves magic but Equis itself (or their universe) has taken the human definition of nerf and ran with it.
So since the gun itself isn't magic it could be supposed that Equis has made the name, Nerf, itself magic. The guns are just a conduit. So the more powerful (read op) something is the harder it gets hit by the nerf bat (or gun in this case). Which would explain why it knocked Twilight through a building and into a nine hour coma.
7324926
That would actually make sense, if it's indeed the case here.
I'm gonna run with this headcanon until the author states otherwise.
If this guy pulls out a Titan AV-1, I'm done.
7309827 I agree. A 'cloud' of darts popping out of the missiles sounds good. But if the explosions are what you want, and quite frankly, I would want more, then a 4 foot radius sounds good.
Are the Rival series in circulation yet here?
8294177
You know, I'll get back to you on that once my muse decides to cooperate on ponies again.
Shot with enough force to fly out a building and into a cabbage stand. Clearly this requires Tesco* Foundation.
*'SCP' Isn't spellcheck amazing?