- Member Since 9th Jun, 2016
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Oblivionwalker
Hello fellow bronys and pegesisters. My favourite pony is also my Best Pony Princess is Princess Luna and best pony is actually from pen stroke and it's Nyx from Past Sins.
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lel
alicorn OC
get rekt
Thanks, but I'm gonna be slow on posting the chapter's, my only laptop desided to stop working so gonna have to wait. But I'm not gonna stop the story.
I was interested in this story, till I read the part of the description about Hermaphrodite Alicorns.... That stuff turns me off, I'm not saying I hate the story or anything, I'm sure its good, but.... I've never been into stories that involve Futanari.
I bid you adieu.
This has to be a trollfic.
It's like a checklist of things not to do in a story.
Shadow Eclipse. A character named Shadow Eclipse... an alicorn, trying to land Celestia and Luna.
Now, I'm all for futa, so that's not the problem. But the "long lost third alicorn sister" thing is done to hell and back, even established authors don't get carte blanche for that anymore. Then the OC alicorn... also tired as hell, have to be a very good and possibly established writer to get away with that. But the "My edgy-named OC alicorn gonna fuck the Princesses!" is perhaps one of the oldest and most hated tropes in the writing community we have here. Hell, even before FIMFIC we were tired of it.
Please feel free to try again. With a story bearing more substance.
Ow man eclipse pinkie pie has a surprise party for you I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more soon.
Thanks and I had that planed anyway, to keep up with pinkie always being random. Even though I am a bit scared of pinkie pie but oh well.
While i didn't do a through job on it, these are the edits that pop out to me:
anypony else on her trip here
I would recommend putting a comma after startled. also, you don't need both the also and the though, as they both modify the statement the same (take out the though)
trot over to them
on their conversation. (it is the conversation, not a location)
this is awkward to read, and needs some tweaking
again, possessive, so their instead of there
I feel like there is something wrong with this sentence. i think it has to do with the reiteration happening, but I am not certain. make sure to look at it when editting.
Overall, the chapter needs work, but as always bring new intrigue to the story, can't wait for the next chapter. good luck with the job prospects
-Vinyl Mix/Digital Magic
7378941 Thanks for the heads up, when I get the chance I'll fix it.
This chapter is perfect nothing is wrong with it I love how you write it brings out the creativity of the story keep up a good work update more on this story soon. I wounder who twilight is going to meet hmm .I can't wait to see what celestia and luna react to eclipse I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more soon.
I'm in shock with the dislike of this story if people don't like it don't read it is think your story is getting very interesting to read keep up a good work update soon
7440087 I don't really care about the likes or dislikes, just the comments about the story. Such as hints at errors, misspelled words, incorrect word to word structure or double words next to each other, even punctuation errors.
Friendly word of advice, link to those stories.
7444742 to be honest, I really don't know how to do that at the moment, won't mind if you tell me how and I can try to fix it.
Ow my I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more soon
Yes this chapter was priceless I like the creativity of it is wounder what will happen next keep up the good work.
7440087
That's an idiotic thing to say
Without criticism no one can improve
And this story needs improvment badly
7673296 I know that it needs improvement badly, but I am only actually doing this story and my other one for nothing but fun.
Eclipse and Luna pairing would be a great idea for the story keep up the good work update soon
Update
Hey!!! STFU alright I think this story is amazing if you don't know how to say something nice than don't say fucking anything at all
Yes please update