Shakespony: Merchant of Romane

by Even Evil Has Standards

Prologue

ENGLISH HARBOR

It was a bright red dawn. Five men were preparing their ships for a long journey. One of them, a thuggish yet kindhearted yellow earth pony, looked out at the horizon and inhaled some good old sea air. "It looks like it's going to be a great day," he boomed.

Another earth pony of the same color and build came up. He was older than the first one as he had stubble on his chin. Even though the two came from different parts of Britain, they worked together so much so that they were considered brothers. "I doubt it Warrior, ye know what we say?"

"Always respect fire?"

"No-"

"Never swim alone?"

"We sail, not swim. But that's not it either." The Glaswegian took off his cap and made a respectable pose.

"Red sky at night, sailors' delight.
Red sky at morning, sailors' warning."

"Does that mean bad weather is coming?" asked Warrior. The Glaswegian started to speak, but was interrupted by a snort.

"Oh don't tell me you believe such fiddle faddle." This came from a yellow smartly dressed unicorn, called Top Hat because... He wore one.

"I heard of it from O.J when he was reading Venus and Adonis," growled the Glaswegian. "And ye better heed it Top Hat, we shouldn't be starting this early."

"I agree Big Mac," said Top Hat, "though I say it is to early to lose some beauty sleep."

"Get a move on you three," rasped a Welsh unicorn with a straw hat and bifocals, "there may be a storm breaking out."

"We know O.J," said Warrior, "we was just-"

"Well, get on with it," interrupted O.J, "Hercules has already got his ship loaded." Sure enough, the Clark Gable alicorn was preparing to board his ship, but was saying goodbye to his wife Lillie. Then, he boarded the Rhett Butler.

"Well, I don't see why-" started Top Hat.

"Get on with it!" growled Big Mac.

"Oh well, here it goes," sighed Top Hat as he boarded his ship Railway Tug, though he mumbled, "this is literally getting tiresome" as he passed his dragon crew, Frank and Eddie.

Warrior boarded his ship, Municipal, with a dragon named Stinker and donkey named Jack.

O.J boarded his ship, the Paddle boat, with an elderly stallion named Rusty and a donkey named Scuttlebutt.

Big Mac boarded his ship, the Diesel Tug, with 2 donkeys named Big Mickey and Mighty Mo.

As for Hercules, he was an alicorn, making the Rhett Butler like the Queen Anne's Revenge. It was powered by magic.

At last, the ships were ready. "Come on, m'dears," said Hercules, "let us cast off. It's a long way to Romane and Ten Cents needs us there, post haste." The 5 ships sailed off into the dawn, not knowing whether or not they were heading for disaster.

MEANWHILE

Romane was a beautiful place. The weather was serene. The streets were filled with shops as far as the eye could see. The streets were also crowded with ponies browsing the places, wondering what to buy, and sometimes getting in an argument with the keepers, some of which actually resulted in hoofcuffs.

But this time there wasn't going to be any fights (supposedly). Every pony was racing about to make sure they got everything on time. They were breathlessly cleaning the rooms of their houses. Decorations were being put up. Streets were being swept. Windows were being washed. There was great excitement in town.

Princess Twilight Sparkle was paying a visit.

Everyone was excited. But none more than the Duke Spike and his wife Applejack. They were her closest friends, close enough to be considered her brother and sister. That was saying something, considering that Spike was her adopted brother. At any rate, he was working the servants to the bone, trying to spruce up the place for Twilight's arrival.

"Ya know Spike," drawled Applejack, "yer kinda overdoing it here."

"I know," sighed Spike, "but 'tis Twilight we are talking about. You recall how much of a perfectionist she was?"

"Ah remember," sighed Applejack. "She tried to get us to remember every single detail of the bonding we had with Discord."

"And she got up early for the Winter Wrap Up," said Spike. He rubbed his eyes, "REAL early."

Applejack laughed. "It seems only yesterday that we met and saved Equestria from Nightmare Moon."

BLAM!

They jumped, but it was only the servants having trouble with a certain party cannon. They sighed. "Tis a pity she won't be coming," said Spike wistfully.

"Yeah," said Applejack. "Colgate!"

Colgate was one of the servants. Her real name was Minutte, but she knew so much about dentistry that she started her own office, earning her the name Colgate. "Yes milady?"

"When is the princess arriving?"

Colgate looked at her calendar and then her superiors. "Two weeks ago."

"WHAT?!?"

"Oh no, sorry. That was an appointment I had. She's arriving today."

"Double WHAAAAAT?!?" They trampled her in their haste and almost broke her hourglass.

MEETING SPOT

Everyone was waiting. The sky was empty except for the clouds. Suddenly, a strange shape appeared. It got closer and closer until it was distinguishable. It was a chariot drawn by four white Pegasai. And in the chariot was Princess Twilight Sparkle and her maid Rarity, dressed in dresses made by the latter.

They were welcomed by a thunderous applause from ponies banging their hooves on the ground, followed by a group hug with Fluttershy, Applejack, and Spike. "Oh it's so nice to see you all again," said Twilight.

"We haven't seen you in a long time," said Fluttershy.

"Y'all look like princesses," remarked Applejack.

"That's because she IS one darling," retorted Rarity. "Thanks to the dresses I had made."

"It's been so long," mused Twilight, "how is everyone and where are the other 2?"

"Rainbow Dash is helping the Wonderbolts prepare a welcome ceremony for you," said Fluttershy.

"Sounds exciting," remarked Twilight. The atmosphere took a dark turn when Rarity asked, "And how is Pinkie Pie coping?"

"She's gotten worse," said Applejack, "she's been... adopted by a zebra."

"Isn't that a good thing?" asked Twilight, "Zecora is the friendliest zebra we know."

"Who said it was Zecora?" asked Spike.

"Five more came," said Fluttershy, "one of them took her in and- eek! Here comes 2 of them now!"

Sure enough, heading their way were 2 zebras sporting black fedoras. One had a thuggish body with lips like Edward G. Robinson. The other was somewhat smaller, about Snails' size and was as strong as him too, as he was helping his partner carry an extremely heavy load of wood. They regarded the group with cold eyes, then continued on.

Rarity shivered. "They were an unpleasant pair."

"They don't say much," said Spike, "just try to ignore them when they start."

"Enough chit chat about here," said Applejack. "What all happened with y'all?"

"Well," smiled Rarity, "Twilight here has been thinking of acquiring a husband."

They all looked at the princess who also smiled. "We're heading to Bellmare where where we are staying. In it are 3 caskets. Whoever chooses the right one will have my hoof in marriage."

"How will he know if he's chosen the right one?" asked Fluttershy.

"The right one contains this photo," said Twilight. She held up a picture of the 6 of them together. That brought as much nostalgia as a theme tune did on a certain episode about a calliope.

"Look at us'" mused Applejack.

"So young," sighed Rarity.

"Pinkie Pie was so much happier back then," sighed Fluttershy.

Rarity must've known the heavy atmosphere was back because she said a little too quickly, "Well, Twilight darling, we best be on our way."

"Yes, we should," agreed Twilight. "Bye everyone."

Everyone said goodbye as the 2 departed.

LATER

A blue stallion was talking to his 2 friends,can green stallion and a red Pegasus. "I hear that the princess is here on matrimonial purposes. If I can pass her test..."

"You'll need 3000 bits to enter Thomas," said the red one.

"I'll ask Ten Cents if he can lend his 2300 to my 700," retorted Thomas. "He is a wealthy merchant."

"At least Percy has a job," James fired back.

"It doesn't really pay much," admitted Percy.

"Then why do you still work for him?"

"It's his adopted daughter. She's more depressed than Alan Rickman's answering machine." This earned him some queer looks. "What? She is. She needs someone to cheer up."

"And how, pray tell, do you plan to do that?"

Percy smirked. "I have my own sssssssubtle little ways."

Author's Note:

Well, here is my parody of The Merchant of Venice.
The original didn't have any prologue at all so... Here's one... You can probably guess who plays Shylock, Jessica, and Antonio.

Special thanks to DisneyFanatic2364 for the inspiration, done by her take on Twelfth Night.

Speaking of that, I'm not of a AppleSpike fan (I confess I have a crush on her), but I prefer it above all the other Spike shipping, although I do bounce from ship to ship with him like I do with Thomas. Well, it would explain his OOC clumsiness in "Spike At Your Service".