• Member Since 4th May, 2015
  • offline last seen April 11th

SvenFoxx


E

A rainbow maned Pegasus visits the grave of an old friend, and chats with another under the rain.

Edited by Cyberfire22, even though he didn't have to. Thanks man.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

Now that was a twist! Great short story!

7292617 Thanks. The story was half-inspired by this, and I felt like seeing if I could pull one of those "Wait, what?!" moments. Tell me, when did you figure out it wasn't Rainbow?

7292664

Only at the end. I felt it was possible that she was currently dying her mane but after rereading the story it is kinda obvious who it was. I am no saying who so people got to read the story to see the twist.

7292617 I agree!

The whole time I was reading this, right up until the end, I was think that it was Dash visiting Flutter's grave, then BOOM! right at the end there, we find out that it's the other way around.

So have a Fave and an Upvote for a job well done, my friend!

Oh, and a Follow, too.

I honestly thought it was Dash visiting Fluttershy's grave from the summary to the near end of the story! The mention about her redoing her mane dye made me confused. It threw me off when the blue eyes were presented and I feared the worse. That twist gave me the feels! :fluttershyouch: Fluttershy dyed her mane to honor Rainbow... that fact almost made me cry. :fluttercry:

(sniff) Excellent job on the emotional content of this short story. Sad, but logically so and certainly quite well-written. (sniff) At least Rainbow went out a true hero. And, hopefully Twilight's guilt won't end up twisting and corrupting her like it did at least a dozen different alternate Supermen. At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of your work (especially if it's either the next chapter of your "Tartarus Forged" story or an update on your "Harmony League" story) as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

Now that... was a twist at the end.

This is certainly a surprise, seeing a new story all of a sudden. Still, I admit, it was quite well-written other than a few minor grammar mistakes. Nice twist at the end, I didn't see it coming, although the clues were apparent looking back. Good work!

Now, although you didn't ask me to, here are some mistakes I saw, just skimming (just the biggest mistakes really):

I think Discord was involved, as it moved around way to sporadically to be natural.

"to" should be "too"

He’s always telling me I should be out an about more than I usually am.”

"an" should be "and"

Placed on an Earth-Pony or Pegasus, it saps all of the magic from their bodies and prevents them from recharging the magic so long as they continue to where them.

"where" should be "wear", and this sentence is in present tense instead of past tense like it should be.

Grounds Pegasi and weakens Earth-Ponies. Placed on a Unicorn, it does the same, but because of their larger reserves of magic it leads to a constant exhausted feeling.

It grounded Pegasi and weakened Earth-Ponies. When placed on a Unicorn however, due to their larger reserves of magic, it lead to a constant state of exhaustion.

She had felt something similar when somepony had placed a shoddily made null chain on her.

Should be "shoddily-made"

Again, not everything I saw (you still have some trouble with proper format of quotes/dialogue), but the major ones that had incorrect words and such.

Tragic. :fluttercry: This story is a Tragic one, but Heartwarming nonetheless. :heart:

:rainbowkiss: Fav! :yay:

And here's my reaction to that amazing twist of an ending:

7293815 Thank you for taking the time to go over it. And I know there were some fractured sentences, but most of them were made that way on purpose.

7294333
I suppose, but I still don't like them very much to be honest. Just makes things sound very choppy and jarring to read, at least to me.
But really, I meant your tendency to capitalize the next word after a quote even when you end a quote with a comma, and such, that's all.

7294337 Ah, yeah. I'm working on that. Or trying to anyways. I take I missed quite a few? It's a little hard for me to tell when I should and shouldn't do it.

7294340
Eh, you were definitely much better than usual, I saw an improvement. I'll try to explain more later, possibly after I get done looking at the two chapters of Tartarus Forged I haven't looked at yet. It'll be slow though, finals are early next week and I have to prepare.

7294341 If you have to, just shelve them until school settles down. I wouldn't blame you at all. School is way more important than this.

*Neatly ignores how hypocritical I am.*

Luckily, the classes I had this quarter were relatively easy, and I'm hoping the finals will be too. See you sometime next week then!

What happened? i know flutershy is alive and it was Dash who died.

But what happened?

*sniffs*

I'm a hard nut to crack, but I still cried...

Maybe I'm not that tough at all...

Damn... Taste the Rainbow, mutha******.

*hugs & kisses*

~Nyxie

7327474 Basically, Twilight tried to tackle a spell that has a corrupting influence if you don't control it perfectly. She failed to control it, and the spell twisted her mind and awareness. The rest of Mane 6 tried to snap her out of it, and it wasn't until Rainbow Dash died stopping her from killing Fluttershy that she finally regained herself. It is, of course, a bit more complicated than that, but that's the basic backstory.

7384303

dam. that terrible, no wonder she placed those spell chains on herself, she killed one of her closest friends.
While others may forgive her she'll never forgive herself.

I don't want to spoil, but man, you didn't have to do that! I'm crying now! This story is so good. I don't usually cry after reading a story, but man, this one just pulled all the right heartstrings. :fluttershbad: Although, on second glance, the cover should have tipped me off, huh?

7292813
I had the same exact reaction...

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