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This Isn't Denny's1,936 words
7 3/82,059 words
It's Always the Quiet Ones1,666 words
Fast Food2,706 words
Weak Battery2,317 words
Spare Table4,174 words
End of the Road2,183 words
Epilogue: Ashes3,665 words

It's Always the Quiet Ones

Author's Note:

IT HASN'T BEEN TWO YEARS!

Pop's a party popper, only for it to just lazily fall to the ground.

Well shit...

Twilight was at least a hundred percent confident that Earl had no idea where he was going.

Approaching Cheerilee for the third time, the mare had at least expected the elderly man to find her one way or another, and she was prepared and stood her ground, not letting her groceries fall victim yet again to the ground.

“Why the hell are there no adults around here? Move it, kid!” Earl honked his horn.

“Okay, mister, that’s enough,” Cheerilee set down her grocery bag, gently, and walked up to Earl. “You’ve bumped into me three times now, the second time literally. What is your problem?”

Twilight quickly grabbed Cheerilee in her magic, dragging her away. “Miss Cheerilee, please, let me explain.”

Cheerilee crossed her forelegs, waiting for Twilight to speak. After several quiet seconds, her brow tilted at an angle.

“Okay, actually I can’t explain. Just, try to ignore him. I’m doing my best to get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, Cheerilee, this is Earl. Earl, this is Cheerilee, she’s the town’s school teacher.”

Earl rose a brow at the mares. “She’s a teacher? Good lord they’re getting younger and younger. No wonder you kids are all dumb as rocks.”

“I beg your pardon! My children are not ‘dumb as rocks’, they happen to be learning all sorts of information and life lessons,” Cheerilee said.

“Oh yeah? You ever teach any of them not to walk in the road where they can get hit?”

“No, but I do teach them things like manners and respect. Two things you clearly were never taught,” she retorted, her posture defensive.

“Well excuse me, but once I could read and write I was needed on the farm. I didn’t have to learn all them fancy maths and poetry and whatever other garbage you’d try to stuff into our heads.”

“Garbage? Garbage! Why, how dare you insinuate that what we’re teaching our foals is not worth knowing, why I-”

“You said it yourself, fools. You’re teaching them to be fools.”

“I said foals!”

“Sounds like fools to me!”

Twilight’s mane was beginning to go out of control, her bangs splitting and curling. This situation was going out of control very fast, and she didn’t know how to handle it.

“Um, excuse me, Miss Cheerilee?”

The new voice silenced Cheerilee and Earl’s bickering, now all three figures looking to the shy, yellow pegasus that had inserted herself into the ring.

“Um, Applebloom was looking for you, something about germination and seed growth, and wanted me to send you to her clubhouse as soon as you could,” Fluttershy said.

“Yes, well as soon as I-” Cheerilee began.

Fluttershy got between the mare and elderly man. “As soon as possible please. It was really important, I’m sure.”

“But-”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened more. “Pretty please?”

Cheerilee huffed. “Fine, I’ll head right over. I just need to drop off my groceries.” Cheerilee walked away, grabbing her bag, and trotted off towards home.

“Oh, thank you Fluttershy. I just didn’t know what to do. Earl’s been honking and yelling at ponies all day, and I was nearing my breaking point and then-”

Fluttershy silenced Twilight with a smile. “It’s okay, Twilight. I could see you were having some trouble. Actually, Applebloom did ask me to send Cheerilee her way if I saw her. I happened to be on my way to pick up Winona from the vet and take her home for Applejack. They’re quite busy setting things up for the picnic tonight.”

Twilight’s right eye twitched.

“Oh dear, you forgot about the picnic, didn’t you?”

“How could I have forgotten so easily? I had so many things to do on my list today, but then Earl bumped into me and got me sidetracked, then we went to Dennies- I mean, Sugarcube Corner, then Carousel Boutique, then Cheerilee- Oh my gosh, what time is it? How far behind schedule am I? I need to-”

Fluttershy put both her hooves on Twilight’s shoulders, calming the mare down.

“It’s okay, Twilight. Breathe how Cadance taught you.”

Twilight took in a deep breath.

“Hey, quiet kid. You know where the nearest station is? This oompa loompa kid don’t know jack and has been leading me in circles.”

Twilight choked, coughing up spit as she tried and failed to compose herself.

Fluttershy tapped on Twilight's back. “Ponyville only has a train station, and it’s due West of here.”

Earl jammed a pinkie finger into his ear, pulled out some wax, and flung it to the ground. “Weird soundin’ town, but that’s to be expected from Kentucky. Thanks, kid, you’re actually helpful,” Earl said, then began to drive off.

Finally able to function, Twilight spoke. “Wait, Fluttershy, the train station isn’t-” she was shushed by a look from Fluttershy, and quickly followed the yellow pegasus as they followed behind Earl.

“So, what even is Earl?”

----------

After a lengthy conversation, and Fluttershy directing Earl around half of Ponyville blindly, they’d made it to the train station. The walking gave Twilight ample time to explain all she knew, which wasn’t much.

“So he wants to take a train to… where?”

“He just keeps saying-”

“Westward, towards Califor-ni-yay.” Earl interjected.

Fluttershy gave the man a quizzed look. “Where’s that?”

Earl stopped his buggy. “Good lord, just when I thought you were the smart one… it’s on the other side of the States. I knew that teacher was rubbish.”

“Um, excuse me, Mister Earl?”

“It’s Mister Caster. Earl Caster.”

Twilight blinked, and Fluttershy smiled.

“Mister Caster then, um, I’m afraid to say this, but I don’t think you are where you think you are.”

“Well no shit, Sherlock.”

Twilight stopped. “Wait, you know?”

“Of course, ya dummy. I’m in Kentucky, when I should be in California.”

“But, you’re not in Kentucky,” Fluttershy said.

Earl looked at Fluttershy. “Okay, kid, humor me. Just where in the Hell am I?”

“Could you, um, please stop cursing so much?” Fluttershy politely asked.

“You get used to it, kid. We had foul mouths in Korea, and dirty minds a plenty.” Earl winked.

“Pretty please?”

Earl let out a huff. “Fine, only because you’ve actually been helpful, other than that other kid that kept hanging around.”

“I am still here, you know,” Twilight said evenly.

“Oh, right, I knew that.”

“Mister Caster, you’re in Ponyville, which is in Equestria.”

All was silent for the next several seconds.

“What the actual shi-er, crap, are you talking about?”

“That’s where we are. You’re not in Kentucky, or Californeigh.”

Again, silence. Then, Earl turned to Twilight.

“You put her up to this?” he said, pointing to Fluttershy.

“Earl, she’s saying the truth.”

“Hogwash! I should have known better than to trust a couple of dumb kids who can’t even find a God damned train station.”

“WHOOO WHOOOOOOOOO.”

All three turned around.

“Oh look, the train station,” Earl said, then drove away.

Twilight turned to Fluttershy. “I can’t let him leave! He can’t get on the train! What do I do?”

“Stop him?” Fluttershy asked.

“But, he’s clearly old enough to do what he wants… but he can’t go about harassing ponies and bumping into them…”

“So, stop him?”

“Oh Fluttershy, I just… I don’t know what I should do…”

Fluttershy draped a wing over Twilight’s back. “It’s okay, I don’t think he’s gonna leave yet.”

“What? Why?”

Fluttershy pointed to Earl, talking to one of the train ponies. After a few minutes, he came driving back.

“Figures, damn yokals.”

“What’s wrong, Earl?” Fluttershy asked.

“They got some think accent. Said this was the last train, and it was going to the capitol, which is the wrong way! Damn Amtrak.

“Oh dear, that sounds dreadful.” Fluttershy gave Twilight a wink.

“Yeah. Well, then I guess I only got one option.” Earl began rifling through the basket in front of him.

“What’s that?” Twilight asked.

“Find some lodging for the night, then take the next morning train out.”

Twilight bit her lower lip. “Um, well we only have one motel in Ponyville.”

“That’s fine by me.” Earl began driving away, looking again at his map.

“But it’s full.”

Earl stopped, turning to look at Twilight.

“And you know this because…?”

“Oh, that’s right!” Fluttershy startled the two, her voice raising higher than normal. “The Flower sisters are hosting this years floral stand show.”

Twilight nodded her head. “Yeah, and I know for a fact that the motel is full up, as well as Berry’s tavern. The ponies who couldn’t get a place are camping out in the park.”

“What, like a bunch of hobos? No thanks. I’ll find something else,” Earl put away his map.

Twilight pulled Fluttershy in close to whisper. “I could have him stay in the castle, but I’m scared he would get lost.”

“I agree. I think you should try Applejack’s home.”

Twilight, for her part, gave the mare a straight look. “That’s… not a bad idea.”

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll go pick up Winona and talk to Applejack about Earl while I’m there. Then I’ll come find you in town.”

“That… could work. I’ll just keep him distracted around town, try to not have him bump into any more ponies, then we can head over.”

Fluttershy smiled.

“Fluttershy, why do I feel like you’ve done this before?”

The pegasus blushed. “Oh, my grandmother in Fillydelphia was… focused, like Mister Caster. You just have to know how to keep them thinking they’re in control, and lead them around for a bit until they cool down.”

Suddenly, both mares jumped at Earl’s horn. “Come on, kids! I ain’t got all day, I need to find some lodging. Also some adults, I haven’t been around so many youngin’s since basic training.”

“Oh yes, Mister Caster. I’m going to go find you a place to stay, meanwhile Twilight will show you some other sights to see in Ponyville!”

Earl glared at Fluttershy a moment. “Alright kid, I trust ya. Just not so much that other one.”

“I’m still here, Earl!”

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