• Member Since 6th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 16 hours ago

MetalBrony20


Hi, names MetalBrony20, I started writing normal stories, got bored, then decided to write WG/Fat fiction instead.

T

Lance-Corporal Bert Atkins, a British army soldier who has seen the entirety of WWII from 1939 to 1944, is placed on sentry duty as the rest of his patrol head to sleep. What he finds on his sentry duty, no one could have expected as he waits by the ominous French wood for any enemy contact.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 10 )

Not bad, although it did have a slow start for my tastes.

Can't wait for more.

This is a very good story. So far, Please write more when you can.

Noticed some issues with this chapter.
First of all, you need to stop using single quotations ( ' ) you should be using double marks ( " ) and I don't think that a veteran would take a lecture from some small yellow pony.
Now Applejack isn't a idiot she wouldn't just go and attack some creature in the middle of town because it's something she has never seen before, especially after Zecora

Shit's gonna go down

This isn't bad... though I have a question. Why in the name all things holy, do the human protagonists faint? Never in my life have I ever lost consciousness due to seeing something shocking. Not sure why this trope seems to be a thing. Other than that, let us see how our intrepid defender of the crown does in pony-land :)

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7295385 I happen to agree with ya mostly. As far as taking the lecture, he didn't... but he would back down. From having been a soldier many moons ago, and still friends with several in active, your actions reflect upon your unit. Since the local who has been civil and understanding asked <ok told...> him to ease down, he likely would since Lyra had no weapons, wasn't threatening, and immediately backed off. Cultural misunderstanding and all. The bit with Applejack, I actually have no words for how out of character that was of her. Not so much his reaction. I could almost, almost, understand it if she was there when he almost cold-cocked Lyra... but wow. Does she insta-attack anything that looks intelligent, wears clothing (a uniform to boot), and carries equipment? Ya, methinks that part needs a rework badly. Other than that, grammar took a marked nosedive in this chapter, and it was all silly things that could easily be avoided by reading the chapter out loud before publishing.

Still, let us see where this goes.
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7300417
I think you are right. When I was doing this chapter I wasn't thinking straight. I have re read it and will fix the issues. I do agree that A soldier wouldn't just take a lecture from someone they don't know and Applejack did act out of character, without any sort of provoking from Bert. I will update it ASAP and I appreciate your feed back.

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