• Member Since 30th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen March 10th

RoyalUnicornJohn1994

Common guy who likes to play games and write art. Born and bred in Mexico. Viva mexico!

RoyalUnicornJohn1994 Joined 30th Apr, 2013 · Offline

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Comments ( 8 )
Koekelbag
Koekelbag #1 · Jun 6th, 2016 · · 1 · Never too old ·
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That ending though. :rainbowlaugh:

Still, this was a good story, have an upvote.

Alticron
Alticron #2 · Jun 7th, 2016 · · · Never too old ·
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This was an... interesting story. It was great to finally see a Rarity X Hondo incest fic, but this story needs some major clean-up. For example, the description says it's Sweetie Belle's 18th birthday, but the story says it's her 16th.

Legendary Hood
Legendary Hood #3 · Jun 7th, 2016 · · 1 · Never too old ·
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Great ending! I don't always think incest fics are the best, but this was wonderful. Upvote!

Twilight is the BEST
Twilight is the BEST #4 · Jun 7th, 2016 · · · Never too old ·
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7281836 Yeah, I told him about some of these problems that need fixing.

Kyuubi16
Kyuubi16 #5 · Jun 12th, 2016 · · · Never too old ·
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Some people's level of what is quality is far too low on this site. You need a beta man.

Alticron
Alticron #7 · Feb 2nd, 2017 · · 1 · Never too old. ·
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Well, this was an interesting revision. That being said, there's some things you may want to edit. For example, constantly referring to Hondo's wife as that instead of her name, which is Cookie Crumbles, seems rather awkward. Here's some other things.

On his time, he had seen many heavy-chested mares, not to mention the fact that all the princesses had breasts that could crash a watermelon beneath them (not that many stallions would comply if their heads were crushed like that).

I'd replace those with "In", "crush" and "complain".

Another evidence of his age decided to show up as he groaned lowly with the slight pain on his back.

"More" and "in".

I can hear the lust on their voice…

"in" and "voices".

What she had tell him clicked,

"told".

“I’m going to make you feel god, dad.”

"good".

Rarity’s eyes widened as he used her arms to pull her back at the same time he trust inside of her,

"thrust".

Hondo then started to grunt hotly onto her ear as she started scream in pleasure. Finally, Rarity felt it: his member the deepest it could reach and the treasured male essence pouring onto her, which triggered the very same climax she had had before.

And "into" for both of those.

RoyalUnicornJohn1994
RoyalUnicornJohn1994 #8 · Feb 2nd, 2017 · · · Never too old. ·
Reply

7915690
Done. Thank you very much for the help.

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