• Member Since 25th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 22 minutes ago

Majin Syeekoh


We aren’t flawless. ~<3


T

A bolt of fire, a mighty crash
A demon turns to powdered ash
Remember the day that Tirek died
And also the day the Princess survived
―Equestrian Nursery Rhyme

Every year, on the day Princess Twilight Sparkle saved Equestria from its greatest threat, she mourns the loss of who she was.


Preread by Waterpear!


Edited by Dubs Rewatcher!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 57 )

Interesting concept, but it felt a bit disjointed.

Some more detail regarding just how much time has passed wouldn't have gone amiss. As it is, Twilight could have taken three years or three millennia to let go of her grief, and it seems a missed bit of character insight that we get cheated out of which it is by ambiguity.

Again, interesting concept however.

7319016 Yeah, I'll agree with you that it's a bit disjointed. I wrote it very stream-of-consciousy.


In my mind, though, the amount of time it took her to let go of her grief is irrelevant to that fact that she let go of it at all. Some people go entire lifetimes without letting go, after all.

Nice
loved the progression of her mindset over time

I do love the sense of progression and of the sheer magnitude of the choice Twilight made. As she noted, that one choice rippled across time. On a personal level for Twilight, it took a long time for those reverberations to dissipate into something she could live with. But time heals all wounds, and immortality gives plenty of time.

A very nice expansion to the Writeoff entry. It does leave some parts vague, but those aren't essential to the narrative. This is very focused storytelling, and it makes that focus a great strength.

7319212 Thank you.:twilightsmile:

As for the tightness of the narrative, it wouldn't have been very tight at all if I had implemented all of the ideas I had. Figuring out which ones to keep and which ones to cut was rather difficult.

This is awesome! This whole concept shows how taking a life can change a psyche, and then how the ravages of time change even the perception of that. While some would say it is disjointed, I enjoy the way it uses the halting interruptions to give a deeper look into the occurring changes. It isn't some "psychology lesson", as some might expect, but uses something relatively simple to convey a personal take on a singular concept. Not sure how much was intentional, and how much was resultive, but it still comes off as a deeper story, no matter how brief it is. Well done. Onwards!

I really love the way this story is written, it is very unique.:twilightsmile:
Although I wonder what does the "P’’C" at the top of every chapter mean.

7319286 It's shorthand for Praise Celestia.

hold on... She was willing to do a "take you down with me" on Tirek... but what about all the magic they had? Did Tirek dying release all the magic back to everyone he took it from? Did the other princesses take their magic back from the then comatose Twilight?

Please don't tell me equestria went a year without magic (day/night change, weather control, food growth) and that Princess Radiant Dawn is called that because that day marked the first dawn in a year.

7319307 Well, one would assume that after Tirek was vaporized, the magic would return to its rightful owners having lost its previous vessel.

As for Radiant Dawn... she's called that for a reason, yeah.

7319303 The apostrophes actually being Yuds, I gather?

7319362 As are two Yuds. That's how "adonai" is transcribed in the Torah scroll.

(You're getting credited with an esoteric religious reference. Just take it :twilightsmile: )

7319368 So I did the research, and it turns out that it could be rendered either with the apostrophes or without the apostrophes and it retains the same meaning. Rendering the apostrophes as Yods would defeat the purpose of using hashem, which is to avoid God's name, which YY is.

Well this was an interesting story. It is very vague and a little confusing. I like it though.
Nice little story.

-BFBL

This was alright.

Is Twilight immortal/have an extended lifespan in this 'verse because the fact that all of her friends and family minus Cadance and Radiant Dawn who seems too young passed away seems to suggest this.

7319636 Yes, that would be a correct assumption.

A log of repeated Twexigesis as her way of dealing with what she had to do. Very Twilight. I like.

I'll confess, my headcanon doesn't posit Twilight being even remotely this morally scrupulous. But I liked it anyway because I have met a couple of people on this level. And it's possible Twilight could be this good.

It might be a shade overwrought but given what you've hinted about your personal thoughts in some of your Siren stories, I'd say you did a really good job trying to describe a mindset you don't (fully, anyway) share. Normally, authors are exhorted to "write what they know" but you remind us some good stuff can come out of trying to imagine what you don't know.

Yeisher koakh :twilightsmile:

7319827 And baruch tihiye to you.:twilightsmile:

7319834 What I did in particular like is how you imply Twilight has largely left folklore to develop however it does, refusing to try and shape or tailor it. Even when (as with the candle thing) it goes directions she's not pleased by.

7319842 I think Twilight learned from Celestia to let culture develop on its own.

short and, as others have said, a bit disjointed. I liked that though. Great story concept and follow through in writing.

What do you exactly mean by this?

The Equality revolution was halted in its tracks.

I don't get it.

When someone mentions the word Equality the first thing that comes to my mind is problems related to genders, but this is something different.

7320747 Starlight saw it and gave up on her Equality movement, she realized she had no chance of ever getting all of Equestria to share her way of thinking. Or something like that.
Kinda hard to make everything think you are all equal after possibly witnessing something like that.

This was a very interesting read, certainly different but enjoyable.

A far more enjoyable take on the Twilight kills Tirek instead story. Far better than the Twilight becomes an action hero story.

Good work, Maj.

7320747 That would be our lovable Starlight Glimmer, causing a rebellion with her weird anti-cutie mark cult.

Quite the interesting deconstruction on the rather cliche'd idea of Twilight Killing Tirek and coming out of it as a hero and saviour. People forget that such acts can lead to undesired emotions. Moreso for Twilight, whose whole MO now is to spread friendship. It is in her title, after all.

An excellent first chapter, if a bit. . .:derpytongue2:. . . Lengthy.

Awesome fic. An interesting premise, and one I would like to see you expand upon further.

The one thing I really loved, though, was the little rhyme in the description. That was awesome :twilightsmile:

i do hope that twilight isn't making these annotations for Radiant Dawns birthday gift?

repeating the same actions, year after year, but with more clues and insight to that fateful encounter?

how would dawn even bring up the possibility of getting help for her aunt, the most powerful being in equestira?

maybe im just reading this wrong.

7320759 Not to mention, very hard to convince everyone that no one being better than anyone else is a safe foundation for a long term society in a world that can vomit up a Tirek or a Lord Schmooze (old school version, my headcanon is Discord was mind controlling him for the Gala episode) :trollestia:

Seeing your future saved by the most unequal to you pony imaginable is pretty conclusive "propaganda by the deed" :pinkiesmile:

7323764 My impression was it was a birthday vow. [Edit: that is, Twilight felt having taken a life, she owed it to the new life she was closest to that she should be a better pony going forward and make her best effort to address what she had done.] Every year, read over the folk history and think if there's anything new she can add to her attempts to atone. So it's for her eyes alone.

There's a faint hint that eventually, she has some years she has nothing to say, and the final entry is the final year she has anything new to say.

But I'm not the author, just one of his fangirls :trixieshiftright:

And this holiday continually serves as a personal reminder to always look for another way when faced with an impossible choice, to continually keep searching for the option that I won't regret for the rest of my life. If I was able to go back in time and redo it, I wouldn't have made the same decision. Then again, I can't.

This could just as easily be Celestia as it is Twilight. I like that.

Interesting.

I feel like more could be done with this.

7321788 Yeah, please shorten it a little, or turn it into 2 chapters. :pinkiehappy:

I'M SO GLAD I GOT AROUND TO READING THIS. Barely been a week, but still. This is a rather enjoyable, yet dark take on the battle between Twilight and Tirek. This is the path that Twilight took instead of the other, because she (mostly) knew what was going to happen if she went down this road. The other road was mysterious and had no real solution that she could rely on.

Now I just wonder what hell would be unleashed if this Twilight were ever able to communicate with canon Twilight who was able to open the box and not murder Tirek.

Twilight did what she needed to do. Learning to live with that, however, is often easier said than done and always takes time.

Not a bad illustration of that thought, this story.

[1] I did the best I could at the time, and that’s all anypony can ask for.

Too bad we know for a fact that this is untrue, eh?

This is an interesting story, although I think I may be reading it in reverse compared to everyone else. For me, this isn't an a story about someone coming to terms with an act of heroism. It's about someone learning to rationalize their worst crime, so that the guilt will hurt them less. It's one of the first real steps down the road to hell. Makes it ever so much more tragic.

I wrote an awful lot of words about this story (far too many to fit into a comment here without someone complaining), and figured people here might like to check it out.

In all seriousness, I thought this was a fantastic bit of writing. It's probably going to become one of those fics I have on my mental rec' list for all situations—which, if I'm honest with you, is about the highest praise I can give :twilightsmile:

7383723 That was a rather impressive bit of reviewing, and I appreciate every word it.

Your interpretation wasn't my original intention, but the very story you reviewed is exactly about drawing alternate meanings from the same piece of text so I have no choice but to accept it just at valid as mine. What appears uplifting to some is sinister to others, after all.:twilightsmile:

Did I really have to murder him? Was there another way?

Murder is always the best solution!

Apparently heroism is open to interpretation.

Two roads diverge in the wood and I...

Bippedy boop, here's your review...p?
Sorry, my rhyming skills have gone a bit sour.

7867076 Thank you.

Much appreciated.:twilightsmile:

I just find it interesting that Twilight is in this kind of moral dilemma. She did something that most humans would do without a second thought. A threat to friends and family, like someone breaking into a house with a knife, would motivate a person to defend themselves and those close to them, with lethal force if need be. In a situation as extreme as that, in defence against someone who means you and your's harm, I think being willing to drop the civilized facade is something to be commended in a way.

Keep in mind, I'm not condoning murder. Killing someone when they do not pose any sort of serious threat is not okay, and is lawfully recognized as murder. What I'm referring to is life or death situations, where trying to find a different way would involve too much of a risk.

BTW super job on one detail :

(aside from doing a decent job of imitating the tone and style of Jewish scripture, something that I didn't see as clearly first time around.)

(Now if you were like Tolkien, you'd invent Written Equestrian for us and write the original verse as well as the vernacular :trollestia: )

You make it clear while Twilight is hard on herself and that this haunts her for the rest of her life, nonetheless that she accepts the necessity of self defense.

Given you were framing the story in an ersatz Jewish motif it is wonderfully congruent with a passage in (I think) Talmud. Where they spell it out "If you are absolutely sure someone is going to come to kill you, it is a commandment upon you to do your best to kill them first."

(And there is writing elsewhere in Talmud that touches upon survivor's guilt. And in another place, the idea that if you are being coerced into killing someone by a third party, your response should be "Is my blood redder than theirs?" (and you refuse to do it, even if the coercing party kills you as a result). It feels to me this is precisely the sentiment Twilight is overcome by in the story.)

EDIT: That is, she wasn't being coerced by a third party, but she can't help feeling as though that level of moral stringency nearly applies to her. END EDIT

(It is worth noting that Talmud has a very low opinion of the death penalty. And a very low opinion of anyone lying or even being negligently mistaken regarding evidence critical to a guilty verdict. To the point that the actual execution has to be performed by the witnesses who testified as to the data that the decision to convict hinged on. The idea was if an innocent person had just died, they trusted their deity would curse the false/negligent witnesses. Sparing the court and community who had tried their best to get to the truth.)

(So this commandment was derived only in the expectation of the utmost stringency in assessing "they're going to kill me" in practice.)

(Noting all that because otherwise, the "Kill them first" sounds bloodier minded and harsher than it was understood to be at the time.)

Kudos for working in religious subtext without bludgeoning the reader over the head with it :twilightsmile: :yay:

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