Chapter 6: The Football Game
Flash Sentry's breath escaped his lungs as Princess Twilight collided with him, nearly knocking him off his feet in a fierce, rib-crushing hug.
Sunset groaned and shook her head. Ember raised an eyebrow. Moondancer and Twilight looked at each other and shrugged helplessly. Sonata giggled. Ditzy facepalmed.
Starlight blinked. "Umm...did I miss something?"
Princess Twilight and Flash started trying to talk to each other awkwardly, with much blushing and scratching of heads. Sunset sighed. "Yeah, so...there's sort of a mutual crush thing going on there, I don't know how it started, but Flash has it bad for her, and she kinda has it bad for him too."
Starlight frowned. "Really? But...no, I mean how? I don't remember Twilight making time with any stallions back home, so he can't be like, the human version of her boyfriend...unless she had a boyfriend before I met her and I don't know about it, or—"
"No, I'm pretty sure it's just this Flash," Sunset said. "She uhh...doesn't think much of the Flash Sentry back in Equestria." She coughed. "Anyway, Flash keeps pining after her, and ever since this Twilight came to CHS, it's been..." She made a vague gesture. "Awkward."
Ditzy frowned. "He really needs to let this go," she said softly. "He's just gonna get himself hurt. I mean, they can't have a real relationship, and with this other Twilight at CHS now, it's..." She shook her head. "It's messing with his head."
"So that's what's up with that guy," Twilight said, eyes wide. "No wonder."
Sonata retched. "Sounds like a lame soap opera," she said. "Come on, let's find seats for the next band."
Princess Twilight led Flash over to the girls, meeting them halfway. "Starlight, Moondancer, Ember, this is Flash Sentry," she said. She blushed coyly, playing with a strand of her hair.
"Hi, nice to meet you," Flash said. "Hey Sunset, hey Ditzy." He looked at Sonata and his brow furrowed; he looked at the other Twilight, then hastily looked away, coughing.
"Didn't know you were coming today, Flash," Ditzy said. "If I'd known, we could've come together."
"Ah, well, you know..." Flash said awkwardly. "I didn't know you were coming either, I mean...I did, I just...I didn't know I was coming, you know? But I ended up not having anything else to do, so I kinda made it out..."
"You could've come looking for me at the Angry Taco Sex show," Ditzy said.
Flash shrugged. "Eh, I decided to hit this stage first, check out Rind."
"Rind, huh? They any good?"
"Nah, I didn't find them very appealing." Flash looked at Princess Twilight. "So! You into indie music too?"
"Actually, I don't know much about music other than what the Rainbooms play," Princess Twilight said sheepishly, digging a toe into the ground. "But me and my friends are visiting Sunset Shimmer for the weekend, and we decided to check out this music festival. We're really having a good time!"
"That's good," Flash said. He looked at Moondancer, Starlight, and Ember. "So, you uhh...you go to...Twilight's school or something, I take it..."
"School?" Ember asked, eyebrow raised.
"I did go to school with Twilight when we were fillies," Moondancer said.
"I'm her student now," Starlight mused, rubbing her chin thoughtfully, "so I guess you could say I go to school with her..."
Princess Twilight sidled up to Sunset. "So, umm...exactly how much does Flash not know about where I'm really from and what I really am?"
Sunset shrugged. "I dunno. Like...maybe all of it?" She scratched the back of her neck sheepishly.
Princess Twilight facepalmed. "Great."
A commotion rose from the seats; the group looked to the stage to see the band already in place. They scrambled to the nearest collection of open seats; Flash, Ember, and Princess Twilight ended up standing as the rest of the group occupied the remainder of the open seats.
The expanded group of girls and Flash spent the next few hours together, roaming from pavillion to pavillion, stopping at the concession carts for a bite to eat in between. Starlight watched with amusement as Princess Twilight and Flash awkwardly flirted with each other. Ember shook her head in disgust at the whole scene, while Twilight mostly engaged Moondancer in conversation when they could hear one another over the music.
In the middle of the afternoon, as they walked away from a set that had just finished, Flash's phone went off in his pocket. He checked it, then grimaced. "Shoot, I almost forgot about the game," he said.
"Game?" Ember asked.
Sunset smacked a fist into an open palm. "That's right, the big game against Cloudsdale U is this afternoon!"
"What kind of game are we talking about?" Starlight asked.
"Football," Flash said with a confused frown. "You don't have football, uhh...where you guys are from?"
Starlight made to answer, but Princess Twilight cut her off. "Not...as such, no," she said. "Besides, none of us are really...really all that into sports. I mean, Spike is, but...heh..." She let out a nasal sigh. "Yeah..."
"Oh," Flash said in a disappointed tone, jamming his hands in his pockets. "Because I was gonna ask you to go with me. Oh, and your friends too! I mean, since...since, y'know, you're all—"
"Hold up there a second," Ember interjected, raising a hand. She pulled Sunset to the side. "What exactly is he talking about?"
"Canterlot Central College has a big game against Cloudsdale today," Sunset explained. "Football. It's a big deal in this world. If they win, they make the playoffs."
Ember rubbed her chin. "Is it a pretty rough sport?"
"Yeah," Sunset said. "Some people think it's too rough."
Ember grinned, then sauntered back over to the group, draping one arm across Flash's shoulders and the other across Princess Twilight's. "You know, I think a football game sounds like a great way to kill an afternoon." She smirked. "You two can spend some more time together, the rest of us can have a good time..." She looked around the group. "Girls? You in?"
Starlight shrugged. "I'm okay with whatever, really."
Moondancer frowned. "Well...I suppose," she said. "I'm not really into sports, but my friends encourage me to get out of my element once in a while, and I've actually been having fun today...I think."
"I've got nothing better to do," Sonata piped up.
"Same here," Ditzy said. "I actually forgot about the game, thanks for reminding me."
"Great!" Sunset said. "Then we'll all go cheer on Canterlot!"
* * * * *
Getting to the stadium had taken a while and one bus transfer. The huge line at the stadium had been a stifling, uncomfortable experience. The seats had not been particularly cheap, but Sunset, Flash, and Sonata had covered the entire group.
"I'll sneak some gems through the portal when I get back to Equestria," Princess Twilight whispered to Sunset as she passed out the tickets. "I feel bad about all the money you're spending this weekend."
"I'm not sure I'd even be able to sell them, but thanks," Sunset said.
Once the group made their way to their section in the stands, Flash, Sonata, and Ditzy went on a snack run for the group. While they were away, Starlight said, "So, explain this football game."
"Well, it's a little like hoofball actually," Sunset said. "Only not quite, and a lot rougher. Plus, humans don't take a pounding as well as ponies do, so players get injured a lot."
"I've never seen the appeal of a game you can get hurt playing," Moondancer said with a frown.
"You'd hate dragon games then," Ember said. "Especially King of the Hoard or Fart in the Lava." She turned to Sunset. "And since I know nothing about pony games so the hoofball comparison means nothing to me, how's this game work?"
"Well, the team that's on offense tries to move the ball down the field to the end zone," Sunset said, pointing at the two ends of the field. "The other team, their defense tries to stop them. Each play is called a 'down', and each team's offense has four downs to move the ball ten yards." She pointed out the numbered lines on the field. "If they make it ten yards with the ball, they get a new set of downs. If they don't make it ten yards by the fourth down, they can try to go for it, or if they're close enough, they can try to kick a field goal—see those goalposts at the end zones? But if they're not close enough for a field goal or desperate enough to go for it, they usually punt it to the other team so that their offense has a lot more yardage to cover." She grimaced. "Sorry, I've never tried explaining it before. You'll pick it up as you watch."
The rest of the group soon returned laden down with drinks, nachos, hot dogs, and other unhealthy foods, which they distributed among the girls. At Starlight and Moondancer's apprehension at some of the items, Princess Twilight gently encouraged them not to think about it too hard and instead just enjoy it.
When the game started, Sunset, Flash, Ditzy, and Sonata were peppered with questions:
"So they just throw it or run with it?"
"That guy, the one in back, he's like the team captain?"
"If it's called football, how come they're not footing the ball?"
"Wait, so they only kick the ball when they mess up? Or no? They can kick it to score points too? This is confusing..."
"Wait, so...if they only need to go two more yards, why are they kicking it away? I mean that guy just made a twenty yard play like five minutes ago."
"So if the other team catches it it's their ball? But if that guy just drops it, they can pick it up and it's their ball? But if it...wait—"
"So you get more points if you get it all the way to the end than if you kick it? But if you get it all the way to the end you have to kick it anyway? So why don't they just make the whole point of the game kicking it?"
By the time the band and the cheerleaders took the field for halftime, the out-of-towners had mostly gotten it straight. Mostly.
"Okay, hold up," Starlight said as a player was taken off the field on a stretcher, to a thick buzz of crowd noise. "That guy just broke that guy's leg."
"Looks like it, yeah," Sunset said, wincing. "Man, that was a nasty hit."
"Okay, but he's not getting in trouble for it? Because before the half, that one guy punched that other guy right in the face and he got thrown out of the game or something."
"Unsportsmanlike conduct," Flash said. "Accidents happen on the field. Sometimes bad ones. But when somebody does something like that just...y'know, to be a jerk, that's a penalty."
"But the guy who got punched is just fine, he's still playing," Starlight pointed out. "That guy there has a broken leg."
"But he got hurt during a fair tackle," Flash pointed out. "Like I said, accidents happen."
Starlight frowned. "That doesn't seem very fair to me."
"It's a contact sport," Ember said dismissively. "Stuff happens. I get it. If it happens during the actual game, it's just bad luck. If it happens when they're not playing, it's a fight. Right?"
"Pretty much," Flash said.
Starlight pressed her lips thin. "Well, I still don't like it."
"Don't ever watch boxing or wrestling then," Flash muttered.
"But...wrestling's a noble sport," Starlight said. "Athletes pitting strength against strength, skill against skill," she said. Her gaze took on a faraway look. "Lean muscles shifting and straining, rippling beneath skin, sweat beading, veins cording on thick necks...the steam of exertion..."
She trailed off when she realized everyone was staring at her.
"Do you need a minute?" Sonata asked with a smirk.
"Or a cup of ice water over your head?" Sunset added wryly.
Starlight's face turned beet red, and she made a show of dropping a napkin and stooping over to pick it up.
Flash coughed. "So, uhh...wrestling fan, I take it?" he asked awkwardly.
"I...think she probably means classical wrestling, not, y'know, GWM or Shin Neighpon," Sunset said.
"Oh," Flash said. "The really gay stuff."
Princess Twilight frowned. "Ex...cuse me?"
Ditzy facepalmed. "Nice one, bonehead..."
Flash sighed heavily. "Why...don't I just go get some more drinks? So I don't dig myself in any deeper."
"Good call," Sunset said.
As Flash left, Starlight stared holes in his back. Once he was out of sight, she turned to Sunset. "So what exactly was that all about?" she asked somewhat testily.
Sunset shook her head. "Classical wrestling isn't what you'd call popular here," she said. "When people say 'wrestling' here, they usually mean professional wrestling, which..." She frowned, tilting her head. "Oh, how do I even..."
"It's huge guys hopped up on roids beating each other bloody for cheering crowds," Sonata said. "And they're encouraged to fight dirty. Like, hitting each other with steel chairs and folding tables and stuff."
Ember raised an eyebrow. "Now that sounds wicked."
Starlight, on the other hand, recoiled in horror. "What?! But...but that's...that just sounds like brutality!"
"Eh," Sonata said dismissively. "Most of it's fake."
"Oh," Starlight said, letting out a sigh of relief while Ember's face fell. "So they just put on a show of hurting each other with heavy objects?"
"Oh, no! The blood and the bruises and the broken bones are real," Sonata said. "It's just that it's usually all a show. I think?" She scratched her head. "Ever since GWM took over everything, I'm not so sure anymore."
"Yeah, it stopped being fake when that one guy started killing other wrestlers in the ring," Sunset said with a frown. "Even Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stopped watching. Well, until..." She trailed off, looking at the confused Equestrians, then shook her head. "Nevermind."
"Humans...kill each other? For entertainment?" Moondancer asked, eyes wide and voice quiet.
"Not in this day and age," Sunset said. "At least...they're not supposed to."
"You know, I kinda miss the gladiator days sometimes," Sonata said chipperly. "Oiled-up dudes getting fed to lions, and—"
"Okay BULLSHIT," Sunset said fiercely, glaring at Sonata. "I know for a fact you Sirens haven't been around since the Ronan Empire."
Sonata pursed her lips. "Well, no, but I've watched a lot of gladiator movies! And it's my favorite time in human history." She paused, then added, "Well, except for the eighties."
Sunset facepalmed. Ember snickered. The rest of the group just stared blankly, blinking.
When Flash returned with drinks and more snacks, the group settled in to watch the rest of the game. It went into double overtime, with Canterlot winning. The home crowd exploded with applause, and their little group was swept up in the good cheer of it all.
The sun was low in the sky by the time they finally headed for the bus. Flash and Princess Twilight bid an awkward farewell at the bus stop; she hinted that they might be at the mall the next day, and Flash said he'd try to meet up with them there if he could.
Once he was gone, before the bus arrived, Ditzy pulled Princess Twilight aside. "Please don't lead him on," she said seriously. "You know it's not going to work, and him still having this crush on you and having her around, it's just confusing and frustrating him. He needs to let go and move on."
Princess Twilight frowned. "I...I wasn't...I mean, I..." She looked at Sunset, who was engaged in a conversation with Ember, then back at Ditzy. "I don't want to hurt Flash! Or anyone. I just..." She played with her hair. "When I'm around him, I get...kinda...y'know?"
"Yeah, I know," Ditzy said softly. "But you can't be together, right? I don't know your whole story, but I know enough to know you're not from this world and you're kind of an important Princess where you're from. Unless Flash gives up his entire life here for you...it's not going to work, is it?"
Princess Twilight sighed. "You're right," she said. "I...I should apologize. I should tell him—"
Ditzy held up a hand. "No," she said. "No, I think it's best to let Sunset do it." She looked over at the other girls, then leaned in and whispered, "I know Flash well enough to know what's going to happen if Sunset sits him down and tells him he needs to let go. He's going to want to get back together with her. A year ago, I'd have slapped him upside the head for it. Now? I think it'd be the best thing for him."
Princess Twilight blinked. "You think...they'd get back together? Really?"
Ditzy shrugged. "I don't know, but I think it's what would be best for him."
"Huh." Princess Twilight thought about that. She then smiled gently at Ditzy. "You care a lot about him, don't you?"
Ditzy shrugged. "What can I say? We've been friends forever. Oh, the bus is coming." They rejoined the group.
As they boarded the bus, Sunset nudged Princess Twilight. "That looked pretty serious," she said softly. "What's up?"
Princess Twilight sighed. "Just...getting some sense knocked into me." She giggled. "By Derpy of all people, I swear..." She shook her head. "Rainbow Dash would never let me hear the end of it..."
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Flash X Derpy ship is a no?
Flash is gonna get a Equestria infodump as part of Sunset's explanation?
More Ponies + Dragons talking about human culture! ... Yay!
Derpy, Psychotherapist.
I could suggest that the influx of additional characters is causing the story to become unfocused, but since characters bouncing off each other is kinda the point, it manages to be entertaining rather than confusing.
Every member of my family except for me is into professional wrestling. And I still don't know what this is referring to.
I'm not sure why that last part is funny. But it is.
This marks an interesting new trend from you. One that I'm interested in seeing more of. Mind you, I like how it was introduced here better than in Oversharing. I meant to make a post regarding that, and never did.
Mutual crush.
If I were to guess, teenage hormones since she's younger here than in Equestria.
Oh, oh wow, you have a good point.
This amuses me.
You're more supportive than I ever intend to be.
Same.
Your wrestling isn't the same type of wrestling I'm thinking of methinks.
Exceedingly poor choice of words, buddy.
Eh, kinda. Injuries can happen, but it's mostly staged and coreographed.
That would explain why you and the other two look like you came out of an 80s music video.
Headcanon accepted.
I have missed this story, it's good go have it back.
This is pretty much every question I have about Football in a nutshell.
Did you actually just do that.
Rainbow Dash does strike me as someone who would be a fan of Tiger Mask. Pinkie probably just likes Fukuwara Mask.
I really do love what you do with Ditzy and Flash. Great way to expand a two-step running gag.
And yeah, handegg can be kind of bizarre for the uninitiated.
Also, I'm now imagining the Our Town Olympiad. If everypony is equal, then every wrestling match is sure to be a thrilling, prolonged contest. One that certain ponies can watch for hours.
Sunset shrugged. "I dunno. Like...maybe all of it?" She scratched the back of her neck sheepishly.
Princess Twilight facepalmed. "Great."
It's been proven he knows all about where she's really from already.:\
I'm just gonna leave this here.
Derpy's not wrong. Still, poor Flash and Twilight...
Overall, a great chapter, excluding that you had Flash not know about them like it's been proven he knows about. Heck, pretty much the whole school gets the gist of Twi being from another world already. Though, they didn't know about the parallel realities bit.
I'm glad you've made Flash and Derpy being lifelong friends a thing with your stories now. That's actually part of my head canon for them too. I'm still not a big fan of Sunset and Flash getting back together. I guess if push comes to shove I can enjoy it, but its not my personal choice for Flash, I always prefer him being with either of the Twilight's.
The chapter was well done though. The talk about Football and Wrestling was basically what all newcomers think in a nutshell.
8058991
The Dazzlings were truly, truly, truly
Outrageous!
8059143 I like the setup for Legend of Everfree.
8058974
If you're thinking of it as a real-life reference, then of course you wouldn't. Odds are 1 in 15 of my readers will get this one. And yeah, I'm sort of building this cross-story narrative about Flash and Ditzy. I dunno why, it just...it just feels right.
8059033 Yeah.
8059041
Yes. Yes I did.
This guy! This guy gets it!
Also, I'm pretty sure Dash would jump into the ring and challenge Spring Tiger just for the hell of it.
8059053 Starlight strikes me as EXACTLY the kind of chick who would only be into wrestling for the sweaty homoerotic overtones.
8059127 Not exactly. He knows she's from "out of town", but he doesn't explicitly know she's a pony or anything about Equestria.
8059295 Camp Everfree proved otherwise. He knew about the whole 'pony princess from Equestria' bit, as proven by him not reacting adversely to Sunset calling her that in that movie while talking to him.
I almost forgot that this story existed but I'm glad it got featured again so that I could catch up on what I missed. The more I see Ember loving certain aspects of the human world, the more I get excited to see what she will say next.
https://krazyfan1.tumblr.com/post/155701006696/ayellowbirds-esser-z-promptplease
TORA! TORA! TORA!
Ember would not be impressed by Dragon Young...
8059295
Well, for the 14 out of 15 who (a) don't get the reference and (b) find it disturbing that there is apparently a bloodsport in the EqG universe, care to fill us in?
8059341 But this story was started before that movie existed, and therefore does not include its events or developments.
8059381 Indeed not.
8059481 It's a reference to a certain current wrestling anime, Tiger Mask W.
Gay is it?
Toss prettyboy Flash in the pankration ring.
I mean, it's two mostly naked guys grappling with each other on the floor. That's... it sounds pretty homosexual on paper.
8059133 https://youtu.be/Hv6RbEOlqRo
another wonderful chapter, thank you.
*SQUEE*! Another chapter. Although I wouldn't be 100% surprised if the Dazzling's were there in Ronan Times, or not too far off from then. After all they were sent to Earth by Star Swirl the bearded, over a thousand years ago. And the flow of time between universes is governed by Magic, Plot Convenience, and strange Quasi-Science. With them being 1:1 for the portal being open (or Twilight being over in that world (rather than years passing when she visits); or when SciTwi was screwing with causality), thne for 30 moons it being ... off. With who knows when is faster than the others time wise (again, Magic and Plot Convenience).
That being said. Yeah, Sunset should tell him everything about Twi, and let him down gently. Although a part of me thinks that after the whole Camp Everfree thing, when Sunset reconnected as his friend, that them getting back together might not be a great thing. But he could still use a friend to explain things and Princess Twilight should be there to clear things up.
Still wonderful chapter. And I look forwards to more.
8060283
As a person who did classical wrestling in High School for a year, and did the combat training in the ARMY (Basic + AIT). It does sound gay on paper, but it's not actually gay in practice. It's more like specialized ground fighting (but with too many rules set up to prevent serious injury (well highschool wrestling. Not US ARMY combat training), and noone calls MMA fighters or Brazilian Jujitsu practitioners gay (well other than the one's who are actually homosexual, and probably make people uncomfortable when ground fighting.).
8058974 If I would have to guess about the killings, it may be a confusion about Chris Benoit or maybe the deaths caused by the scedules and the lifestyle(and the drugs if older), and a person symbolising that. Or maybe it's an exaggeration of Brock Lesnar or Goldberg and I'm reading way to far into this.
8061749 It has nothing to do with any of that. It's a reference to a wrestling anime.
HA! I would love to see Flash say that to an actual wrestler, he'll get broken in fucking half.
8061767 Apologies. I didn't know there were wrestling amines so I was more basing it on my knowledge of real world wrestling.
8074199 Except that not that many comments before yours, I specifically mentioned the anime Tiger Mask W.
8074304 Oops. I thought they were referencing the wrestler Tiger Mask.
Funny story idea I had while reading this: EqG Starlight is a wanted fugitive, and pony Starlight gets arrested. Jailbreak shenanigans ensue.
I can't tell if this is a pun...or a typo
Also, DERPYXFLASH ALL THE WAY!!
8136300 It's a pun.
I don't know where this is going... but I have a sinking feeling it's not where I was thinking it would go. I think I'll just abandon the story here before my expectations of a lesbian orgy get destroyed.
8157218 So you've been reading a teen-rated story expecting an orgy, completely misreading the tone of the story from the beginning, and now you're complaining about it not being what you wanted it to be when it was obvious to anyone with eyeballs it was never going to be that, and loudly announcing you're abandoning it at the end of the story because you never got an orgy that was never promised or even hinted at?
Wow.
Wanna stop, sit back, and reflect on that for a minute? Because that's not a good look for you, honestly.
Sorry, I guess I'm just that bad at joking. It was supposed to be ironic humor, given exactly the reasons you stated. Perhaps I should point out that my jokes are jokes? Or have you have a rash of commentators being dead serious about this?
Edit: You know, after typing this response it occurred to me that this is the internet. There are no doubt people that have done exactly that.
8157457 I do have some proper critiques though. Your pacing seems to be all over the place, from feeling rushed and underdeveloped to far too drawn out. The slumber party, for instance, could have been trimmed down. While a slumber party can be fun to read in theory, it's easy to hit a breaking point just looking for it to move on. This contrasts with things like the groups' first bus ride being glossed over, with little more than a footnote saying that, "It happened."
Not every character has to say something. You have a band of characters, and you want them to be included, of course... but that doesn't mean they have to explicitly speak their peace on any given thing. Instead of them all having an individual line dedicated to their first time eating meat, pick a person to voice opinion, and if others are in agreement, nod in agreement. It flows better than breaking up the paragraph structure. The only time a character should have a need to speak at these times, should be if they have an opposing opinion, or something to add to the narrative. Besides flow, forcing a speaking role without merit show strength and weakness in characterization.
For instance, Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight are strong characters. Given that they have the most characterization in the show, you have a fairly solid foundation to work from. Moondancer, however, is an extremely weak character. She's flat, one-note, and not very interesting. You could argue that she's that way in the show, and that's true. However, as an author, this is a prime opportunity to try and give character to this veritable blank slate. Expand on her character, instead of restricting yourself to what is in the show; it hurts the character. Ember also suffers from this... but in an almost diametrically opposite fashion. Your characterization has stereotyped her as an extension of what's been shown of her. Focusing on a necessary character can give you time to build them up and strength them narratively, without having to actively juggle them in an attempt to give them equal screen time.
Segues into the other group. The story is supposed to focus on Sunset Shimmer and her sleepover with Princess Twilight and the others. Turning the viewpoint to the other group makes it seem like... you're running out of ideas with the intended group, which may be one of the side effect from pacing the story too slow at said point. Incidentally running into the other six at Hinney's would feel more natural if you cut out the other group's side of things and trimmed down on the sleepover. You have several nights in the story with these characters; find a steady pace and spread things out.
A lot of other complaints would be nitpicking, as I have a preference for written characters that remain faithful to the show, and can still expand on them within character. My big issues are with story structure, pacing, and character speech. Also, I'm a fan of, "Show, don't tell." I like when a story is descriptive, and I hate when I'm being told what a character is thinking. That's more personal preference than a hit against you; preferred writing style and all that.
Keep up writing, and always strive to improve yourself.
8157670 The claim "It was a joke" to explain away a comment that contained zero humor value whatsoever is as old as the "joke" that only the person who made it saw as a joke to begin with. Put yourself in my shoes, look at your comment, take into consideration the fact that I don't know you from a turd on the ground. Would you have just assumed your comment was a joke?
Also, counterpoint: This story is more or less a mental relaxation exercise. When I write this particular story, I don't worry about pacing and structure. I just let it happen. If that sort of writing isn't your cup of tea, then perhaps you might find one of my other stories to be to your liking? I have over a hundred stories on this site, one of them is bound to meet your criteria.
8157861 Sorry you didn't see the humor in it, I'll try to do better the next time, eh? Important part of making mistakes is learning from them.
As far as free thought exercises go... It's a coherent story, and Twilight and Sunset are well written. It's not my cup of tea, sure, but free writing it good for getting writing going. I'll take a look at your other works and see what catches my eye.
8136410 You know, that's one I've never seen before. It's mostly Roam or the like. When I read it out loud, my eyes read it as Ronin Empire, which is a fairly neat concept on its own
8159685
That's largely what the Edo period was. With social stability and an end to the constant wars, the Samurai were unemployed and became mostly ceremonial. Except the bakufu enforcers.
damn I was hoping for a FlashLight ship.
8242222
Outside of Persona EG, I don't really ship FlashLight anymore.
8242222
I can't say that name with a straight face. Freudian slip+too much internet...
Ok, I know that's obviously some kind of horse pun, but when you say "Ronan Empire," I'm only thinking of THIS guy.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelcinematicuniverse/images/c/cd/RonanGotgTextlessPoster.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/349?cb=20140804000636
Y'know, funny thing is that while Sonata was definitely not around to see the Roman gladiatorial games, (fell out of popularity and were eventually banned around the late 300s AD) she IS old enough to have seen the Roman Empire. At least, the Eastern Empire, the Byzantines. The Romans of Constantinople didn't fall until 1453.
- Headwind