Well, hello! I own the official Boop Army here in Fimfiction! I also own an ask blog for my OC: https://ask-happylass.tumblr.com/
Scootaloo seems to be really down lately, Rainbow Dash knows it. She saw the little filly force a smile every time she sees her friends. The filly didn't even feel hyperactive like she always was during her training sessions. Of course, as an awesome coach, Rainbow Dash comforts her adoptive sister.
Psst, this was a submission to a contest a fellow user made... (Link)
Oh, and I don't have a coverart.
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Nothing that I really haven't seen before in a fic of this type, but yet I still love it. Scootalove is always nice.
I'm not really sure what I just read, it jumps around so much that disjointed doesn't begin to cover it.
Hm... I'm quite split about this story. On one hoof, I can see an idea behind this that could have served as foundation to heartbreaking solid story - the Everfree confrontation between RD and Scoots is already tapping on the door of that title. On the other one, it suffered a lot from the fact you were forced deadlines for the contest - just as you said in the Author's Note.
Here are some recurring issues I have found while reading;
There are many ill-worded sentences and some runaway punctuation. For example:
Written like this, it means that the wind was feeling the adrenaline - interesting idea for a physiologist, I have to admit.
There is no reason for the comma to be here, it's one solid sentence.
If you want to be poetic, her lips or face can wear a smile, have it plastered on them... but never have. She can have a smile on her face.
Keep in mind that you are not chatting with a friend, but writing a story. Especially if it was not intended and you feel like it's disturbing, do not point it out or simply rephrase.
It wasn't such a big issue here, but I feel it's better to warn you because of your future stories. Try to avoid highly detailed descriptions of canon characters - Mrs. Cake here. Everyone knows how does she look. If I mention a blue mare wearing apron in the context of Sugarcube Corner, everyone will know who I have in mind. No need to elaborate on every hair in her mane.
Speaking of unnecessary scenes, what was the purpose of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon here? They just came, watched and went away. How was that essential to the plot?
I'm sorry the negatives seem to create such a long list, but I can see you have potential. Thus my brutal honesty.
Good luck in your writing!
-Ever
7894024 Thanks! I'll keep note of what you said, it was such a big help.
7900291 You're welcome.