• Member Since 9th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Shotgunboy848


I am new at fan fiction so please give me a chance when I write a fan fiction. I do the best I can. Please comment on my stories for feedback!

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Star Shine's life is not so easy. When her husband dies, she is left alone to take care of her 9 year old colt. To make matters worse, she loses her well paying financing job due to an economic crisis. Now she has to work long hours as a fast food waitress with low pay just to make a living. Can things get any worse?

Note: Teen rating due to swearing and sexual references. Also in this version of Equestria, modern technology such as cars, smartphones, and computers exist.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 3 )

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So first let me say I don't normally do oc fics but I am broadening my selection. So I know this fic is up and coming but you need to give some more back ground really early. When creating new characters people tend to want to instantly push them off. When a show already has characters it's easy to want to follow them we already have a feel for them. I would suggest trying to help the reader want to see their lifestyle get better.
To be blunt all I get so far is she had a husband he dies she's single and left with a colt said colt is being bullied.
These are not negative feedbacks I just feel you need you dive in more to making the characters more well as charecter.all in all its the start of a good fic some miner issues with you're descriptions still but not bad.
I give it a 6 out of 10 keep it up.:pinkiehappy:

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