The Forgotten Construct

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faktopus

faktopus #1 · May 28th, 2016 · 1 · ·

Solid start for sure. Would definitely fix the typo in the description (reveals not reviles). That's enough to turn away quite a few readers before they click the first chapter. Other than that, you explain the tech well. I'm a sucker for halo fics to begin with so take your time and give it more depth than most of the "op soldier wrecks face 24/7" stories on this site

Isaac3924

Isaac3924 #2 · May 28th, 2016 · 2 · 1 ·

The transmission played over and over in the emptiness of space. Four and a half long years has it been playing through the vast emptiness of space: as if playing a symphony for an audience that wasn’t there.

Too much repetition. Only use it when you need to emphasize something, not establish a scene.

The source of the transmission was coming from the aft end of a ship once called Forward Unto Dawn. She was a frigate class warship made by humanity for their struggle against an alien coalition named The Covenant. Many died in the struggle, leaving many planets no longer inhabitable, their surfaces nothing but glass. And when it looked like all hope had been lost, a rebellion shook the Covenant apart, giving humanity its first bit of hope in years.

Unneeded exposition dump. Mostly only fans will be reading this, it's redundant. That and you should try to stay away from exposition dumps in general. It'd be better to describe the derelict ship here than explain the whole backstory.