- Member Since 23rd May, 2013
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
dirty little secret
I tried so far… and got so hard… but in the end, it didn't even matter at all. (Direct Support)
dirty little secret
Joined 23rd May, 2013 ·
Offline
Sequels1
-
dirty little secret · 21k words · 214 51 · 5.2k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- dirty little secret · 6.5k words · 1,136 50 · 31k views
- dirty little secret · 21k words · 214 51 · 5.2k views
- dirty little secret · 4.2k words · 814 50 · 26k views
- Holy · 4.4k words · 403 54 · 11k views
- dirty little secret · 7.6k words · 436 53 · 11k views
- dirty little secret · 3.7k words · 530 41 · 19k views
- Marshal Twilight · 6.9k words · 536 21 · 19k views
- The Abyss · 3k words · 690 44 · 21k views
Featured In22
Clopfics11,532 stories ·15,805 members
The Writers' Group56,332 stories ·9,282 members
Rainbow Dash7,247 stories ·4,139 members
TwiDash1,187 stories ·4,224 members
Twilight Sparkle12,262 stories ·4,750 members
- Uncommon Shipping Pairs2,099 stories ·1,268 members
My Little Fetish16,570 stories ·8,563 members
Completed Story Compendium21,008 stories ·1,701 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.491 seconds
Total duration
676 users online
951,659 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Loved it! Instant like and fave!
7284240
What was your favorite part?
Giving her heart to one, but her body to many? I bet Cadance is proud!
7284259 Just the whole story!
7284261
I hear another sequel coming... Cadance wants to weigh in.
7284441 I'm perfectly fine with another Twilight and Rainbow-orgy.
Lots of possibilities, role play, a little bit punishment, getting them introduced into some anal fun ...
Nevertheless, great story!
Looking forward to the sequel.
7284581
Heh, your pic looks awfully familiar...
7284582 Lucky coincidence, isn't it?
holy hell, that was hot as fuck. You earned a like my friend.
7285592
What was your favorite part?
Sounds like Night Spear is going to get a very different type of tongue lashing shortly.
7285925
C'est la vie.
(Pardon my French.)
This was really hot, but then you stopped right at the best bit. I was looking forward to some Twilight Rainbow bonding, and it never happened. Bit disappointing, but still a very hot story.
Gangbangs with lotsa cum are my jam! I just wish it was a little longer.
7286235
Eh, Twidash alone has been done. And done. And done.
7286574
What would be added to make it longer?
7286575 I know, I'm even writing one, still good to have in a story.
7286934
A little harsh there, but the title is atrocious.
What can I do, though? The title to the original, "Dream Cum True" was mandated by the commission I got, and the title for the sequel was too good an opportunity to pass up.
I know I really should have expected it from the title, but the cum fetish was still a lot more than I'd hoped.
7286934
Congratulations. After being part of this site for over a year, you managed to get downvoted harder and faster than anyone else I've ever seen. And I've seen some pretty toxic motherfuckers.
So, uh. Why doesn't Twilight have wings in the cover art? Were they surgically removed after the first fic?
7288439 Maybe the guards fucked her wings off?
7289077 Alright there sweetie, time to take it down a notch. I would show you to the exit door, but the sheer size of your entitled opinion might block your otherwise graceful departure.
Now, I'm fairly certain telling someone to kill themselves is a ban-able offense on this site, and rather than report you myself, I'm going to leave it up to Dirty Little Secret to do so. Seeing how you've been on the site for less than two weeks at this stage according to your profile, I doubt that'd mean any sort of loss for you. That's not to say you've been using alternate accounts either, so I could be wrong with how long you've been active with the site.
This site is not full of, as you so eloquently put it, 'sensitive pussies'. I'm fairly certain such an overwhelmingly negative reaction to your initial comment means said comment was completely and utterly unnecessary, thus people will downvote it purely because you told someone to "kill themself". I can say that, with all due authority, if I went and left such an asinine comment on someone's story, that it too would receive an innumerable amount of downvotes.
And given how you said "I'm gonna guess this site is full of sensitive pussies then", that just further reinforces my hypothesis that you've been on this site for less than two weeks, and thus you have much to learn about what goes on here.
I've been active on this site for an excess of three years (registered for less than that), and I've been around to spot the subtle differences in how people convey themselves through their comments. From the gross lack of grammar and punctuation in some, to the downright stupidity and ignorance in others, and you fall into the latter category. So please, before you go around inadvertently painting yourself as this huge asshole, have a bit of courtesy and abstain from making such comments. That, or find a more jovial way of structuring that kind of comment. Words to that effect might include: "That title makes me want to punch a wall." or "That title makes me want to smash my keyboard over my head." You get the idea yet?
Being a nice person takes you a lot further than being a douche, Hon
I'mma get this out of the way.
Did you ever see something so stupid, so bad, yet so funny, that it made you want to grab the nearest object and smash it over your head? That title made me wanna do that
But anyway, review time.
I felt the story to be rather fragmented.
For example:
Which did he do first? He would have had to run past Rainbow to get to the window and shut it, then run back past her again in order to put his spear between the two. Doesn't seem very professional to run past a possible assailant twice to close a window then to stand between the one whom you're guarding and the assailant. Your usage of 'and' implies he did everything at once.
Then this:
You know what a comma splice is eh? I feel like that period/full-stop could be replaced with a semi-colon to read a bit better.
Another thing I noticed is that a good amount of your paragraphs don't extend beyond four lines (maybe sixty percent?), which I find tends to break immersion.
I don't know if there's a drop in the story's quality, or if it's me reading this at 1am thus messing with my ability to think straight.
At the end of the day, to put myself out there, I can lend a hand with editing/proofreading if needed. This story is like a diamond in the rough, and with a.... few... fixes, could become a much better read.
7289077
Telling someone to kill themselves might just get you decked irl, and you'd deserve it. Downvotes do nothing other than show how much people dislike your opinion. Unless you get banned, which you deserve BTW since you broke one of the few rules of conduct, you're getting off pretty easy.
"Dusky Fluffentuft"
Ok, that is the most ridiculous name I've ever come across. The effect is only emphasised by context.
I actually cringed at that title, i know it's porn, but really?
7287913
Yeah, but who doesn't like cum?
7288394
That downvote brigade was pretty impressive.
7288439
Because art is hard, and I'm a writer, primarily.
Also, honestly, I didn't take this story terribly seriously, so I didn't feel like the effort of making the cover art correct would be worthwhile.
7289077
Is there some site somewhere that isn't?
7289249
New headcanon approved!
7289285
Well, I'm not going to do it.
Too much of a free speech advocate, myself.
The Fimfic staff can police what can and can't be said in comments on their own -- without my help.
(Also, I doubt there's anything anyone could type in the comments that would actually hurt my feelings. There's nobody I respect so much that I'd let their opinion of me get me down.)
7289364
Well, that probably reflects my own uncertainty of what he should have done first? Is it more important to stop the known intruder, or to fix the security breach and prevent the intruder's possible accomplices from entering? Stopping a known threat rather than an unknown potential threat seems more important, but what might sway it in the other direction is that he has no backup: while he might be able to handle the single intruder, if more come in it's very unlikely he'll be able to stop them.
And since it wasn't terribly important to the story, I did kind of attempt to gloss over it.
Oh, I know all too well what a splice is. And I've put a lot of hard work into breaking myself out of the habit of using them too much. And I've especially been trying to avoid the overuse of semicolons. Maybe I've gone too far.
)
(I bet you see what I did there!
Now that's an interesting thing to hear. I've never heard of paragraph length being something that breaks immersion.
The trick, I suppose, is in fixing it. Do you think existing paragraphs should be merged, or do you think existing paragraphs should be added onto to become longer? And if I could really ask too much out of a comment reply, could you perhaps find an example or two where you think that should be done?
Well, to be painfully honest, I don't put a ton of effort into a one-shot clop sequel of a one-shot clopfic, so it was all written in a couple sittings and had only one proofreading/editing pass through it before publishing.
So, yeah, I didn't really expect it to be my highest-quality work ever... but still, I'd hope it came out acceptable.
I wouldn't mind that.
I don't often get third party proofreaders/editors anymore, and it might be useful to get your opinions about this one.
(Oh, and by the way, this kind of comment is my favorite kind of: one that has insightful things to say about the craft that went into the writing!)
7289659
Obviously, you've never read my story featuring Thundernight Moonglade Kerfluffle Fangling!
Actually, if you've read my other stories, you might notice that several of the bat pony guards borrow parts of their names from other famous bat ponies of mine. ^.^ I like to think that most of them are related.
7289936
Believe me: nobody cringes at the title harder than I do!
But it had to be done.
7289714
Someone killing themselves shouldn't be a joke to you. That's not funny, it's inhumane, no one laughed and you're an immature piece of shit for saying it. I dare you to tell someone to kill themselves just a few times in real life and see how quickly you get your face inverted.
7286576
A sequel. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
7290413 I have a friend that has that t-shirt!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/05/8c/ed/058ced59646516808e708bb00e83e298.jpg
7290069
Alright, I'll humour you. Marshall Twilight, whom writes good stories tends to not let his paragraphs extend beyond 4 lines. As an example, click this and just scan through the page to see what I mean.
What I try to remember about paragraphs is something I was taught in school: paragraphs should always be between 4 - 8 lines, and anything beyond that tends to become a 'brick' of text to an extend. I've seen a few people write 15 line paragraphs, and the point about something that long is they're a chore to read through.
Longer paragraphs (of a reasonable length) are supposed to build immersion and give depth to the story. Without immersion and depth, you can't really expect to grab your reader's attention with it.
Here's an example:
This can all be one paragraph. Rainbow is speaking in both examples of dialogue, so having exposition about what another character is doing between different dialogue clauses of the same character is fine. In the strike-through of Rainbow's name, you could probably replace that with just 'she' on combining everything. There is a matter of perspective that comes into it, and while a character is speaking, things happening during their dialogue can be from their perspective while maintaining the 3rd person perspective on Twilight.
Same problem here:
This is all the same clause:
That's a few examples, and don't get me wrong, I simply cannot be arsed to comb through the entire thing (as short as it is) to fix something that you seemed to be rather relaxed towards.
If I come across a story I genuinely like but find hard to read because of of arguably avoidable issues, then I'll always leave some constructive feedback on what could do to be improved.
After all, it beats telling someone to kill themselves any day
That was interesting... Makes me wish I could know what it is like... Too bad there are no batponies in this realm in which we are not all ponies ourselves.
7290413
ur edgy
7289077 OR! or maybe...
You're just an asshole.
7290177
7290413
7290710
7290851
Now, as I said before, I'm all for free speech...
But perhaps this isn't the time and place for this particular discussion?
Could I ask that you simmer down, or at least move it to PM's?
7290702
Alas for the lack of ponies!
7290462
In most of your examples, it's separated because a different character has a distinct thought/action between the other character's different lines of dialog.
Well, two things:
A) I wrote this in a different font, which affects how many 'lines' there are per paragraph. I write with a different font in every different story, but this time it was a relatively large one, which may have skewed my perception of how long my paragraphs were.
B) But what about the rule of different characters' thoughs/actions/dialogs being put into separate paragraphs?
Oh... and what if instead of a blank line between paragraphs, I had instead indented paragraphs? Would that also provide the immersion via formatting you crave?
7290069
Most girls. Like me. Who's a lesbian. (Actually I'm bi, but I waaaay prefer girls)
So yeah, cum is a huge turn-off.
7292029
Oh...
Huh.
I am continually amazed at the diversity of audience my stories tend to collect.
And I guess I have my answer. Who doesn't like cum? Lesbians, that's who. Makes sense.
Oh...Oh yes.
Dream COME TRUE
Just thought I'd fix your spelling mistake.
7299460
7293640
Hopefully the story lives up to that kind of enthusiasm.
7299460 this is a sequel of Dream Come True, read the description
7329568 No excuse for misspelling. We have god damn Autocorrect functions on computers nowadays.
7329623
It's not a misspelling if it's intentional.
7331658 I was joking.
See, this is why we need a way for people to see our faces, so they can tell that we are joking or being serious rather than having to go by wording. XD
7341249 That...is...not a bad idea, but I think pass on it. I'm doing an animation project right now.
Hehe that was a fun story.
Cant wait to see part 3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10 basically a orgy of 12 ponies lol
7371928
That sounds like a lot of work to write...
7371973
then skip to the orgy then :P
ether way nice story a lot of fun to read lol
7434261
Link's up.
I just have one thing to say...