Rough beginnings

by Never2muchpinkie

Chapter 9: Fake smile

In the morning Dinky was the first one to wake up. She stretched and yawned before sitting up. She saw the sleeping ponies around her, knowing to try to keep quiet. “Good morning, Mama!” she said softly, but when she turned to look her smile faded. Her mother wasn’t there!

Her eyes filled with tears as her lip began trembling. She ran over to Lyra and began shaking her.

“Lyly, Lyly!”

Lyra stirred, groaning sleepily as she felt the small hooves on her. “Mmmm… Dinky?” she muttered, blinking in the light. “What’s wrong?”

“Lyly, where Mama?”

“Hmm?”

“Mama, Mama! She gone!” Dinky cried out. “She sleepin’ wif me but then she gone!” Tears streamed down her eyes. “I scared! I w-want my M-m-m-m-mamaaaaaa!”

Lyra sat up as Dinky began sobbing. She looked around. Everyone else had been sleeping, but Dinky’s wailing was waking them up. The only one missing was Doctor Hooves, and she trusted he was with her.

Lyra picked Dinky up, holding her close. Dinky was too distraught to fight it. “Come on, Dinky. Let’s go find your mama. Maybe she just went to the bathroom.”

“A-a-alwight,” Dinky replied, settling down slightly.

After searching a few rooms she found Derpy and Doctor Hooves in the guest bedroom. Derpy was still sleeping on his lap.

Lyra’s eyebrow went up a bit. “Had an exciting night?” she asked with a bit of a smirk.

Doctor Hooves turned to her, scowling. “Really, Lyra? Derpy just lost her parents. Can we save the bawdy jokes?”

Lyra’s grin faded. “Right,” she said, contrite, setting Dinky on the floor.

“Help me here, would you?” he asked as he started to lift Derpy.

Lyra’s horn lit up as she assisted him in moving her onto the bed.

Derpy stirred as Dinky ran over and jumped on the bed. “Mama!” she called out.

“Hi, Dinky,” said Derpy as she opened her eyes halfway.

Dinky had a fierce frown, glaring at her mother. “Why you leave me? You say we sleep together, but then you go sleeps wif Docah Hoofs.”

Derpy sat up, trying to hug Dinky to her, but Dinky backed up from her, crossing her hooves.

Derpy gently snickered. “I’m sorry, Dinky. I didn’t mean to leave you behind. I just had a nightmare, and I needed someone to hold me and make it feel better.”

Dinky’s eyes only grew narrower. “I do that! Dinky can hold you and make you feel bettah!”

“Yes, that’s true. But Doctor Hooves was still awake, while you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you up out of a good sleep if there was someone else already there to hold me.”

Dinky sucked on her cheek, considering the words. Finally she unclenched her body and stomped over, sitting on her mom’s lap and hugging her.

Derpy could tell Dinky was still a little sore at her. As she went to apologize again Dinky looked up at her, tears brimming in her eyes.

“I… I scared when you not there. Y-you scared me. I wake up and you not there, like yesserday.”

Derpy closed her eyes, starting to cry herself. “I… I know. I’m sorry.” She hugged Dinky close. “I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” Her stomach began to burn with guilt. Doctor Hooves had tried to remind her how Dinky would react if she woke up to find herself alone. She was just too tired to really acknowledge it. She had been in a state of emotional exhaustion.

Though her own suffering was great she knew she wasn’t the only one involved in this. Dinky was so young and vulnerable. She was the central pillar in her daughter’s life. If she crumbled Dinky would too. Even if Dinky survived it she would carry those scars the rest of her life.

It all went back to what she said to Doctor Hooves: though everything was a potential weapon she could use on herself, she didn’t want to go that route, not when Dinky was so reliant on her for support and love. Bon Bon’s words were relevant too. The rest of her friends were grown, with their own lives. Given time they could get past it if she was gone. Dinky couldn’t. She was too young to understand. All she knew was she loved her mommy, and couldn’t stand the thought of being too far from her.

Lyra and Doctor Hooves were both watching them. She noticed when his head slumped a bit, and turned to him. “We were supposed to take watches, remember? You didn’t have to stay up all night.”

He turned to her. “I couldn’t help it. I was feeling wide awake until now. I was too afraid to fall asleep, being the only one awake. I didn’t want to leave her alone, even for a moment. Not when she was freaking out over that nightmare she had.”

“I can only guess what happened there. You’ve been up long enough. I’ll take over from here.”

“Thank you.” He nodded sleepily, getting up and leaving the room.

Lyra sat down next to the pair, letting them deal with their issues for the time being.

Without warning Derpy spoke up. “My parents… they accused me of being at fault for what happened to them.” She squeezed Dinky a little tighter. “They said I was a liar, and a traitor to them. And… that I wasn’t worthy of taking care of my daughter.

“I… I found myself in the same place you and Bon Bon found me yesterday, but unlike you they encouraged me to go through with it.”

Lyra winced, inhaling sharply. No wonder Doctor Hooves didn’t want to leave her alone. That would be horrible for anyone to endure, dream or not.

Lyra put a leg around her. “It was only a dream, Derpy. You know that. Your parents would never encourage you to do that. If they really thought you were an unfit mother they wouldn’t have let you live alone with Dinky. Nightmares and fears crumble when you confront them with facts.”

“Maybe you’re right… but I also lied to them. I lied to all of you for so long. Maybe… if I’d had the courage to be honest…”

“Yeah!” Lyra said sharply. “If you live in a world of maybe’s then anything is possible. MAYBE if you had told them you might have gone out with them and you and Dinky would be dead too. MAYBE it would have led to them dying sooner. If you play the maybe game anytime something bad happens you can always say things would have been different, but you can never know for sure. It only amounts to you taking responsibility for something you’re not responsible for in the first place!”

Derpy didn’t respond. Her face was heavy with a mix of negative emotions. She picked Dinky up, moving her so she was on her stomach, and began to rub her back.

Dinky smiled at the attention.

Lyra watched her, unsure of what was going through Derpy’s head.

Derpy focused all her attention on Dinky, moving her hooves further up and down, putting more pressure on her, still with a deadpan expression.

Silence reigned throughout the room, with the exception of Dinky’s coos of enjoyment. “Funeral,” she said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“Funeral. There has to be a funeral. I know it sounds horrible, but I don’t want to go.” A tear slowly made its way down her cheek. “A funeral is supposed to be about remembering and letting go. Memories are too painful to recall right now. Letting go?” Her body clenched. “How am I supposed to let go?” Her voice began to quiver. “I couldn’t even let go of Shooting Star, despite how horrible he’s been to me.”

Dinky whimpered. Her mother was pushing way too hard on her back now. Beyond that, though, she could also feel the changes in the way her mother was acting; the shakiness of her voice, the slight trembling of her body. Her mother was in pain.

“Mamaaaa!” she cried out. “You hurting me!”

“Wha-oh!” Derpy shook her head, trying to focus on the present. “Sorry, Dinky!” she said cheerfully. Dinky turned her head, staring into Derpy’s eyes. “What’s with that look, Muffin? I said I was sorry.”

Dinky didn’t know the words to say to express what she was feeling, and it frustrated her. The feelings vanished as Derpy grabbed her and lifted her up, blowing a raspberry on her belly, making her squeal and squirm with laughter.

“S-s-stoppit!” Dinky said through her giggles.

“Never!” Derpy said evilly, blowing on her belly some more until Dinky was panting for breath.

Dinky was feeling giddy as she was placed back on the bed, little chuckles still coming from her as she came down from the emotional high.

Bon Bon popped in. “Morning, everyone! I hear the giggle express going on in here.”

“Morning, Bon Bon,” Derpy replied.

“Doctor Hooves told me about your night together.”

Derpy cringed. “Did you have to say it like that?”

“Sorry. He’s exhausted, after spending all night awake looking after you, so I put him to bed in our room so he won’t be disturbed. I’m making some pancakes for everyone. I’m sure you could use some breakfast.”

Derpy nodded half-heartedly.

“Pancapes?” Dinky said, hopping up. “I love pancapes!” She hopped off the bed, running out of the room. “Come on, Mama!”

Lyra snickered. “That’s a filly that knows what she wants.” She stood up as well. “Come on, Derpy.” She turned to Derpy, and her heart sank. Derpy’s cheerful demeanor had vanished, her face heavy and nearly devoid of expression.

Lyra put on her serious face, putting a hoof on Derpy’s shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?” She shook her head. “Stupid question, I know. I know you’re not okay. I guess I thought you were doing a bit better the way you were acting when you started playing with Dinky.”

Derpy slid off the bed, a tear coming down her eye. “Of course it seemed that way. I already proved I was a skilled actor before, didn’t I? Good enough to deceive everyone important to me.”

“Derpy…”

“Please… don’t…” Derpy turned back to her with a plastic smile. “It’s fine if the rest of you know how I’m really feeling, but Dinky doesn’t deserve to suffer, so she doesn’t need to know how I feel like I’m dying inside. So long as Dinky is happy that’s all I care about.” With that she left the room.

Tears came down Lyra’s eyes. The casual way Derpy said those words, along with her over-wide smile, made her stomach twist in knots. She was scared for Derpy’s sanity. Just the previous day she had seen one of her long-time friends on the brink of committing suicide. And it was clear that Derpy was still on the brink. They couldn’t afford to leave her alone. She knew deep-down that Derpy wanted to live, but was overwhelmed by her feelings.

For now, all she could do was offer her unwavering support. She could understand why Doctor Hooves stayed up all night instead of asking one of them to take over. She didn’t think she’d be able to go to sleep either if Derpy had expressed the sentiments she just did the previous night.

She wasn’t going to lose her friend. She knew that for certain. They had saved her from herself once. They could do it again.

Her resolve hardening, she followed after Derpy towards the kitchen. Her stomach clenched painfully as she saw Derpy at the table, once more a different mare. She was laughing away as she tried to keep Dinky’s pancakes away from her mouth, Dinky getting annoyed but laughing at the same time. She seemed perfectly normal, but Lyra knew it was just an act for Dinky’s sake.

“Oh, Derpy,” she whispered under her breath, putting a hoof over her heart.

Comments

[cosmicobubisi]

Waitwaitwaitwait...

How did I not know about this story?!

[Never2muchpinkie]

7568267 Well, now you do! Did you finish the original story already(You Are Normal Too), as I only got the idea for the prequel when I was in the middle of writing the sequel. I felt there was way too much backstory going on, so I made it its own story instead.

[cosmicobubisi]

7568535 Oh yeah, finished that one ages ago! Can't wait to read plow through this one at 3 in the morning!

Also...

-grabs roughly- Sequel?

[Never2muchpinkie]

7570285 Yeah, things got real botched up. I thought it would only be a few chapters, like 3 or 4, so I initially began posting them to the end of YANT as bonus chapters. Then it started growing way too long, and then right in the middle of it was a bunch of backstory, mainly this story right here. And finally what killed it is two different people who brought up really good points about the way the characters were acting. They felt the characters were grossly OOC based on what had been demonstrated before.

Basically, Dream Catcher (Shootings girlfriend) came to see Dinky, because Shooting felt regret he would never get to meet his child. She tells Dinky about her father, and leaves it to Dinky about whether to see him or not.

I wanted to resolve things with Derpy learning the truth about Shooting and them coming to an understanding. But Derpy went too far when Dinky told her about thing, and Dream Catcher going to Dinky and throwing such a thing in her lap didn't fit with her intelligence and kindness, so I scrapped it for now. I have to go back and change some things before I repost it so the characters feel more natural and correct.

[cosmicobubisi]

7571315 Ah, I remember those chapters. Vaguely, but I do.

Good luck with the writing!