Under the Weather

After the Grand Opening of her new store in Manehattan, Rarity visits Coco Pommel to see how she is feeling with her cold.

*Written at Trotcon 2016 in Columbus, OH

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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The Bricklayer

The Bricklayer #1 · Jul 14th, 2016 · 2 · ·

Yeah, now this is something I can see Rarity going out of her way to do considering her friendship with Coco. (That poor pony seems to get the short end of the stick so to speak far too often doesn't she?) Great story!

Hydra_1324

Hydra_1324 #2 · Jul 14th, 2016 · 1 · ·

Alright, this is okay, not good, not bad either.
Keep trying though you are pretty good at writing.

twilightsparkle3562

twilightsparkle3562 #3 · Jul 14th, 2016 · · ·

7392424 Which is kind of the norm for me. Hey, never stop learning.

Scintor

Scintor #4 · Jul 14th, 2016 · 2 · ·

I 'm going to agree that this is nice, but as a story it's incomplete. It is a great "Slice of life" and would be excellent as a set of scenes that are part of a larger story.

Fireheart 1945

Fireheart 1945 #5 · Jul 14th, 2016 · · ·

7392427 That's the spirit! Keep writing, man!

God bless!

twilightsparkle3562

twilightsparkle3562 #6 · Jul 15th, 2016 · · ·

7392686 At some point down the line, I will have someone help me try and get this to be a complete story.

Azure Drache

Azure Drache #7 · Aug 24th, 2016 · 1 · ·

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Rarity Visits Coco

Pros :
I really like the friendship spirit you mentioned in your story.
That you take care of so many small details of the show is great.
The length of the story is very well for a short nice pause to finish reading it.

Cons:
The way your let the charakters talk is a little bit out of character in my opinion.
Rarity acts a little bit to commen for her standarts some times.

Notes Section: Well written short story , it was a nice one to read. Thanks for writing it! I just would suggest that you take a litte bit more care about how the characters talk in the show and try to adopt that.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story The Phantom of Canterlot

Blast

Blast #8 · Apr 5th, 2017 · · ·

"No matter what happens, I'm doing something that that rude and pompus Suri Polomare never even did for you: I am staying right here by your side to help you, Miss Pommel, get better."

That's a dangerous idea. Better one pony sick than two.

MixMassBasher