Burning Axe is offered and hired to perform and entertain at a party with music to earn the money needed to help Natures Fury pay off her mortgage...Or so he thinks.
Burning Axe turned his head and looked in the direction Changeling Night Shade was pointing. There, he saw the special bandage rack being brought out and assembled by other changelings.
Author's Note: Warning The following story is a Clop-Fic containing a brony's OC engaging in a sexual orgy with numerous male and female MLP characters. If you are 18 years or over, do enjoy the story. The rest of you who are under 18, and press the confirm age button anyway can "Bugger off"! Otherwise if you continue to read this clop-fic, and if you end up getting caught by your parents, teachers, or whatever adult is looking after you, and end up in trouble for it, I will hold no responsibility for the consequences that might await you.
You don't need to put this in a clop section. Nor do you have to tag clop chapters as 'clop'. This irritates me usually. If a story is rated Mature and Sex, I assume there will be sex in it. You don't need to tag the parts that have it. Let the reader follow the story and let them find it themselves naturally. The only deviation of this is I tend to think story sections with weird fetishes should be tagged accordingly.
Burning Axe opened his eyes feeling all dazed and mildly disorientated. When his focus came, he found himself on some kind of table in the middle of the room. He tried to get up, but found that he could not move. His forelegs were tied behind his back, with his rear legs standing over the edge, being restrained by spreader bar, and his plot raised in the air. He was tied-up in a sexual like position, with a ball gag in his mouth like someone in a BDSM role. He also had a rope wrapped around his body that kept his wings restrained as well. Burning Axe made a muffled noise, and tried to struggle himself out of the bondage he was in, only to find the ropes were too strong, and was too well tied.
This is the first paragraph of the chapter. I feel like this was way too sudden of a buildup. You set the stage for a sex scene to be played out, but you didn't explain how it happened. I think it would be much more entertaining to hear about how they drug his unconscious body to their little sex dungeon, and then applied the restraints while he was passed out.
Changeling Night Shade
Yes, thank you, I am aware she is changeling. You can simply call her by name now.
"Well, that depends on whether or not you're willing to let us have our fun with you." Changeling Night Shade said. "Besides, we did hire you for this, and you will be paid for your service. So technically, it's not rape. And after all, your reputation precedes you."
I don't think rape works that way.
Burning Axe began to lick the vagina of the female changeling that changed into Cup Cake, making her moan from the pleasure.
You do this a lot. You have a character perform a sex act, and the other participant immediately starts moaning or reacting somehow. It's not very realistic. You did it with the rimming part too. Perhaps if the mare was in heat they might show an immediate reaction. But these are changelings. It should be more like normal sex, in that it takes a little time to warm them up. Time you can use to be descriptive.
The male changeling as Carrot Cake slowly pushed the rest his cock all the way in past his medial ring, with Burning Axe grunting with discomfit, and his eyes shutting hard.
You do this a lot too. You rush things in general. There's no way he's going to just stick his dick in there halfway without severe pain. I think you confuse lube as something magical that widens holes. There is a bit of stretching that must be done to fit a larger object, even with someone that does anal sex regularly. If you want anal sex scenes where they can just slam it in, look up 'poppers'. It's a muscle relaxing drug that gay men use sometimes.
Overall this feels very rushed, like you tried to cram a bunch of canon characters and various sexual positions into one chapter. There are a number of spelling and grammar issues, but I'm just here to give you tips on the sex.
What the? You were doing so well!
Lower case.
Answered --> answered
Questioned --> questioned
This is typically why I put the name first. Clears up these capitalization rules.
you spelled bondage wrong
"Oh, my God."
"Actually, oh my Celestria, not God" said Exno the Lord of insanity, with a hint of cockiness in his voice.
"Shut the Hell up, demon." Said Alinic with a hint of anger.
You don't need to put this in a clop section. Nor do you have to tag clop chapters as 'clop'. This irritates me usually. If a story is rated Mature and Sex, I assume there will be sex in it. You don't need to tag the parts that have it. Let the reader follow the story and let them find it themselves naturally. The only deviation of this is I tend to think story sections with weird fetishes should be tagged accordingly.
This is the first paragraph of the chapter. I feel like this was way too sudden of a buildup. You set the stage for a sex scene to be played out, but you didn't explain how it happened. I think it would be much more entertaining to hear about how they drug his unconscious body to their little sex dungeon, and then applied the restraints while he was passed out.
Yes, thank you, I am aware she is changeling. You can simply call her by name now.
I don't think rape works that way.
You do this a lot. You have a character perform a sex act, and the other participant immediately starts moaning or reacting somehow. It's not very realistic. You did it with the rimming part too. Perhaps if the mare was in heat they might show an immediate reaction. But these are changelings. It should be more like normal sex, in that it takes a little time to warm them up. Time you can use to be descriptive.
You do this a lot too. You rush things in general. There's no way he's going to just stick his dick in there halfway without severe pain. I think you confuse lube as something magical that widens holes. There is a bit of stretching that must be done to fit a larger object, even with someone that does anal sex regularly. If you want anal sex scenes where they can just slam it in, look up 'poppers'. It's a muscle relaxing drug that gay men use sometimes.
Overall this feels very rushed, like you tried to cram a bunch of canon characters and various sexual positions into one chapter. There are a number of spelling and grammar issues, but I'm just here to give you tips on the sex.