David wakes up in a hospital. He is scared, nervous, and very very clueless. Questions need to be answered about his past, present, and future, but doesn't everybody have questions like that? Maybe...
To be completely honest, I can't say more or I'll end up ruining your experience reading it. Please just give it a try.
***Twilight is not a princess in this story***
-This is my first story but I know you'll still like it no matter what-
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Two chapters of a man waking up in a hospital. Not much of a hook.
What if I don't love it? Then what?
Keep going! I can see very much potential.
Then get a synopsis editor. There are such people out there.
Nah, really?!
G-guh...? Sorry, bub, but that's not how the userbase of Fimfic works. Some people will like it, and others will hate it, while the rest will shrug and move on. Don't assume everyone who sees it will love it; it makes an ass out of you and your audience.
Interesting. From what I got from the second chapter, David may be the only human that exists and Celestia's human form is her using magic. I really your story and can see lots of potential. Can't wait to see more.
so far nice start. The like/dislike ratio dont look in your favor but, i bet that many this early dislike come from ppl that dont like the human tag well most of them anyway.
7247122 Hate to burst your bubble, but the story's going en route to cliched confusion, on top of sudden shit we're supposed to buy (in chapter two, for instance, the character suddenly gets amnesia and Celestia knows his name somehow.) And it has yet to show Unicorn!Twilight Sparkle, something that's been promised in the synopsis. And for as many tags as this story has, it's too short—the chapters should at least be 3k words to build upon them all, and that's just the genre tags by themselves!
It's bad, but not terribly so. Just cliched, rushed and something I and a lot of other people on this site have seen a hundred times already in slightly different formats.
WAKE ME UP
wake me up inside
CANT WAKE UP
Alright, I feel like I should explain the intro in a summary that's not just, "Oh I woke up in a hospital and I forgot everything." A lot of people are doubting this story, and I understand that. With only 2 chapters that's basically unedited and small with 1,000 words each is completely under par considering the other stories from authors that have the time and friends to help make stories be a little bit more understanding. I completely understand where the dislikes are coming from and I also understand where it feels like I missed a couple points from the intro, synopsis, etc and usually the intros to stories are indeed slow as hell. Haha. If you could please be patient, I appreciate everybody giving my story a chance and sincerely very sorry that I can't fulfill everybody's expectations with a synopsis promising so much with only 2 chapters made.
Now for synopsis, I will clear things up a bit. The man wakes up in a hospital from a coma. He does not remember a thing, at all. What exactly did he do before being in a coma? Was he in Equestria for the time he was in the coma or was he already there? What's exactly going on in this story behind David's point of view? Maybe a few questions you should have asked yourself during the read. I just basically opened up a door of possibilities that this story could end up going for you guys. I have a couple ideas for this fiction that have plot twists and emotions that you could or could not predict.
Until next time I see a couple comments saying they have trouble following the story, I'll be leaving the comment section for you guys to discuss about my mediocre writing, haha. Bye!!! :)
7247536
Fuck those down votes. I'm giving this a chance.
7248041 I have one word for this..........maybe.........that is all for my announcement
Wake Up: A story that could have been decent, had you not chosen to write it like this.
Trollfic ho!
Keep em coming!
A few suggestions that helped me out with my stories.
1) Get an Editor: Someone who can go thru, change things up without changing the flow of the writing.
2)You may want to cut the language out. Using foul language is fine, but it has its place and time. Remember too that the show has established a few 'foul' words. Using them tends to make the characters a bit more 'pony' like.
Also remember its rare for someones first story to really take off. Most here tend to abandon or end their first once they get a feel for how to get the flow down. Keep at it, improve, and you will do just fine.
Nice chapter, although I feel that there should be more with this chapter.
Interesting....
Y r de chapters so short?
7345128 Mostly because I'm a busy man. Though I guess I could just wait and publish it every two weeks. Sorry. :( I'll start doing that instead.
7345868 no no i was simply wondering y u make short chapters . N now i have my answer which is a good 1 seeing as though ur 2 busy with work i do not blame u, u gotta make a living right?
7346297 Haha. It's alright. I want this story to actually have a lot of depth and emotion to it and I can't do that unless I make the chapters longer. I apologize for the inconvenience of it though. I understand the feeling of short chapters being a little less pleasurable than longer chapters. I'll re-publish the chapter when it's longer than what I wrote before so you might want to go through the chapter again so you won't miss anything when I publish it again.
That you for actually putting this in my head cause I had no idea until I read your comment.
It's the little things that keep you going, eh? Haha
I might have missed this but.... I thought the existence of ponies was hidden from David, as well as magic?
7440737 In the early chapters, he experiences magic multiple times.
Who wakes up in a hospital and thinks 'oh i'd better take out the stuff possibly keeping me alive and run'. I mean if you don't remember anything why would you think someone is keeping you against you're will.
P.S. I know it sounds a bit douchy and nitpicky but it's late and this really just confused me.