Sealed
"Fluttershy? Fluttershy... are you okay?"
Gentle feathers stroked the pegasus' aching head.
"Mrmmmfff..." Fluttershy's eyes squinted open. She grimaced at the noonday light over the forested path. "Guh... where am I?" A lavender hoof helped her up. "How...?"
"Oh, Fluttershy!" Princess Twilight Sparkle hugged her close, nuzzling the mare deeply. "I lost track of you! I was so... so worried!"
Fluttershy winced, surrendering to the alicorn's embrace. "I... I'm sorry." She leaned back, shuddering. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Didn't I tell you to leave downtown Ponyville?" Twilight blinked with concern. "It was too dangerous to remain!"
"I... I could have sworn I left when you told me to." Fluttershy gulped. "My memory is... faint. I must have fainted along the way out."
"There was so much smoke," Twilight said. "It's a miracle you didn't suffocate."
Fluttershy exhaled with a smile. "Well, I'm glad you found me."
"Well, of course I found you!" Twilight smiled rosily. "I would never abandon my friends."
Fluttershy giggled slightly. "Is... is the town okay?"
"Good news!" Twilight beamed. "Everypony got evacuated! What's more, the tremors have stopped!"
"Oh wow. Any idea how it all happened?"
Twilight shook her head. "Not a clue. But the Mayor is setting up an emergency meeting in the bowling alley. Everypony is expected to attend so we can discuss rebuilding Town Square and—"
"Eugh..." Fluttershy spontaneously drifted dizzily forward.
"Whoah!" Twilight caught her. "Fluttershy, you sure you okay?"
"Hrmmmf... y-yes..." Fluttershy tilted her head up. As she did so, her eyes flickered a hot gold. Like the sun. "Just... a little headache, I guess."
Twilight nodded. "We should do something to cure that." With a smile, she motioned along. "Follow me. I should have some remedies back at the palace."
"If you insist..." Fluttershy limply flew after her. "Thanks, Twilight. You're always looking after us."
"Yes." Twilight droned, staring dead forward as she glided against the wind. "It's what friends do."
User: Lunarius
Prompt: Hello SS&E, Here's an idea for a mini-fic that I've had floating around inside my head. Please feel free to change the description or add to it: "After a devastating earthquake, Ponyville town hall is swallowed by a massive rift. When a cry for help echos out from the darkness, only one pony is brave enough to enter. What she finds makes her immediately regret her choice." I don't want to have you write anything that you wouldn't enjoy working on. If you feel like a different topic would be more appropriate, please let me know. I would not take any offense. Best of luck with the other mini-fics, Lunarius
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Um...
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2889621-1-what_the_buck_by_illdude324-d5596j5.png
That was short, but sweet.
It also leaves a ridiculous amount of question.
What the hell are Celestia and Luna?
What does this mean for Nightmare Moon? Perhaps this was just one epic plot to gain the trust of the nation, and create more corrupted entities?
What is Twilycorn? Is she truly a pony or merely a puppet?
What does Zecora know?
Will Fluttershy be removed in the same way they executed Twilight?
7232498 its an SSE minific. Those questions will all go unanswered.
Er...I like it?
Who's in a bunker, who's in a bunker?
Good work as usual, Shortskirts.
My guess as to what's going down (and I'm probably completely wrong) is that Starswirl's spell had certain destructive properties to it when Twilight cast it. In an effort to both control the magic and save Twilight, the sisters cloned her or something (hence Twilight's line about feeling torn apart or whatever), so that they could use her as a tool to contain the damage while also letting 'Twilight Sparkle,' y'know, survive.
What we're seeing here is the original Twilight who got caught with the short end of the stick and is then axed off by the sisters now that her role in preventing complete destruction is finished.
Yep, Dark tag is fitting.
I think it could've used a tad more meat on its bones, though I'm aware it's big for a mini-fic.
Still, I liked it, just for the creepy factor. The idea that Fluttershy may never know the truth yet always feel that something is wrong is delightfully unsettling.
The dialogue is quite wooden, especially from Rainbow Dash, and it's a little too vague for my tastes, but the descriptions and creepy factor are where this fic shines.
Fascinating, all the more so because Twilight isn't the most reliable source. After all, after months of starvation and isolation, she could easily be delusional. Not to say that the sisters don't have some explaining to do, but the situation may not be as Twilight believed.
Of course, that's just me desperately trying to find a lighter interpretation to this. In any case, a very intriguing piece. I'm going to need to spend more time thinking about this one before I have a solid grip on it.
Still, there's one thing that has me scratching my head: Why were the pegasi using buckets instead of clouds?
Ponies don't become Alicorns.
Alicorns hatch from Ponies.
this was very good, although I hope I stop shivering soon.
This fridge horror is very justified. We've seen the implications of years of immortality explored and the subtle changes that ascension may bring immediately, like hearing prayers, a different diet/schedule, or perspective. But there is something unsettling about our worst fears realizing so soon. The insanity and darkness of ascension is not something that you grow or are corrupted into, here it's a sudden transformation.
I could have guessed that the pony she finds is her friend from a different time, but not the rest.
Hahaha-what-the-fuck-did-i-just-read-hahaha
What the hell is this.
I can't even.. What happened to Twi?
Huh
It's good, but...
I AM SO CONFUSED
SS&E
I don't get it.
one I've got a question. Fluttershy was flying over the treetops then lost momentum then skidded on the ground. How? did she plummet?, glide?
(I'm not asking for an interpretation from the readers. it's actually I'm wondering it SS&E missed something)
but more importantly
Am I supposed to care about these characters?
If Twilight is so completely the same why should I care if Twilight, or Fluttershy for that matter, is the old one or the new one she's acting the same.
If you're asking me to care that the princess are evil and so thorough in the execution of their machinations. That there isn't anything that ponies can do about it. There is no kink in the amour of the sealing. No chance that princesses will be found out. After all Fluttershy's eyes shown like the sun could only mean that Celestia successfully sealed Fluttershy. And now that Twilight the unicorn is dead there is no one that knows of their evil. We can't even assume the Twilight the unicorn is the original and not a copy. Or that Fluttershy at the end is the same as the beginning of the story. Ultimately I as a reader become apathetic on the story. 'bad things happen to ponies and nothing good comes of it'. No it's worst! nothing comes it. The characters act the same they see each other the same as before. If I can't tell what or who to care about why should I care at all?
Now if they didn't successfully seal Fluttershy then...
As you probably know. That's why at many endings of horror stories. The antagonist is shown either continuing or not fully destroyed. Thus allowing the continuation of the story. Here in this story I believe it should be the reverse. This is a Crapsaccharine World therefore the 'good' guys should be shown not completely corrupted or in this case sealed. Without someone being a witness to it. (other than the princesses or us the readers) , it might as well be a Saccharine World. And currently this story doesn't have one. IMHO of course.
Dayyyyyum.
You sure know how to take a prompt and make it gold.
~Skeeter The Lurker
7232505
You could look at it like that...
Or you could imagine your own continuation to it. Best part of a Skirts minific, I think.
~Skeeter The Lurker
REDDICK MEETS MLP
You keep what you kill.
7233355 funny that you mention it, I read the last two lines as implying just that.
Fluttershy flies limply because she knows something is wrong, and Twilight picks up on this body language making her want to find out what. Hence the staring into space/ being lost in thought.
7232777
That would be my interpretation of events as well. Maybe sometimes the shells don't crack completely, the way they're supposed to. Then you have to find them and clean up properly.
Cleanliness is after godliness, and all that.
7233512 Okay, then I imagine the part where Hulk smashes the 'princesses' until we get answers.
Alright, so Fluttershy's eyes glowing gold means that she was sealed? Is that what we're supposed to glean from this?
...s'okay. I enjoyed it. Too bad Twicorn doesn't know she's a phony pony.
7233705
Of course, if you want to imagine the Dark Conspiracy's wheels coming off, there's still an unfired Chekhov's gun in this scenario...
Fluttershy's pal.
Discord.
7233909 Now that you mention it, Celestia and Luna were tangled up in those annoying but otherwise mostly nonthreatening vines for an awfully long time. The plot thickens.
A fic from SS&E that is under four-thousand words? And is a commission piece?
You feelin' alright, buddy?
But, for real, this was a good read. Nothing groundbreaking or earth-shaking, but good and interesting.
God, this is so much more confusing than Inception, and I actually was able to understand it.
7232777
Good theory, but still a little weird to me.
There are so many questions.
But great fic overall... intriguing would be the best word to describe this.
This is okay for a short story but I don't really see a point to it. At the end, we're in the same situation we were to begin with and we got too few real answers to what was going on. I liked it but it wasn't amazing.
There's keeping your readers in the dark and then there's just not telling them anything. Some of the things presented have absolutely no context and the story suffers for it. What shell? Starswirl's spell? Are we talking about the one from Magical Mystery Cure? Then what do they mean it "never ended"? What was ANYTHING that happened? Uni-Twilight is obviously involved with some greater plot involving leylines, dark magic, not being able to trust anyone. But we don't get to see any of it and aren't given an explanation, so it doesn't mean anything. And then character we're seeing all this through forgets it all. So what was the point to all of this?
wat
Oh, that confusion hammer is coming right for me...
OH! THAT CONFUSION HAMMER IS -- wham
What the hell, man?
The whole mystery feel. I think I get why you didn't specify about Twilight. It was to keep the readers guessing, huh?
I'm not a fan of this story. Aside from being ridiculously dark, it feels like it's abusing the mystery tag. When I see the mystery tag, I expect a puzzle to be solved. This story, on the other hand, simply has several unexpected things happen and then never explains why they happened. It's really more random than anything else.
Deliciously creepy. Nicely done.
Not quite sure how I feel about this story. The premise sounds really awesome, but there's not enough meat in the story to give it substance.
And damn, between this story and Ponies on a Monorail, Starswirl's book is a gateway to terror.
What did I just read? WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?
Uhhh....
Well, this raises quite a few questions that will probably never be answered, but...that was some pretty good spook.
Yeah, thanks for that SS&E. I wouldn't have read this if it had the proper tagging. Now I feel like shit.
You're supposed to use the Tragedy tag when there's a main character death, dammit. So that people that don't want to see that don't get tricked into reading it.
This is like tagging a clopfic with foalcon in it with the Sex tag and not mentioning anywhere in the synopsis or character tags that it contains foalcon. That's not okay.
I do agree this merits more 'tragedy' than 'Dark' or 'Mystery'.
I liked it, in part, but it has no happy ending, and it's definitely unsatisfying to be left with way more questions than answers. I want to know more about the Alicorns, dangit, not be left hanging Japanese horror movie style!
... I don't get it. What was going on exactly?
Aww jeez, that's terrible...
You've earned the upvote SS&E
This is pure genius, great story, really good.
The fact that we are left not knowing whether What Fluttershy saw inside that rift actually happened or not, it's simply chilling and scary, and the fact that this Twilight is maybe a fake one makes it even better.
Pretty good stuff dude, I'm becoming a big fan of your work