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After two years of study under Princess Celestia's tutelage, Twilight Sparkle submits a culmination of what she's learned. When her paper is rejected, she realizes that revisions are in order: revisions to her understanding of herself, and revisions to her thesis.
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Twilestia i guess so insta upvote
Got to say, its really interesting, my heart ached when Celestia denounced Twilights status as her student. Will be interesting to see what chapter two brings.
Great beginning! Celestia in particular I thought was very well done, but I enjoyed reading all of it. Looking forward to seeing it continue. :)
Looking good so far, but just a question any idea how many chapters are going to be devoted to Twilight's other relationships with her friends and family?
There are few fics that focus on a character dealing with rejection, and this one seems promising to say the very least. You have a nice handle on Twilight, I feel, and the scene between her and Celestia was very well delivered and emotional. You've shown quite well what happens when somebody tries to push the envelope a little too far in Twilestia - Celestia shuts the show down hard.
I'm keeping my eye on this one.
I'll be watching this.
Thanks, everypony! Happy to see that I've piqued some interest. I'll certainly try to live up to expectations.
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Thanks for the critique! It means a lot. /salute
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In terms of chapters entirely devoted to friends&family, Ch2 will probably come the closest. Most of the other chapters should be more evenly split. To be sure, Twilight's struggle to reconcile her feelings for her teacher will play a central role to the story.
Ahh poor Twilight, don't worry there are others mares in the sea. Still I can't blame Celestia she is right in this case, even though it sucks.
Bittersweet endings......
they make me sad yet want to read it till the end 
Wow, that was great. Was very heart-wrenching, to me at least.
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Good to hear mate, was a little afraid you may drift to long into that topic
>Story about being rejected
>Tagged Romance
>Only two characters tagged despite major appearances by a bunch of other canon characters
I WONDER HOW THIS WILL END
Good thing: Interesting interpretation of the rather strange interactions between Twi and Celestia in the finale, and it's nice to see someone who's not under the derpy impression that just because Twi takes Celestia's attitude about her very seriously, it means she'll just wilt in the face of rejection. That was a very realistic explosion, I liked it.
"Words of encouragement": Try not to have characters blurt out the plot at each other in dialogue--you know what I mean? Make it a little more natural, and explain things in exposition. It's not something you immediately think about, but when was the last time you took the time to explain every little detail of something to someone when you were speaking with them? Bear in mind that you can have a character say something to another character, and then in the exposition around that statement, explain it in greater detail or discuss its implications to the readers. I'd say that Celestia and Cadence are the worst perpetrators of it here--it was most noticeable to me when Celestia kept repeating the specific aspects of Twilight's personality (logic/rationality) she thought would triumph over her feelings.
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Ditto on all that.
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>I WONDER HOW THIS WILL END
Why, only the most logical ending of course! Their one-year anniversary meeting will be interrupted when a mysterious portal appears, transporting a brony to the land of Equestria. Pinkie will throw him a welcome party. It shall be glorious
Why? What were you expecting?
>That was a very realistic explosion, I liked it.
Thanks! Whenever Celestia delivered a line in the show about "wouldn't that make an excellent friendship report?" (Swarm of the Century comes to mind), it always struck me as a wee bit patronizing, even if well-intentioned. I figured that if she pulled that same move here, it'd hit a nerve.
>Words of encouragement
Thanks for the pointers! I do love me some dialogue, so I'm still working on making my characters a bit less transparent. Celestia was tough in that regard; since she's effectively lecturing Twilight in that scene, it felt a bit natural for her to specify the reasons. But I might've played that a bit heavy-handedly. As for Cadance... yeah. I liked the idea of involving her in a discussion on love, but even after reworking that scene a few times, she still sorta comes across as a plot device.
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Cadence IS a plot device. That is to say, a filthy whore.
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I love you.
I don't often like Twilestia, but this is really well written. Celestia is perfect in this. There is no other word that describes that. Just "perfect."
I'm awaiting more.
Celestia seems oddly cold, but I guess that's intentional.
That got a bit painful to read at parts... The writing is awesome, but the situation the characters (namely Twilight) was in sucked. Big time. And now she has to explain to everypony that she got suspended (and why) on top of that. All in all, good story, and I'm looking forward to more!
While I think that both Princesses were sort of plot-devices, and I'm slightly irritated at Celestia making even THAT into a friendship lesson, I do think that everyone acts exactly as they would in canon, and your writing style amuses me to no end. Ergo, a thumbs-up and favorite. I am eagerly looking forward to it's continuation.
I'm torn. This is well written, but it's hard to get excited for a Twilestia fic when Celestia's coming off as a high-handed, patronising bitch, and Twilight (after one delightfully-written moment of having a backbone) is coming back and metaphorically licking her hooves like a beaten puppy.
Still, first chapter. Guess I'll see where it goes.
Wow. Super looking forward to an update.
Wow. Super looking forward to an update.
I'm not sure if this story is going to be about Twilight learning more about love in order to try again with Celestia, or if it's going to be about Twilight learning about love in order to better handle Celestia's rejection. The lack of a [Sad] tag has me hoping for the former, but the way this chapter went seems more like it's going towards the latter. And that makes me sad.
I'm also not sure how this story is going to work. It has a whole year to fill out with lessons about the nature of love in all it's iterations... That's a lot of writing, and I'm not sure I want to commit that much time to reading a story about Celestia rejecting Twilight, especially if it ends with Twilight resigning to it and moving on. Not that that'd be a bad way to end it, that's just not the story I'm on this site to read, lol. And I really can't tell if that's where this story is heading, so I'm really conflicted on whether or not I should follow this one.
As for this chapter specifically, it was very well-written. Though I can't help but feel that out of both of their reactions, Celestia's was far more drastic than Twilight's. If Twilight doesn't change her tune in a year's time, would Celestia really disown her as a student permanently? Because to have such a negative effect on Twilight's education, which has a direct impact on what Twilight could accomplish in her future, simply because Twilight has feelings for her, just seems... kind'a wrong. Is that just me?
Hmm, a lot of different opinions about Celestia's behavior. Sometimes I can't help but feel that if my readerbase can't reach a consensus on a particular character or scene, then it was effective. Or utter shite.
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To take the cheap answer: a bit of both. Twilight's going to need to do a fair bit of soul-searching here, and that will be an important part of the story. Make no mistake, though, that the character/genre tags are correct
No guarantees about what will happen at the end of the year, but Celestia's role in this story is not over.
In terms of pacing/length, expect a number of time skips. One year was primarily to give Twilight enough in-universe time to grow, but in terms of the story, we're only going to see some of the critical moments in that growth. I don't foresee this story spilling beyond 60k.
Celestia's argument was that the net effect of keeping her as a student would be negative. That night was a culmination of a developing problem that she had noticed in her student. It wasn't merely that she didn't want her student crushing on her; those lines about Twilight's loss of rational thinking were important. I think that's all I can say about Tia for now.
1059334
Thanks! That fight, painful though it was, was a really interesting one to write. You might be giving Twilight a bit too much credit here though—at least, at this point in the year. Her lashing out at Celestia was more an immature flash of anger over the rejection than anything. Without that rage to fuel her, the sense of what she'd lost finally sunk in. Don't forget, this is the same pony who was terrified over a single late assignment.
So yeah, as for that next update, hopefully it shouldn't take super-long. Worked 12+ hours yesterday and today, which didn't leave much time for poni. Rest assured, I'm just as eager as y'all are!
1028532
*snicker*
1065670
*goes back and rereads Celestia's approach to letting Twilight down*
Immature? Perhaps in thinking it would make a jot of difference. But it was entirely justified, because Celestia's little spiel was a huge, steaming pile of horseshit.
Celestia told Twilight she should have known better than to do this, berated her for letting her emotions get the better of her (in a matter of the heart, how shocking!), then transparently tried to shove Twilight back in the nice little 'faithful student' box Celestia was comfortable with in the most patronising way possible. I'm not sure you could have made her more unlikeable without resorting to inappropriate use of bodily functions.
And it's not like she's incapable of dealing with it maturely as written. She shows she can halfway through! "I care about you, but not in that way". Bam, done - Twilight's still going to be a bawling mess, of course, but she's not going to blow up in a tantrum because Celestia spent ten minutes deliberately sabotaging their relationship! Hell, she might have gotten away with it in the text if she didn't throw in that transparent jab about the thesis. Sweet prancing ponies, why would Celestia think that was a good idea?
Which brings up another point. It's very hard to buy that Celestia wouldn't know exactly the kind of effect her approach would have, given that she practically raised Twilight and knows her inside and out, and she's a millenia-old monarch with countless years of experience in social interaction. So either you're writing her as a social dullard for some reason (possibly induced by Twilight deciding to jump straight to the 'smooooooooooches' part of the whole confession spiel, but again, she admitted she saw this coming and she had the thesis, I can't buy her being that surprised), or she knew exactly what she was doing. So why? What's her game? Where's the benefit in not bringing Twilight down easy? She's starting to look like Luna from Romance Reports, but swapping out the 'gets away with shit by being ooh mysterious and archaic' for 'is just an unlikeable old nag'.
I guess I feel like the way you've written Celestia to this point, any ending you work towards where Twilight doesn't realize she should just keep walking and not look back is going to feel like a cop-out. Because I don't think Twilight calming down and thinking 'rationally' about how that evening went is going to help mend things between her and Celestia at all.
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Vah... some very good questions, but there's not much I can say at this point without spoiling Celestia's motives.
Sure, that's a fair way to put it. In the end though, while Twilight had an intention of changing their relationship, Celestia was presently her ruler and mentor. After finishing her backlash-rant, she realized that she'd gone too far at this point in time, even if Tia had some of that coming.
I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to agree to this, given its transparency... maybe not the most patronizing way IMO... a little patronizing...
Perhaps not. But a year gives a fair amount of time for conditions and ponies to change, either for better or worse.
This wasn't a very useful reply
Sorry. Gonna have to fall back on the timeless cop-out of "It'll be covered in a later chapter."
Can't wait for more! I love the premise and direction thus far.
Why would Celestia suspend Twilight? Yes, Twilight said some things that shouldn't have been said, but suspending her? Celestia wouldn't have done that, she is far too wise. She clearly would have seen that she had been wrong, and apologized to Twilight. I am perfectly fine with Twilight's feelings not being reciprocated, but it just went too far. So I, unfortunately, had to give this a dislike. Shame too, it was very well written.
Er... yeah. I admit, Celestia was trying to be fair and tell Twilight to stop, but reading through this, I didn't quite get that... I mean no offense, but I registered 'callous bitch' in my head. Plus... part of Twilight's character, her identity, has come to rely on being Celestia's prized pupil. While she could heal emotionally within a year... I don't see it being likely... Then again, that's the idealist in me that likes happy endings and thinks of the worst possible scenarios when things go wrong.
I'm certainly not going to give it a thumbs down, as this fic deserves a thumbs-up, but the happy build up combined with the realistically tragic pay-off... Just left a sour taste in my mouth... so no thumbs-up from me either.
If this story picks up a year later, does that mean it will take you a year to write it?
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Yeah, probably.
((No, but seriously. Got waylaid with another fic. Working on the next chapter of Thesis as we speak!))
Why was their no "sad" tag, I am bawling my eyes out.
1398978 Working on the next chapter of Thesis as we speak!
<poke>
2195359
*cough* Ch2 has had... drafts. Plural. Fear not, another draft should be wrapping up this weekend, and if this one survives my prereaders...
This is quite the setup! I always like these stories where Celestia and her student are at odds, but not enemies.
But I see this hasn't been update for almost a year. I'm tempted (as with Sunshine and Fire) to pick it up and finish it for my own sense of closure.
2598483
The next chapter is, it's safe to say, in development (draft) hell, but rest assured the overarching story has an outline pounded out, and it's one I really want to get back to at some point.
That said, it wouldn't be the only conclusion fic out there, so while it might not be the vision I had for the story, the sentiment is nonetheless flattering.
2602011 I expect the harshenss of Celestia's discharge to be covered. I was half-tempted to write a rebuke of her Aunt's behaviour by Cadance myself after reading this story.
I'm calling it. Celestia is going to miss Twilight in her absence and develope feelings for her.
I just stumbled upon this now and found that it was On Hiatus
Seriously, this is a very good opening for a Twilestia fic. The writing was very solid, and actually managed to keep me hooked all the way through, which increasingly fewer stories have managed to do recently.
Good show, my fellow Twilestia fan. I do hope you manage to get back to this some day.
*pokes writer expectantly, waiting for a new chapter*
Yea, the ending does not feel right. You made Celestia look really bad mid way, but at the end everyone is going "Celestia's actions and words were right" without showing why she was right. Twilight called Celestia out on Celestia's "it is not ME it is You". Celestia acts like a little kid and punishes Twilight for calling bull poop.
So if you ever get back to this story and this is NOT going to be a Twilestia, maybe make Celestia less wrong halfway thru or find a way to make her sound more right then "Twilight says she is right, so she is right".
Ahem.
More?
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1065670
Oh wow, I searched the comments for the one I'd left to help me remember which this story was. I remember now. But I also re-read the reply, and I can't help but notice that despite our words, this story now displays a [Sad] tag. The implication makes me sad, true or not.
WOW. Two years....
I still don't understand Princess Celestia. She could have let Twilight down softly. Said she was honored, but don' t feel the same.
Instead Celestia throws Twilight's heart on the ground and stomps on it. She acted like Twilight should apology for thinking that Celestia would ever love a person like Twilight.
She said that Twilight was not being logical, while not giving any logical arguments to counter Twilight.
I would think she would have said something like:
"1st I will not say Yes or No as I have found a few flaws in your thesis.
From reading this it looks like you think I am flawless. Lookout out on what happened today you can see I am no where near flawless, and many new data points about me have shown up. How about you step back and re-look at me in this new light. There is a whole side of me you have never seen behind the mask. Once a week come here and spend the night talking with my sister. If anyone knows me, she does. You may find, like many, that I am not as much of a dream to date. Maybe talk to your bother about the difficulties in dating a princess, and talk to your new sister about what she has learned while dating your brother. Last, talk to your friends about what they have learned in dating people with existing relationships. Friends that later date, date in different ways then two random ponies dating. Two ponies dating who once were in a student/teacher relationship would be much different then 'normal' dating. I would like you with-in a year's time to resubmit or withdraw the next draft of this thesis. This will be a lot of work, but spend some time doing other things. I trust you to take care of your self."
Basically something more then "you are wrong becomes I say your are wrong. You should feel bad that you are wrong!"
Short of her being replaced by a changelings, I don't know why she would act the way she has.
I am conflicted about this story.
On the one hand, I'm a fan of tragedy.
On the other hand, I love Twilestia.
I do feel slightly put off by the characterization across the board. Twilight seems very...wishy-washy, I guess. I understand that she's confused and all, but she does have some ground to stand on. I'm okay with this in some ways, because she's undergoing a massive amount of stress, but I really hope we get some gradual resolution sooner rather than later.
As for Celestia, I'm of two minds. On one hand, she is a caring pony, she would understand exactly what this would do to Twilight, and honestly it seems a little cruel. On the other hand, her point about logic really seems like we're gonna get a Mastermind/Mask-wearing Celestia in this fic, which could also end up with a nice Thawing the Ice Queen moment.
I'm hoping we get some explanation for Celestia's actions, and also that Twilight's friends maybe start to understand where she's coming from. I feel like Pinkie and Fluttershy mostly get what she's feeling, and each simply have different ways of dealing with it, while the others need to temper their judgement, although I also mostly agree with Rainbow as a reader/Twilestia fan.
>mfw this updates
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Couldn't resist.
All out in the free. We're all free.
Personally, considering the timing of all of this... I'm waiting for Celestia to try and handle Sombra and the Crystal Empire herself, only to fail miserably... as usual... and having to bite the bullet and contact the Mane Six to pull her double-wide flank out of the fire.
I must admit, I think Fluttershy was the only one who KNEW what she was doing when it came to comforting.
Otherwise, this is surprisingly good. Well done.