The Story of a Master Thief

by LotusCake

A Night to Remember

This episode is brought to you by the word fuck and the number 69.

Well, after last week's episode, they took me to what I assumed was my castle. It turned out to be just that, actually, but at the time I had no way of knowing. Well, the other me, (or perhaps myself?), had made sure that my wants were met. Such as, my throne has speakers on either side of it, a port to connect my USB that holds my music to it, my bed chambers held an extensive gaming library, tartarus, even a hidden room with a fully stocked mini fridge for the table top stuff.

Of course the castle came with the usual castley things. Fully stocked kitchen, the works. But I really wanted a drink from a bar... And I know that the author didn't flow that idea set to well, but cut her a break.

I had a townsfolk guide me to a bar that they recommended. It was, appropriately, a back alley establishment with no sign and password required. Of course, they make exception when your a fucking goddess.

So, after entering, I noticed that almost literally every patron was talking with someone of the same gender. Now, we all know that usually doesn't mean anything. But let's consider the large majority of them that were kissing or giving their partner the bedroom eyes.

Fucking sweet! I was at my dream gay bar! I kinda always had this dream of meeting "the One"at a bar. I or her would slide up to the bar, next to the other... We would start talking about either stealing or a common fandom... We would laugh as the hours flew by... Drinking to our hearts content. As the bar made it's last call, we would slip into the night and find our way to one of our places or maybe a hotel room, where we would end the night in each other's arms. The next morning, we would kiss in greeting and begin our lives together by exchanging addressees and go out on a date every week or so.

And, so far, this bar held the promise of meeting a thief. Which would be AMAZING! I mean, imagine, having someone to have your back "on the job".

At the bar, I spotted her. She sat alone, head bowed and staring intently at her drink. I think it was rum from what I could smell. The international drink of pirates and thieves! I went up to her.

"Damn it, Lu! You keep winning our bets!" A certain voice said at the corner of the bar.

"Thou speakest as if thou expects results of another reality, Tia!" Luna replied.

A bag of coins was exchanged before they disappeared. I mean, not invisible, not leaving quickly, but full on disappeared.

I turned my attention back to her.

"Hello, beautiful. Is that a pencil in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" I asked, using a line from one of the games I've played.

She turned to face me, "I can't be happy to see you for two reasons; one, I've never met you. Two, I'm blind."

Shit. Shit fuck. Fuck Shit. Fuck Shit dammit to tartarus. I didn't know she was blind!

"Erm... My name is Nocturna. I am highly interested in you."

She laughed off the awkwardness and smiled, "Hi. I'm Diurna. I may not have my sight, but even I can see you're gorgeous."

Damn she's smooth.

I sat at the bar and ordered a rum. Family tradition states the first be straight, no mixers. No chasers. I downed that bitch.

"So... For lack of a better line... You ever slept with a goddess before?" I said, trying the cheesiest pick up line fate could have given me.

"No."

"You wanna?"

"Sure. One condition."

"Yeah...?"

"We get to know each other first."

"I'm a thief."

"In Skyrim or real life?"

"Yes."

"My kind of woman! Despite my lack of vision, I'm quite the organized individual. Maybe we plan a heist together one day?"

"Two conditions."

"Yeah...?"

"One, be my personal assistant."

"Sure. And the second?"

"Marry me."

"Of course. Wanna make out our something?"

I ordered a rum with coke, downed that bitch in one go, and kissed her. We held that passionate moment for a long time. After a few more rums, and the last call was made, I took her back to the castle. You can guess what we did next.

That's right! Played fucking video games and music all night long! Wondering how she played? Well, she's my assistant. Of course she was helping me. The castle's game room was equipped with surround sound. She used that to listen for foot steps and spells being cast.

We ended the night in each other's arms. As consciousness slipped from my grasp, I heard the following.

"Luna. How did you know THAT was EXACTLY how they would end the night? I thought for sure they were gonna buck..."

"Tia... Only NORMAL bar goers FUCK after that kind of interaction. We aren't in Canterlot, you don't have to use the nicer terms. They are GAMERS. They require no lustful actions. Now pay the fuck up!"

After the rustle of another bag, I fell the fuck asleep.

The next morning, I awoke to the best breakfast ever. And she was still there.

Author's Note:

Hey. Sorry for taking so long to update. The chapter took a turn that I was unsure of how to continue.