Minuette, the unicorn with an hourglass cutie mark. Many automatically assume her talent has something to do with time. If they only knew what kind of time....
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- Member Since 29th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Jan 4th, 2020
Berry Delight
my smile met my eyes once.... but they didn't get along.
Berry Delight
Joined 29th Aug, 2013 ·
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OH-KAY.
Cool idea, done before, but cool nonetheless.
Have a like.
Here's an important question for Minuette to consider.
Can she change the value on the clocks? If she sees Donut Joe about to cross the street with ten seconds left on his clock, and then she calls out to him so that, instead of getting run over by traffic, he turns aside and greets her... does that reset his clock?
7256773 hmmm.... That's a really interesting idea.... i hadn't thought about that. Perhaps this calls for a second chapter? Or you could write that, if you'd like.
Whoa, this was a really nice read. Thanks for posting it so I could shove it in my eyeballs.
I think CCC has a good idea.
7256836 thanks! and.... you're welcome?
so deep, i can't imange. but what if when she looked at celestia she saw 999999999999,9999999999999.555566666676.0000000000.12345567778
If I had that ability, I'd be the asshat who'd go up to my friends and be like,
"Buddy, I am tearing apart on the inside, but mister Grim Reaper's comin for yah in about 5 minutes. Go say bye to your family."
cool...
I think this is a classic example of why there are very few tragic-tagged stories that I like. You have excellent technical skills and a great build up, but the catharsis feels cheated and perhaps worse yet, the story doesn't fit the setting.
She's not committing suicide because she doesn't wish to force this ability on someone else, and this is prior to Starshine Glimmer's little crazy crusade so there's no mentioning it to one of her oldest friends and having a potential cure be found. But there's no suggestion that Celestia has tried anything other than... a temporary solution for fillyhood. One that she doesn't teach a student at her school so she can renew. Oh, and she hasn't thought of ear filters.
The meeting with Celestia, I'm afraid, comes out as a combination of deus ex machina-- this is why she isn't suicidal or insane-- and missed opportunities. We don't see what she sees over Celestia's head. Celestia doesn't explain why this has to happen or what possible use it can be; even if it was never explained to her, she has lived long enough to see some form of pattern.
You've got a well-written melancholia to the reflection that seems completely out of place with Perky Minuette from the show, and you don't seem to really be giving a suggestion that she's learned not to just hide this sense of inevitability under hyper, near Pinkie displays. There's no sense of-- well. Of Minuette. You could just as easily have described this as an OC with a digital display on the flank and had the same result; possibly easier in some places, like the idea that an hourglass mark would be a clockmaker.
Which all leads into one of the biggest problems with the fic, and it's one that affects almost all tragedies that aren't a part of a larger story: it doesn't fit into MLP without some major stretches. It requires an AU without really having a story to go with the AU-ness. The thing is, cutie marks are specifically and repeatedly treated as the synthesis of a person's life and interests; in fact, that's more or less what we're explicitly told they are. They're not just "something unusual about the pony," nor are they "something the pony can do really well." That's the lesson the crusaders had to learn again and again.
Cutie marks represent not a special talent in the abstract sense of a talent, but in the sense of "this is what makes a pony's life feel complete." This is what they can do well because it's their personality and contribution, their calling and quest. The fic is asking us to believe that Minuette's life and personality can be summed up in: "knows how long it is until someone is going to die, gets big alarms going off when it's about to happen, can't do anything about it." It feels deeply wrong as a result; the issues with Celestia not bothering to investigate or find better means of mitigation, or share her means of mitigation is just really a side matter.
Purposeless and angsty tragedy work (sometimes) in fics about humanity and created worlds that match with human experience because they're something we have and experience. For a non-AU MLP fic, you either have to be satisfied with something like Cranky Doodle's tragedy (you can cut off before the Pinkie moment, but then there's the sense of huh? Why? still) or work in a story to fit it. It's even more so with cutie marks, because they exist as a culmination and sign of purpose.
You have excellent technical skills, and the fic floats on the edge of possibility. I agree with some of the others that it would work better as a part of a larger story. Why does Minuette have this strange ability? What is the purpose? Why must the ability remain unblocked? Etc. Heavily important is why is Minuette so cheerful despite all of this-- is it really just "Well, my friends aren't about to have their tickets punched, so hey, no worries!" or is there something greater? I'd also recommend looking into rewriting both the marking and the interview with Celestia with an eye to looking at how the mark speaks both to and about Minuette as a pony, and to add some awe into Celestia's appearance within the marksight and give some hints as to what you plan about it later.
7257552 You make some interesting points (though i think you may be taking a fanfic a little too seriously). i didn't want to end it with her being suicidal, because a main point i was trying to make at the end is that no matter how hard things are, and even though she does have times when she's seriously depressed (and considers risking causing her own death), she's found a way to look on a brighter side because she still has things to live for. perhaps i'll write a second chapter or a sequel someday, but for now i have a lot of other story ideas i'd like to start, as well as life stuff, so it may not be too soon.
7256773
7256823
Nothing can stay the reaper's hand. You save him from the cart just for him to have a heart attack or aneurism.
7260266
Well, yeah, that's one way to handle that sort of plotline.
Not sure how Equestrian this fic really is -- there's an echo of the "lifetimers" from Discworld -- but it's an interesting idea and it made for good reading. My one real sticking point is Minuette, who I just can't reconcile with canon Minuette. If she'd been an OC, I think the story would have been more satisfying.
*Slow clap, before crying*
Poor Minuette; what a terrible gift to have.
Good story well written.
Excellent work.
8515661 Thank you!