[He/Him] Just a writer who likes MLP and hopes to make a living off it: https://ko-fi.com/ink_hoof
Ponyville is holding an aerial race for young ponies and Little Green Smith Apple wants to enter. It's all in the name of fun, but Little Green still wants to win and make her parents proud. Does Little Green have what it takes to win, or will she fall short?
(Set in the same universe as the Guard Tiara series.)
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Very much enjoyed this story. Very sweet.
Well a solid foundation, to be sure, I just have a couple of questions.
First off, why Little Green Smith Apple? I get the Smith part may be named after Granny Smith, but Little Green? Was that Soarin's part? I thought it was a rule that all the Apple offspring needed to be named after a kind of apple. So why not just call her Smith Apple, so she could pick up Granny when appropriate, and give her the nickname Little Green?
Second, well, I'm a little confused as to some of the back-stories. Are you planning other fics to explain them? If not, can you explain Snow's backstory a little. Or, at least, some of Little Green's? This first chapter was supposed to introduce us to the character and all we know are her name, parents and that she's nervous about the race.
Lastly, the race itself. I'm not sure how it works. Are there several different races that you go through and the winners of each race qualify for the next one? I'm honestly just guessing here. It'd be like if I had a character enter a card game competition, but not say what card game. It's a little baffling.
I haven't read the other chapter yet, but I feel that each chapter should hold up on their own, otherwise you might as well make a one-shot...Wait why did this need to be in two parts? It's only 2,000-3,000, I've seen one-shots that can go up to 10,000 words. I should know, I wrote one that's over 8,000 words.
Ah well, despite my snark I did enjoy this chapter. I liked the OC somewhat since she's not portrayed as the messiah of Ponies which I've seen SO many other fics do! And who knows? The next chapter may win me over.
Keep on Keepin' on!
Okay I'll get this out of the way first. I really liked this chapter, Applejack's comforting felt natural and, well, actually comforting! It's kinda fresh in a sea of fics that just tell somepony in this situtation to "Man up!" or something.
But again, a couple of things.
First off, why didn't we get to see the race? I figured, with it being a multi-chaptered fic, we'd get three chapters. The first being what it was, the second being the race itself and the third being this. I mean, it felt like you wanted to rush it, but at the same time I don't know. It also felt like you wanted to mirror the rodeo episode so that AJ can relay her experience onto her daughter, which I liked! It gives the lessons that she and her friends learn in the show more purpose other than to just get over their own problems.
And one more thing. Every time Little Green says "No" It doesn't sound like a no of surprise or shock, it just sounds like she's refusing to believe them or something.
I had to really think about what Little Green meant by that before it struck me and it took me out of the story, which you really don't want to do.
But, again, this story was pretty good so have a like and a fave.
Keep on Keepin' on!
7231090 I can't answer all of what you're asking, but I will touch on them some. Partially because I do hope to do more with the characters and do not want to give too much away.
1) I don't know if it was a local thing or not, but I have grown up hearing the phrase "little green apples" said and used. I liked it and thought it would fit for the character. I could also point out the fact that having a size qualifier has been set before with her uncle, Big Macintosh, so having her named "Little" can be understood.
2) I'm more of an information when and where relevant type of writer. I tend to have more in mind than I share, but only share what is relevant at that point or necessary for the story. I prefer that to when a person ends up writing entire chapters about background, but none of it is relevant to what is happening in the story, or it ends up getting repeated at a later time when it does matter to the events that occur. Also, yes, I do hope to write more about them later. What I have with them is relevant to the immediate story, and leaves some room for speculation.
3) However, I can explain the race since I don't actually have it in the story. It's a single races that are separated by age groups. So fillies and colts like Little Green and Snowy Night don't race the same times as adults or teens.
4) My chapters tend to be on the shorter side, also due to relevance.
(I'm not even remotely sorry.)
7231137 Was Little Green actually little then? I can't remember if you described her or not.
7231971 I haven't actually said it, but yes. She was small when she was born, and is small for her age.