DarthMaul22
Joined 9th Jun, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This was an attempt at telling a story while giving as few details as possible in an attempt to counter-act my bad habit of over-explaining everything.
Feel free to leave critiques, and I hope you enjoyed.
Good job!
You get a trollestia and a like.
Well, you had me and then you lost me.
I'm going to say you need more practice, mainly because I want to see more chapters
812612
Any specifics? I'm aiming to improve.
Your prose is really nice. It kept me interested throughout the entire story. Also, I like how you didn't just have him succeed without a good reason. Way too many fics do that. My only suggestion is to approach the intro differently next time you write. This just launched me into the story, and I had no idea what was happening. It got better after the second paragraph or so, but first impressions are important. I would suggest starting off the story with some thoughts, or a very slow paced description of what is happening, instead of just going and letting the reader catch up in the next few paragraphs.
Other than the intro, I greatly enjoyed your story. Keep it up!
901413
You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear a good bit of criticism. Thank you.
901738
Yeah, I feel yah. The only comments I get on my story are either 'great chapter' or 'I WANT MORE!!!' Don't get me wrong, they're nice and all, but I would love to get some solid criticism on my story. And that is why I love giving solid criticism to other people's stories, especially the ones that aren't seeming to get the attention they deserve (like this one) and the ones that I can tell are written by people with some good potential (hey, like this one again!). And you're welcome.
901801
Thanks for the compliments. I have another one in the works - longer, with an actual plot (the SFW kind). Hoping to get that up soon, maybe work on the pacing a bit more before it's up.
901840
Hmmm. I am intrigued. I would like to see where it goes.