• Member Since 9th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Thursday


What does this text field do?

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 10 )

This was an attempt at telling a story while giving as few details as possible in an attempt to counter-act my bad habit of over-explaining everything.

Feel free to leave critiques, and I hope you enjoyed.

Good job! :pinkiehappy: You get a trollestia and a like.:trollestia:

Well, you had me and then you lost me.

I'm going to say you need more practice, mainly because I want to see more chapters :scootangel:

Any specifics? I'm aiming to improve.

Your prose is really nice. It kept me interested throughout the entire story. Also, I like how you didn't just have him succeed without a good reason. Way too many fics do that. My only suggestion is to approach the intro differently next time you write. This just launched me into the story, and I had no idea what was happening. It got better after the second paragraph or so, but first impressions are important. I would suggest starting off the story with some thoughts, or a very slow paced description of what is happening, instead of just going and letting the reader catch up in the next few paragraphs.

Other than the intro, I greatly enjoyed your story. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear a good bit of criticism. Thank you.

Yeah, I feel yah. The only comments I get on my story are either 'great chapter' or 'I WANT MORE!!!' Don't get me wrong, they're nice and all, but I would love to get some solid criticism on my story. And that is why I love giving solid criticism to other people's stories, especially the ones that aren't seeming to get the attention they deserve (like this one) and the ones that I can tell are written by people with some good potential (hey, like this one again!). And you're welcome.

Thanks for the compliments. I have another one in the works - longer, with an actual plot (the SFW kind). Hoping to get that up soon, maybe work on the pacing a bit more before it's up.

Hmmm. I am intrigued. I would like to see where it goes.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!