... Queen Chrysalis Is Best Princess (Bonus Chapter)
Twilight Sparkle was pleasantly lounging around on the balcony of her Castle Friendship—triple chocolate milkshake in hand and with a pair of thick shades pulled over her eyes. When one of her ears twitched a single time, she calmly snapped her eagle claws together before returning to basking in the sun.
“Something happen, Twilight?” Spike asked by her side—also seated in a patio lounger with a gold cup full of jewels and gems on his stomach. “One of the mops go on strike again?”
Twilight used her new elastic neck to glance down at him. “Not exactly. A pair of brooms got into a fight with a dust bin—the stove was egging them on, apparently.”
Spike nodded and returned to munching on his colorful snack. “Thing’s sure have been great around here since it was revealed you were actually Discord and not Twilight Sparkle all along. How do you think no one noticed that until now?”
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. “I have no idea, Spike. The truth was as surprising to me as it was to everyone else.”
A lot of things had already changed in the twenty four hours since Twilight became Discord. For starters, Spike had officially retired as her personal assistant. Rather than mess with relatively normal means of getting work done, Twilight merely snapped her fingers and gave life to every cleaning item and kitchen utensil in the castle. There were drawbacks to this, of course. Like when the pressure cooker had to go on sick leave due to feeling too much pressure on the job or when the coffee pot wouldn’t stop drinking itself in public view.
All things that could be fixed in time, of course.
“Oh, jeeze,” Spike muttered out, rising to his feet again. “Looks who’s back. It’s you. Or it’s Discord. Or… whatever. This is too confusing. I’m gonna go play with the pool table again.”
While Spike marched back inside the castle, Twilight sat up on her lounger and removed her shades. “What is it this time, Discord?”
It took close to two full minutes for the alicorn known as Discord to get up to her balcony and eventually land. During his short flight, Discord kept on beating his wings at irregular intervals, causing him to dip and spin in the air. When he finally touched ground again, his purple face was almost as red as a tomato.
“I just hate these stupid wings of yours!” Discord trumpeted the moment he got his breath back. “They’re the same size and the same length and they’re symmetrical too! I hate it! So boring!”
Unmoved by his speech, Twilight took another small sip from her milkshake. It seemed no matter how hard she tried, she could never get enough sugar anymore. “Was that it? Was that the entire reason you came all this way? Don’t like the wings?”
Discord’s shoulders slumped as he looked away from her. “Twilight, we need to—”
Twilight pointed a single claw at him. “Correction: not Twilight. Discord. I’m Discord now, remember?”
Discord gave her his best snarl. Sadly, it was still pretty cute considering he looked exactly like Twilight Sparkle at the time. “Ha! Ha!” he spat in derision. “Very funny! Discord gets his just desserts once and for all! How poetic! You know what else is poetic, Twilight?”
Twilight cocked a bushy brow at him. “The fact that I can do this finally?”
Before Discord had a chance to react, Twilight left her lounger and scooped up the small alicorn to hold tight within her hands. She then extended her arms until it seemed as if she was presenting Discord for all of Ponyville to marvel at.
“Remember when you used to do stuff like this to me?” Twilight asked him.
Fruitlessly, Discord tried to wriggle out from her grasp. “But that was different, Twilight! I was having fun and you weren’t! That’s the way it’s supposed to be! Don’t you understand? You’re destroying the very nature of the universe by keeping this charade going on any longer.”
Twilight chuckled and set him back down on the balcony. “This isn’t a forever-type of thing, Discord. I’m merely proving a point right now. As odd as it may be for you to hear—not every pony wants to be Discord. Being Discord is actually sort of tiring. You don’t sleep all that much and I keep on having to duck whenever entering pony’s homes.”
“That’s because you’re supposed to simply appear in pony’s homes!” Discord declared. “Don’t wait for permission, Twilight! That’s not what the real Discord would do.” Anxiously, Discord began pacing back and forth in front of her—every few steps almost tripping over one of his new hooves. “Then it’s settled. We’ll trade back. I don’t like being you and you don’t like being me. Simple, right? So agree to switch. Right this very minute.”
Twilight couldn’t help but smirk as she shook her head at him. “I’ll stop being Discord in two weeks. By then I should be done with everything I have planned.”
In mid-march, Discord sank to his plot to stare at her in alarm. “Two weeks! No! That’s not fair! I don’t wanna be Twilight anymore and you can’t make me!”
“I sort of can, though,” Twilight corrected lightly. “I’m Discord now and Discord… sort of does whatever he wants, usually. Or am I not getting your character right?”
Discord crossed both of his forelegs over his chest. “Considering how much of a massive jerk I think you are right now…” He had to think on that. “You’re doing pretty good, Twilight. I begrudgingly approve of this Discord impersonation. But what do you need two weeks for?”
Twilight slapped her cheeks with both hands before she began gushing excitingly. “To fix all of Equestria of course!”
Discord recoiled in shock. “What!? Why would you go and do that? I like my flawed and broken Equestria just fine!”
While she spoke, Twilight began counting on her claws. “I’ve only been you for less than a day, but I’ve already accomplished so much! I’m reading thirty-four times faster than before—mostly due to eating the books and gaining their knowledge instead of reading them. I fixed Ponyville’s economic drought by opening up six new ice cream shops; including one that serves ice cream that never melts. I finally found Waldo in that book I had when I was a foal. And best of all—I already reformed a super villain!”
“Another one?” Discord groaned. “Who’d you strap down to the table of friendship this time before friendship torturing them until liquid friendship shot out of all their orifices?”
“Queen Chrysalis!” Twilight answered happily. “Or as she likes to be called now: Princess Chrysalis.”
Using a hoof, Discord smacked himself in the face. “How could you have possibly done that in just a day’s time?”
Twilight flashed him a grin. “Why, I asked myself, ‘What would Discord do?’ of course. And then I did just that. I used your horrifically annoying ‘dark secret’ method until Chrysalis couldn’t handle it anymore and picked a secret to believe in wholeheartedly.”
Discord exhaled dourly. “And what ‘secret’ did the bug lady finally cave in to?”
As if on cue, Queen Chrysalis exited from one of the castle doors to join them on the balcony. Timidly, she rubbed at her foreleg with a hoof. “Mother? Do you think… do you think I could join the other Princesses in Canterlot this afternoon? There’s supposed to be some grand Princess volleyball tournament held there today and I’ve been invited to participate. I think… I think it would be good to finally interact with the other Princesses… in a friendly manner, of course.”
“Oh, sweetie,” Twilight started, wrapping a loving arm around Chrysalis’ shoulders. “Of course you can! I’m so thrilled to hear you wanting to spend more quality time with the family.” She pulled Chrysalis in close for a moment. “But no nastiness, remember?”
Chrysalis nodded. “I remember: ‘Princesses don’t cause nastiness. Princesses cause happiness.’ I promise I’ll behave.”
Twilight gave her a quick peck on the horn. “There’s a good Princess. But you’d better get on your way if you want to make it to Canterlot in time. And wear lots of sun block! I don’t want my precious daughter getting burnt!”
With a final nod, Princess Chrysalis literally skipped away from them while humming a merry tune. Before entering the castle again, Twilight snapped up a volley ball for Chrysalis to practice with a bit before the big game.
Twilight turned her attention back to Discord again—who appeared oddly green at the moment.
“So that’s what it looks like when Discord doesn’t make sense,” he burped out miserably. “Suddenly, I feel rather sick.”
“Suck it up, Princess,” Twilight told him thickly. “I know this technically isn’t the way to go about solving Equestria’s problems, but why throw away an advantage if I can use it to help others? Chrysalis seems happy now that she has a supportive family around her and all of her children will be brought into Equestria society once my ‘Changeling Rights’ bill passes. You know, Discord…” She paused to add more weight to her next statement. “With all your bottomless powers, you could’ve ruled Equestria ten times over by now. So why didn’t you? It’s almost unfair how much potential you have locked away inside you!”
“I have a horrible tendency of goofing off when I know I shouldn’t,” Discord explained morosely. “I’ll have one master plan to enslave all of ponykind with and then… oh, look! A plastic bag blowing in the wind!” He sighed bitterly. “Ten years later and I’m still chasing that same plastic bag. What does it all mean?”
“I have no idea,” Twilight replied evenly, extending an arm towards the railing of her balcony. “But if you’ll excuse me, before you arrived I was pondering how best to improve morale around Equestria. How does ‘Funny Shirt Fridays’ sound?”
It seemed Discord had finally had enough as he pointed a shaky hoof at her. “I can’t do this, Twilight! Not for another two weeks! I won’t even last another five minutes like this!”
“Why? You seem to be handling the Twilight situation well enough. I already gave you your house back.”
On the floor of the balcony, Discord curled himself up into a ball and whispered something completely out of earshot.
Twilight leaned towards him. “What was that?”
Again, Discord mumbled something she couldn’t understand.
“Third time’s a charm?”
“I said I need to use the bathroom!” Discord screamed as his eyes started shimmering.
Twilight only snorted. “Then go already. Be my guest. Third door down the hall.”
“But I don’t wanna!” Discord wailed. “Not as… not as a mare! I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!”
“Basically, you just sit and let your body do the work,” Twilight answered curtly. “Not that hard, really. You do know the difference between mares and stallions, right?”
“Stallions usually have shorter manes?” Discord ventured hopefully.
“What are you? A four million year old virgin?”
“Twilight?” someone called from down below the castle. “Twilight? Are you up there? Or… is it Discord now? I’m having trouble remembering. Did you forget our date tonight?”
From the sudden noise, Discord pressed himself as close to the balcony as he could before scuttling away from the railing. Instantly, his face went pale and he began to sweat.
“He’s found me!” Discord hissed. “How does he always know just where I am?”
Twilight enjoyed watching Discord crawl across the floor in a panic. “Who?”
“That stupid Flash Sentry brat, of course!” Discord stopped once he hit the entrance to the castle. “Ever since I became Twilight Sparkle, he’s been sending me flowers and chocolate and all sorts of candy. I like the chocolate and candy just fine, but…” He took a moment to steel himself. “I feel like it’s all leading up to something, though; like he’ll want something soon in return. And I sadly can’t even help myself when he does give me things. I see candy and I eat it! It’s as simple as that!”
Discord stared up at her in a pleading gesture.
“What should I do, Twilight? What does he have planned for the ‘real’ Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight had to take some time to find the right words to use. Once she did, she looked down at the shaken alicorn gravely. “You remember yesterday when we talked at length about plots with holes in them alongside terrible secrets?”
Discord nodded a single time.
“Well, if you keep on accepting his gifts, Flash Sentry might try to place his terrible dark secret inside your plot hole.”
All right. Show's over. No more. My poor remaining brain cells. 
Although...
... this picture does become a lot funnier when you consider how the story ends.
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Wow, so chaotic but he never changed his gender to go to the bathroom? Did Discord even need to go to the bathroom before? The things we think about...
Hmm, I wonder how she'd reform Tirek?
Dat mindfarq with Chrysalis.
I don't always assume a madgod's powers and brainwash villains, but when I do, it's because ponies.
Stay classy, bronies.
I wanna see "Discord" be with the main six.
You're right, that picture is funnier like that.
THE INNUENDOS ARE ON POINT!!!!!
Well that was hilarious. And I agree, that cover picture works even better now.
7229712
And I'm glad that I'm not the only author who still tries to reply to every last comment.
And I'm even more glad to see that hilarious bonus chapter. Every story I read seems to end a scene just when the antagonist gets his comeuppance, without going into the details. It's great fun to finally see into the written out.
You deserve a Watch for each of these things.
P.S.: I have been informed that clicking that button twice does not in fact give you two Follows. Firing the one who told me did not solve the problem, so our scientists are still working on that. Thank you for perusing the Aperture Reading Enrichment Center, Equestrian Branch.
LOLOLOLOOLOOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOL
Oh. Oh my.
If the site allowed double upvotes and favorites, I would, one for each chapter. This is hilarious!
7229970 I wonder is it possible to permit one's mind to surpass reality.
It's exceedingly difficult to leave reality behind completely in thought. The mental discipline involved in such pure, absolute creation I'd suspect staggeringly painful to achieve as it would require a complete omission of all aspects of current reality.
Essentially, one is writing the rules and form for an entirely alien universe within the confines of a single mind while consciously forbidding influence from all that is familiar.
I shall attempt it...
(an hour later...)
c85c7a.medialib.glogster.com/eyisrael1/media/e2/e2b8c395de9e1a2b07f9c018960b55e7f592f791/kishin.gif
(Ok, so that turns out to be rather inadvisable...)
Ho ho ho. I like this sort of madness. It pleases me greatly.
*Alondro's gleeful grin instantly turns manic as his left eye twitches and rolls upward while a little trail of saliva dribbles down his chin* Cherngelerngs...
7230451 Oh myyyyyyyyyyy...
*King Kai* HOW DO PEOPLE KEEP GETTING THIS NUMBER?!
7230098 Does a chaos spirit tinkle in the woods?
So questions...
Much philosophy...
7230098 Well, of course Discord goes to the bathroom! Where did you think water came from in the first place? He's got to get all the plainness out of his system SOMEHOW!
Yo, this bonus chapter was good, yo!
What are these "brain cells" you speak of?
Bucking loved it!!!
...the entire story was made for this one line. its perfect.
I dont know how you do it.
That final line.
At least Chryssie's happy.
LSD-Tabular.
7232541 Chrysalis will be happy until she's told that she's actually adopted.
7232193 With my fingers normally.
7231996 Thank you!
7231710 Thanks, yo!
7231155 Ewwwww...
7230794 I can't tell if you like my stories or not. What's our relationship in all this? A Joker/Batman type?
7230741 Glad you enjoyed it.
7230451 Oh. Oh, yes.
7230285 I love getting comments. I also love replying to them. Let's me know people are enjoying my stuff!
7230170 I can't stop giggling at it now.
Poor Discord.
7230098 He gets his chocolate milk from somewhere, doesn't he?
7232721 And then she'll go through her teenage rebellion age... At the age of three thousand or whatever.
Okay...
THAT was funny!
{Bows}.
7232046
agreed
7230779 I see my favorite sapient growth of primordial fungus is somewhat interested in philosophy.
I really should follow you so I can see everything you do (that gives a notification).
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
1:26_5/21/2016
7232046 *got to that line, noise like a transmission grinding gears is heard from my head* @_o ..... *headdesks!*
THANK YOU SA'AM MAY I HAVE ANOTHER? :O
7232741
ಠ_ಠ
Actually, it explains AJ’s petrified expression at 0:10 quite well.
Whoa, Twilight did so many productive things with Discord's power.
And Discord, I have one advice for you:
7229970 From a story that seems like it was made by someone high... We got an entire argument between two users having a discussion about reality, perspective, and the universe itself.
What the fuck.
7232741
Wait, but the chocolate milk he has always explodes...
Oh god...
I love it.
7232721 Confusing people are like pinatas. You can only be sure of their contents by smashing them open!
At least, that's my explanation for why people keep chasing me with sticks.
7233824 I am akin to a Cordyceps in some regards...
Ooh yeah, because that's actually Twilight looking down at Discord... Maybe?
I get the feeling that every story that does Discord right ALMOST requires a brain-condom to read.
Strangely, it's makes a lot of sense.
10/10
Simply 10/10.
7236819 Thank you.
Glad you liked it.
You are the hero I needed, thank you for this!
7237881 Not the hero that you wanted, but the hero that you eventually settled for.
Glad you liked it!
but if he let's her 'fix it' he can have all kinds of fun breaking it again.
Good God man! How do you come up with this stuff!?
11/10 would kek again
Frankly I could see even more still written in this universe, like more Discord dealing with being Twi now.
More importantly, someone should write a parody of 40 year old virgin about Discord. That would be hilarious.
Dear gods This story is hilarious! I would love to see more, but if there won't be or anything like that i can still read over these HILARIOUS chapters! Good job!
7242315 Glad you enjoyed it!
This'll probably remain the way it is -- mostly because I have another body swap story on the mind that would have the same kind of humor to it.
7241414 Discord learning about sex?
I'm sure a story already exists like that around here...
7239248 Coffee, mostly.
Very sugary coffee.
7252297 Then why'd you put it under "enjoyed"? "Enjoyed" to hate?
I've definitely written better. The fact this got featured for so long was quite weird to me.