- Member Since 28th Nov, 2015
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Lusaminia
Inconsistently updating since 2015
Lusaminia
Joined 28th Nov, 2015 ·
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Interesting start, I'll keep an eye on this one.
Well shit. Even though this story has a crappy front page, it makes up in the story itself. I still think Dead Hooves is an unoriginal name, but it at least makes sense in the most part, compared to other stories involving overrated names. The writing itself flows decently well. I haven't really scratched my head for the most part. Only complaint I have is the ignorance of the protagonist. He hears the raider say to knock him out, so why doesn't he do anything to defend himself?
Other than that, you've captured my interest. 7/10 so far.
7289448 I did reduce it a bit, but still kept some of course. Hopefully that's a little better.
7289170 I have a friend making cover art for me so hopefully that will make this front page a little more tolerable for your liking.
This showed up in my tracking category.... And I've never even seen it...
7291330 that's odd. Hope you at least enjoy it.
7289448 Of course you'd be there! xD
Good chapters, though I could've sworn KKat said Whitetail woods was poisoned by the bombs redirected from Canterlot or something like that.
7329657 it's non-canon like everything else, so I can get away with small things like that
7329752 Eh, fair enough, I try to keep within KKat's canon (with the addition of things like characters and stuff from the show after it was finished), guess I was just too used to that idea, its fine, I just thought I'd ask.
Or, you know, a Unicorn with a cloud walking spell, or a pony who knows a Unicorn with a cloud walking spell.
Anyway, good chapter, interesting idea not making the Enclave the villains, I like it, it subverts the usual portrayal of the Enclave, very nice touch.
Huh, I always just assumed Soarin' was dead... then again I brought in Wind Rider in my fanfic, so I'm the last one to talk about bringing in canon characters.
Anyway, good chapter.
7399975 well i like the FO4 power armor even the fact you need to fuel it, but not how long the fuel lasts i use a mod to make it 6-10 hours (ingame) feels much better and realistic that way
7420111 At least the stuff is plentiful enough to not run out in a short amount of time.
Edit: Nevermind, I lied. They are almost impossible to find.
Your book has been advertised on the new foe facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)
7564560 ...wow, didn't expect this considering how long this has been here, but cool.
I am impressed you bring out the nature of Silver Gunner extreamly well.
Good chapter, not really sure what else to say here, but you're definitely on the right track.
Yessss leave it to a robot to notice nothing changed..
As promised, here is your review of chapters 1 and 2:
Review.
7851946 Thanks
I hope to improve on it in the future, especially with the momentum it's been getting lately.
Lol leave it to a robot to know things but keep info from y ou..
Ah to the point were you give Silver the shot gun very nice. Along with many of the dents in his head.
And I reviewed chapters 3 and 4 for this week's review:
Review
Before I read this, what is the Gore and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8155088 gore is because of... well, Fallout Equestria. One kinda goes with the other though I don't go too crazy with it.
The dark tag is more from a thematic and emotional standpoint, though I won't say why.
Anyways hope you enjoy!
is that supposed to be black jack? and im not gonna read this im sorry it just sounds awful the description looks like a 12 year old story and why so many post deletes can you not deal with criticism? you cant get better if you dont know what ur doing wrong
8185443 1) I'm fairly certain Blackjack doesn't have black hair and tan fur. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't her main red and black with a white coat?
2) I find it hard that you can't take my story seriously for having slightly lower quality grammar when you can for another person that commented on your page which, according to you, also had some grammar problems. Your one to talk since I've seen multiple simple mistakes grammar wise in you comment.
3) I don't mind criticism, but I do mind jerks who would rather bash on a story just because it's "Fallout Equestria". Sure, maybe I shouldn't have deleted them but I haven't done that in a long time.
Also, if you want to call my story '12 year old writing' I would like to see what you can do and compare afterwards. It be hypocritical to call someone else work bad when you write just as well as I do.
Edit: Given by your favorites library, you look at a lot of big name authors on this site. Remember that not every story is going to have that same level of quality regardless of the amount of views, and that even the highest ranked stories make mistakes. Don't judge my story just because I have low views, which I'm sure you are, okay?
8185799 fuck me ill sent the reply in a privet msg
Nice story so far
Ursa Major attacking a stable...that's in the ground and waaaay to small for it to fit...FUCK IT why not.
Since the chapter wouldn't name itself will I do it for it, naming it Ajax! So lets read Ajax and write some comments on it!
First of all, why would the steel rangers allow a member to leave their order just like that. Secondly, why the fudge would they allow an outsider/new blood to take a power armour with them! That would be like joining the army, get a kid and drive home in a tank after you give your resignation.
That… that is a really faulty design, especially when you look at how animals move. I mean take a look at this. This is how a horse, and how all four legged animals move in general. If you moved both legs at one side, while the others still were on the ground, would you fuck your center of mass and tumble over. pair movement like what you are talking about only works in gallop when all four legs are off the ground... nerd rant over.
So... Ajax was not long lived for me. It was a few dry exposition filled spasms of a still birth before it died in my lap, which is sad since more wasteland stories could use characters with disabilities. Its just too bad that almost always when a disability is introduced are a magical solution to the disability presented the exact same moment, but hey at least was it not cybernetics this time around!
What killed this story for me was how much exposition we get at the beginning. It seems like we would go in media res, with Ajax armour being busted, us getting a "woe is me" intro and seeing how shit hits the fan for the handicapped that would show us how they can be handicapble without their nice shiny help supplies. Beside, not only was it dry exposition, it was unneeded exposition. There is a saying in literature that says "Show, don't tell" Don't tell us that the spine is twisted, show us by having Ajax see a reflection of his back in the armour he is fixing as he pulls himself trough the dirt of his work area. Don't tell us all the info about the dad, lets see a old picture of the dad, lets see the dads cutiemark on the armour, the only area polished to a shine and painted, lets feel the loss for the dad instead of being told ohh how sad it is.
Nitpicks:
" I was getting sick and constantly having to fix the damn thing." of
" it was miracle." missing an a here
"The names Dead Hooves, and yes, that is my real name. When I was born my spine had twisted strange and I ended up having the entire lower half of my body paralyzed" Driest piece of exposition that I have ever seen in a FoE story, and who present themselves like that in real life?
"He never told me the real reason he left the Steel Rangers," consistency is key, either write it in all lower case as you have the other times, or with capital letters, not both.
" so he decided to take his piece of power armor he had kept from his time as a Steel Ranger and tampered." Seems like you are missing a few words here.
" He gave it to me for fifteenth birthday," missing a my
Just read your story, really good spin on the wasteland. I know it has been a while, but I hope you are able to finish it.
Why did you cancel this story but still make a squeal?
11614098
One Last Mission is more of a spiritual successor than a sequel in some aspects, but the stories do tie together. Characters, events, and settings have gone through a decent amount of change, but I felt One Last Mission was still close enough to Reminders story-wise for it to be considered a sequel.