When Did I Stop Forgiving?

by The Engineer Pony

Dreams of Silverware

Princess Twilight carefully adjusted the plate on the dining room table in front of her. The dish was a part of her very best set of tableware, which she used for only the most important of occasions. While the grandeur of her castle usually gave Twilight a sense of uncomfortable pomp—seeming far too ornate for the continual bustle of daily living—she took pride in the splendor of her new home when matters of significance arose. At such times, Twilight took advantage of every pristine accessory her castle could offer.

Of course, the impending arrival of Princess Celestia was an event of incredible importance. Their coming dinner was not just an opportunity to demonstrate how much progress Starlight Glimmer was making in her friendship lessons, but also a chance for Twilight to show that she was faithfully passing on Celestia’s teachings. Twilight was acutely aware that she now occupied the same role that Celestia had fulfilled for her a few short years ago. Now it was her responsibility to pass on the wisdom she had learned from Celestia to another pony. Now was Twilight’s chance to make the princess proud.

That was why Twilight had pulled out her most exquisite set of dishes and silverware. Each plate bore a perfect representation of the star in her cutie mark, beautifully recreated in fine porcelain. A ring of lavender and rose encircled the star in a subtle crown of complementary colors. Every immaculate dish gleamed with the shine of perfect cleanliness, a testament to the thorough scrubbing Twilight had made Spike give each plate.

And the plate in front of her was slightly off-center.

Twilight frowned. The plate was a bit too close to the nearest fork, the result of sloppy silverware placement. With a slight tap, Twilight shifted the plate over to the right. But she moved it a little too far, and it clinked against one of the knives, knocking it slightly askew. An exasperated sigh escaped Twilight as she repositioned the knife, carefully aligning it once more with the rest of the silverware. But in her haste, Twilight managed to bump the plate again, pushing it over toward the forks. As she reached for the plate, Twilight accidentally jiggled the table, jolting all of the silverware from their proper placement.

Twilight let out a short scream of frustration and banged her hooves on the table. One of them came down on the edge of a spoon. The spoon flew off the table, ricocheted off the far wall, and bounced back to hit Twilight in the head.

“Enjoying yourself?” the voice behind Twilight inquired with calm amusement.

Twilight turned. “Princess Luna!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here? I thought Princess Celestia was the only one coming to check on my progress in teaching Starlight. Was she delayed by some crisis? Or…” Twilight’s voice faltered a moment. “Does she have something more important to do than visiting me?”

Luna chuckled. A dismissive wave of her hoof was enough to make Twilight fall silent, giving the elder alicorn a chance to speak. “My sister was the one to visit you at dinner today. But I would find it most peculiar if she were here in your dreams tonight.”

“Oh.” Twilight blinked in surprise. “This is…a dream?”

A faint smile spread across Luna’s face as she nodded. “How observant of you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight tilter her head to the side in confusion. “But, if you don’t mind my asking, what are you doing here, Princess Luna? I know you have many dreams to watch over and, well, this one isn’t all that scary. Surely some other pony needs your help?”

“The worst dreams are not always the ones that wake ponies in terror,” Luna said carefully. “Sometimes, the most horrifying nightmare is the one you do not realize is happening. Tell me, Twilight, does something trouble you?”

Twilight took a quick step back, bumping into the table behind her. Silverware clattered to the floor as she responded, “Of course not. Whatever makes you say that?”

“My sister told me of the difficulties you had today with your student, Twilight,” Luna said gently.

“Right.” Twilight’s head drooped for a moment. Then she quickly perked back up and looked Luna in the eye. “But everything worked out in the end. I apologized to Starlight, she decided to help Trixie, and the two of them became friends again. It all went perfectly!”

“So I heard,” Luna replied. “But if that is so, why did I find you here obsessing over correct utensil placement, rather than basking in the pleasure of seeing a friendship restored?”

“Well,” Twilight rolled her eyes as she responded, “I hardly think that it is strange for me to dream about getting ready for the dinner. After all, I did spend several days obsessing about it.”

“I see. And the fact that you spent more time thinking about silverware arrangements than how your own student might feel clearly indicates nothing is wrong.” Luna stared intently at Twilight.

Twilight fidgeted as she tried to maintain Luna’s gaze. After several seconds, though, she faltered and glanced down at the ground. Twilight stared at her reflection in the glistening floor for almost a minute before speaking again.

“What’s wrong with me?” Twilight asked in a small voice, her eyes still fixed on the floor. “I thought I had already learned during our last visit to the Crystal Empire that I needed to give Starlight the freedom to make her own choices. And I thought I had forgiven Trixie long ago for the mistakes she had made. Then why was I so suspicious when the two of them became friends? Why did I try to keep them apart?”

She looked up at Luna with wavering eyes. Twilight swallowed before continuing. “When did I stop forgiving them and start trying to control their lives?”

Luna said nothing. Instead, with a flash of power from her horn, she swept away the dream world. The two princesses stood amid a starry void, still and beautiful. Luna turned and began walking toward something unseen in the distance. Though she could not tell what Luna’s intended destination was, Twilight followed her after a moment’s hesitation.

“Twilight, why was tonight’s dinner so important to you?” With a simple question, Luna broke the silence.

Twilight was almost taken aback by the straightforward inquiry. “Because it was a chance to show Princess Celestia how far Starlight Glimmer has come. And how well I have been teaching her, obviously.”

“You seek Celestia’s approval.” It was not a question.

“Of course.” Twilight frowned. “She’s been my mentor since before I came to Ponyville. Even though I’m a princess now, I guess I still haven’t lost that desire to please her.”

“You know that my sister cares for you very much. No mistake or failure on your part could ever take away her affection.”

“Well…yes,” Twilight said with a hint of uncertainty. “But what does that have to do with my treatment of Starlight?”

Luna sighed. “Twilight, you are a wonderful pony, and I am proud to have you as a fellow princess. But too often you fear that Celestia is constantly testing and judging you. You worry that if your friendship report is a day late, or your silverware placements are an inch off, or your diplomatic negotiations are anything less than perfect, then Celestia will declare you a failure and banish you forever.”

“To be fair, negotiating with the yaks required perfection,” Twilight objected.

With a shake of her head, Luna continued. “Even then, your friend Pinkie Pie discovered that what the yaks wanted was not a futile attempt to recreate their own culture, but rather an introduction to Equestrian society. My point is, too often you default to an attitude of checklists and criteria to measure how well you are meeting Princess Celestia’s standards of admiration.”

“I guess that could be true,” Twilight conceded. “But I still don’t see how this relates.”

“Your attitude does not just affect yourself. In your efforts to make your dinner tonight a success, you strove for perfection in not only your own actions, but Starlight Glimmer’s as well. Rather than trusting her to make friends—and possibly fail—on her own, you sought to control her in such a way that she too would be perfect for Celestia.”

“But, I want Starlight to learn all she can and become the best friend possible,” said Twilight. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Not when you are controlling her decisions,” Luna replied sharply. Her gaze and tone softened as she continued. “Do not be too hard on yourself, Twilight. You were not the only one who acted this way. Trixie wanted to prove to herself that she was better than you, and the desire to her prove superiority nearly destroyed her friendship with Starlight. Even Starlight feared she was living under the expectations of a town that did not fully trust she was reformed.”

“But my disapproval of her friendship with Trixie would have just confirmed that fear!” Twilight exclaimed. “How can I convince Starlight that she’s not just a means to an end?”

“It turns out, you are not the only one with bad dreams tonight.” With another surge of magic, Luna summoned two rows of ethereal doors that led to the dreams of uncounted ponies. One door shimmered with the reflective glow of an ornate pattern of crystals. Coming to rest directly in front of the two princesses, the door opened with a burst of light.

Twilight cautiously stepped over the threshold into whatever dream awaited. She found herself in a plain room. Brown and gray stones formed the unadorned walls. Roughly cut wooden furniture and a simple rug provided the only furnishing. At the window stood two ponies.

“I don’t trust you,” snapped one of the figures. Twilight noticed that it was an alicorn speaking. Her face was lost in shadow, but Twilight shivered when she noticed the familiar cutie mark adorning the alicorn’s flank.

“You say you have changed,” said the dark alicorn, “and you say you can make your own choices. But do you know what I see? I see a pathetic excuse for a pony who cannot escape the horrible things she has done.”

“But…” The other pony at the window struggled for words. After choking on several attempts to speak, she bowed her head and wiped a tear from her eye.

The alicorn continued, “Your friendship with Trixie confirmed what I had long suspected: you seek to return to your old ways. Well, Starlight Glimmer, I will not stop you. From this moment, you are no longer my student.”

The alicorn glowed brightly for a moment, before disappearing in a brilliant explosion of light. All that remained was the unicorn sobbing quietly at the window.

Twilight took a hesitant step forward. As she opened her mouth to speak, Starlight looked up and noticed her presence.

“Go away! You clearly don’t care about me, so why don’t you just leave me to my fate?” Starlight turned her back on Twilight, blinking away tears as she stared out the window to the night sky beyond.

Softly, Twilight approached the whimpering unicorn. She stopped directly behind Starlight and matched her gaze toward the darkness outside. At the same time, though, she could make out Starlight’s reflection in the window.

“Of course I care about you, Starlight,” Twilight began.

“Oh sure,” Starlight interrupted. “You want to show Princess Celestia how great you are at choosing my friends for me. I’m just a project for the Princess of Friendship to prove her worth.”

Twilight paused for a second before answering in as a gentle a voice she could manage. “You’ve never been a project to me, Starlight. You’re my friend, and I’m sorry that I was unable to convey that. In my attempt to teach you everything there is to know about friendship, I failed to treat you with compassion.”

Starlight remained silent. After giving her words a chance to sink in, Twilight continued. “I unintentionally tried to control your life so I could feel better about myself. You deserve better than that. I know that you’ve changed from the way you were before, and that you would never go back to your old self. I need to give you a chance to prove it by letting you make your own choices. And if you happen to stumble, just know that making a mistake will not lessen my opinion of you.”

Twilight fell silent and returned to contemplating the night sky. Even in a dream, she could identify many familiar constellations amid the black void. She continued savor the beauty of the stars for several minutes as Starlight collected herself.

An eternity later, Starlight spoke. “I, well…thank you, Twilight. I was afraid that somepony as perfect as you would never really be able to accept me or understand what I was going through. I just felt Trixie could relate. I never meant to worry you.”

“We all make mistakes,” Twilight said with a small smile. “Remind me to tell you sometime about all the things I’ve done wrong.”

Starlight chuckled. “That’ll make for an interesting friendship lesson.”

“Yes, well, that can be something to look forward to when we wake up. Which reminds me: Princess Luna?” Twilight turned toward her fellow princess, waiting silently in the back of the room.

“Yes, Twilight?” Luna asked. “Do you wish to return to your own dreams now?”

Twilight shook her head. “Not quite yet. I think we have one more dream to visit before the night is over.”

Starlight’s gaze clouded with confusion for a moment before she realized what Twilight meant. “Trixie’s?”

“Yes,” Twilight said. “She must be feeling awful about almost losing your friendship. I know she values you as a friend; she just let her desire to outperform me get the better of her.”

“Well, let’s go cheer her up,” Starlight agreed. She glanced at Princess Luna. “Um, how exactly do we do that?”

“Allow me,” chuckled Luna. Once more her horn glowed with power as she prepared to connect their dreams to Trixie’s. In the brief moment before the magic took effect, Twilight gave Starlight an encouraging smile, which Starlight gratefully returned. Then in a flash, all three ponies vanished from the dream.

Comments

[Phantom Dragon]

Very interesting story , it had good characterization, as well some good dialogue keep on writing .

[BackgroundNoise]

As bad as Twilight was to Starlight and Trixie she's been a thousand times worse to Discord. If he didn't have skin thicker than tank armor and actually cared what she thought about him it probably would have ruined everything. *beat* Just putting that out there.

[zimmerwald1915]

And nothing was learned.

[The Great Derpsby]

I think... this is the first story I've seen since the episode aired that didn't push all the blame on Twilight.

It's a nice change.

[Cander]

I would be interested in seeing what happens in Trixie's dream.

Well done so far.

[Bluecatcinema]

Great story. Especially when it came to all the Twilight/Starlight talk.

[Raichu]

Lovely little story here.

[TerraZeal]

Twilight was REALLY out of character in that episode. I hated her in it, and she's usually my favorite character. She claimed to have forgiven both Trixie and Starlight, but treated them worse than Discord, who's still a jerk 90% of the time. I also wondered "Why did she stop forgiving bad ponies? UNICORN NON-PRINCESS Twilight would have just forgiven them and trusted them like friends". Good story, and glad Luna was the one to show up. After all...if she can't forgive Trixie for some attempts at one-upping her, how could she forgive Nightmare Moon?

[NobodieZ]

Well done.

[zimmerwald1915]

Wait a minute. Where does Princess "Tantabus" Luna get off telling anypony to just move past their flaws? She more than anyone should know that character growth is a lie, that ponies are never anything but who they are in their worst moments, and that holding themselves to any kind of standard is futile.

[Vigriff]

7219425
Agreed, her actions made no sense.

[Vigriff]

You’ve never been a project to me, Starlight.

I'm pretty sure that's a lie.