• Member Since 30th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen June 25th

Cartoonlover13


"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."- Demetri Martin

T
Source

Shining Armor had a good life he was married to his beloved Princes Cadance, Captain of The Royal Guard, Co-Ruler Of The Crystal Empire, and expecting his first child. But his good life falls apart as Cadance dies in child birth leaving him a widower, single parent, and the sole ruler of The Crystal Empire.

Now he has to deal with the pressure of politics, especially when in a society where mares usually are the prime rulers of their nations. Can Shining Armor keep it all together and be the ruler and parent he needs to be?


Idea by Rated Ponystar

Edited and pre-read by Angry Lass and ChudoJogurt

Coverart

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 22 )

What happened to the chapter and comments? I know I read that chapter already.

Regardless, this story is worthy of a follow and an Awesome label. I expect to see more chapters eventually. Is there anything that I as a reader can do to ensure additional chapters?

But there was hardly a pony out in the Crystal Empire and all there was just mourning.

But there was hardly a pony out in the Crystal Empire, and all that were only mourned.

Now look at her, she was now the sole-ruler of a nation.

Now look at her, currently the sole-ruler of a nation.

While ponies were happy under her rule. There is only one pony who is meant to be ruler.

While ponies were happy under her rule, there is only one pony who is meant to be their ruler.

"Yes, but this is temporary I'm not supposed to be the ruler. I am the co-ruler of Equestria not the ruler of the Crystal Empire."

"Yes, but this is temporary, and I'm only a regent. I am the co-ruler of Equestria, not the ruler of the Crystal Empire."
(Regent, Noun: a person appointed to administer a country because the monarch is a minor or is absent or incapacitated.)
Shining Armor is kind of absent/incapacitated due to grief and alcohol, and Luna is filling in. Therefore, Luna is a regent.

"You may have resigned as Captain Of The Royal Guard, but you can't resign from being Prince of The Crystal Empire you’re one of the two remaining Crystal Empire Royal Family. The other one is a baby. You may have only entered it by marriage but it's your duty,"

"You may have resigned as Captain Of the Royal Guard, but you can't resign from being the Prince of the Crystal Empire. You’re one of the two remaining members of the Crystal Empire's Royal Family. The other one is a baby. You may have only entered it by marriage, but it's still your duty,"

The Princess Of The Night looked at the once proud father-to-be.

The Princess of the Night

Well it was better than when he was intoxicated.

Well, it was better

"She was an alicorn how could she die?" mumbled Shining Armor.

"She was an alicorn. How could she die?" mumbled Shining Armor.

"Alicorns giving birth and especially to alicorns is very rare and can sometimes take their life."

"Alicorns giving birth, especially to alicorns, is very rare and can sometimes take their life."

Then your sister, Princess Twilight who had Cadance as her foal sitter and was like her big sister!

Then your sister, Princess Twilight, who had Cadance as her foal sitter and was like a younger sister to her!

Do you want to let down your wife who thought of you as her wife in shining armor!"

Shining Armor's a wife? I thought he was male.

Shining Armor stayed silent he felt like he was stranded there in complete shock.

Shining Armor stayed silent, standing there in complete shock.

"My nephew-in-law?" calmly asked The Princess Of The Night.

Don't capitalize "the" or "of" unless it's the beginning of the sentence.

"Hmmm, The Hooflivet very common amongst the wealthy."

"Hmmm, The Hooflivet. Very common amongst the wealthy."

A few seconds later Shining Armor's magic grabbed the bottle and he poured some of the drink into a glass.

A few seconds later, Shining Armor's magic grabbed the bottle and he poured some of the drink into a glass.

Princess Luna trotted through the halls she heard a very distant sound of glass shattering.

Either do this:
Princess Luna trotted through the halls as she heard a very distant sound of glass shattering.
Or this:
As Princess Luna trotted through the halls, she heard a very distant sound of glass shattering.

Hey, remember me? I think I pointed some of these out in a comment before you accidentally deleted it.

7286289 yeah accidentally deleted the chapter :derpytongue2:

7286289
7286642 Ah, now this guy knows how to point out mistakes! Are you sure you aren't a Grammar Nazi? :pinkiehappy:

7293703 Did you say I'm a Grammar Nazi? If you did...

Then you should know that I've called myself that several times over.

7293811 Don't worry, you're not the only one who calls their selves that. :raritywink:

7293973 themselves, not their selves.

7294477 I say that almost every time... sorry.

Dude half the story is like repeated twice.

7325593
Read it. The bit after the ROYAL CANTERLOCK VOICE is exact copy of previous text

7325589 oh, thanks for pointing that out!:facehoof:

Whoa...that synopsis is deep....you have my interest, but i'm going to wait for more chapters before I start reading. ^^

7333296 I currently have three chapters in editing

7293703 BUTCHERY! HAVE AT THEE!

"Yes, but tis is but temporary, and I am merely a regent. I am the diarch of Equestria, not meant to be the ruler of the Crystal Empire!"

'tis' is contraction of 'it is', the 'is' is redundant. Also, you should probably put an apostrophe before 'tis' since you do so elsewhere.

"Thou may have resigned as the Captain of the Royal Guard, but you cannot resign from thine throne.

mayst
thy throne
Also, silly Luna, you don't resign from a throne, you abdicate it.

Even though acquired through marital bonds, and not by blood, thy royalty still binds thee with thine duty!

thy duty

"Does thee not understand alicorn magic?

Third person conjugation with object declension instead of subject? Tsk.
Dost thou

"An alicorns giving birth and to an alicorn child is very rare and it can on occassion take their life."

alicorn or alicorn's
This is phrased INCREDIBLY awkwardly, and it doesn't really make sense(and there should have been a comma before 'and', regardless).

"Alicorns giving birth, especially to alicorns, is very rare and can sometimes take their life."

“Celestia and I's foals were all not alicorn's like us.”

alicorns (no apostrophe to make a plural)
This is phrased rather awkwardly and ambiguously as well. Somewhat distracting that the first mental translation is 'we and our foals weren't alicorns'.

The dirach gritted her death as Shining Armor turned away, not even looking at her.

Diarch. (No dead physicists here!)

Alicorn's giving birth to ones of their own kind can result in a dangerous magic overcharge.”

Alicorns (no apostrophe to make a plural)

I'm sick of that baby...All she has caused for me is just pain and suffering!

I'm uncertain as to whether or not a word after an ellipsis used in this manner should be capitalized.

Shining Armor was taken aback by Luna’s Royal Canterlot voice. "You have no idea what I'm going through! "

/facepalm
Now he done did it. It's not like she's millennia old and has had multiple spouses and children die on her. [/sarcasm]

Princess Luna saw an open but still fullbottle of scotch whiskey on the floor

full bottle

the Shining Armor’s drink of choice to drown the pain of his loss.

Definite articles are not usually used with names.

Thou must needs to choose

Gibberish. I suggest removing 'needs to'. Otherwise remove 'must' and change 'needs to' to 'needst to' or 'needest to'.

between this bottle or thy , daughter, family, and the memory of thy wife.

thy daughter (no comma)

the Prince shudder.

I don't think prince should be capitalized here.

"I will look over the Empire in your stead whilst thou goes to Canterlot to get Princess Flurry Heart."

goest

"But probably not with politics just parenting."

politics, just

Wasn't he the guy who treated Rarity like dirt? I think they made up, but still...

Twilight not knowing who Blueblood is seems dubious to me.

"Since you are now the sole ruler of the Crystal Empire Selene, Iron Hoof and I, would like to assist you in anyway.

Empire, Selene (comma)
and I would (no comma)

"Shining Armor, just to let you know, many mares of high station like you having a ruling position. I know Lady Platinum won't - she does have a rather outdated mindset," added Prince Blueblood.

The first sentence says that mares of high position like him having high station. Did you mean 'wont like' or 'don't like'?

You’ve done a great job, little sister helping our nephew-in-law while he was...unavailable.”

little sister, helping (comma before AND after interjection)

Luna let out a deep sigh, "the young prince is doing better.

I'm tired and forget, does the first letter of a quote require capitalization?

"That's great I'm so glad for Shining"

great, I'm

My niece and nephew didn't get the chance to life live as normal ponies.”

live life

“Let's not talk about that alright?”

that, alright

I probably missed a few interjection commas too.

Things to remember:
Thou/Thee/Thy/Thine are always singular.
Thou is subject, like he/she/I
Thee is object, like him/her/me
'Thy' becomes 'Thine', 'My' becomes 'Mine', and 'A' becomes 'An' before a vowel sound. None of these are pronouns: they are determiners.
'Thine' is a pronoun, same as 'mine'. (yes, they are homonyms, but used differently)
Only conjugate the first verb to the subject. Remember that when 'thou' is present is the only time you use the -(e)st/-t conjugations of verbs. (On rare occasions you might have a sentence where two conjoined predicates use the same subject, in which case the first verb of each predicate should be conjugated to the subject. E.G.: Thou art a fool and shalt fail.)

Overall, a good exposition of a story so far.

Now, I must be off. The Allies are attacking the western front... people using 'an' before non-silent-initial-'H' words and people not adding the 's' to the genitive clitic after singular nouns ending with 's' with whom I must do battle.

7368729 Just a note if it wasn't clear, it was actually an edit-review for the whole story. (I download stories as html then read them.)

You have my attention, but still waiting for something more to pop up. Followed.

Another good story sadly abandoned.

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