• Published 25th May 2016
  • 1,773 Views, 22 Comments

The Prince Of Crystals - Cartoonlover13



After Princess Cadance dies in child birth, Shining Armor is forced into taking the Crystal Empire Throne. But with mares usually being leaders, how will Shining Armor go through sexism, grief, and loss?

  • ...
2
 22
 1,773

Supporters (edited)

Prince Of Crystals: Supporters

By Cartoonlover13

Edited and pre-read by Angry Lass and ChudoJogurt


"I'm so happy for you, Shining," said Twilight Velvet grinning widely.

Shining Armor returned a smile to his mother. "I'm finally ready to accept my responsibilities it might take a while without Cadance but I'm sure I'll get used to it."

The conversation was interrupted when somepony knocked at the door.

"Oh, I'll get it," Shining Armor trotted to the door. When he opened it to his surprise was his old friend and his wife's cousin, Prince Blueblood, the nephew of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the son of Duke Blueblood, and descendent of a line of unicorns on his aunts’ mother's side.

"Prince Shining Armor!"

"Hello, Blueblood," replied Shining Armor. He then saw the captains of both the Royal Guard and Night Watch behind him. He raised a brow, “what are you doing here?”

"May I come inside to talk in private?" Asked the prince a so-called pompous snob .

Shining Armor nodded and the prince and the two captains went inside the house. As soon as Blueblood went in the train he let out a deep sigh.

"Thank Celestia!" He exclaimed his voice a bit more relaxed. "Are you alright?!" He put his left hoof on Shining’s shoulder.

Blueblood only acted like a pompous snob when he was around other nobles. Once you get to know him he's not bad.

Behind him was a batpony mare - Selene, Captain of the Night Watch and a white unicorn named Iron Hoof, formerly the Vice-Captain of the Royal Guards of Canterlot and now the Captain.

Shining ears drooped as the two captains bowed.

"Uh, there's no need for that," Shining Armor cringed -he never liked the bowing. "And I'm fine, Blueblood."

Iron Hoof grinned at his comrade and Shining Armor grinned back. Both stallions hugged each other.

"How are you doing?" Iron Hoof Asked .

"Better," Shining replied, with a scant smile. “As far as those things go.”

The rest of the Sparkles trotted close to the doorway, curious.

"Prince Blueblood?" Twilight said incredulously.
Wasn't he the guy who treated Rarity like dirt? I think they made up, but still...

"Hello, Princess Twilight," Blueblood and the two captains bowed causing the alicorn to blush.

"So, why are you all here?” questioned Shining Armor.

"Oh," the prince and the two captains then stood up. "Since you are now the sole ruler of the Crystal Empire, Selene, Iron Hoof and I would like to assist you in anyway. I have had my hoof in politics for quite a while, if I do say so myself, and so I would be glad in giving a hoof to you."

Shining Armor took a deep breath. “This is all happening so fast. Parenthood and ruling... I'm just glad you're helping me.”

"Shining Armor, just to let you know, many mares of high station like you having a ruling position. I know Lady Platinum won't like it- she does have a rather outdated mindset," added Prince Blueblood.

Twilight scowled. "Lady Platinum the Fifty-Second?"

"Yes, Princess Twilight," Iron Hoof shook his head. Bad memories from when he was her bodyguard swarmed his mind.

Night Light scoffed. "I cannot stand that mare! She threw a hissy fit when her daughter didn't become Celestia's student and when Twilight became an alicorn. Saying she didn't deserve it as she wasn't of ‘noble birth’.”

"Yeah, heard stories about her from my rookie Royal Guard days. But I don't care what she says I will rule," Shining Armor had in his face a triumph smile.

"That's my colt!" Exclaimed Iron Hoof strapping his hoof around his former captain.


Princess Celestia took in deep breaths of fresh air. She trotted through the gardens in the Crystal Empire castle. The gardens were full of luscious flowers and the green grass was neatly trimmed.

Crystal Guards flanked her sides. She then caught sight of a marble table with her sister in a chair, taking a bite of a tan sugar cookie. Right next to the table was a statue of the former ruler of the Crystal Empire before King Sombra, Princess Amore.

The table was filled with fresh tan sugar cookies and a teapot with two teacups for the two rulers. Both sisters smiled at one another and both had dark purple bags under their eyes.

"Hello, dear sister!" Exclaimed younger alicorn.

"Hello, Luna," said Princess Celestia taking a seat in the chair. With a wave of her hoof she dismissed the guards.

The two sisters hadn't seen each other that much in the two month, while the Night Princess served as the regent of the Crystal Empire. They mostly communicated through their letters and only met up a few times for tea - like this time.

"It's nice to see you again, Lulu.” Celestia smiled. “You’ve done a great job, little sister, helping our nephew-in-law while he was...unavailable.” her smile died at the broach of the horrid subject “How is he, by the way?”

Luna let out a deep sigh. "The young prince is doing better. I actually managed to get him out of his room this morning before you came, and he is now willing to take upon him his Royal Duties, with my advice and help.”

"That's great, I'm so glad for Shining" Celestia let out a small smile, pouring tea into her cup.

"Yes, ‘tis most good that he has found in himself the power to move on."

"Luna?" the older sister asked.

"Yes?"

"I've been meaning to ask you this - why were you the most interested in Shining Armor ever since you came back? You’ve been the most supportive of us - Twilight, our nephew, Blueblood, the captains of both the Royal Guard and Night Watch, and I have all done our best to help him, but none like you. Why?"

"I’ve only known my niece but for a few years. Yet if she was the Princess Of Love in earnest and if she truly deemed Shining Armor worthy to be her husband, I have nothing but the deepest amount of respect for him."

"And?" Questioned Celestia, knowing here was more to the picture.

Luna sighed. Her sister was right there was more to the picture. "He reminds me of my son, Nightshade."

Princess Celestia's expression turned into a more somber one. “I'm sorry I couldn't keep him being your child secret for longer.”

“It's fine. At least it got out after he died and he didn't turn out like your children. My niece and nephew didn't get the chance to live life as normal ponies.”

Celestia's ears drooped as she thought of her long deceased unicorn children, Princess Artemis and Prince Solaris

Luna continued. “Then I became Ni…”

“Let's not talk about that, alright?” Interrupted the older alicorn.

“Yeah...what happened to my grandfoals after I was banished?”

“Your grandfoals went back to Hollow Shades where Nightshade grew up with his aunt, Midnight Rose. Over time ponies claimed they had direct descent from you. They then founded the House of Nightshade. It's great they didn't turn out like the Blueblood House.”

Luna nodded. “Hey, Tia, I never told you the father of my child?”

“No every time I brought it up you shut me down.”

The Lunar Alicorn sighed, putting a hoof to her head. “Remember Moonshadow, the former Night Watch captain before being killed by an extremist group who saw batponies like him as demons?”

Celestia felt like her eyeballs were going to pop out of their sockets due to her surprise. “M-Moonshadow!?”

The Princess of the Night nodded. “Yes he was the father.”

“I-I can understand why you never brought it up, Luna.”

“Shining Armor reminds me of my son. A little dorky, strong, courageous, and...um…”

"Not quite there in the head sometimes?" Completed Celestia.

The younger alicorn replied. "Yes. I am glad my both my progeny and yours have always strived to do good.” The dark blue alicorn sighed. “Unlike myself.”

"Yes, I watched over your grandfoals when you were...absent." Celestia shifted her gaze to the statue of her old friend, Princess Amore. "Do you think Amore would've approved of Shining Armor?"

Luna smiled. "Yes, because he's worthy of the crown no matter what other ponies say."

Comments ( 6 )

7293703 BUTCHERY! HAVE AT THEE!

"Yes, but tis is but temporary, and I am merely a regent. I am the diarch of Equestria, not meant to be the ruler of the Crystal Empire!"

'tis' is contraction of 'it is', the 'is' is redundant. Also, you should probably put an apostrophe before 'tis' since you do so elsewhere.

"Thou may have resigned as the Captain of the Royal Guard, but you cannot resign from thine throne.

mayst
thy throne
Also, silly Luna, you don't resign from a throne, you abdicate it.

Even though acquired through marital bonds, and not by blood, thy royalty still binds thee with thine duty!

thy duty

"Does thee not understand alicorn magic?

Third person conjugation with object declension instead of subject? Tsk.
Dost thou

"An alicorns giving birth and to an alicorn child is very rare and it can on occassion take their life."

alicorn or alicorn's
This is phrased INCREDIBLY awkwardly, and it doesn't really make sense(and there should have been a comma before 'and', regardless).

"Alicorns giving birth, especially to alicorns, is very rare and can sometimes take their life."

“Celestia and I's foals were all not alicorn's like us.”

alicorns (no apostrophe to make a plural)
This is phrased rather awkwardly and ambiguously as well. Somewhat distracting that the first mental translation is 'we and our foals weren't alicorns'.

The dirach gritted her death as Shining Armor turned away, not even looking at her.

Diarch. (No dead physicists here!)

Alicorn's giving birth to ones of their own kind can result in a dangerous magic overcharge.”

Alicorns (no apostrophe to make a plural)

I'm sick of that baby...All she has caused for me is just pain and suffering!

I'm uncertain as to whether or not a word after an ellipsis used in this manner should be capitalized.

Shining Armor was taken aback by Luna’s Royal Canterlot voice. "You have no idea what I'm going through! "

/facepalm
Now he done did it. It's not like she's millennia old and has had multiple spouses and children die on her. [/sarcasm]

Princess Luna saw an open but still fullbottle of scotch whiskey on the floor

full bottle

the Shining Armor’s drink of choice to drown the pain of his loss.

Definite articles are not usually used with names.

Thou must needs to choose

Gibberish. I suggest removing 'needs to'. Otherwise remove 'must' and change 'needs to' to 'needst to' or 'needest to'.

between this bottle or thy , daughter, family, and the memory of thy wife.

thy daughter (no comma)

the Prince shudder.

I don't think prince should be capitalized here.

"I will look over the Empire in your stead whilst thou goes to Canterlot to get Princess Flurry Heart."

goest

"But probably not with politics just parenting."

politics, just

Wasn't he the guy who treated Rarity like dirt? I think they made up, but still...

Twilight not knowing who Blueblood is seems dubious to me.

"Since you are now the sole ruler of the Crystal Empire Selene, Iron Hoof and I, would like to assist you in anyway.

Empire, Selene (comma)
and I would (no comma)

"Shining Armor, just to let you know, many mares of high station like you having a ruling position. I know Lady Platinum won't - she does have a rather outdated mindset," added Prince Blueblood.

The first sentence says that mares of high position like him having high station. Did you mean 'wont like' or 'don't like'?

You’ve done a great job, little sister helping our nephew-in-law while he was...unavailable.”

little sister, helping (comma before AND after interjection)

Luna let out a deep sigh, "the young prince is doing better.

I'm tired and forget, does the first letter of a quote require capitalization?

"That's great I'm so glad for Shining"

great, I'm

My niece and nephew didn't get the chance to life live as normal ponies.”

live life

“Let's not talk about that alright?”

that, alright

I probably missed a few interjection commas too.

Things to remember:
Thou/Thee/Thy/Thine are always singular.
Thou is subject, like he/she/I
Thee is object, like him/her/me
'Thy' becomes 'Thine', 'My' becomes 'Mine', and 'A' becomes 'An' before a vowel sound. None of these are pronouns: they are determiners.
'Thine' is a pronoun, same as 'mine'. (yes, they are homonyms, but used differently)
Only conjugate the first verb to the subject. Remember that when 'thou' is present is the only time you use the -(e)st/-t conjugations of verbs. (On rare occasions you might have a sentence where two conjoined predicates use the same subject, in which case the first verb of each predicate should be conjugated to the subject. E.G.: Thou art a fool and shalt fail.)

Overall, a good exposition of a story so far.

Now, I must be off. The Allies are attacking the western front... people using 'an' before non-silent-initial-'H' words and people not adding the 's' to the genitive clitic after singular nouns ending with 's' with whom I must do battle.

7367919 Supporters is unedited

7368729 Just a note if it wasn't clear, it was actually an edit-review for the whole story. (I download stories as html then read them.)

You have my attention, but still waiting for something more to pop up. Followed.

Another good story sadly abandoned.

Login or register to comment