Far and Away
Broken watch denotes time as 19:14 or 7:14, depends on how you look at watch. Only time I remember day is when I walk into town. Spring thaw has started. Second one since starting over again, would make it over year now. I do not know what has caused self to write now, but I write. Maybe if I were to write this and leave it somewhere, someone out in world would understand. Maybe I write to understand self.
Finishing line on paper, I look up to sun going down over horizon. After throwing log onto fire, the flames lick their food, growing large. Letting fire grow, I set up rabbit meat on skewer, letting flames cook. After seeing that it was good, I returned to paper and pen.
But it being spring now, only good thing is snow and cold is gone. Other things, like mosquitos, large predators coming out of hibernation, and mud make matters annoying.
Local town has been kind to me. Though I changed name, something easier for locals to pronounce. Joshua from Arkady. New life and new identity. Almost as if self had taken Rarity’s offer.
I was able to make deal with local to stay on small bit of property if I help with upkeep. Also part of deal was hunting for skins of animals on property. Some things do not change. Though, after few tries, I have become quite skilled with bow and arrow. It is easier for small animals, such as rabbits, to hit with arrow and to keep skin. Along with such deal, I have done small volunteer work and odd jobs in town.
A quick prod of fire stirs up flames licking meat of rabbit. Leaning back in chair. I overlook scene in front of self. View that let self see into valley below and surrounding area. Small shack behind self was barely roof over head with four walls. It was not home, but it was closest thing to such.
I still do not know why I write, maybe whoever may find note will make more sense of self’s life now then I. With more than year past since I left Motherland, I can only guess how people have reacted. Sister may fear for worse, but since we had little contact after I left for self-imposed exile in Serbia, maybe she thinks that I am okay. I can only hope so. Nestor would know better. He knows I would still live. Probably still with woman, if self was only lucky enough.
Grabbing rabbit skewer and inspecting it, I found it to be satisfactory to taste and took bite. Taste was like any other rabbit, bit of wild taste, but still good. Gave time to contemplate. As such meal did every evening. The setting sun provided curse and provided gift. Of which it is today, I do not know. It even appears to wink at self. Strange, but probably way trees are blocking sun.
Nestor should know. He probably has been keeping track of self since departing from Alaska. He is resourceful like such.
I should have returned to Russia. But, I returned to wildman routine here. It has saved me trouble of walking. But, maybe I should have changed, become bit civilized. It is what she would have wanted. But living in woods, living on nothing is what I do best. Surviving is what I do best. Like good Russian, I survive. It is all I know. Maybe it is because I thought I did not deserve such second chance. Such privilege would be better suited for another.
Living on edge of civilization has given self few distractions, for better or for worse. I am just plagued with one regret. I am just one regret. I regret my silence that has kept me in this purgatory, silence that has kept self in limbo. To whom it may concern: Do not take such words lightly. Say everything that you know for truth in your heart. It may or may not be right but you will live with little regret and without fear of words hanging heart in noose.
Say those words that other person wants to hear, especially if you mean such words. It is only now.
Snapping of twigs caused head to jolt up from page. Probably small predator that smelled rabbit, it is not first time of such occurrence, but none such predators have been heavy enough to snap twigs. I have not seen bear in area, but there can always be first. Throwing quiver of arrows over shoulder and picking up bow in off hand, how I wished for old rifle instead.
It was easy to not make noise on soft ground, easy to move with caution as well. Moving towards direction of noise, mind turned into that of hunter. Body went crouched, quietly nocking arrow onto bow’s track, and slightly building tension on string.
Pausing on ridge side, I listened closer to footsteps. Object’s steps were stumbling, unsure of ground, even falling at one point. Option of it being predator was marked out. After few minutes of silence, steps resumed, cautious, but resumed. It could be wounded prey finally becoming aware of surroundings. Maybe newborn, but if that were case, there would be other footfalls from parents. Wounded prey seemed more likely, as sound drew closer. Footfalls were not in triplet pattern, or even paired pattern, but in careful one step after another. It was strange behavior for animal.
Pulling bowstring fully as sounds were near twenty meters away, I stood, finally getting good look at creature. It struggled and stumbled as I lined sights, but it had to be dimming light playing tricks on self.
Wounded prey does not wear shiny objects, nor walk on two legs. Nor have one hand held tight to pair of shoes. Even in dimming light, I was able to pinpoint long purple flowing gown, stained with mud in areas, but rest sparkled in light. Even at distance, black necklace with small purple gem that hung on it, dangled over bosom. Black and silver bands that flowed through hair flowed through purple hair flashing in sun’s remaining rays. Purple hair.
“Nyet,” voice surprised self. It was loud and wavering. Hand shook as I tried to clear eyesight. “It… it cannot...”
Arrow was already back in quiver at sight. Few meter drop off ridge side did not slow self down. After nearly year and half away, full-fledged memories resurfaced.
As pace quickened, feeling of tightness in chest still burdened self. Mouth, once wet with anticipation of hunt, now dry with uneasiness. Even as distance grew short, I caught glimpse of shining blue eyes. Once filled with sadness and tears, now shone with nervousness, but turned to relief upon meeting self’s own surprised gaze.
Stopping few meters short, I could still not believe sight before eyes. I could see small smile emerging on her face. Tears slowly formed in her eyes.
“You…” mouth and brain had little time to reconnect.
“I… I came back,” she took breath to overcome stutter, hiding mouth in hands. “I came back.”
Dropping bow, I took what few steps remained between us and took her in arms. Picking her up, I held her in arms, not wanting to let go. Her warm tears streamed down her face onto self’s cheeks.
For first time in long while, I laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Way she spoke mother tongue of Russian sent chills down spine. I had forgotten what Russian sounds like from other person.
“Your hair,” I managed to speak through fits of laughter. “It is purple.” Releasing her from tight grip in arms, setting her down gently. “How long did it take for hair to return to natural color?”
“Probably as long as it took for you to grow your beard back.” She laughed as well, smiling.
I took second glance over her attire, “You certainly dressed for occasion of visiting the hermit Arkady.”
“I decided to skip a party,” another smile of hers sent waves of memories over self.
“Fancy party?”
“Biggest party of the year in the entire country; where anybody, or pony, who has made a name for themselves goes. A magical night spent at the palace in Canterlot.”
“All for self?”
“For you,” buried head into chest, wrapping arms around self’s midsection, “some sacrifices are necessary.”
We stood in light embrace for time.
“How did you find self? I am off beaten trail in middle of nowhere. I have not spoken to Princess Celestia since few months after you left. How?” I asked question that was nagging in mind.
“You underestimate the power of how much you smell,” was muffled reply from chest, followed by deep breath. “And how much I missed it so.”
I looked down at her, giving strange look. “Am I speaking to same person?”
She pulled off of chest, lifting eyebrow, “Am I holding onto the same one?”
It was good question. I had returned to hunter of earlier times, like time of holding her in arms for first time. Beaten and scarred. Being protector and caregiver. Then I met bear, and roles reversed. At least caregiver part did. I was too stubborn to let go of protector. Slowly, those crystal blue eyes changed self. Being close was no longer just for protection, but for fire on heart. It was in flash of light that fire was gone. Only in such moment did miss heat of fire, because it was only then that I remembered fire was there.
“No.”
“Then you have your answer.”
She back off body, taking self’s hands in her own. Silence started to form as she played with hands. Her soft, small hands seemed fragile in self’s calloused, dirty, and scarred hands. Her gaze seemed fixated on hands for time being, as mine was on her.
Finally looking up, there were same puppy dog eyes I have seen time and time before. Along with small smile, it pulled at heart
“How long will you continue to give self such look?”
Rarity was taken with surprise at question. Even embarrassed, as face was red. “W-what look?”
Taking her by hips, her soft form melted in hands. “It is one look that just should be changed.”
Pulling her in closer, she yelped in surprise, placing hands on chest, but they offered no resistance. I could feel her body shake slightly as faces neared. Her soft sweet lips were welcoming. Taking one hand off of hips, I lightly ran free hand through silken hair. I could hear slight moan of pleasure as she pressed forward, readjusting, then placing lips on self’s again.
She broke away, hesitantly. Her breath was slow to return, as was self’s. “Why,” she looked at self with bit of uncertainty, tears streamed down face. “ Why did you m-make me wait? There were days I longed for your touch, your blunt nature,” she took deep breath trying to calm nerves, but it was to ill avail. “Y-your awful smell at times. But, w-why now and not then?”
“I cannot answer that.” It was difficult to create proper answer to question. Even I did not know answer. “I had failed the night you left to give proper goodbye. I did not let you know you were oil to rifle, wood to fire. I seemed to work better with you. This is truth.” Looking into her eyes, more tears began to form. She even bit lip, trying to contain outburst. “To be honest, I did not think you would ever return. I just did not want to regret it second time. So here I stand now, I will have no regrets. Not today.”
She gasped, trying to form proper words, but it only came out as laughing sob. More tries, only more tears emerged. Reaching into pocket, I pulled out handkerchief. Rarity’s sob laughs increased as tears were wiped away.
“You’ve kept it.” She was finally able to say. She took it out of hand, gazing at it for moments. “And it’s clean.”
“It is one of few items that has remained so, surprisingly. I even went into town to have it professionally cleaned.” I let sentence drift in passing breeze. We stared at piece of cloth between each other. Blue gems on background of white. It seemed simple in design. In simplicity, it was elegant.
Again, she took self’s hand in own. Placing palms against own, self’s dwarfed Rarity’s. Watching her play with hands, tears on her face dried as color of face returned to normal. Determined nature and lost in thought gaze told tale of formation of something. Of what I do not know, but it would be addressed; I did not have to wait long.
“Arkady?” She sounded unsure, as if she was asking if self was still there
“Da?”
“How… how would you like to go on one more adventure?” She looked into self’s eyes with curiosity and uncertainty. Smile did best to hide such look in eyes, but smile seemed to be on face to reassure. Reassure whom, it was difficult to know for sure. “For old times sake?”
I have spent time alone thinking. Thinking all this time. Thinking I may never see her, Rarity, ever again. Thinking about all the missed chances, thinking of all self’s missed chances. I have kicked self for all what-could-have-been. I have punched conscience for all what-should-have-been. I have curb stomped mind about what-would-have-been. Now holding cause of beating self into isolation, it was difficult to not contemplate question. But holding her, soft skin underneath dress was warm in hands, her crystal blue eyes piercing soul and warming heart once more. I did not notice tears at first until her hand wiped it away.
No regrets.
Not anymore.
Certainly not today.
“I have been lacking in adventure recently. Now that you are here, I can say it has always been adventure with you. So… why not?”
She was quick to wrap self up in embrace, giving quick kiss. It was returned with welcome. Passion was sustained until she broke kiss after few moments. It was bit of surprise until I looked down upon her smile, her joyous smile.
“Though,” She giggled at thought before continuing. “We may have to do something about your beard.”
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Da!
3120563 C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
I glanced over the story really fast to find the place I last left off, and I had a small spasm when I thought this would be a Octavia reference or something.