• Member Since 23rd Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

KorenCZ11


Average brony obsessing over the main cast with an unhealthy desire to see them in a dark fantasy setting.

E

A young Twilight Sparkle dreams of going into space one day after reoccurring dreams of a strange pony telling her to do so. Years have passed, and today is finally the day that technology has progressed enough to do so.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

That was very good! It had me on the edge of my seat toward the end. I would like to point out that there are myriad typos, though. And remember that every time another character starts speaking, you need to begin a new paragraph (you seem to be mixing multiple characters' dialogue into the same paragraphs). Also, the sequence and duration of the launch sequence is off. I'll just say that it's magic! It was especially distracting when you say that she is weightless while the thrusters are on. Thrusters provide an acceleration, which we feel as weight.
But, story-wise, I loved it! Keep up the good work!

7203890 I KNEW IT!!! I told him there would be no weightlessness during the acceleration! Haven't finished the proofreading yet though, so yea. Still needs edits even though it says completed.

7203890
7204761
:ajbemused: Formatting and grammatical edits have been made alongside a few word choice edits. Thoughts are more clearly separated from descriptive text, and each character's lines start at new indents.

This story deserves a sequel. Either it is about the ponies searching the wreckage and finding Luna as opposed to Nightmare moon or a severely injured, but still alive, Twilight or both, or them having a memorial for Twilight and Celestia having a secret ceremony for Luna.

8266779
Eh, I don't really feel that way. It wasn't so much a story as it was a tribute to A Space Oddity by David Bowie. I saw a story when I listened to the song, and the whole thing was literally written while it played on loop. I have a story that I never really want to finish right now. This one was a story that was meant to be sad and end in a sad but heroic way. It was... A Space Oddity, starring Major Twi.

8273750
oh. :applecry: still I think there should be some form of memorial service for twilight. it's something I'm working on with my story "The Phoenix Princess." set during the first two episodes with (spoiler alert) twilight dying at the end.

8273944
:raritywink: Good luck to you then. I hope it goes well.

8275071
Thanks. Got any pointers on how to put a lot of emotion in it?

great fic!
ashes to ashes fun to funky we know major twi's the junky strung out in heaven's high hitting an all time low

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