Ground Control to Major Twi

A young Twilight Sparkle dreams of going into space one day after reoccurring dreams of a strange pony telling her to do so. Years have passed, and today is finally the day that technology has progressed enough to do so.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Commander Darklight

Commander Darklight #1 · May 10th, 2016 · · ·

oh thats sad really sad

mlc894

mlc894 #2 · May 10th, 2016 · · ·

That was very good! It had me on the edge of my seat toward the end. I would like to point out that there are myriad typos, though. And remember that every time another character starts speaking, you need to begin a new paragraph (you seem to be mixing multiple characters' dialogue into the same paragraphs). Also, the sequence and duration of the launch sequence is off. I'll just say that it's magic! It was especially distracting when you say that she is weightless while the thrusters are on. Thrusters provide an acceleration, which we feel as weight.
But, story-wise, I loved it! Keep up the good work!

Beardman

Beardman #3 · May 11th, 2016 · · ·

7203890 I KNEW IT!!! I told him there would be no weightlessness during the acceleration! Haven't finished the proofreading yet though, so yea. Still needs edits even though it says completed.

KorenCZ11

KorenCZ11 #4 · May 11th, 2016 · · ·

7203890
7204761
Formatting and grammatical edits have been made alongside a few word choice edits. Thoughts are more clearly separated from descriptive text, and each character's lines start at new indents.

Sonic Rainboom Dash

Sonic Rainboom Dash #5 · Jun 30th, 2017 · · ·

This story deserves a sequel. Either it is about the ponies searching the wreckage and finding Luna as opposed to Nightmare moon or a severely injured, but still alive, Twilight or both, or them having a memorial for Twilight and Celestia having a secret ceremony for Luna.

KorenCZ11

KorenCZ11 #6 · Jul 4th, 2017 · · ·

8266779
Eh, I don't really feel that way. It wasn't so much a story as it was a tribute to A Space Oddity by David Bowie. I saw a story when I listened to the song, and the whole thing was literally written while it played on loop. I have a story that I never really want to finish right now. This one was a story that was meant to be sad and end in a sad but heroic way. It was... A Space Oddity, starring Major Twi.

Sonic Rainboom Dash

Sonic Rainboom Dash #7 · Jul 4th, 2017 · · ·

8273750
oh. still I think there should be some form of memorial service for twilight. it's something I'm working on with my story "The Phoenix Princess." set during the first two episodes with (spoiler alert) twilight dying at the end.