A very fluff filled story about Octavia and Midnight Harmony. Yes, a rare appearance of and OctaviaXOC. Also, even though this is one of my first fanfics, be as harsh on the critisism as you want, I've already had this posted on fanfic (dot) net and have made some major edits from that so it would be a bit smoother and what not.
Art: I cannot, for the death of me, remember who made the art, but I take no credit for it, if anyone knows the original artist please leave a comment.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I, for one, love Octavia pairings, although there is a lack of it. Pairing with an OC is a different story. Altogether. For the story, the tone is not there, it's a bit dreary. I gather you're a classical musician, so perhaps I could phrase it that the 'harmony' is monotonous, probably lacking cadence. It is probably rushed too, the events pass through too quickly without much description. Aside of that, it is a little short even for a one-shot, but then again it is good enough to pass. (I was hoping for clop/mature content :P) I'd say, nice job with the conversations, and the end is kinda romantic. No grammar or spelling mistakes. I'd give it a 7.5/10, and liked. I guess your writing will improve, no?
Artist signature on your picture says it's from johnjoseco on deviantART.
And, before the real comment begins, let me express how I find it deliciously ironical to read stories about characters named Midnight (something) like my lil' OC.
Okay. So.
I didn't see any major mistakes in your language while reading it through. However, sometimes it feels like the english the characters are using is too correct. You understand? Ask yourself if you'd use those sentences in a direct conversation. For me, it gives the talking a bit of a sterile feel.
I'll forgive you the rather obvious self-insertion, really.
I'd like to see exactly what hill you are referring to. Directly put: Canterlot is built on the side of a mountain! There's no hills anywhere near you could reach on hoof. But whatever.
While the reader's fantasy is always better than anything you can describe, your description of where your characters are and go is a bit lacking. We find out what kind of place it is and what's relevant to the plot, nothing more.
The whole thing went kind of quick, although that's probably what you were aiming for. Just a warning, watch your speed or your characters' decisions will heavily lose credibility. There's nothing worse than a story about a cardboard cutout character.
I may be wrong about this, but shouldn't the part 'The conversation continued like that for most of the night, talking about music, like which classical pieces they despise, how they got into their instruments, and what they do in their free time.' use 'we' instead of 'they' because it's referring to the narrator and Octavia?
The line 'In her eyes were tears, “Oh, I guess yo- MMPH!!”' feels like it's Octavia speaking. I'd recommend moving the quote down to its own line in order to reduce confusion.
This is a VERY good story my friend. I suggest you continue it because it's been a while I have seen a OctaviaXOC story and I must say I do indeed like a love story every now and then and this is a fine example of a good love story.
Keep up the good work!
875946>>875966>>884579 Thanks all of you for your comments and advice, I will try to tone back on the "perfection" of the dialogue and work out the kinks, also this was my very first story ever, and I didn't have an editor to help me, I'm also on fanfiction.net as HadezPKMN and my other story I got an editor for the third chapter, plus my writing has improved. I will try to continue this but I don't think I will because school starts soon, and I have my big story to work on. I hope to upload my other stories to fimfiction, I'm working on it, but can't seem to find time. Thank you for listening to this long and boring reply. Please stay tuned for more, If I can find time and figure out how to continue it, because I have now ideas. Bye.
918470 This was also a test to see if I could write in the romantic style, I really need some work, and I'm mostly a horror and sad writer, this is a drastic change, so this was expected to have flaws
Hmmm...Haven't read a romance story in a while. The last one I read was The Heart of a Dragon, which was very good. Will give it a try.
918483
If you need a proofreader, shoot me a PM when you do. I'd be glad to help!
2054523 No, I am my own proof reader. I am what is known as a grammar Nazi. It's just I have trouble putting my ideas down on paper, or in this case, a text document. Though if you go to my fanfiction.net account and read my story Diminuendo, you'll see why I am a good writer. I turned that paper in to my English teacher for our final exam and I got an A on it. And now that I think about it, I know how to continue that story, it will follow the story Idea I posted in the group forum. Two lost souls come together and make an inseperable family, until missing pony reports of those that live in and around Canterlot start to vanish, only to turn up mangled, mutilated, or hung by hooks from trees. Can Raven and Luna figure out who or what is behind this. The answer to this will shake Raven and Luna's relationship to the very core. Will all be forgiven, or will some one be forced to leave and never come back? Find out if I ever am able to finish enough of my school shit to work on the project. Only on Fanfiction.net until I bring Raven forth into Equestria. I need a suitable transition for that.
Wow, that's the largest comment I've ever typed, and I finally found a way to continue a story I've been trying to work on since last year.
All because of one comment/ I thank you sincerely Armed, you got my brain working and now I have a story to work on. Could I still ask you to be a beta reader for me, so I know how my audience might react to this?
2054782
I'm glad I could ignite the fuse for you!
And I would be honored to be a beta reader
EDIT: If I had FiM back when I was in High School, I would probably be a well-published author right now.
Not to self-promote, but my story is my first ever creative writing experience (save for the book reports in high school!)
If only it was that easy.
As for the rest of it.....keep it going. Write more. NOW.