• Member Since 23rd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 7th, 2013

Jacker


T
Source

As stars begin to disappear from the sky, a spacecraft of alien (non-human) origin slams into the Everfree Forest. The stage is set for Twilight and the rest of Equestria to uncover secrets their royalty has been hiding for thousands of years. Soon, they will take their place in a galaxy under siege.

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 80 )

:pinkiegasp:Oh snap! Wasn't expecting them to attack right off the back like that but dang. I expect good things from this story.
Did not notice any spelling or grammatical issues so +1 for that.
Is that ship from something? It looks kind of familiar but I can't place if I've seen it before or if I have, where.

787019

Thanks for your compliments! :) The image I have in my mind for the alien ship is that it looks sort of like the Covenant ones from halo :), at least with its basic design, though the aliens aren't the Covenant. I probably could have done a better job describing its basic outline now that I think of it :twilightblush:

halo.bungie.org/misc/sloftus_covenantcruiser/images/cc_slipspace.jpg

Why am I getting the sense that it's not invaders... just either crashed very confused people, or intergalactic hunters?:twilightoops:
Either way... let's see where this leads us...

And for the love of all things sci-fi, if you don't slip in a Star Trek/ Star Wars/ Firefly etc etc reference somewhere in the upcoming chapters...:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:




:trollestia:

787076
I was actually referring to the Image you used for the story, but now that you mention it, yeah I can see the ship in the story. 2 ovals stuck together, Cool.
Something tells me Dash won't be too pleased with the aliens next the meet. Lasers vs Rainuke...that'll be interesting :rainbowdetermined2:

787099

Oh, no I'm not actually sure where that's from. I kind of just found it on google images :3. It certainly is awesome looking though.

787104
Agreed!
Anyway I look forward to the next installment. :twilightsmile:

Pretty good, pretty good show, man. Competently written, nicely executed and all. My biggest problem with this story so far is the grammar. There were more than a few errors and inconsistancies. I'll gladly elaborate if you like, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Anyway, not much to say other than I look forward to more installments, really. Good show. :rainbowkiss:

787265

Sure, I don't mind if you have the time. I kind of needed to get someone to proofread it anyway :3.

is it humans?

Nope, not humans :3.

I saw one selling mistake probably autocorrect rainbow dash says heavy for a little fry, not guy otherwise good job

787311

Well, here we go.

Okay, get out the note pad. Here's how dialog works.

>>Spike shrugged at that, "Maybe Luna just did some rearranging."

This is incorrect. The comma here needs to be replaced with a period, since you can't "shrug" a line of dialog. The instances where you simply write "[character] said," and then put dialog are fine (though I personally wouldn't recommend them). Putting a period in place of the comma here means that Spike shrugged and then said something, which is how this passage should be structured.

>>"You're just being paranoid, Twilight. I know, the forest makes me feel that way, too." Rainbow Dash said.

The period at the end of the dialog here needs to be a comma. When ending dialog and then describing a character's actions afterwards, a period is fine (such as "'Oh, nuts.' Rainbow Dash raced to the stove to get her kettle."), but when concluding the dialog with "[character] said/deadpanned/whatever", a comma takes the place of a period. Don't ask me why. (This rule doesn't apply to exclamation points or question marks.)

>>"I saw it myself!" She said.

Concluding dialog with "[character] said" is not a separate sentence. The "she" here needs to be uncapitalized. Again, when ending dialog without one of these closing notes, giving it a period and treating the description of the character's subsequent actions is fine. But these "closing notes" are not separate sentences, so change periods to commas and don't capitalize "she/he/it/whatever said/deadpanned/whatever".

Now, as for spelling errors and grammar errors outside of dialog, there were a few. The most glaring I can remember was forgetting to capitalize "Nightmare Moon" in the first sentence of the final part. Maybe give the story a once-over and correct any errors you see in hindsight, or get somebody who's willing to do that (maybe I'll do it myself on my own time, but no promises).

Hope this helps. :twilightsmile:

791097

Thanks for your time :3. Grammar isn't really my strong suit but I'm always willing to learn.

Luke Skyhooves? Star Wars refences whichs means that I can us this.
datacenteroverlords.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/yoda-real-shit.png
And I know why Dash feels right about being a soldier. It is because she is a Pegusas which in myth is know as a war horse. Hell even in this universe they were warriors if the Heart Warming Eve Story is any thing to go by. So it is propably a instinctal or an genitic thing that she just found or awoken.

Well now. This is an interesting take on Rainbow Dash, one which I thoroughly approve.Looking forward to seeing what you come up with in the next chapter.

Something tells me that the ponies are going to get their asses kicked.

I wonder if Dr Whooves in this one is just a Dr pony or a Doctor Pony?
And definitely a nice direction for Rainbow Dash... can't wait to see how the next chapter plays out. And who exactly these aliens are...

The fan has been hit with the schnitzel.

This was epic...go Rainbow Dash.

Terrans? Will Celestia make contact with them?

Terrans, Dragans.... things are getting very interesting... Methinks the Wraiths protest too much concerning this Orb that is "harming" them.
And Luna definitely seems to be very proficient with the modern day lingo :twilightsmile:

This sounds very Stargate SG-1ish. I am a fan of the show. I shall wait and see what happens next :heart: :eeyup:

Sure, Crossbows and arrows always worked against space age militarys.

In all honesty, the only way they could possibly hope to survive is if that alien race was busy with fighting another alien race. :ajsleepy:

Otherwise My Little Ponys, you're fucked.

I'm worried... the Terran starship in system, exactly how big is their system. :fluttershysad: And when you say ship, do you mean heavy warship, or patrolship...? And that ship could be ponykinds only salvation, but it could be a weeks travel away! :ajsleepy:

And what about those other races, and Celestia and Luna knowing about them? Oh man, I really hope that stuff is explained, I'm getting really giddy for what will come! :pinkiehappy:

Dang it... fecking Go'auld kill switch. :fluttercry::pinkiesad2:

Note to self, do NOT reveal what a magical item can do to the thing that is controlling your body. And Celestia, you have some serious explaining to do. :ajbemused:

Oh my god bro with the updates yeesh.

(Seriously, I want to read more of this story, but I'm so caught up with other things I can't keep up! Heed these words for any future projects you have. Maybe slow down a bit with future updates or future stories. Please? For me? :rainbowwild: )

That's why you never reveal your secret weapon too early, otherwise the bad guy will just find some way to screw you over.

Read last line, does spit take. "what the f$($ hell her f{<€ brother is a human?

OH SHIT! And in unrelated news, humans, as always, are bad ass motherbuckers, who happen to have the adorable quality of causing total war. I love this story, it caters to all my needs.

Reading...

Reading...

Reading...

<record scratch> WHAT THE F:yay:K!?

"-in all it's glory, and apparently, all of it's horror."
Huh, did he get that from Starcraft 2...? Nah...

"General Warfield-"
Oh come on! :rainbowlaugh:
Wait, :rainbowderp: wouldn't that make Celestia the evil dictator that took over another just as evil dictatorship? Hmm, wouldn't that also make Discord the Confederacy?

Great, now I'm gonna be making ties like this the rest of the story, curse you!

Edit: ^that^ was made before I finished reading the chapter. Let me just say, I can hear the grand laid back nature in Celestia's brother.

833992

Haha, any time I can throw in a Starcraft reference I definitely will :3.

Coulda sworn you had already put this chapter up.

I don't think Ventus has thought this plan through...:facehoof:

He wants the Mane 6 who are Ponies, to go with him onto a Terran station to use the Elements on a single Wraith.
The Terrans are at war with the Dragan, who are Ponies.

Am I the only one here seeing a teensy weensy flaw in the plan here? :twilightoops:

844639

Haha, yeah I doubt Ventus fully thought the plan through. He's very impulsive and relies on improv most of the time.

845009
Oh great... a cosmic Pinkie Pie... Do not put those two in the same room! It might implode the multiverse! :pinkiegasp:

844638

Yeah I did, but I didn't see it on the updates yesterday and I thought that had to do with the lag issues the site was going through, at least for me, so I decided to repost it. I wants popular story :).

So happy to have internet again. This. Story. Is fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/125/9/9/rainbow_dash___it__s_awesome__by_hannahdash-d4ylpi6.jpg
and Dash (espesically in this story) is AWESOME!:rainbowdetermined2:
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/94/130598834510_display.jpg
I hope you succeed in getting your "popular story" I know I'm loving it, and recommending it to my friends.

So the God-emperor in this universe is basically a trigger happy moron? This should be fun....

Dude, what's with the second posting of the same chapter? My comment couldn't have been THAT bad.
And curse you! You've foiled my first post plans!

848787
Haha, na it was fine :P. Read above for the reason for it.

"Then we need to get to the library so I can get a letter to the princess!" Spike announced. "She'll know what to do." His voice was lacking in confidence. "Right?"
And then, we have a fight: Celestia vs. lasers weapons, plasma weapons and particle weapons.

808234 Ha, I thought about the same thing. But then, it would be crossover.

"Rainbow Dash wouldn't lie about this!" Ditzy Hooves said sternly, standing besides Dr. Whooves. The doctor threw her an approving smile, and Rainbow Dash couldn't help but do so as well.
Yay! Ditzy and Doctor!

Ohohohoho, things start to being interesting.

So the Terrans are the enemies of ponies?

850299

Not exactly :). There's more explanation on that in Chapter 6.

O HOLY SHIT! Quickly, to the next chapter!

And ehem: one light year = 6 TRILLION miles. Not 6 MILLION miles!
And Milky Way have 200 TO 400 billion of stars.

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