- Member Since 31st May, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
Jack-Pony
Like a dragon, most of my time is spent hibernating, then pure terror. Also horse words.
Jack-Pony
Joined 31st May, 2012 ·
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Quick scan. Before I do anything else, SPACE OUT THOSE PARAGRAPHS! More to follow.
7892795 Thought I had, I blame Google-Docs.
7892810
Heh, it'll do that ya.
I'm partway through and I notice you're doing pretty well at representing actual African names and even some cultural practices. Nice going for saying tribes plural. Have you perchance spent some time on the continent?
7892817 I can't say I have. Republican Brony and myself spent about a year-and-a-half working on the tribal culture of the zebra, taking cues from several different real-life African cultures, as well as others from outside the continent. However, you'll have to wait a little longer to see some of those... Expect to see a Savannah as diverse as sub-Saharan Africa.
7892828
I think my fave speaks for itself...
If you cut this fic off, God help you. I'll add this to groups.
Some advice: add this to as many applicable groups as you can. It's fallen from the front page and still yet lacks enough ratings to show reception; that is going to discourage future viewership until that is corrected. I need to sleep now, but I'll do a bit of that.
I cannot say enough good things about this amazing story. It's so rich, and the characters just pop off the page. It is a mere taste of a world and it leaves me wanting more. Plus the writing is so natural and engrossing I read through it all never wanting to stop and never noticing how many words had passed.
7893496
7893254
Glad to see we've already got a couple of fans! I hope that we can keep you all entertained. With as much material as we have planned out the story should go on for quite a while with a break between each Arc. Believe it or not, this initially started as a one-shot writing exercise to get a few ideas out of our heads.
7892828
Stop calling me Republican, dang it!
7894684 The cake is a lie.
7894684
Heh, you don't say. Hey, mind if I give some more detailed feedback now, or you want me to wait until you've posted a bit more so I don't sound of prematurely?
7895896 Feel free to give whatever feedback you want, just remember you are commenting on one chapter.
Most excellent. A new chapter, full of more polyandry (a great rarity), emotion and worldbuilding. This story really has grown on me. Just one minor thing.
Was that her original name?
7901296 Nope, that's purely a mistake on our parts - Cover Art is a completely different character.
Thank you for pointing that out, I guess a few people are going to get whipped for their failure.
7921267 This made me titter. I wasn't expecting to get a response from the Joker!
This is very well made, and I love it and look forward to more of it.
I love clopfics with an actual plot, even more when they take their time to get to the lewd parts.
And now I have to wait for the next chapter
7946511 So do we. There's more where that came from!
7946819 Ohh, do we have a surprise for you...
:7946978
can't wait!
Hi Jack-Pony, thanks for sharing this story with us, I enjoy these conversations which feel real and relatable. It's understandable Rose doesn't want to walk around with male essence on her muzzle but I wonder how she would react withnessing a zebra mare doing exactly that, or going through that public mating ceremony with multiple stallions at marriage.
7975896 That's a very good question, both of them actually. As the primary driving force of Compass Rose, I'd say at this point in the story she'd be pretty bashful and a little shocked to see a zebra mare walking about with cum on her face, though I doubt she'd be terribly shocked, given what she's seen of zebra culture already. As for your second question, (I'm going to assume you mean watching a zebra-marriage with multiple stallions) honestly, she'd probably get pretty hot and bothered, and it would most likely end with her and her stallions blowing off some steam back at their yurt. These answers might change as the story progresses however...
Well, I made it this far at least. The story isn't bad, but it could use a purging of most of the tilde symbols (~). Having so many really burns out the emphasis it would normally apply. Otherwise the story comes out as too saccharinely sweet, and that's somewhat boring. To be fair, the premise is about CR healing psychologically, but it comes off a bit ham fisted with so much emphasis being so constantly used.
ya know... i just cant help but ask... what about STD's?
something to be just slightly concerned about i feel.
7986972 What about them? The fact that the zebra are promiscuous and don't have antibiotics?
7987908 just thinking that theres probably a pretty big problem with STD's if the zebras really are this free spirited and what not.
unless ofcourse STD's simply dont exist for whatever reason or a cure exists.
then agian maybe its just me reading far to much into what is basicly porn with some story on the side.
7988044 Zebra medicine - while unorthodox - is actually quite advanced, despite how simplistic Rose thinks it is. Let us not forget the canonical exploits of Zecora, battling cutie-pox for example. Furthermore, there are also a couple of other factors in play, but you're going to have to look at Epidemiology to catch those...
Wow, I leave this story alone for a month, and I come back and really need to read fuckloads. Can't wait to read and comment.
7989205 ah i see, thanks for the awnser.
I like this, but I've gotten a bit sick of the constant, 'only if you want to' back and forward between rose and the zebras.. And the 'culture' of ponies seems.. Incorrect, as a nice way to put it. And as for the small number of pony stallions, have you seen the royal guard? Take a look at the episode, 'A royal wedding' again and have a look for yourself, let alone the increese of stallions in the past few seasons.
I really liked this story at the start, but the more you delved into pony culture, the less I liked it honestly. But you still have my like.
7995555 First things first, Rose is a character, I.e. a person. People are fallible and prone to coloring the truth. Some of what is troubling you is just that, but not all of it.
Now for a question. What does the Royal Guard have to do with Equestria's overall population of stallions? It is our headcanon that the reason why the Royal Guard is all stallion has to do with its purpose as a peace-keeping/ civic order force. Mares have been conditioned not to hit stallions, in much the way men in western culture are never to hit a woman. Thus, the Royal Guard is disproportionately male and has no bearing on overall population.
Hopefully Arc II will be more your speed then, focusing more on zebra culture and a new tribe!
7996465 Your question only applies to YOUR culture. The Royal guard is the only real military we have seen in the show, and have seen in action in the fenaly of Season 5. So they are in fact not Just peacekeepers. Tho I guess you could bring it up that it was an altered time line, (I do think it would impact very little tho) things could be different. But something that I don't understand is how you think the crazy number of stallions in the guard have no effect on the overall number of males..
7996465 as for Rose and the zebras, I understand that making desitions can be hard and according to there cultures they want only to please the other. I'm only saying it takes away a bit after hearing it three four times.
I really like the interactions between Rose and her stallions, it's really cute. Though, I hope we get to see her get over her zebra culture hang ups. Her stallions claiming her in front of everyone on their wedding night sounds pretty fantastic to me.
7997573 With all due respect, unless you have canonical population demographics and exact figures for the numbers of the Royal Guard, then what you are presenting is no more than your headcanon.
Looking at earth for a moment, (because I actually have terrestrial statistics on hand) The USA has ~300 million people and a military of ~1.3 million (active). That's %0.43~ of the population, and we have the second largest armed forces in the world. If we use my low end statistics for the Equestrians (1-to-6) that still means stallions make up about %17 of the population of Equestria. Unless you think that the Equestrian standing military is ridiculously large, half a percent is still a drop in the bucket - that's still only about %3 of Equestria's population of stallions.
So assuming that they are a peacekeeping force that mostly stays 'at home' in case of natural disasters and to defend Equestria's nobility, they are still present in everyday life and likely keep their herds with them (wherever they are stationed). Thus, I reiterate, in all likelihood, the Royal Guard likely has no impact on the overall population of stallions available in Equestria.
7998904 I see and understand what your saying now, but I think it's still a bit silly to have a pretty much role reversal to I guess 'human culture' maybe zebra culture may be a better comparison, simply because there would be a bit less males when the figure is similar. (I mean like males being strong and females less so, not trying to be sexist cause there are plenty of strong females, but steriotypicly so.) But I'm not sure what the numbers in USA and our military have to do with the world of equestria?
8000021 I was using the United States as a point of reference, using our statistics in lieu of canonical numbers for Equestria's - allowing you to see what a hypothetical Equestrian military might look like if they were all stallion.
As for the part of role-reversal, it's actually rather simple. Because there are more mares to each stallion, that stallion can be more picky who he herds with. If he doesn't like a mare for any reason - she fails to meet his definition of beauty, she doesn't have the correct mindset, he just doesn't like the way she talks - he can say "No" to her joining his herd and still have many mares to choose from. [Headcanon Ahead] This ability gave stallions a great deal of power during the Equestrian Renaissance, when a stallion became more than, "In the fields, or in the hay." Despite that, there are still many more mares than stallions and mares possess this powerful, primordial drive to protect their mates - give four mares working together spears and suddenly even a mountain lion is a lot less of a threat. It's also my headcanon (I can't speak for Libertarian Brony on this) that most of Equestria's military aside from the Royal Guard - I.e. their national guard and even the Wonderbolts - are mostly mares. Thus explaining why stallions hold a great deal of social influence, despite mares still holding most of the positions of power.
An expertly told tale this robust, this inspired, cannot possibly have only 50-something likes. It beggars belief.
7901434
>"Get whipped"
>Story about zebras
>Toplel
Thanks for the update, and Compass Rose seems to be a lot more forward sexually with how quickly she made love to Aberash and even offering her stallions to her. If she's fully embracing these zebra love customs I'm quite looking forward to the other chapters.
8366296
She's clearly starting to adjust to zebra customs. However, I think you need to look no further than her desire to make her stallions happy, for why she is so quick to offer Aberash a good time.
8366387
Really? Would she even be willing to do the tradition of letting each zebra stallion mount her one after the other in one go and see whose seed comes out on top?
8366569
Come now, a girl must have some secrets, no~?
8367126
Oooh, you sexy tease *whistles*
I was starting to worry that this wasn't going to be continued. I've been thoroughly enjoying the story so far.
Oh dear... I hope what's going on in that yurt is not what I think it is. I'm not a fan of dark things like that.
Well writing a dance scene with 4 stallions and 4 mares is tricky. Sometimes I was a bit confused which character was being referred to by 'the stallion' or 'the mare'. Like the first sentence would say it's Rose, then later in the paragraph I would assume 'the mare' is a different character being referred to because if it's still Rose then why not use 'she'? Also because the dance was getting very risque and Rose is skittish about doing anything sexual in public but apparently she has gotten over it.
In particular:
Growling excitedly, he delivered a long, slow lick up her labia, before giving her rump a soft nibble. The stallion’s response was a not so reserved goose with her teeth.
Did you mean the mare's response ?
Now for a question about the story, Rose seems to enjoy some wrestling and rough play, is that a pegasus thing or just Rose's personal taste?
I do enjoy reading their rough sex and I love that Rose seems to have fully embraced zebra promiscuity, she's even overcoming her claustrophobia! The sudden change is making me think there is an outside influence on her... something to do with the general malaise in the tribe?
I look forward to the future chapters.