Moving On

by Manitive

Chapter Twenty - Under The Night Sky

I fucked up. Big time.

I disappointed her, I broke her, I lost her - all that within just a few minutes, with a few simple words.

I kept staring through the open door, right into the pitch black night where Scootaloo vanished in. I was angry at myself, incredibly angry. I wanted to slap myself for what I've done, but I had no strength to do so. I had no strength to do anything physical.

My head started spinning. I felt like I was going to throw up, but from what, I didn't know at first.

Then it dawned on me: I was sick of myself, sick of what I had done to the little filly I came to love as my dear daughter. But she wasn't just my daughter, she was more than that - she was someone who gave my life sense, a meaning.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, unexpected and suddenly. She was the main reason that I didn't just kill myself. With her seeing me as her dad, I had to take care of her and couldn't just end my life. She gave me a reason to continue living.

But with her gone, that reason was also gone.

There was nothing keeping me away from giving up on life.

There was nothing and yet, I despised the thought of ending my life. I despised the thought of throwing my life away, just like that. It made me angry. It made me angry because of what I had been told that one fateful night.

That one fateful night when I had the chance to have one last talk with Sandra and Laura.

"And let me tell you that we don't approve. Don't you dare try something like that ever again!"

...

"Me and Laura want to you to be happy. We love you, but you've to move on..."

Her words... It wasn't because I hated the thought of giving up my life, it was because they hated it. Their words taught me one important lesson, one I was sure not to forget: regardless of how hard life is trying to fuck you over, don't stop. Move on, don't give up.

Don't give up.

There was a slight chance that Scootaloo still loved me as her dad. It was small, but even a small chance is a chance.

Something soft poked my shoulder, pulling me out of my mind at an instant. It was, of course, Rainbow, looking straight at me with those big magenta eyes, filled with sympathy – which surprised me.

It surprised me that she was still there and didn't fly after Scootaloo. It surprised me that she wasn't shouting at me for hurting Scootaloo. It surprised me that she wasn't looking like she was angry in the slightest.

She looked somewhat sad, hell, she looked really damn sad.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly, eyeing me with concern and sympathy.

Was I okay? No, I was not. Definitely not.

"Why are you still here? You should be going after your sister. You should be helping her." I whispered to her, letting my head fall back down to gaze at my hands. "You should be hating me..."

"No."

I looked up in surprise, seeing how Rainbow was tapping her two hooves together... guilt? etched on her face. "I knew this was gonna happen from the moment on you told me that you adopted her..."

'She...what?'

"W-what?" I asked disbelievingly, my eyes going wide.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault..."

I was speechless. She knew the whole time. She knew the whole fucking time, but decided to not tell me or Scootaloo anything?

If she had told me about that back on earth, maybe things would have gone better. Maybe Scootaloo would've understood why I couldn't adopt her, and maybe we could've worked something out.

If she had told me back on earth, maybe Scootaloo wouldn't have hated me.

I finally regained the control over my mouth back, quelling the anger in my body as well as I could before speaking up again. "But why? Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"I..." She gulped, her eyes starting to shimmer in the dim light. "I-I don't k-know... I-I just saw Scoots so h-happy..."

My face hardened into a glare, one of pure, unfiltered anger. I was damn angry, but not at me, not at Celestia, not at anything besides Rainbow. I was tempted to let all that pent-up anger out on her, to scream at her, to shout at her.

I couldn't do it. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to let all of that anger out on her, even if she might have deserved it. The way she looked... She felt truly guilty about what she did. She looked downright miserable.

"I have never seen her so happy since you adopted her, Will." She declared in a gentle whisper, now clearly fighting back the tears that tried to escape her eyes. "Before we met you, it was always that same look on her face. From day to day it got worse, the longer she needed to stay in that orphanage, she got sadder."

"One day, I think it was a year ago, she came to me and told me that someone would finally adopt her. A unicorn couple from Canterlot." She said, a sad smile on her face. "I met them one day when they visited her. They were just perfect for Scoots: friendly, caring, not snobby and really cool."

"She was so happy, so motherbucking happy." She shook her head, that smile growing bigger as she probably remembered 'lil Scoots' smile.

Not only she had a smile on her face, I did too. The picture of Scootaloo's smile, just radiating happiness, also managed to bring a small smile to my face, a lone tear rolling down my cheek that I was quick to wipe away.

"But then the Changelings attacked Canterlot." She spat with a growl, her tone filled with pure hatred - something I've never heard from her before. I had never seen her as angry as she was at that moment. "Bucking insects attacked Canterlot just one day before she was going to get adopted."

She looked to her side, clearly trying to hide the fact that tears threatened to escape her eyes again.

She sniffed.

"They killed both of them..." She whispered, struggling to get the words out, her voice wavering. "T-they killed b-both of them..."

She made a sound between a whimper and a sniffle, shaking her head faintly.

It was at that moment that I realized why I and Scootaloo must have hit off so good. We both were just empty shells, images of our former selves at the time we met. It must have been some kind of connection, some kind of mutual sorrow that welded us together.

We found consolation in each other's happiness.

"After Scoots found out about that, she was never the same. She smiled less, seemed less happy about things and... I dunno, it seemed like she was just an empty shell." Rainbow continued after a whole minute of collecting her thoughts.

She turned her head slowly to look at me again, tears that I could've sworn I saw before gone. "But...then, well, she met you."

"Will, you have to understand..." She pleaded, flying closer to my head, damp magenta eyes staring straight into mine, tempting me to just forgive her. "I didn't want to hurt any of you... I just wanted to see Scoots and you happy..."

My mouth felt dry, really dry. The anger I previously felt -the anger that told me to do something I simply couldn't- was completely gone.

All of what Rainbow told me was clearly too much to take in for me.

But the real reason that stopped me from answering Rainbow was her question. Did I forgive her? Could I do that? Maybe she could've prevented all of that drama and heartbreaking stuff by just telling us earlier.

But even though she could've prevented a lot by just telling us back on earth, I also understood why she didn't do it: she wanted to help us, the both of us, to forget about the past and just enjoy things as long as they lasted.

I gulped.

"Rainbow...I-I..." I stopped myself, sighing mentally. I surely was in no condition to answer her - I was too conflicted, with too many thoughts and emotions swimming around in my head. I needed to solve the problems with Scootaloo first and then, maybe then, I could give her a proper, well-thought-out answer.

In other words: I needed to see what the damage was and if I could fix it. If I could, then maybe yes, maybe I could forgive her.

"We'll talk tomorrow... I need to talk to Scootaloo first, see if she's alright..."

I saw her face drop even more, but she nodded understandingly.

"Can you just... please fly over to the orphanage real quick and tell 'em that she's going to sleep here tonight?"

She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it and closed it again, the struggle, the inner conflict inside her head clearly visible. In the end, she nodded, although a bit reluctantly. She turned around and slowly hovered into the direction of the door, downtrodden, all the while shooting quick glances at me.

As she stood in the doorway, she looked back at me for one last time and opened her mouth. "There's that one big tree on a hill overlooking the town, not far away from here. She's there occasionally, maybe you should check that out first..."

I gave her a single nod coupled with a thankful smile, but, given the situation, the smile probably came out as empty, unemotional. She didn't return my smile, just gave me one last, remorseful look before flying out of my sight, out of the door into the pitch black night.

****

I found the tree after wandering and stumbling through the night for ten minutes or so. One thing I learned about the night in Equestria: it gets real dark, real soon - something I wasn't quite prepared for, nor accustomed to.

But I found it, the big, old tree on the small hill. From there you had a great view over Ponyville and the surrounding area, especially over Ponyville. Surprisingly some ponies still seemed to be awake, the lights in some cottages still burning, those lights shining through the windows of the buildings, onto the streets of the humble little town.

I walked closer to the tree, all the while scanning it through the dark, trying to find an orange blob, but it was only when I was standing right in front of it that I spotted that blob.

Scootaloo lay on the ground, head facing the other way, chest heaving strongly. She was silent, staring up into the night sky, her body shaking slightly – if it was because of the chilly air, or because of what happened earlier, I didn't know at that moment.

I took a step closer to her, but she didn't seem to notice. I sat myself beside her, but she didn't acknowledge me. I put a hand on her back, idly scratching her, but she didn't move.

All she did was sit there, completely silent, head lying on her forelegs to gaze up at the stars.

I looked up, up to where she was looking. Up into the beautiful night sky, billions of stars shimmering in it, with each one of them reminding of back home. Of my childhood.

I felt strangely calm, collected even.

"I always liked the sky at night more than that at day, even when I was younger." I declared, almost automatically as I gazed up into the sky, my eyes leaping from star, to star, to star. "It made me feel happier, like I wasn't alone."

"It became a habit to look up into the sky at night where I felt lonely, lost, angry or sad."

Scootaloo stirred a little, almost unnoticeable.

"I even talked to it at times, told it about my life and the problems I had." I chuckled a little at the memories. "Heh, like it would talk to me."

For the first time since I arrived there, Scootaloo made a sound. A small giggle managed to slip past her lips, quickly followed by another one.

I think she finally gave up to keep silent after that.

"You're silly, dad." She said with another giggle, but contrary to the other one's, that one didn't sound like it was tried to be contained.

"I was, Scoots." I corrected her, smiling faintly. "I'm all grown-up now, I know that the sky can't talk."

She giggled again, inching just a little bit closer to me.

We lapsed into silence after that, a truly comfortable one. It almost seemed like everything was okay, that we were just father and daughter, sitting under a tree at a calm night, gazing up at the beautiful bright night sky.

It was almost like everything that happened before was completely forgotten.

But everything good has to come to an end.

I heard a short intake of air coming from my side. I knew what was going to happen next, so I mentally steeled myself for what was to come.

I looked down, already seeing little Scootaloo returning my look.

It was the first time since she ran away that I had a good look at her face.
At the instant I saw her face, the dampened fur that covered it, those purple eyes of hers slightly red, I knew that she had been crying. It looked like she went through an emotional hell. It broke my heart to see her like that, but it was made even worse by the fact that I actually caused that pain.

I hurt her, not physically but emotionally.

I hurt her.

Her mouth opened, but what came out was something I wasn't expecting nor prepared for.

"Dad, I-I don't want to l-lose you." She managed to stutter between sobs, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks, glistening in the dim moonlight.

She didn't want to lose me, which must have meant that she still loved me.

It was out of something I could only call 'fatherly instinct' that I reached down and pulled her shaking body up to my chest in a loving, single-handed embrace, the other hand occupied with gently stroking the purple mane on top of her head.

She nuzzled her head deeper into my chest as she started crying silently, chest expanding and retracting in sync with her ragged breathing, tears soaking the fabric of my t-shirt.

"I won't leave you, ever." I assured, pulling my one hand down to pull her into a two handed hug, closer to my body, which she eagerly returned as her two forelegs wrapped themselves around my chest.

At that moment, it didn't just feel like we were two persons, father and daughter embracing each other. No, we were more than that.

We were two scared souls embracing each other, seeking for some kind of safety.

Two lone souls, desperately seeking for comfort.

Two broken souls, seeking for consolation.

All of that we found in each other's presence.

I was sure, no, we both were sure that, in the end, everything would work out. Everything was going to be okay if we'd put a little work into making it work.

I couldn't put into words what I felt, nor did I want to, so I chose the next best thing; I kissed her lovingly on top of her head, silently telling her all those things, those many things I simply couldn't put into words.

"I promise that I will never leave you."

Author's Note:

Thanks GeorgeFleurParty for proofreading this chapter!

---

Special thanks!

GeorgeFleurParty
Thezion1111
Frankie2
OrcaBrony
A random person

Comments

[Frankie2]

This chapter was so...so...

[A random person]

I think I found a mistake:
i couldn't do it.
*Should be a capital I

[Manitive]

7644826
Corrected.
Thanks for pointing that out. Really appreciate it!

[OrcaBrony]

I have many conflicting emotions right now: sadness, happiness, ... Ok only two conflicting emotions......but good chapter anyway!

[Manitive]

7645289

I'm glad you liked it.

[A random person]

7645275 no problem :)

[Thezion1111]

If i could i would shake your hand, absolutely brilliant